With Wings I Soar (7 page)

The pizza was so delicious that Katie and Tabitha barely noticed the fact that neither one of them could understand the movie. Kenny laughed and guffawed loudly throughout the entire film and constantly paused the movie to explain funny scenes and jokes to the girls. Before the movie was over, the teenagers had eaten two entire pizzas and all of the snacks Katie had prepared. When the film ended, their bellies ached from laughing and eating.

"I should go,” Tabitha said, standing up. “But your house is so warm and delicious.”

Katie laughed. “You can come over to eat anytime, you know.”

“I know. Mom doesn't cook like she used to.” Tabitha smiled. “And there's nothing like some good pepperoni to make you forget about the cold.”

Tabitha waved goodbye to her friends and headed home. When she reached the house, Mom was sitting in the kitchen with Uncle Nick, talking loudly. The two siblings were reminiscing about childhood experiences. Tabitha felt a brief pang of envy as she saw them laughing. She had always wanted a bunch of brothers and sisters and was a little sad that she was an only child. Mom had complications delivering Tabitha, so she and Dad had decided to stop with Tabitha. While she understood this was the right choice for her parents, Tabitha couldn't help imagining what life would be like with a little brother or sister. Especially now, in her darkest hour, facing what she felt was an endless stream of important talks and hushed conversations, Tabitha couldn't help but wish for a sibling to share her feelings.

“You're our perfect little miracle,” Mom and Dad told her when she was little. “And you will always be the center of our world.”

Now, staring at Uncle Nick and Mom, Tabitha ached for the connection they shared. Katie and Kenny had a similar connection, she knew. Not only were they both going through the exact same experience, but they lived under the same roof. While Tabitha firmly believed that Katie would always be there for her, Katie had a great advantage with Kenny. If Katie got sad in the middle of the night, Kenny was just a few doors down the hall. If Tabitha got sad, she had a raggedy teddy bear to hold and comfort her until the morning. It didn't seem very fair.

As Tabitha entered the kitchen, Uncle Nick stood up and gave her a hug.

“Hey Peaches,” he said. “How's that journal treating you?”             

Tabitha patted her backpack. “It's right here. Perfectly safe and filling up fast. I write in it almost every day.”

Uncle Nick smiled his approval at her. “I'm glad you're getting so much use out of it.” He sipped his hot cocoa and nodded at Mom. “Your mother and I were just talking about winters when we were kids. We used to go sledding every day. Our parents got us matching sleds one year for Christmas and when your mom's broke, she stole mine and said it was hers. She said my sled was the one that was broken, and my parents believed her.” Uncle Nick chuckled. “I was so mad at her!”

Mom laughed, too. “I'm
sorry,
” she giggled. “But that was a long time ago, you know. More than 20 years, if I remember correctly.”

“More like 30, sis. You're getting old!”

Mom leaned across the table and gave Uncle Nick a playful punch in the shoulder. “You be nice to me in front of my daughter,” she laughed.

“I'm always nice to you.”

“I know.”

“I should actually get going,” Uncle Nick stood. “It's late, and I have an early meeting tomorrow with one of my new managers.”

Mom nodded and walked Uncle Nick to the door. She hugged him goodbye and lowered her voice to tell him something. Tabitha tried to make out the words but was unable to. When Mom returned to the kitchen, she sat down across from Tabitha.

“Hot cocoa?” Mom offered, nodding her head toward the stove where a small kettle sat next to a jar of Tabitha's favorite cocoa mix. A large bowl of marshmallows called to Tabitha and she eyed them greedily.

Tabitha thought about the offer for a moment before responding. “No, thank you. I ate a ton at the Miller's house. I'm seriously stuffed.” Tabitha stuck out her belly and patted it dramatically. “For real, I don't think I could fit anything else in there, even if I wanted to.”

Mom smiled and nodded as she sipped her own drink.

“What did you want to talk about?” Tabitha questioned. “You sounded really urgent and upset when you called me. Did something new happen with Dad?”

Mom paused for a moment before she spoke. Her voice was riddled with hesitation and her hands shook slightly as she set her mug down on the table.

“Your dad's lawyer called mine today. He wants full custody of you. He got a job in Texas and he's going to be moving there at the end of the month. Because we'll be living in different states, one of us will get full custody of you. He's hoping that since he'll make more money than me that a judge will see him as the better parent.”

Tabitha's jaw dropped open. “But that's not
fair!
I want to stay here. My friends are here. My school is here. And...and
you're
here!”

“I know, Tabby, I know. It's just that it's not up to me. My lawyer thinks I have a good chance of getting you since your life is here. He doesn't think a judge will want to uproot a teenager and make you move so far away, but there is that chance. We have to be prepared.”

Tabitha shouted angrily and ran upstairs. She didn't want to talk to Mom any more. She didn't want to talk to anyone. All she wanted was her old life back. It had only been a few months, but it felt like years. Why couldn't her parents stop being so childish? Why couldn't they just work things out? Yeah, Dad had made it seem like he was the good guy in this whole mess, but now Tabitha couldn't help but wonder if his special gift was a way to win her love so she'd want to live with him.

Tabitha went into Mom's bedroom and carefully picked up her necklace from its place in the jewelry box. She stared at the bird as it lay in her hands, begging for freedom. Tabitha knew that bird wanted to fly away just as badly as she did. For a moment, Tabitha considered throwing the necklace away. If she had to move away and live in Texas, she would never forgive her father. What she was being asked to do – what she might be
forced
to do – was just too much for her to bear. She picked up the necklace and threw it to the floor. The bird hit the floorboard with a loud
thud
and was still.

Tabitha slid down to the floor as the tears began to rush down her face. There was nothing good left in the world. First Dad was gone and then he was back. Now he was about to be gone again. Even if Tabitha got to stay with Mom, how often would she get to see her father? Once a month? Twice a year? Holidays? Summer break? It seemed like a lose-lose situation, regardless of the outcome. Tabitha reached her hand over to the bird and picked it up. She closed her fist tightly around the bird and pulled it to her chest. With each sob, her body heaved heavily. She had thought once that her heart could never break again or hurt as badly as it had the night that Dad left, but she had been wrong. Her heart was cracking a little bit each and every day, and now it was definitely, most assuredly ripped in half.              

Tabitha closed her eyes as tight as she could. She gripped the bird and vowed to never let go. Her body curled in a ball on Mom's floor, Tabitha sobbed and sobbed.

“It's not fair! It's not fair” was all she could get out. She wished desperately for a hero to save her. She wished for wings so she could fly away. She dreamed of running as fast as she could to get as far away as possible, but she knew that none of these things would ever happen. She was stuck in this situation with no escape.

The window of Mom's bedroom was closed tightly to keep out the wintery air, but the white lacy curtains were pulled to the side, permitting a clear view of the piles of snow outside. Stars were scattered throughout the black sky in an assortment of patterns, twinkling and sparkling like diamonds. Tabitha did not look out the window from her position on the floor, but she felt the starlight shining in through the window, casting a silvery glow over the room.

Tabitha climbed up onto Mom's bed and grabbed a pillow. Hugging it tightly, she pulled a blanket over herself and lay down. Her eyes were wide open, now, and she could see the gorgeous, amazingly pure snow that sat outside. A large pine tree sat a few yards from the house. Small piles of snow rested gently on its branches, giving it a nostalgic, fairy-tale appearance. Tabitha stopped crying as she watched the tree. The starlight danced on its branches and as the wind blew softly through the cold winter night, and Tabitha pretended she was in a place where everything was perfect, a place where nobody got hurt.

The smell of pancakes and bacon wafted into Mom's bedroom the next morning, rousing Tabitha from her slumber. She yawned and stretched sleepily. She hadn't meant to fall asleep in Mom's bed, but she didn't regret it. The large, king-size bed was a haven. Mom had a huge down comforter on the bed and half a dozen pillows. Sleeping in that bed felt like sleeping on a cloud, and Tabitha felt like a princess. As she rolled over to slide off the bed, Tabitha realized that her hand hurt terribly. Glancing down, she opened her fist and saw that she still had the bird necklace in her hand. Tabitha frowned momentarily, unsure of what to do with the bird. Not yet ready to throw it away, but definitely not ready to wear it, she returned the bird to Mom's jewelry box and headed downstairs.

“Good morning, sleepy head!” Uncle Nick's booming voice greeted Tabitha as she entered the kitchen.

“Hey Uncle Nick. I didn't know you were coming over for breakfast.”

Uncle Nick stood at the stove, flipping pancakes and frying the bacon Tabitha had smelled from upstairs.

“Your Mom had to go meet with her lawyer at the last minute, so she asked me to come over and make sure you well fed.”

Tabitha laughed. Uncle Nick was always joking about Tabitha's size and telling her that she needed to eat more food. Uncle Nick said girls looked their best with a little meat on them. Tabitha knew he was afraid she'd get caught up in the popularity contests of high school and start dangerously dieting, but she knew he had nothing to worry about.

“Well, I'm glad you're here. I'm
starving.
”

Uncle Nick grabbed a plate and served Tabitha a generous portion of bacon and pancakes topped with syrup and whipped cream. He sliced up a few strawberries and sprinkled them across the food.

“You should always have some fruit with breakfast,” he said with a wink.

As Tabitha devoured her breakfast, Uncle Nick explained that he was going to take her shopping. Mom would be gone for a few hours and wanted to make sure Tabitha had time to find a nice dress suit to wear to court on Tuesday.

“Ugh,” Tabitha said, disgusted with the idea of wearing a dress suit and tired of hearing about lawyers and settlements and concerns about who would get what CD or movie. “Why do I even have to go? This is so
stupid.
”

“Tabitha,” Uncle Nick said gently. “You need to look professional when you go before the judge. He may ask you what you think about the divorce and how you're handling it, and a good judge will take that into consideration when deciding which parent you'll live with.”

“I don't even care anymore. I hate my parents. I'm sick of their stupid divorce and their stupid problems.” Tabitha bit angrily into a pancake. It was absolutely delicious. Uncle Nick was an amazing cook, and he smiled as he watched her obvious enjoyment of the food. Tabitha swallowed hard and chugged a nearby glass of water. She didn't want to be distracted by the lingering taste of something that would make her feel happy. She wasn't happy right now. She was tired. She was worn out. She was profusely exhausted and nobody seemed to care.

“The only thing Mom and Dad care about is Mom and Dad,” Tabitha spat out fiercely. “I know I'm not supposed to matter because I'm just their kid, but you know what? I
do
matter.”

Uncle Nick laid his hand gently over Tabitha's and opened his mouth to speak, but she pulled her hand away.

“No! Do not try to calm me down!”

She turned and ran up the stairs. She stomped each stair as she ran, trying to make as much noise as possible. When she got to her bedroom, Tabitha slammed her bedroom door as hard as she could, and then she slammed it again. A picture in the hallway fell down and broke. Tabitha heard the noise but didn't care. The only thing she cared about was finding a way to be happy, and spending the day shopping with Uncle Nick was not it.

Tabitha threw a change of clothes and her cell phone into a bag and quietly sneaked down the stairs and out the back door. She couldn't deal with her uncle right now. As she hurried from the house, glancing behind herself to make sure Nick hadn't seen her, Tabitha pulled her phone from the bag and dialed a number quickly.

“Hey,” she said. “Can I come over?”

Tabitha arrived sweaty and out of breath. When she knocked on the door, she remembered that she hadn't showered yet, and she hoped no one would notice or say anything.

“Hey Cutie,” Ryan smiled when he opened the door. “Come on in out of the cold.”

Gratefully, Tabitha stepped into Ryan's house and was surprised to see that they were alone.

“Everyone else is out shopping,” he explained. “Kathy wanted to return a couple of Christmas gifts and my parents are taking the other girls out for lunch and a movie.”

“They won't be mad that we're here alone, will they?” Tabitha suddenly grew concerned. She didn't want to do anything that would put Ryan in a position to get in trouble.

“Nah, Mom and Dad don't care if we have friends over while they're gone. I mean, you aren't going to break a lamp or anything, are you?” Ryan winked at Tabitha with a sparkle in his eye.

Blushing, she hurriedly replied, “No, no, of course not. I will be the epitome of good manners and polite behavior.” Tabitha paused for a moment before continuing. “Speaking of polite behavior, would it be completely weird for me to take a shower? I left in such a hurry that I didn't get a chance to.”

“Sure thing. Hey, you never told me why you needed to come over so quickly. Is everything okay at home?”

“Not really, but I'd like to rinse off before I get into the details.”

“Not a problem. Bathroom's upstairs.” Ryan waved nonchalantly up the stairway. “Towels are in the cupboard.”

Tabitha nodded and headed upstairs. She found the bathroom easily, as it was the first door on the right. Entering the room, Tabitha dropped her backpack on the floor and carefully locked the bathroom door behind her. Although she knew Ryan was a gentleman and would never walk in on her changing, she wanted to be careful just in case. Tabitha turned on the water facet and adjusted the dial so that the water poured out at full heat. She stripped and climbed into the steamy water, allowing the waves of warm liquid to wash over body. Tabitha closed her eyes and allowed herself to be completely enveloped. For a few minutes, she forgot about all of her problems and how messed up her world had become.

A loud knock sounded on the door and Ryan's voice called out, “Be careful not to use all the hot water.”

“Sorry! I'm almost done!”

Tabitha quickly finished washing and climbed out of the shower. A large cupboard stood at one end of the bathroom and was full of all sorts of towels. She laughed at the random assortment. There were beach towels, hand towels, bath towels, towels with cartoon characters, and even towels with soda logos on them. She chose a simple blue towel and wrapped it around herself. A drawer beneath the bathroom sink held a hair dryer and Tabitha took the opportunity to style her hair before she dressed in her clean clothes. Shoving her dirty clothes in the backpack, she tidied up the bathroom and headed back downstairs to find Ryan. He was sitting in the living room glancing at a magazine when Tabitha reentered the room.

“Hey cute girl,” he smiled at her as she walked in.

Tabitha blushed and sat down next to Ryan on the couch. She had left a bit of space between them when she sat down, but Ryan scooted closer to her so that their legs were touching.

“So,” he said, sliding his arm around her shoulder. “Do you want to tell me what happened? Are you okay?”

Suddenly nervous and a little bit excited, Tabitha felt her heart start to beat faster. She thought Ryan was very handsome despite his gawky characteristics. She suddenly began to wonder what it would be like to kiss Ryan. At 14, Tabitha had never been kissed, and she constantly felt awkward and strange for it. Katie had been kissing boys since she was 11 and seemed to think it was no big deal. Tabitha hoped that her own first kiss would be perfect and romantic, something to be remembered for always.

“It's just my parents,” Tabitha said out loud to Ryan, but her mind was churning. Her leg felt tingly where Ryan's was pressed against it. She leaned her head in toward his shoulder as his arm wrapped tighter around her.

“What's wrong?” Ryan whispered gently.

Tabitha looked up into his eyes and opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say anything Ryan leaned down at the same time and kissed her softly. Their lips melted together into one. Ryan's mouth was warm and wet against her own. Tabitha wasn't sure what she thought kissing would be like, but it was much more slobby and strange than she had imagined.

Ryan pulled back and smiled at Tabitha. “What are you thinking?” he asked her quietly. His voice was barely above a whisper, and Tabitha felt even more at peace and comfortable than she had just a moment before. Glancing up into his eyes, she said nothing and instead placed her hand gently on his cheek. Tabitha leaned up and began to kiss Ryan again. This time it didn't feel so awkward and strange. This time Tabitha didn't think about what she was doing or whether she was good at it. This time she felt only the magic and power locked inside that kiss.

A green car drove down the street outside Ryan's house. Tiny birds hatched in a nest nestled in a tree. A dog ran down the sidewalk with its owner, focused only on pleasing its master. A girl in a red jacket pushed a baby stroller. Snowflakes began to drift slowly through the air, and a soft wind began to blow. Tabitha did not notice any of these things as she sat on the couch with Ryan. In fact, she didn't notice her cell phone ringing or the telltale
buzzing
sound of a text message coming in. Tabitha didn't even notice when the mailman rang the doorbell and dropped a package on the front porch. The only thing in her world at this moment was her and Ryan together. And for this moment, her world was perfect.