With Wings I Soar (9 page)

Rhonda Peterson took off work all day Monday to prepare for her divorce finalization on Tuesday. Tabitha sat on a large chair in her mother's walk-in bathroom and watched as Mom painted her face for the day. Rhonda was not the type of woman to do anything half-heartedly, and today was no exception. She began by washing her face thoroughly and using a cleansing mask, after which she gently applied foundation, cover-up, lip liner, lipstick, eye liner, eye shadow, mascara, and some other things that Tabitha didn't recognize, understand, or care about.

“You should think about wearing makeup,” Mom said to Tabitha as she applied fake eyelashes to her face.

Tabitha scrunched up her nose and shook her head. “Not my cup o' tea, Mom. You know that.”

Mom smiled at Tabitha in the mirror. “Maybe when you start dating you'll feel a little differently.”

Tabitha nodded slightly and wondered if she should mention Ryan to Mom. She decided against it, realizing that Mom would want to know more details than Tabitha was willing to share. Although she adored her mother (most days), Tabitha wasn't interested in talking about her first real kiss with Mom. Tabitha felt this way mostly because she suspected Mom would tell Uncle Nick everything she said, which Tabitha thought was a little bit mean and, most important, none of his business.

Mom finished perfecting her makeup and stood up to brush her already-perfect hair. Since she had the day off of work, Mom wanted to drive Tabitha to school as a way for them to spend some extra time together. Tabitha slightly resented the fact that she wouldn't get to spend her morning with Katie like she usually did, but tried to maintain a positive attitude and just be happy that Mom was spending time with her at all.

The car breathed warm air onto Tabitha's shivering fingers and she found the ride to be relaxing, smooth, and quick. Mom didn't have much to say during the brief ride, and Tabitha spent most of her car time staring out the window watching houses drift slowly by in a breeze of shapes and colors. One house they passed had a little boy playing in its yard. Tabitha suspected he wasn't more than three or four years old, and he wore a coat that was obviously too large for him accompanied by bright red mittens and a pom pom hat. The little boy stopped playing as the car passed his house and waved to Tabitha with his bright red hand. Tabitha waved back and smiled slightly. She remembered being a little girl and playing in her own yard, imagining new worlds and places and people. There had been nothing quite as satisfying as being in a world of make believe, knowing that nothing could harm you unless you allowed it to.

The real world was not so kind.

Ryan waited outside Tabitha's first class for her. A brilliant smile stretched across his face when he saw her heading towards him. Ryan waved and Tabitha blushed at his excitement. She gave him a bit of a wave back and hurried to him. Ryan hugged Tabitha tightly and kissed her cheek.

“Good morning, Beautiful.”

“Hi...how's it going?”

Still embracing, Ryan invited Tabitha to come over to his house after school.

“I can't today. My parents divorce is finishing up tomorrow and Mom wants me to hang around the house with her all night. It'll be pretty lame and boring but at least there will be lots of movies and popcorn.”

“Sounds like a great time,” Ryan smirked. “Well, let's each lunch together today.”

Tabitha eagerly agreed and arranged to meet Ryan on the front steps of the school during their lunch hour. She kissed him goodbye as he left for class, kissed him right on the lips in front of her peers. Tabitha was surprised that she didn't feel embarrassed about this display of affection. Instead, she felt warm and tingly again, and had a permanent smile plastered on her face for every one of her morning classes.

Lunch couldn't arrive fast enough for Tabitha, who was right on time to meet Ryan. He was early and was standing on the stairs when she exited the school. Freshman were supposed to eat lunch on school property each day, so Tabitha and Ryan hurried off before a teacher saw them and ordered Tabitha to return to the cafeteria.

The two walked to a nearby park Ryan knew about and sat down on a small bench. The outside air nipped at Tabitha's face, but she snuggled next to Ryan and barely noticed the chilly air as he reached down to kiss her. Tabitha hadn't planned on spending her lunch hour making out, but she felt any inklings of hunger melt away as Ryan's mouth enveloped her own with a passion and a hunger she had never known or experienced.

Tabitha and Ryan kissed their entire lunch hour and Tabitha was late for her first afternoon class. Tabitha's teacher, knowing she was normally very punctual, excused her but warned her not to let it happen again. Tabitha found that it was difficult, after such a wonderful morning, to find the energy to concentrate on actually learning anything. Math problems and science experiments blurred into a mess of words Tabitha didn't understand or care about as she thought about her new boyfriend and how wonderful it was to have someone
like
her so very much.

As the bell tolled signally the end of the school day, Tabitha walked slowly outside to wait for Mom. Ryan and Katie were both outside chatting when Tabitha exited the school building. She made her way quickly to her two favorite people, who instantly smiled and waved at her.

Ryan grabbed Tabitha and slid an arm around her shoulder as Katie stifled back laughter at the hilarity of the situation. Tabitha didn't think there was anything funny about having a boy like her, but Katie finally erupted in laughter and giggles.

“You've got a
boyfriend!”
she laughed teasingly.

“Shut
up,
Katie.”

“Ryan and Tabby sitting in a tree,” Katie began to chant, but stopped as she saw Tabitha's mother drive up to the school. Tabitha saw Mom, too, but Ryan, who had never met Tabitha's parents, did not recognize her and bent down to kiss Tabitha softly.

Tabitha saw Mom's mouth drop open as the car screeched to a halt. Katie turned to Tabitha and gave her a look that said, “I'm so glad I'm not you right now.”

“See you later, Tab. Good luck,” was all Katie said as she turned to walk home.

“Uh, is that your Mom?” Ryan asked, finally noticing Tabitha's rigid stance and petrified facial expression.

“Yeah. Yeah it is.” Tabitha could barely speak as she stared at Mom's angry face. “I've gotta go, Ryan. I'll call you tonight.”

Tabitha did not hurry to the car and instead walking as slowly as she possibly could. The car door squeaked open and, although Tabitha tried to close the door gently, the sound echoed for what felt like hours in the silent interior of the vehicle.

“Who the hell was that?” Mom finally spoke.

“My friend.”

“Your friend that you kiss?”

“Yes.”

“Tabitha, who the
hell
was that boy? Are you dating him? What is going on?”             

“It's my friend from school,” was all Tabitha said.

“Oh, you're going to have to do a lot better than that,” Mom raised her voice as she shifted the car into drive.

Mom pulled out onto the busy street and turned to head toward home. She lectured and yelled and screamed at Tabitha the entire way home. Tabitha tried to ignore her as much as possible, but wondered when Mom had gone so crazy. Mom used to be the perfect mother: kind, gentle, patient, and understanding, but it seemed that over the past few months and especially the last few weeks, Mom had lost her mind a little bit. Every mistake sent her over the edge. She was always angry at Tabitha. Nothing made her happy. The only thing Mom cared about was making Dad suffer, and Tabitha was tired of it. Who even cared if she wanted to have a boyfriend? Whose business was it? Surely not Mom's. Mom was definitely not an expert on love, but Tabitha was smart enough not to point this out as the car pulled into the driveway.

Mom turned off the car but did not make a move to exit as she asked Tabitha one last time, “What is your relationship with this boy?”             

“Mom, we're seriously just good friends. He just likes me and he kissed me today. There's nothing else going on. It's not like I'm having sex with him or something, okay? We haven't even gone on a date yet.”             

“So you let boys kiss you that aren't even dating you?”

Tabitha sighed. “It's not
like
that Mom. I just really like him, okay?”

“No,” Mom said. “You're too young, and you need to focus on your studies right now. You don't have the time or maturity for dating.”

“Are you serious? You
just
told me that you wanted me to start dating and wearing makeup. That was literally this morning that you said that. What, did something
change
in the last eight hours?
God
Mom!”

Tabitha jumped out of the car and slammed the door. She ran into the house and up to her bedroom. She closed her door tightly and threw her body onto the bed. She didn't want to deal with Mom and her raging emotions anymore tonight. Tabitha didn't leave her bedroom until her alarm sounded the next morning, signaling that it was time to go to court. Tabitha sighed as she eased out of bed, dreading today. Today was the day her world would begin or end. She would get to stay at be at peace with her best friends in the world, or she would be sucked away into Dad's world of nightmares. Tabitha unlocked her door and walked down the hallway to take her shower. She didn't want to deal with today, but she had no choice. She had no choice and no say and no power, and she was tired of it.

Please end quickly,
she thought to herself, silently begging the hours to speed by. The world did not listen to Tabitha's plea, and instead offered her the longest day she would ever experience in her life.

The custody hearing was less dramatic than Tabitha had expected it to be. She arrived at the courthouse early Tuesday morning expecting to enter a scene resembling something from
Law and Order
or
Judge Judy
. Instead, Tabitha entered a large, silent room with her mother and lawyer. There were no lurkers or random people watching the scene that was about to unfold.

Mom and her lawyer sat at a big table in the front of the courthouse. Dad and his attorney sat at an adjacent table. Dad gave Tabitha a little wave as she took her place in the row of empty benches behind Mom. He did not stand to hug her, nor did he say anything to Mom. The benches were hard and stiff and offered little comfort during the wait for the judge. Tabitha tried not to fidget or wiggle, but found it difficult based on her level of discomfort. She wondered how people could sit on these benches repeatedly during lengthy trials. Maybe they brought cushions to sit on or something.

The judge entered the courtroom and everyone stood. He was an older man dressed in long robes and had a long, graying beard. The judge was thin and looked smaller than Tabitha expected. In courtroom movies, the judge always looked overbearing and enormous. This judge just looked like an ordinary man, but he held Tabitha's fate in his hands, so he terrified her just a little.

“You may be seated,” the judge announced as he took his place, and the hearing began. Each lawyer spoke briefly and the judge spent some time looking over papers that the lawyers handed him. Decisions were made regarding who would get which car, how much alimony would be paid, and who would get the house. Everything seemed very straightforward and nondramatic. Nobody seemed surprised at any of the judge's decisions, at least until he began to discuss the decision regarding Tabitha's custody.

“Miss Peterson,” the judge called out. “Tabitha. Please approach the bench, young lady.”

Surprised and a little nervous, Tabitha did as she was told. She walked toward the judge's mighty desk and stared up at him awkwardly. She wasn't sure how close to get or if she should curtsey or do anything special, so she simply stood about a foot in front of the judge and said nothing.

“Young lady,” the judge began. “I know how difficult it is to be a teenager. You might find it difficult to believe,” the judge laughed, rubbing his beard, “but I remember my youth quite vividly. It's a time of confusion and love and new choices and new independence. I know that you're going through a lot with the changes in your family structure and you're inevitably going through a lot in your own personal life, so please know that I do not make this decision lightly.”

The judge paused for a moment and Tabitha held her breath, hoping he would say that she got to live with Mom.
Please, please, please. I need Katie. I need Ryan. I want to stay.

“Upon reviewing the details of this case and speaking with both parties, your parents are in agreement that your father should be awarded full custody. As there is no debate amongst the involved parties, I find it in your best interest to live with Paul Peterson, your father.”

“NO!” Tabitha screamed before she could help herself. She turned around wildly and stared at her parents. “But Mom said she wanted me!” Turning back to the judge, Tabitha questioned, “You said they both wanted me to live with Dad, but that's not true. Mom wants me! Tell them, Mom.”

“Tabitha, darling,” Mom spoke quietly. “Your father and I spoke last night and after how you've been behaving lately and getting into trouble, I think it would be best for you to get a fresh start in a new city.”

“Getting into trouble? What trouble? I get straight A's in school!”

“You know what I mean, Tabitha Peterson, and this is not up for discussion. The judge has made his decision and it is final.”

The judge nodded and told Tabitha she could return to her seat in the courtroom. Tears welled up in Tabitha's eyes and she tried as hard as possible to hold them back. She did not look at either one of her parents or their lawyers as she made her way back to her bench. Instead of sitting directly behind Mom, Tabitha chose a seat in the very back of the courtroom where she could barely hear the rest of the proceedings. All she knew now was that Mom thought she was a giant screw up for kissing Ryan.

Tabitha wondered if Mom thought she had slept with Ryan or done anything more than kiss, and she wished beyond all wishes that she could just defend herself. If only she could explain, maybe Mom would understand and let her stay. Tabitha's tears poured out of her face and she began to sob. She tried so hard to keep quiet and not make a scene, but she felt the eyes of Mom peeking back to look at her several times. Tabitha felt more out of place and alone than she ever had before. All those years of being a stay-at-home child with Mom, all those field trips and adventures and school lessons in the kitchen had meant nothing. Mom couldn't stand her. Mom didn't even want to fight for her. Mom hated her. Now Tabitha had two parents who didn't believe she was anything special, and the feeling of worthlessness was unbearable.

When the judge dismissed the group, Mom and Dad made their way back to Tabitha's seat and sat on either side of her.

“Tabitha,” said Mom. “I know you think we're being unfair, but I talked with your Dad last night and we really feel that you'll do best at a new school in a new place.”

“That's right,” Dad added. “I've found a fantastic all-girls school where you'll fit right in. They have a variety of classes and lots of activities for students.”

“An all-girls school?” Tabitha raised an eye at Dad, her tears subsiding. Was he joking?

“It's got a great reputation and is hailed as being one of the best schools in Texas. My new house is pretty close so you can visit every weekend.”

“What?! I'm not even going to be
living
with you? Then why do you even want custody of me? Why can't I just stay here and not live with Mom? I could stay with the Millers. They wouldn't even care or notice me!”

Mom frowned. “Tabitha, that's not going to happen and you know it. You need something more than what your father and I can offer you, and this is it. This is the end of the discussion. I've already contacted your teachers at Mitchell and arranged to have your records transferred immediately. You'll start at your new school on Monday.”

“Tabitha,” Dad said. “We'll leave for Texas tomorrow morning.”

“Oh my god!” Tabitha screamed, receiving glares of disapproval from both attorneys, who were still sitting at the front of the courtroom.

“I don't even get a few days to pack and say goodbyes? That's it? Seriously! What is
wrong
with you people?”

“It's time to go home, Tabitha. I'll help you pack and you can say goodbye to Katie this evening.” Mom grabbed her purse tightly and stood, indicating that Tabitha should follow her to the car. Grudgingly, Tabitha obeyed. She would have preferred to walk home alone, but the house was several miles away.

Tabitha remained silent on the brief ride home. She had chosen to sit in the back seat to be as far away from Mom as possible. This was
not
happening. There was no way this was happening.

But it was.