Without a Hitch (13 page)

“You’ve got to be
kidding me!” Alvarez exclaimed.

“Stop,” Beckett
scolded him.

“What?!  Why
should I?”  Alvarez turned to face Beckett.  “What kind of fucking moron
doesn’t know what they put on Big Macs!  It takes a real Goddamn idiot to be
confused by the McDonalds menu.  Monkeys know this menu!  Children can recite
it at birth!”

“Calm down,”
Beckett hissed under his breath.

Alvarez ignored
Beckett and continued his rant.  “He had ten frickin’ minutes to figure out
what he wanted, but he waited until he got to the counter to look at the menu? 
That’s disrespect,” he said loudly, though he spoke to no one in particular.

“Shut the hell
up,” Beckett grunted through gritted teeth, motioning toward the officer with
his eyes.

Alvarez took a
deep breath, like a bull snorting as it makes up its mind whether or not to
attack.  As he looked around, he slowly realized everyone was staring at him. 
“Bah!”  Alvarez tossed his hands into the air and turned to face the counter.

“You’re an
idiot,” Beckett whispered to Alvarez.

“Don’t start
with me,” Alvarez warned Beckett over his shoulder.

A few miles down
the road from Fiddeja’s, Corbin ordered the same meal Alvarez ordered every
day:  the fish and chips platter with a Coke.  It didn’t look appetizing, but
then, he didn’t plan to eat it.  Corbin dumped the meal into a nearby bus tray
and called the waitress over.  He handed her Alvarez’s credit card.  She
promptly returned.

“I’m sorry sir,
but this card expired.”

“What?”  Corbin
stared blankly at the waitress.

“It’s expired.”

Corbin cursed
Alvarez under his breath.  “I had no idea, I’m sorry.”  Corbin pulled out his
wallet.  Fortunately, he had enough cash that he didn’t need to risk using one
of his own credit cards.  “So much for your alibi, Vez. . . dumbass.”

Alvarez had
unwrapped his burger by the time Beckett made it to the table, the same table
they sat at before.  Owing to the size of the lunch crowd, this was the only
available table in the entire restaurant.  Unfortunately, the police officer
still sat only two seats away, although he was distracted by the woman in the
low-cut sweater.

“What the hell
was that about,” Beckett whispered across the table.

“You heard me,
who does that guy think—”

“Listen very
carefully,” Beckett said, cutting him off.  “You need to avoid being noticed. 
Picking a fight in a McDonalds in full view of fifty people is not keeping a
low profile.”

“I know that.”

“Then don’t do
it.”

“Shut the hell
up!”

“Stop drawing
attention to yourself,” Beckett ordered.  He leaned back and took a deep
breath.  As he did, the wallet he had so hastily jammed into his back pocket
earlier fell out onto the floor behind him.  He didn’t notice.  He leaned
toward Alvarez again.  “If you aren’t more careful, you’re going to make a
mistake, and that’s going to get us caught.”

Alvarez didn’t
respond.

“If you can’t
calm down, then we need to stop this ride right now.”

Alvarez rubbed
his temples.  “Stop talking about it!  I just need a break.”  Alvarez picked up
his burger, but put it down again without taking a bite.  “This is really stressful,
and you’re not helping.  Plus, I’m getting a headache from the glasses.”

“Don’t blame me
for your nerves.  Corbin said you were solid.  He didn’t tell me you were a
nut.”

“Yeah well,
Corbin warned me you were a pain in the ass, but he didn’t tell me you were
King of the Hemorrhoids.”

“You want to
quit this right now?!”

“Don’t be an
ass.  We started this thing, we finish it. . .  I just need a break for a few
minutes.”  Alvarez stared out the window.  “Talk about something else.”

“Nice weather
today.  I’m glad it’s not super hot yet.”

Alvarez
continued to stare silently out the window.

“You know,
Philly’s not a bad city if you don’t mind the endless construction, the dirt,
and the crime.  Crime!  Now that’s ironic!”  Beckett laughed.

Alvarez picked
up his fries, but set them down again without eating any.

“Now Baltimore,
that’s an ugly city.  You’re from Baltimore, right?”

Alvarez jolted
back to reality.  Corbin warned them not to discuss their backgrounds, but
Beckett kept prying all day.  “Am I supposed to answer that?!” Alvarez demanded.

“Don’t be so
touchy.  I’m just making conversation.”

“Do you want my
social security number too?!  How about my mother’s maiden name?!”

“It was just a
question.  No harm intended.”

They sat in
silence for several minutes.  Alvarez still didn’t eat.

“Are you going
to eat or should we get back to it.”

Alvarez looked
at his burger.  “Let’s get out of here.”

They packed up
their trays before Beckett lifted the duffel bag over his shoulder.  He followed
Alvarez to the door.  Neither noticed the wallet lying on the floor behind
them.

“Lose
something?” Molly asked from Corbin’s doorway.  Her feet were spread as far
apart as her tight skirt would allow, and she tossed an orange back and forth
between her hands as if she were juggling.

“Like what?”

“Your roomie,
perhaps?  Where’s Becks?”

“I don’t know. 
He’s in high demand today, like a hooker at a cattleman’s association ball.”

“That’s lovely.”

“I thought so.”

Molly drifted
toward Beckett’s desk.  “It’s funny I haven’t seen him all day.”

“That’s not
funny.  Wanna hear something funny?”

“What?”

“What do you do
with an elephant with three balls?”

“Walk him and
pitch to the rhino.  Why haven’t I seen him all day?”

“I don’t know, how’s
your vision?”

“You know what I
think?”

“Does anyone?”
Corbin asked.

“I’m thinking he
didn’t even come to work today.  Did he?”

“That would be
quite a surprise to the people who’ve seen him.”

“I’m supposed to
take their word for it?”

Corbin
chuckled.  “You’re right, this could all be some vast conspiracy to give him a
day off.  What exactly do you think he’s doing if he’s not here?”

“You tell me,
you’re his accomplice.”

Beckett and
Alvarez stood on the steps of a post office, arguing over the map.

“I’m telling
you, we need to go back down this road and over one,” Beckett said, pointing to
his right.

“No, you’re
wrong.  We need to go this way, and over one in that direction,” Alvarez
countered, pointing to the left.

“Let me see the
map, I’ll show you.”

“I know how to
read maps.”

“Apparently, you
don’t.”

Alvarez pointed
toward a glass building.  “That’s the IACC Bank.  That’s the direction we need
to go.”

“No, that’s the
back of the bank.”

“If you’re so
sure, why don’t you walk over there?  Then you can meet me at the next bank
after you realize you’re wrong.”

“Why don’t we
ask someone?”

“And ruin that
low profile you keep whining about?” Alvarez asked snidely.

“Ok then, let’s keep
arguing in the street, because that doesn’t look suspicious.”

“Let’s flip a
coin.  That’s the best way to solve this.”

Beckett
laughed.  “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard today.”

“All right, how
do you want to resolve this?”

Beckett paused
to consider.  “I’ll flip, you call.”

Alvarez won the
toss.  “Good.  This way.”

“Oh look,
there’s a CVS on the way.  We can stop and get your valium refilled.”

“Keep it up and
we’ll be stopping for bandages.”

Corbin picked up
the telephone.  It was time to call Beckett’s house.  By pure chance, Beckett’s
wife was at a parent-teacher conference right now, so Corbin wouldn’t need to
pretend to be a solicitor.  Instead, he could let the answering machine record
silence.  Corbin entered the number from Beckett’s phone card and then Beckett’s
home phone number.  The machine answered.  Corbin placed the receiver on mute
and waited until the line disconnected.  As far as the phone company records
were concerned, Beckett just made his daily call home.

Of all the bank
managers Alvarez encountered, he liked none less than this one.  This guy was a
jerk.  He checked and double checked everything, he made photocopies and more
photocopies, and he made snide comments throughout.  At first, he seemed decent
enough, until he learned Alvarez was only depositing $100.  From that moment
on, the man delighted in taking shots at him.  Alvarez even tried to soften him
up by suggesting he would deposit a large sum in the coming week, but this just
increased the man’s animosity.

“I see” – the
man dismissed everything Alvarez said with the phrase “I see” – “We do get a
large number of Penn kids in here who have their parents send them money from
overseas.”

“It’s my money,
not my parents’.”

“I see.  Will
you be needing checks?”

“Yes, I’d like
checks.”

“You do know
there is a fee for those checks?” the man added drolly.

Alvarez clenched
his fists.  “Yes, I understand that,” he said with open hostility.

The man ignored
Alvarez’s hostility and continued with his snide tone.  “You do realize you can’t
write checks for more than you have in the account, correct?”

“I know that too. 
I’ve had bank accounts before.”

“I see.”

“This is making
me very angry, Alex,” the gray-haired woman said to Corbin.

“I’m sorry to
hear that, Patricia.”

“I asked you to
call me when Evan returned to his desk.”

“And I’ve done
that three times now.”

“He’s never been
here when I arrived.”

“I can’t help
that.  I’m not a warden.  I don’t control his movements.  I notified you as ordered.”

“Alex, it’s
important I get this done,” the old woman said sternly.  “I want you to find
out where he’s at and let me know.  I’ll go there and get the file directly from
him.”

“I don’t know
where he’s at, Pat, and frankly, it’s not my job.  If you want to find him,
send out your little minions and let them hunt him down.”

As Beckett sat
on the park bench, watching the bank, a large number of grade-school children
began pouring around the corner and gathering at the bank’s entrance.  “What
the heck?”  Soon a woman appeared.  She looked like a teacher.  Then another
woman appeared, possibly a second teacher.  When the flow of children finally
stopped, Beckett estimated the herd at fifty head.  The two women lined the
children up into rows of ten and started them into the bank.  “He’s gonna love
this.”

Corbin politely
informed the well-wisher, the fifth in the last twenty minutes, that he had
just missed Beckett.  Corbin told the same thing to each of the other well-wishers
as well.  This one, however, hung on longer than most.

“I thought he
might be here.  I just got an e-mail from him,” the man in the gray striped
suit and ugly orange tie repeated.  For being nowhere near his desk all day,
“Beckett” sent out a large number of e-mails throughout the day.

“I’ll tell him
you dropped by,” Corbin reassured the man, sneaking a peek at his brown shoes
and white socks, beneath his too-short suit pants.

“Thank you,
Alex.  How are you doing?  Have you met your new officemate yet?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“He’s a fine
fellow.  You two should get along quite nicely.”

“So I’ve heard.”

As the well-wisher
finally drifted off down the hallway, Molly replaced him at the door.  She
spent more time in Corbin’s office today than in her own.  This time, she
stirred a coffee cup.

“Hmmm, coffee. 
Where is your lazy roommate?”

“Beats me.”

“You can’t cover
for him forever.”

“I’m not
covering.  He’s here somewhere.”

“Uh huh,” Molly
said.  “You’re going to get caught, it’s just a matter of time.”

“Good thing he
gave me a suicide pill before he snuck out then, isn’t it,” Corbin said
facetiously.

“Sure, laugh it
off, but people are starting to notice.”

Corbin put his
hand to his cheek and mustered his best “deeply concerned” tone.  “Really? 
People besides you?”

“I wouldn’t want
to say.”

“Your concern is
touching,” Corbin said returning to his normal voice.  “Why are you so paranoid
about this?”

“I’m not
paranoid.  I’m observant.”

“That’s what all
the crazies say.”

“You’ll have to
produce him at some point.  That’s when this game of yours ends.”

“Maybe I can
find a double?” Corbin laughed.

“Laugh all you
want, but time is running out.”

“What happened?”
Beckett asked, noting Alvarez’s shell-shocked appearance.

“If this was the
first bank, I would have quit right there.”

“Fortunately,
this was the last bank.  What happened?”

“I was dealing
with the manager, a royal cocksucker,” Alvarez said distantly.  “I don’t know
what his problem was, but he gave me grief about everything.  He asked so many
questions, I thought he was gonna jam a flashlight up my ass.  I’ll tell you
one thing, Corbin did a hell of a job with those fakes.  Even his lease was
perfect.  This guy actually read the damn thing!”

“As I said
earlier, Corbin is a talented criminal.  Get back to the story.”

“Just as I
thought I’d finally gotten everything resolved, he hands me the forms and I
start zipping through them.  Suddenly, all hell breaks loose.  You know how when
it starts raining, you see one rain drop, then another, and then two, and then
a dozen, and suddenly you’re in a deluge?  Same shit here.  First, one kid,
then two, then four, then a deluge:  wave after wave of kids pouring through
the door.  They were everywhere, behind every counter, in front of every
teller, blocking every exit.  Dozens of little eyes stared at me as I filled
out the forms.  It was the most surreal thing I’ve ever experienced. 
Apparently, it was some sort of school field trip.”