Without Boundaries (5 page)
Read Without Boundaries Online
Authors: Cj Azevedo
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Romance, #Contemporary, #Contemporary Fiction
CHAPTER EIGHT
BAILEY
My alarm sounds at five-forty-five but I’m already awake, lying here waiting for the sun to peek through my curtains. I haven’t slept a wink all night. After my shopping trip with Drea that ended up lasting all day, we went to dinner and then a late movie. I really miss doing those things with her; we used to do that kind of thing all the time. Then I met Hollister. Those days are few and far between now.
Sluggish and sleep deprived, I walk into my closet and grab my socks and running shoes, a tank, my favorite NYU hoodie, and jogging pants. I throw it all on, brush my teeth, and pile my hair in a messy bun without even brushing it. I just don’t have the energy to look cute this morning. I need to run. Running has always helped me clear my head and sort things out. It helps me cry when necessary, helps to appease an angry flair, and always forces me to think straight. There’s just something about the cold air flowing into my lungs, and the concentration it takes to breathe correctly; it always does the trick. Running is the best friend that doesn’t give unsolicited advice. The friend that doesn’t talk when they should be listening to me wallow in self-pity. Running is the best friend that is always available and never fails me. Right now, I need all of those things desperately.
I head out of my building by six a.m. and out into the cold weather I was looking forward to. My feet start tapping the cement. Without too many people around I have the ability to sprint right away, which is my favorite style. I sprint to the park, take a quick breather and then settle into a steady jog all the way around the sweetest park. It has the oldest trees, and large areas of just grass and picnic tables. There is a playground area but it’s quiet and still at this hour. So I take in the birds that are coming to life, the few leaves that drop down around me, and the smells of the bakeries that are getting their morning goods fresh out of the oven.
Talon keeps invading my thoughts so I finally push him out and focus on Hollister. I recall the night I met him trying to stir up those feelings I had for him. I had gone to a book release party for a client of Drea’s. I didn’t know anyone there, but I had been in the longest drought of not-dating in the history of man, so Drea talked me into going with her to mingle. It didn’t take much for me to agree. I love people and parties and books for that matter, it seemed like the perfect evening to me.
I had just turned from the bar that was setup in the client’s beautiful backyard. We were out on the pool deck and they had the whole yard lit up in white twinkling lights and some floating candles in the pool; it was fabulous. When I looked up from the candles in the pool I saw a tall blonde man on the other side watching me. I couldn’t make out his face clearly from the distance and lighting but I could tell he was in great shape and dressed to kill. I smiled because I couldn’t tell if he was pleased to be seeing me or if it was even me he was looking at. So I gave him a sheepish smile and headed back towards the house to find a few new acquaintances I had met earlier in the night. I caught movement to the left of me and looked in that direction to see him coming towards me with a sexy smile on his face. And that was the start of my unhappy future.
Just the idea that I thought ‘unhappy future’ when forcing myself to think of Hollister makes my gut turn. Running is a truth serum for my own personal thoughts, I don’t need to hold anything back. I hate that I just admitted to myself that he is not the one I want to be thinking about, that he is not the one I want in my future. Problem is I have no idea how to move forward with that epiphany. So I try to shake all thoughts from my head and run clear minded the rest of the way to my favorite café.
I order a black coffee and sit in my favorite overstuffed chair. My phone rings and I see that it’s Hollister calling.
“Good morning, how are you?”
“Hey, I’m good. You out on your run?”
“No, I’ve already finished and just got to the café, waiting on my coffee.”
“Alright, well it looks like I’m needed here for longer than just a couple more days, so I’m going to stay at least through the weekend to help him get out of this mess his secretary left when she took off. Everything ok at the house?”
“Um yes, it’s fine. Of course.” He has now extended his stay twice without even thinking of asking if I minded. Of course I don’t but he should have at least asked if this affected me in any way at all. I’m sure that didn’t even cross his mind. I’m kind of pissed.
“This is family Bailey. You’re not mad, right?” he says in a stern voice as if he’s talking to an unruly child.
“Nope, but I was thinking of taking a trip this weekend so maybe I’ll just leave a few days earlier since you won’t be here.” Even though I’m upset I keep my voice cool as a cucumber as though it doesn’t matter at all.
“Ok, where are you going?” He’s irritated but trying not to be.
“I don’t know yet. I hadn’t made official plans. I was going to talk to you first, that’s the sort of thing you do when you live with someone.” That’s not going slide. I hear a deep breath pulled through flared nostrils after my little outburst.
“Bailey, dammit, the world doesn’t revolve around you! Family will always come first; you should know this by now. And I will stay here as long as my parents need me whether you are ok with that or not. You need to grow up Bailey and stop being such a selfish woman.” I can feel the steam from his ears coming through the phone.
“Of course, I hope you can get it all sorted out for them Hollister. I’ll just see you when you get home.” I’m ready to hang up when I hear him start to talk again. Hoping for an apology I hold off from pressing that red bar screaming at me to hang up.
“Wait. When are you leaving and where are you going?” An apology? Never in a million years, he just needs to keep tabs on me.
“I’m not sure; I was just hoping to get out of the city for a day or two.”
“I would prefer if you would stay home until I got back. I’ll go with you then, I don’t like the idea of you staying overnight somewhere without me unless it’s in our home.” I feel like a loose cannon. I need to end this conversation immediately.
“Well, I don’t know when you will be coming back and you have made it clear that it is not my business to know. So please don’t be offended when I say that I highly doubt I will be waiting for your return before I take a much needed vacation.” I speak through my teeth with my jaw clenched. I take a deep breath and silently wait for his all too familiar anger to rush through my ear buds.
“We’ll discuss this later. I need to go.” He hangs up, just like that.
****
After that cheerful conversation with my boyfriend whom I should be missing by now but am not, I go home and get ready for work early. While getting ready I decide I will email Kali and see if I can tag along to the Hamptons with her. She had mentioned last weekend that she and a few other people were going to her family home over there for a few days. It’s exactly what I need. She has no ties to Hollister, I love the Hamptons, and it gets me the heck out of here. I think briefly that I should fly back home and see my dad but dismiss that idea quickly. He would know there was something wrong the second he laid eyes on me and I don’t lie, especially to him. He has always expressed his concern for Hollister, he has only met him once, but when I moved in with him so quickly I thought my dad was going to cut me out of his life permanently. For one, he is old fashioned in the sense that one should be married before moving in. For two, Hollister did not impress him the one time he did meet him. He said he was too cocky for his own good, he was a mama’s boy, and that’s never a good trait in a man. Then the final straw is that he had always come up with an excuse to not go back to California to my dad’s place each time I went. My dad cannot find one single nice thing to say about him. My grandma drilled into his head growing up that, ‘If you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all,’ so he has chosen to leave anything Hollister out of our conversations. Which is fine by me since the longer I’m with him the harder it is to defend him.
I email Kali as soon as I get to the office before I can change my mind.
Hey Kali,
Any chance I can tag along to the Hamptons with you this weekend? I need to get out of my condo and the city as soon as possible; it’s been a hectic few days and its only freakin’ Tuesday morning. Lemme know when you can. Thanks!
Yours truly,
One stressed out Bailey
I get up to file some papers from yesterday and my computer dings immediately.
Yaaay!! I was really hoping you would want to come! Talon doesn’t have a game this weekend so he’s going up tomorrow morning and Hunter and I are leaving early Thursday morning. Alan is driving up after work on Friday so if you can’t take off work you can just jump in with him. I hope everything’s okay with you Bailey!
-Kali
Thursday works perfectly! Thanks so much Kali, I’ll see you then, just send me a text when you think you’ll be by to pick me up so I can be ready.
The rest of the day drags on slowly and I don’t hear from Hollister, which doesn’t surprise me at all. Before I head home for the night I call and order Italian for delivery to the condo. I’m not even close to being in the mood to cook and then clean up after myself.
When I unlock the front door, I notice the living room lamp is on and I know I did not leave that on this morning. My heart rate starts to pick up and I look around for something, or maybe someone, I don’t know. I take another step inside and set down my things on the entryway console and keep my eyes peeled for anything out of place. I see nothing, then I hear footsteps coming from the hall and I freeze. Wide eyed and shaking, half expecting a crazed burglar to come lunging at me, instead I find Hollister. I begin to relax and let out the breath I was holding for fear of being heard, and then he speaks.
“Where have you been Bailey? It’s nearly eight o’clock.” His voice is low and menacing. He has that dark look to his eyes and I can tell he is attempting to keep control over his voice.
“I worked late tonight, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying another week.” My voice comes out way shakier than I would have liked.
“That was the plan, until my girlfriend decided she can do whatever the hell she wants whenever she wants while living in my house!” His voice is rising and his anger is getting the best of him. This is something he has fought to control his whole life apparently. But right now it is seeping out of his pores, I can see him flexing and fisting his right hand down by his thigh. He has been stewing over our early morning conversation all day long and now looks like he is going to explode. This is not a side of him I see often so I’m caught off guard and can’t decide how to respond. Typically, I would have gone off with an attitude about him referring to this as his house or bring up the fact that he always does whatever whenever the hell he wants; but now seems more like a time to cower.
“Hollister, I was just upset this morning that you weren’t coming home. I wasn’t going anywhere without you, you should know that.” Although I can’t hide the shakiness in my voice and the quiver to my lip, I make my best attempt at sounding sweet and peaceful.
“SHOULD I? SHOULD I KNOW THAT BAILEY? BECAUSE IT SURE AS HELL DOESN’T FEEL LIKE I KNOW THAT. NO! IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE SELFISH AND HIGH MAINTENANCE AND I AM SO TIRED OF HAVING TO DEAL WITH YOU ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER SHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IN MY LIFE!!” He now has me gripped by my upper arms and shoved against the wall. My heart is pounding out of my chest, tears are beginning to spill out of my eyes from the pain in my arms and the fear he has instilled in me.
“I’m so sorry, Hollister,” I say, trying not to cry; trying to keep my voice from shaking. “I just miss you and I let my temper get the best of me this morning. I’m sorry.”
“Do you not realize what you do to me, Bailey? I don’t even know if you’re worth it anymore, this is a bunch of horseshit! You make me crazy! I can’t stand to hear your voice or see your pitiful face; it makes me sick to think I’m wasting so much time on you! You need me Bailey. I don’t need you. Women like you come a dime a dozen. If you were smart you would know this and do as I say!”
He has been shaking me and throwing me back against the wall the whole time he was spitting those words out at me through his teeth. I have a blinding pain in my head from it pounding against the wall behind me. I feel so nauseous from everything that’s happening. I know I need to stop him but it’s like my brain has been frozen. I can’t think. When my head and arms can’t take it anymore I yelp out, “Please stop! Stop Hollister.” His face goes beet red then he drops me to the floor. My legs give out and I crash down onto the tile below me. He reaches down and back-hands me right across my cheek bone. The sheer force of his hand is unbelievable.
That is new, he’d never hit me before. I have been screamed at, pushed, and even held really tightly around my wrists, but the blow to the face is a whole new level. Something I will never be able to forget. All of a sudden his words mean nothing. The words that devastated me just a second ago now meant nothing. I am so beside myself and in so much freaking pain. Now my entire head hurts, all the way around. It hurts to blink, to breathe, to think. I lose sight of Hollister. I don’t know if I’ve been down here now for a minute or an hour but the concierge buzzes letting us know that my dinner has arrived. I start to try and get up to answer him but my body is shaking too badly. I feel too much like Jell-O to stand on my own. Hollister comes back from the hallway and gently grabs my elbow to help me up. I flinch at the idea of him touching me but he does it anyway.
BAILEY
My alarm sounds at five-forty-five but I’m already awake, lying here waiting for the sun to peek through my curtains. I haven’t slept a wink all night. After my shopping trip with Drea that ended up lasting all day, we went to dinner and then a late movie. I really miss doing those things with her; we used to do that kind of thing all the time. Then I met Hollister. Those days are few and far between now.
Sluggish and sleep deprived, I walk into my closet and grab my socks and running shoes, a tank, my favorite NYU hoodie, and jogging pants. I throw it all on, brush my teeth, and pile my hair in a messy bun without even brushing it. I just don’t have the energy to look cute this morning. I need to run. Running has always helped me clear my head and sort things out. It helps me cry when necessary, helps to appease an angry flair, and always forces me to think straight. There’s just something about the cold air flowing into my lungs, and the concentration it takes to breathe correctly; it always does the trick. Running is the best friend that doesn’t give unsolicited advice. The friend that doesn’t talk when they should be listening to me wallow in self-pity. Running is the best friend that is always available and never fails me. Right now, I need all of those things desperately.
I head out of my building by six a.m. and out into the cold weather I was looking forward to. My feet start tapping the cement. Without too many people around I have the ability to sprint right away, which is my favorite style. I sprint to the park, take a quick breather and then settle into a steady jog all the way around the sweetest park. It has the oldest trees, and large areas of just grass and picnic tables. There is a playground area but it’s quiet and still at this hour. So I take in the birds that are coming to life, the few leaves that drop down around me, and the smells of the bakeries that are getting their morning goods fresh out of the oven.
Talon keeps invading my thoughts so I finally push him out and focus on Hollister. I recall the night I met him trying to stir up those feelings I had for him. I had gone to a book release party for a client of Drea’s. I didn’t know anyone there, but I had been in the longest drought of not-dating in the history of man, so Drea talked me into going with her to mingle. It didn’t take much for me to agree. I love people and parties and books for that matter, it seemed like the perfect evening to me.
I had just turned from the bar that was setup in the client’s beautiful backyard. We were out on the pool deck and they had the whole yard lit up in white twinkling lights and some floating candles in the pool; it was fabulous. When I looked up from the candles in the pool I saw a tall blonde man on the other side watching me. I couldn’t make out his face clearly from the distance and lighting but I could tell he was in great shape and dressed to kill. I smiled because I couldn’t tell if he was pleased to be seeing me or if it was even me he was looking at. So I gave him a sheepish smile and headed back towards the house to find a few new acquaintances I had met earlier in the night. I caught movement to the left of me and looked in that direction to see him coming towards me with a sexy smile on his face. And that was the start of my unhappy future.
Just the idea that I thought ‘unhappy future’ when forcing myself to think of Hollister makes my gut turn. Running is a truth serum for my own personal thoughts, I don’t need to hold anything back. I hate that I just admitted to myself that he is not the one I want to be thinking about, that he is not the one I want in my future. Problem is I have no idea how to move forward with that epiphany. So I try to shake all thoughts from my head and run clear minded the rest of the way to my favorite café.
I order a black coffee and sit in my favorite overstuffed chair. My phone rings and I see that it’s Hollister calling.
“Good morning, how are you?”
“Hey, I’m good. You out on your run?”
“No, I’ve already finished and just got to the café, waiting on my coffee.”
“Alright, well it looks like I’m needed here for longer than just a couple more days, so I’m going to stay at least through the weekend to help him get out of this mess his secretary left when she took off. Everything ok at the house?”
“Um yes, it’s fine. Of course.” He has now extended his stay twice without even thinking of asking if I minded. Of course I don’t but he should have at least asked if this affected me in any way at all. I’m sure that didn’t even cross his mind. I’m kind of pissed.
“This is family Bailey. You’re not mad, right?” he says in a stern voice as if he’s talking to an unruly child.
“Nope, but I was thinking of taking a trip this weekend so maybe I’ll just leave a few days earlier since you won’t be here.” Even though I’m upset I keep my voice cool as a cucumber as though it doesn’t matter at all.
“Ok, where are you going?” He’s irritated but trying not to be.
“I don’t know yet. I hadn’t made official plans. I was going to talk to you first, that’s the sort of thing you do when you live with someone.” That’s not going slide. I hear a deep breath pulled through flared nostrils after my little outburst.
“Bailey, dammit, the world doesn’t revolve around you! Family will always come first; you should know this by now. And I will stay here as long as my parents need me whether you are ok with that or not. You need to grow up Bailey and stop being such a selfish woman.” I can feel the steam from his ears coming through the phone.
“Of course, I hope you can get it all sorted out for them Hollister. I’ll just see you when you get home.” I’m ready to hang up when I hear him start to talk again. Hoping for an apology I hold off from pressing that red bar screaming at me to hang up.
“Wait. When are you leaving and where are you going?” An apology? Never in a million years, he just needs to keep tabs on me.
“I’m not sure; I was just hoping to get out of the city for a day or two.”
“I would prefer if you would stay home until I got back. I’ll go with you then, I don’t like the idea of you staying overnight somewhere without me unless it’s in our home.” I feel like a loose cannon. I need to end this conversation immediately.
“Well, I don’t know when you will be coming back and you have made it clear that it is not my business to know. So please don’t be offended when I say that I highly doubt I will be waiting for your return before I take a much needed vacation.” I speak through my teeth with my jaw clenched. I take a deep breath and silently wait for his all too familiar anger to rush through my ear buds.
“We’ll discuss this later. I need to go.” He hangs up, just like that.
****
After that cheerful conversation with my boyfriend whom I should be missing by now but am not, I go home and get ready for work early. While getting ready I decide I will email Kali and see if I can tag along to the Hamptons with her. She had mentioned last weekend that she and a few other people were going to her family home over there for a few days. It’s exactly what I need. She has no ties to Hollister, I love the Hamptons, and it gets me the heck out of here. I think briefly that I should fly back home and see my dad but dismiss that idea quickly. He would know there was something wrong the second he laid eyes on me and I don’t lie, especially to him. He has always expressed his concern for Hollister, he has only met him once, but when I moved in with him so quickly I thought my dad was going to cut me out of his life permanently. For one, he is old fashioned in the sense that one should be married before moving in. For two, Hollister did not impress him the one time he did meet him. He said he was too cocky for his own good, he was a mama’s boy, and that’s never a good trait in a man. Then the final straw is that he had always come up with an excuse to not go back to California to my dad’s place each time I went. My dad cannot find one single nice thing to say about him. My grandma drilled into his head growing up that, ‘If you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all,’ so he has chosen to leave anything Hollister out of our conversations. Which is fine by me since the longer I’m with him the harder it is to defend him.
I email Kali as soon as I get to the office before I can change my mind.
Hey Kali,
Any chance I can tag along to the Hamptons with you this weekend? I need to get out of my condo and the city as soon as possible; it’s been a hectic few days and its only freakin’ Tuesday morning. Lemme know when you can. Thanks!
Yours truly,
One stressed out Bailey
I get up to file some papers from yesterday and my computer dings immediately.
Yaaay!! I was really hoping you would want to come! Talon doesn’t have a game this weekend so he’s going up tomorrow morning and Hunter and I are leaving early Thursday morning. Alan is driving up after work on Friday so if you can’t take off work you can just jump in with him. I hope everything’s okay with you Bailey!
-Kali
Thursday works perfectly! Thanks so much Kali, I’ll see you then, just send me a text when you think you’ll be by to pick me up so I can be ready.
The rest of the day drags on slowly and I don’t hear from Hollister, which doesn’t surprise me at all. Before I head home for the night I call and order Italian for delivery to the condo. I’m not even close to being in the mood to cook and then clean up after myself.
When I unlock the front door, I notice the living room lamp is on and I know I did not leave that on this morning. My heart rate starts to pick up and I look around for something, or maybe someone, I don’t know. I take another step inside and set down my things on the entryway console and keep my eyes peeled for anything out of place. I see nothing, then I hear footsteps coming from the hall and I freeze. Wide eyed and shaking, half expecting a crazed burglar to come lunging at me, instead I find Hollister. I begin to relax and let out the breath I was holding for fear of being heard, and then he speaks.
“Where have you been Bailey? It’s nearly eight o’clock.” His voice is low and menacing. He has that dark look to his eyes and I can tell he is attempting to keep control over his voice.
“I worked late tonight, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying another week.” My voice comes out way shakier than I would have liked.
“That was the plan, until my girlfriend decided she can do whatever the hell she wants whenever she wants while living in my house!” His voice is rising and his anger is getting the best of him. This is something he has fought to control his whole life apparently. But right now it is seeping out of his pores, I can see him flexing and fisting his right hand down by his thigh. He has been stewing over our early morning conversation all day long and now looks like he is going to explode. This is not a side of him I see often so I’m caught off guard and can’t decide how to respond. Typically, I would have gone off with an attitude about him referring to this as his house or bring up the fact that he always does whatever whenever the hell he wants; but now seems more like a time to cower.
“Hollister, I was just upset this morning that you weren’t coming home. I wasn’t going anywhere without you, you should know that.” Although I can’t hide the shakiness in my voice and the quiver to my lip, I make my best attempt at sounding sweet and peaceful.
“SHOULD I? SHOULD I KNOW THAT BAILEY? BECAUSE IT SURE AS HELL DOESN’T FEEL LIKE I KNOW THAT. NO! IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE SELFISH AND HIGH MAINTENANCE AND I AM SO TIRED OF HAVING TO DEAL WITH YOU ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER SHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IN MY LIFE!!” He now has me gripped by my upper arms and shoved against the wall. My heart is pounding out of my chest, tears are beginning to spill out of my eyes from the pain in my arms and the fear he has instilled in me.
“I’m so sorry, Hollister,” I say, trying not to cry; trying to keep my voice from shaking. “I just miss you and I let my temper get the best of me this morning. I’m sorry.”
“Do you not realize what you do to me, Bailey? I don’t even know if you’re worth it anymore, this is a bunch of horseshit! You make me crazy! I can’t stand to hear your voice or see your pitiful face; it makes me sick to think I’m wasting so much time on you! You need me Bailey. I don’t need you. Women like you come a dime a dozen. If you were smart you would know this and do as I say!”
He has been shaking me and throwing me back against the wall the whole time he was spitting those words out at me through his teeth. I have a blinding pain in my head from it pounding against the wall behind me. I feel so nauseous from everything that’s happening. I know I need to stop him but it’s like my brain has been frozen. I can’t think. When my head and arms can’t take it anymore I yelp out, “Please stop! Stop Hollister.” His face goes beet red then he drops me to the floor. My legs give out and I crash down onto the tile below me. He reaches down and back-hands me right across my cheek bone. The sheer force of his hand is unbelievable.
That is new, he’d never hit me before. I have been screamed at, pushed, and even held really tightly around my wrists, but the blow to the face is a whole new level. Something I will never be able to forget. All of a sudden his words mean nothing. The words that devastated me just a second ago now meant nothing. I am so beside myself and in so much freaking pain. Now my entire head hurts, all the way around. It hurts to blink, to breathe, to think. I lose sight of Hollister. I don’t know if I’ve been down here now for a minute or an hour but the concierge buzzes letting us know that my dinner has arrived. I start to try and get up to answer him but my body is shaking too badly. I feel too much like Jell-O to stand on my own. Hollister comes back from the hallway and gently grabs my elbow to help me up. I flinch at the idea of him touching me but he does it anyway.
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