Without Me (22 page)

“
J
esus
. I was so nervous,” I said as Max and I took a moment to ourselves in my parents’ bedroom. I had been more than nervous. I had sweated through my dress shirt as my heart hammered in my chest. I had been worried it would burst before I heard her say “I do.”

Throwing Max under the proverbial bus with my mother had worked. After the day at the hospital, we started to plan the wedding. Actually, I left the planning up to the women in my life, including Max’s mother.

They decided we’d marry on my parents’ property in their backyard. Max wanted a nighttime wedding and dancing under the stars.

Who was I to say no?

The fact that she had agreed to be my wife was enough for me to cave into anything she ever wanted.

I was wearing a suit instead of a tuxedo. Her choice, not mine, but I couldn’t have been happier. I loosened my tie and stared at my wife. My wife. She was now my wife. There was a Mrs. Anthony Gallo in the world.

She had on a strapless Stella York gown with jewels decorating the waist. It showed off her curves and accentuated her breasts. The bottom of the dress puffed out with layers of material. The ivory color made her skin look more radiant. She was simply stunning. She had said that the dress was timeless and wanted it to be something she could hand down to our future daughter someday.

No, we weren’t pregnant yet, but I took every opportunity to make it happen.

“We did it,” I said as I pulled her to me. “You’re mine forever.”

“No, baby. You’re mine.” She kissed my cheek without having to stand on her tiptoes for once. The heels she had on made her only a couple of inches shorter than I was, but they had to be painful.

I smiled down at her, feeling content. The only other time in my life that I’d felt that way was when I was on stage. I felt everything else melt away and it was just my music and me. No one had ever given me that feeling before I’d met her.

She had torn me down, making me a better man than I used to be. I hadn’t known I had been missing something in my life until I’d found her and then she’d gotten rid of me.

The pain she’d caused me had been necessary. It had made me love her more, cherish our time together, and altered how I looked at life and love.

“Thank you,” she whispered into my neck as she squeezed me.

“For what?” I asked as I squeezed her tight and toyed with the ends of her hair that had cascaded down her back.

“For saving me, Anthony.”

All the warm, gushy feelings I already had amplified. “Max, you’re the one who saved me.”

“I was such a pissed-off person. You don’t even understand how angry I was about everything in my life. When I found you, I felt even more upset. I cursed God for letting me find you when I knew it wasn’t right for me to have you. I could have dealt with being alone when there wasn’t someone out there for me.”

“I didn’t know what love was until I met you. You drove me crazy, but I knew there was something I couldn’t let go. The moment I kissed your lips, I knew life would never be the same.”

“We did it, huh?” she said, resting her hand on my ass.

“I plan to do it a lot tonight. I mean a lot. If you’re not knocked up by the end of the honeymoon, I’m tying your ass to the bed until you have my seed growing inside you.”

“I was talking about being husband and wife.” She shrieked as she pinched my ass.

“I know.” I kissed the top of her hair.

“Do not mess up my hair, Anthony Gallo.”

“Shhh,” I whispered. “You look beautiful, Maxine Gallo. I meant what I said, too, about the tying you to the bed.”

“It sounds like the perfect way to spend a honeymoon,” she replied, groping my ass cheeks in her hands.

“You guys ready?” my ma asked as she knocked on the door and stood in the doorway.

“Yeah, Ma. I think we are.”

“Yes, Mrs. Gallo. We’re ready.”

“Ma.”

“Ma.” Max smiled brightly as she released my ass from her grip.

“I’ll tell the band to make the announcement for your first dance.”

“Okay,” I said as she grinned at us and walked away.

“What song did you pick?” Max asked me as she smoothed out her dress.

“I’m not telling. It’s a surprise.”

It was the only thing I’d asked to plan for the entire wedding. I had wanted to be in charge of the music. I’d needed the song to be special, and I’d found the perfect one for us.

“Am I going to cry?” she asked, checking her makeup in the mirror over my parents’ dresser.

“Maybe.” I smiled and shrugged.

“Damn it, Anthony. I don’t want to mess up my face.”

I gripped her from behind, staring at her reflection in the mirror. “You look amazing, Max. You couldn’t mess up that beautiful face with a few tears.”

“Thank God I wore waterproof mascara. It would be running down my face by now.” She glided a fresh coat of lipstick on and then smacked her lips together.

“Come on, Mrs. Gallo. I want to hold you in my arms and dance with you tonight.”

She smiled, setting the lipstick on the dresser, and turned in my arms. “I love you, Anthony.”

“I love you too, Max,” I whispered as I gently kissed her on the lips, trying to avoid leaving the room with a fresh coat on my lips too.

When we made our way to the dance floor, I took in the beauty of the backyard. Small lanterns were strung through the trees along with white, twinkling lights. Round white tables filled with the guests framed the makeshift wooden dance floor in the center. We hadn’t done assigned seating, hoping that the families would mingle.

Our families seemed to be getting along as they had drinks and chatted. Our mothers had formed a solid bond while planning the wedding. They had chatted daily on the phone and met for lunch once a week. It was something my mother hadn’t had the chance to do with the other women’s parents.

Even Denzel, Max’s brother and the man who had threatened to knock my teeth out, was part of the wedding party. He’d given me his blessing to marry his sister, and it had meant more to me than anything else in the world.

As the lead singer of the band announced us, we walked to the center of the dance floor. All eyes moved in our direction, and the chatter of the guests stopped.

The song I’d picked for our dance was to be played via recording. I wanted the original, not a version recreated by the band that had been hired to play for our reception.

As the music began, I moved my mouth next to her ear. I wanted to sing the words to her.

I could feel her breathing change as her chest moved with mine. Her heartbeat sped up and thundered so hard that I could feel the vibration in my torso.

I brushed my lips to her ear and began to sing along with the music—
“Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran
. It fit our relationship and the love we had for each other perfectly.

I sang softly as I moved with her in my arms.

“Oh, Anthony,” she whispered as she peered up at me with tears in her eyes.

I kissed her forehead, swaying with her in my grip. I kept singing and blocked everyone else out.

God, I loved this woman. I didn’t care what happened in our future. I was too lost in the here and now to worry about anything else. I wanted to enjoy every day we had together. I wanted to dance with her as long as I could and hold her in my arms.

Even if she was confined to a wheelchair, I’d carry her in my arms and dance with her. I’d never let her be alone.

“Anthony,” she cried as I sang the last lines of the song.

When the song ended, I kissed her on the lips, holding her face in my hands. Max had become my everything. I’d remember this night for the rest of my life.

I’d remember it as the day I married my soul mate.

The day I’d become a different man.

She’d forever changed me.

I’d had to fall hard and deep to come out on the other side a changed man.

I’d never go back to where I had been before Max.

I didn’t want to be that man.

I had a purpose in life, and she was in my arms.

Nothing else mattered but living every day to the fullest and never regretting a moment of our lives together.

She was my salvation.

“
D
addy
.” A tiny hand tugged on my pants leg. “Daddy,” she repeated.

I looked down at her, and instantly, my heart melted. The little girl had me wrapped around her finger. Her wild, curly black hair framed her face and made her look bigger than she was. Her hazel eyes sparkled with mischief, and she puffed her lips into a frown. At almost four years old, she could already play me like a fiddle.

“What, baby doll?” I asked her as I picked her up and set her on my lap.

“Gigi is being mean, Daddy.” She hugged me, resting her forehead on my cheek. Her tiny fingers found my ear and tugged on my earlobe.

“What’s that bad Gigi doing, Tamara?” I kissed her soft tanned cheeks, inhaling the sweet candy smell of her skin.

We’d made a monster out of Gigi. For a long while she was the only baby in the family. We doted on her and gave her everything she wanted. Even after Tamara was born, Gigi was still spoiled. Everything she did was a big deal. The first time she walked, I swear my mother called everyone in the family and had a celebration.

Even today, I still look at Gigi with a special love. She wasn’t mine, but she was the first baby that tugged at my heartstrings. She was the reason that Max said she wanted a baby. Without Gigi we wouldn’t have Tamara. The first time I held Gigi I knew I’d never be the same. The first time she smiled at me when I made a funny face, I was a total goner.

When Tamara came into my life I thanked my lucky stars. I’d felt a little jealous of Joe when he became a father. I wasn’t through the entire Suzy “eat everything in my wake” pregnancy, but when I saw that little girl, I understood it. He’d have someone who would love him unconditionally and for life. I wanted that. That pure love and someone to call me “Daddy” until the day I died.

“She won’t let me play with her dolly.” She pouted and glanced toward the floor as she toyed with my ear.

“Sweetheart, you have a doll too,” I replied, brushing the stray hairs away from her face.

“I like hers more.” She batted her eyelashes, something she had learned at a young age from her mother.

“It’s Gigi’s doll, Tamara. If she doesn’t want to share it, she doesn’t have to, and it looks just like yours.”

“But hers has a pink dress, Daddy.” She laid her head on my shoulder, resting her forehead on my neck.

“Want to stay with me and watch television?”

“
Frozen
?” she asked.

“Baseball,” I replied.

“Ew.” She picked her head up and pulled at her lips.

“Why don’t you go see if Aunt Izzy is okay or go see Nona outside with the girls?” I rubbed Tamara’s back as I looked out the sliding glass doors and watched my wife.

Max sat outside, talking as she unconsciously stroked her belly. After Tamara had been born, we’d decided we wanted one more child, but we wanted to wait until we were past the diaper point to have another.

When I’d held Tamara in my arms the first time, I had known I wanted more. As she had grown, she’d become more and more like her mother. Both girls had me. They could get away with murder, and I’d help them cover it up too. I loved them so much, more than I had ever thought possible.

Max’s greatest fear was passing on the disease to her baby, but we decided it was a risk worth taking. No one had a certain future, and we all walked through life with an unexpected fate.

My biggest regret in life was not having children sooner. I wished I’d met Max sooner and started a family. I was an old father. Now that I was in my forties, everything was a little harder. By the time Tamara graduated from high school, I’d be pushing sixty. It’d be tough to chase the boys away, but with the help of a gun, I’d be able to protect her.

“Lemme down,” Tamara said as she kicked her feet and pushed my chest. She slid down my leg, placing her feet on the floor. “Ice cream?” she asked with her eyes big and a smile on her face.

“Not yet. Nona will give you some later, baby.”

“I’m not a baby, Daddy.”

“You’ll always be my baby.”

She shook her head slowly as she frowned. “I won’t be. Mommy’s having a baby.”

I bent down and cradled her face. “Tamara, sweetheart, you’ll always be Daddy’s baby girl.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

“Ice cream?”

“No.” I shook my head and sighed. It was already hard to say no to her. I was totally fucked when she got older.

“Nona will give me ice cream.” She smiled and stuck out her tongue. Tamara marched off and headed right toward Ma to get exactly what she wanted.

She hadn’t picked up the eye rolling yet. I figured I had another eight years or so until that became a habit. She had nailed sticking her tongue out, though. When words failed her, she went with that damn tongue. I couldn’t be mad. It always made me laugh.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Joe asked as he sat down.

“What?” I asked as I sank back into the couch and watched Tamara while she tried to push the giant sliding glass door open.

“How much our lives have changed in five years.”

“Yeah,” I said as I kicked my feet up on the coffee table after Izzy slid the door open for Tamara. “Everything has changed, but in the best way possible.”

“I can’t believe Izzy is having twins. God has a sense of humor.” Joe slapped me on the leg. “She’ll get hers.”

“The fact that she’s having boys is the best thing ever.”

“It’s her curse for always bitching about us.”

I nodded with a laugh. “It is. It’s going to be interesting to see how she deals with them.”

“James is going to have his hands full.”

“He already does.”

“I what?” James asked as he walked into the room with a cup of coffee.

“Have your hands full with our sister.”

“Ugh,” he whined as he sat down. “She’s a beast.”

“They all are,” Joe said.

“I don’t know how much longer I can take the pregnancy deal. She’s so damn demanding.”

“That’s Izzy.”

“Dude, it’s so much fucking worse. Oh, and while you’re all laughing at me, ever think God is cursing you two because he gave ya girls?”

Joe and I looked at each other and grimaced. We’d pay penance for all the havoc we wreaked on womankind. Hopefully the baby inside Max was a boy. I didn’t know how I could deal with two girls. I needed a boy to even things out.

Just then, Lily ran into the room screaming and headed straight for Mike.

“Lily,” he called out as he held out his arms. “What’s wrong?” He searched her face and wiped away a tear.

“Daddy, Tommy.” She pointed toward the kitchen.

“What did Uncle Tommy do now?” Mike asked as Thomas walked into the living room.

“I was just having fun with the kids. Chasing them, but I snuck up on her and scared her.” He grimaced.

“Lily, it’s just Uncle Tommy. He won’t ever hurt you.” Mike stroked her blond hair, holding her head to his chest. “You’ll be okay, sweetheart.”

“Sorry, Lily,” Thomas said as he kneeled down in front of her and Mike. “I won’t do it again.”

“Okay.” She sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

“Soon, you can scare your own kid,” Mike said as he kissed the top of Lily’s head.

“He’s barely walking. I don’t think I’ll be able to scare Nick for a while.”

“He’ll be running before you know it,” I replied as I thought about how rapidly time had passed.

Five years ago, I was alone and not looking for love. Today, I had a beautiful wife, an amazing daughter, and a baby on the way. Everything about the family had changed. We were all parents, or about to be. It was no longer about us, but about our kids.

Ma was beyond ecstatic. She had become the official babysitter, begging for us to drop off the kids and go out for a night. She spoiled the kids, but then again, we all did. The Gallo kids would grow up not wanting for anything. They’d probably be monsters by the time they were teenagers.

Life couldn’t get any better than it was right now. I was thankful to have a beautiful daughter, a loving wife, and an amazing family. The house had been bursting at the seams every Sunday since the kids started to arrive. They’d be close cousins and probably give us heart attacks as they grew. I hoped to God that Tamara would be a calm child and a recluse as a teenager. The thought of her having a boyfriend someday made me break out into a cold sweat.

I tried to enjoy the little moments in life, savoring the small things, such as tiny kisses from my daughter, the way she laughed with Max when they played on the floor during the day, and holding my wife in my arms. I’d worry about the future when it arrived, but for now, I’d bask in the happiness that surrounded me.