Without You (19 page)

“How about you email me the address and I’ll try my best?” I couldn’t tell the girl I was mourning the loss of the only relationship I had ever wanted to be in. This was her time to shine and I was sure she would be great. I just didn’t know how I’d feel on Sunday. So far, this week had been a roller coaster of ups and downs, good days and bad, times where I could barely lift my head off the pillow, to days where I tried to fake it to make it. I had no idea what version of me I was going to be on Sunday.

“Thanks, Ms. Grey. See you Sunday.” With a long sigh, she looked up the hill and then took off running.

When I got home, I plopped myself on my sofa and read through each of the five cards. In my mind, I could hear Evan playing the piano. I could hear him singing the words. And I could feel them again. Especially after the one that came today. Maybe he wasn’t leaving at all, and now I was pushing him away again. I didn’t want him to go. I wanted him to stay. With me. I wanted go back in time to that Sunday morning and never have read that damn text message. He was probably going to tell me what it meant eventually. Instead, I read it, assumed the worst and ruined everything. No matter how much I tried to tell myself he had lied, that he hadn’t changed at all, I was struggling to believe it. There was no truth in those evil thoughts, only visions of my scared mind worried that he could leave me again. And dammit, I knew he wouldn’t. I knew him. He wouldn’t. Fuck, I had been stupid.

So what was stopping me now? From calling him and telling him I wanted to come back home to be with him for the rest of our lives? Pride. That’s what was stopping me. I fucked it up. I didn’t listen.

Not only did I not listen, but, I hadn’t even given him a chance to have his say. Is this how I would always relate to situations in life? Evan had said he still loved me, yet I thought he would give up and think I wasn’t worth the effort. Just like the time before.

But he didn’t give up. This time, he was making sure I knew he believed in us and that I was worth the effort. That we were worth the effort. With every text, every call, every delivery of flowers, and every lyric. Evan was determined to show me that this time he was willing to fight.

My phone chirped. I set aside the cards and pulled my cell from my pocket.

WE COME HOME SUNDAY MORNING. LESS THAN 48 HOURS. DID YOU FIX IT?

I scanned her message, noting the deadline. I smiled thinking that no matter how much I wanted to hear her voice throughout the week—no matter how much I wanted to hear Evan’s—they both knew me well enough to know I had needed the time to work everything out on my own. How she knew exactly when to push, I would never know. But, I would forever be grateful.

NOT YET. BUT I’M READY TO.

Just seconds after sending it, she responded.

GOOD GIRL. LOVE YOU, SISTER.

I dropped my phone on my coffee table and pulled my feet underneath my legs. Grabbing the cards again, I sat there for what seemed like forever reading each one over and over trying to decide how I was going to call Evan and what I was going to say. Soon, the sun disappeared and darkness fell over my house. I reached for the remote and turned on the TV. I muted the volume, needing the light the tube provided but not the sound. I reached for my phone again and turned it around and around in my hand trying to gather the courage to call.

I just needed to do it. Like ripping off a Band Aid.

Tapping on my phone, I brought up my favorite contacts. I studied Evan’s face. His sexy grin, his big chocolate brown eyes that had a way of telling me how he felt without speaking a single word. I pressed DIAL before I could talk myself out of it.

He answered before the first ring ended. “Maddy, God, Sunshine. What took you so long?” His voice was frantic bringing tears to my eyes. His answer spoke volumes as to how well he knew me. He didn’t need to ask why I had been silent, just why it had taken me so long to break it. I loved this man.

Through sniffles, I tried to speak. “I love you, Evan James. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what you signed or what deals you made, but if you’re leaving we’ll work it out. I’m not pushing you away. I want you to stay, with me. Forever. But if you need to go, we’ll figure out a way. I’m not letting you go again.” Tears streamed down my cheeks as I poured my heart out to him. He needed to know how much I loved him and how sorry I was for putting us through hell this week.

“Slow down, Sunshine. I’m not going anywhere. I promise. The deal I made had nothing to do with touring. It didn’t even have anything to do with an album. My traveling days are over, Maddy. You’re stuck with me. We’re getting married, remember?” He chuckled and I could feel his smile through the phone.

“Then what are you doing? What was the contract about?” I asked.

“I don’t want to tell you over the phone. I want to see the sparkle in your eye when I tell you all about it.”

“Come over then,” I said, cutting him off.

There was a longer pause than I would have liked. “I can’t. I’m in San Francisco. Sam flew up here to take care of some business and got into a car accident. His wife couldn’t get to him because of the kids, so I flew up to be with him. I’m in the waiting room now.”

“Oh my God. Is he okay?” Now, I felt even worse. Evan had so much going on and I had just added to his turmoil.

“He’s fine. He didn’t even want me to come, but I insisted. He’s more than my manager; he’s my friend. As soon as Simone gets here, I’ll be on a plane back home. She’s waiting for her parents to drive up to be with the kids. She’ll be here by Sunday morning at the latest. I’ll come and see you as soon as I get off the plane.”

“Perfect.” All the life poured back into my body and my heart was put back together. Evan was coming home to me. The tears came again. Only this time, they were tears of happiness.

“Maddy?”

“Yeah.”

“I gotta get back to Sam, but just because I can’t see you right now doesn’t mean I won’t call. So will you please answer the phone when I do?” There was playfulness in his tone, but I heard the message.

“Absolutely.”

“I love you, Sunshine.”

“And I love you.”

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E
VAN

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L
ate Saturday night, I arrived back at LAX. It killed me not to go to Maddy. I wanted to see her, but I also wanted to continue with my plan. And I knew that once I saw her face, all bets would be off and I’d spill my guts. All the pieces were in play and tomorrow she would be surprised. I just had to be patient.

Her father told me to figure it out and I did. I knew sending her the flowers with the song verses on the cards would wear her down. She loved that song. So did I. When I wrote an extra verse, I knew it would mean something to her. If that hadn’t worked, my next step was going to be to tie her to a chair and make her listen. Thankfully, it didn’t come to that. It was hard enough to keep her out of the papers. If I resorted to kidnapping, I doubted that was something I could keep quiet.

I talked to Maddy on and off throughout the day. She continued to apologize for jumping to conclusions. I continued to apologize for keeping something from her. In between apologies, we reminded each other of our love. I found comfort in knowing the next day everything would be right again.

On Sunday morning, I woke up and waited until I knew Maddy would be awake and I called.

“Good morning, Sunshine,” I told her.

“Morning.” She moaned.

“Are you still asleep?”

She sighed. “I was just lying in bed hoping you might get home this morning. That you could join me.”

My dick twitched at the thought. I looked at my watch. I could make it over there in less than twenty minutes. I shook my head. Think of the plan. “Sorry, babe. I won’t be back until this afternoon.”

“Crap,” she said.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Do you remember Abbi? From my class?” She waited for a response and I gave her an “uh huh.” “Well, she is singing today. At some open mic for teenagers. She invited me. I’d like to go, but I’m dying to see you.”

“Where is it?”

“It’s at some new place called Sunshine and Lyrics in Pasadena. I Googled it, but nothing came up. I had to punch the address she gave me into the navigation.”

I smiled, trying to stifle a laugh. “Wow. That is new. How about I meet you there? I’d love to see the kid sing. She’s amazing.”

“Are you sure?” I could hear the concern in Maddy’s voice. “I bet people will recognize you. I don’t want to take the focus off Abbi.” She had a point.

“I’ll wear a hat and some sunglasses. I’ll throw on a hoodie too.”

Now, Maddie chuckled. “I think people would recognize you less if you ditched the hat. But go with the hoodie. No one would ever suspect you in that.”

“I’m offended. I can relax in some sweats.” Not that I ever had or ever would.

When we both stopped laughing again, Maddy said, “I’d rather you relax naked.”

“I like the way you think.” We were both going to be nude and sweaty by the end of the night. I had no doubts in that department. “Hey, I gotta go. Send me the address and I’ll see you there. I’ll be the mysterious handsome guy in a sweatshirt.”

“I’ll be looking for you. Bye, Evan. I love you.”

“Love you too, Sunshine.”

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M
ADISON

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T
here were an unexpected number of people at an open mic night for teenagers. Actually, it wasn’t even the “nightlife” as Abbi had pointed out. It was only the afternoon. It was probably packed with families. I had to drive to the top of the parking structure to find a spot. If this club did the night things, the owners really needed to look into some alternatives. As a woman, I knew I wouldn’t feel comfortable parking in a dark lot by myself in the evening.

When I finally got to the entrance, I sent a quick text to Evan.

PLACE IS PACKED. THERE ARE LOTS OF CAMERAS SO MAKE SURE YOUR HOODIE IS PULLED OVER YOUR BIG HEAD.

I tried calling him earlier, but his phone went straight to voicemail. Maybe his flight was delayed. He said he would let me know when he arrived unless I spotted his disguise sooner. The thought of Evan going anywhere without a hat reminded me of the wedding. He looked amazing, but then again, he always did. I had to admit, I liked seeing him without a fedora or a ball cap every once in a while. It gave me the chance to gaze into his dreamy eyes. And boy, were they dreamy. Looking into them was like peering deep into your fantasies and not wanting to let go. Somehow, Evan made me feel like all my fantasies could be real.

When I walked in, Abbi waved me over to where she stood far back from the small stage that sat low on a raised platform. It reminded me of the small dive clubs Evan would play when we were younger. I loved those days.

Even more, it made me think of a vacation Evan and I had taken to Nashville the summer before our sophomore year of college. We were both nuts over the movie The Thing Called Love with River Phoenix. We spent many drunken nights screaming at the top of our lungs “look out Music City ’cause I’m here now and I ain’t ever leaving.” We had spent a week in Tennessee. We went to Graceland, took a tour of the Grand Ole Opry, but what had us smiling for days was our visit to The Bluebird Cafe. Evan and I sat at a table at the back near the bar and watched in awe. I’m not sure what I enjoyed more, the music, or the look of pure joy on Evan’s face as he took in his surroundings. While he wasn’t a country singer, he was totally in his element. It was beautiful.

I nodded toward Abbi’s parents, holding up my hand. They were in a corner with a few other sets of parents I recognized. Jimmy and Dalton from my class were there, too. The little club wasn’t so little. There had to be close to a hundred people in here.

“Hey, guys,” I said to them. “This place is really cool. For it being new, it really drew in a crowd.”

Abbi was bouncing up and down on her heels. “I know. We’re a little nervous.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” I jabbed her with an elbow and looked around. “Pretty big cameras, too.” Weird, it looked like reporters were there. It gave me an eerie feeling and I thought maybe I should go talk to the parents. I wondered how much they knew about this place, but the lights went out and the house music stopped playing.

“Here, sit, Ms. Grey. The show is about to start.” Abbi pointed to an empty chair at their table and I sat.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. Evan.
He’s here
. I glanced around but couldn’t see him in the dark. I pulled my phone out and read four words:

SURPRISE. I LOVE YOU.

I had no idea what that meant until I heard a familiar melody being played on the piano. I couldn’t see who was playing, no one could. But I had a feeling. Excitement took residence in my belly as I sat up straighter trying to see over the people in front of me, but it was no use. The song trailed off as a man took center stage holding a mic. I recognized him immediately.

“Hi, everyone. My name is Sam Greene and I’d like to thank you all for coming. When my partner came to me with this idea, I thought he was crazy. This is so far from what we’re used to. I thought his idea would pass, but it didn’t. The more I spoke to him about it, the more I realized this is where his true passion for music lay. And I’m happy to be part of it. Clap your hands, everybody, and let’s welcome my dear friend, and my boss, Mr. Evan James.”

My heart stopped at that moment. Or skipped a beat. This was Evan’s place.
Sunshine and Lyrics
. The name hit me upside the head and once again, I was crying. Tears flooded my eyes and ran down my face. I didn’t wipe them away. I just sat there and waited for Evan to come into view. When he did, I had to hold back a laugh. He stood there with gelled hair and a hoodie. It was so unlike him and so not his style. He was a leather jacket kind of guy. If he got cold, which he never did, he wore a jacket. I had closets full of sweatshirts, Evan just didn’t. He chuckled to himself as he took the mic from Sam. I knew he was laughing about his uncharacteristic style as well.

The cheers and clapping quieted when he began to speak. “Thank you for coming. I know many of you are wondering what I’m doing, what my plan is. I can think of one person in particular whose mind is whirling with questions. So let me just start off by saying, that I’m very grateful for the opportunities I’ve had in my life. Being able to write for various artists and headlining my own tour was amazing. Now that the tour is over, I have discovered that I want to take my career in a different direction. I still want to write songs, I still want to play music, but most importantly, I want a home. I want a family, and I want my sunshine.” He winked at me and everyone looked in my direction. He chuckled again. “We’ll get to that later.”