Without You (7 page)

“Where’s the fun in that?”

Our laughter eventually settled and silence filled the truck once again.

“Well, I better get going,” she said, her hand stretching out for the door handle.

“I’ll walk you up.” I turned to get out as well.

Maddy’s hand landed on my forearm. “No. You don’t have to. I’m okay.”

“Sunshine, there has never been a time when I have not walked you to your door. And there won’t ever be one.” I slid out of her grip and climbed out. She sat stunned in the passenger seat, so I went to her side and opened the door for her. I offered my hand for support, or maybe just to have an excuse to touch her, but she didn’t take it.

We walked up the steps to her front door, and it dawned on me that I wasn’t holding her hand. A pain hit me in the chest knowing that I couldn’t just reach out and lock my fingers with hers. It wasn’t like it used to be no matter how much I wanted it to be. Things were different. Time had passed and she had moved on.

I watched as Maddy reached into her bag for her keys. She looked adorable in her cut-off denim shorts, her Fantastic Four tee, and of course, her flip flops. Noting her obsession, I thought about how fun it would be to take her to see the next Marvel comic movie. I wasn’t stupid though. I knew I would enjoy the special effects and seeing shit get blown up, while she would be drooling over Steve Rogers. Fine by me, I guess. She’d be coming home with me. Not a fictional character.

She peeked over her shoulder at me while I studied her body from head to toe. Not that I had needed to. Every detail, every curve had been permanently cemented into my thoughts. Knowing that I wouldn’t leave until she was safely inside, she shoved the key into the lock and opened her door.

“Okay, Evan. I’m in.” She turned back around and her eyes met mine. She didn’t look away. We just stood there, gazing at each other. Searching each other for answers. Do you still love me? Do you still care? Will you give me another shot? Will you let me love you again? The way that you deserve to be loved? I didn’t say anything at first, but I didn’t break our stare. If she was willing to look at me the way she was right then, with hope and longing, I would take it.

She placed her hand on my forearm and squeezed it. Instantly, I felt her warmth wash over me. “Thank you for walking me to my door.” She said it like it meant the world to her.

“Doesn’t everyone?” I asked, meaning Michael.

“No.” She removed her hand and looked down at her feet. Her boyfriend was beginning to sound even more like a tool. What kind of man didn’t walk his girl to her door? One that didn’t fucking deserve her.

With a slight touch of my finger to her chin, I lifted her head so my gaze met hers.

“You should be going,” she said, still looking at me with those bedroom eyes.

Nervous about what to say or do next, I bit the corner of my bottom lip. “Yeah. I probably should.”

She gave me a weak smile and then slowly turned away.

“Wait,” I told her, holding out my hand and touching her shoulder.

Quickly, she swung back around. “For what, Evan?”

Words zoomed through my head, but I chose to stay silent. Instead, inch by slow inch, I bent down until our foreheads were touching. She didn’t move. Our mouths were a mere centimeter apart and I could feel her warm breath on mine, the sweet scent of minty gum intoxicating my senses along with the delicious smell of her shampoo. My heart was beating fast and my breath quickened. Maddy’s tongue peeked out, swiftly sweeping across her pouting lower lip. I wanted so bad to kiss her. I needed to kiss her. But Genna’s voice kept ringing in my ears. It was too soon. Damn, Gen for getting in my head. So as quickly as it began, I ended it. With a soft press of my lips to her temple, I finally said, “See you soon, Sunshine.”

And I turned around and walked away.

Only this time, I knew I would be coming back.

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M
ADISON

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I
shut the door behind me and slid down to the floor resting my body against it.
Did that just happen?
I squeezed my thighs together, still feeling the throbbing tingles radiating from my center. That man exuded sex appeal from every pore of his being. It wasn’t as if he was trying to seduce me with his touches, either. It had just felt natural. All he did was press his forehead to mine and I was about to burst into flames. I could feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest and taste his every breath. It completely clouded my judgment. If he were to have tried to kiss me right then, I would have let him. I
wanted
him to kiss me. Instead, he left me with my heart pounding and my panties wet with desire. And maybe, just maybe, he left me with a whole lot of unanswered questions with that sweet kiss to my head.

Tears puddled in my eyes for the second time that night. Why was he being so sweet? Could we really give it another go? If it didn’t work, I didn’t know that my heart could take another blow like the first time. He hurt me so badly, how could he have possibly made that up to me? His leaving had left me devastated for a long time. Would I ever feel as though I could trust him again? I couldn’t see how that would be possible? Was I even willing to take that risk?

I wiped my tears as I got to my feet. Who was I kidding? He hadn’t even said he wanted to get back together. All he did was bring me home. Well, he did kiss my temple and leave me hot and bothered. He also wrote me that cute note about still being nuts over me. And then there was the song. While actions speak louder than words, I still needed more than tender kisses and a sweet note. I needed to learn to trust him again.

God, every time he called me Sunshine I wanted to jump back in his arms, curl up and stay there forever.

My phone rang, startling me from my Evan induced stupor. It was Michael again.

“Hi,” I said, trying to sound light and unaffected by my ex-boyfriend.

“Madison, you’re still up. I’m happy to hear your voice.” I wish I could have said the same. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I wanted to take it back. I felt bad for thinking it. There was no reason for me to be mean to the man. He may not have been Evan, but he was there. He had been at every function I had for work. He sent me flowers for my birthday and didn’t need to be reminded of monthly anniversaries or Valentine’s Day. His secretary was most likely responsible for that, but at least he was thoughtful enough to make sure he didn’t forget stuff like that.

“Yeah, I’m up. It’s nice to hear your voice, too.” I just wished I could fake sounding more thrilled. A chuckle erupted from deep inside me.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

I couldn’t very well tell him that faking the sound of being thrilled made me laugh to myself. I had done it on more than one occasion with the guy, but he didn’t need to know that. “Nothing. I just thought of Genna’s favors for a moment. What’s up? You don’t usually call this late?”

“I’m in the area. I thought I would stop by. I bought you some of your favorite ice cream.”

See. Evan once did stuff like that, but that all changed when he signed his contract. “That sounds lovely,” I told him. “I’ll be waiting.”

Ten minutes later, a knock at my door told me Michael had arrived. He didn’t wait for me to open it for him. He used his own key, one I gave to him about six months ago. I got sick of getting up at the crack of dawn to lock the door behind him when he left to work. It worked out perfectly. He’d wake up and get ready, start a pot of coffee and then leave. When I awoke, I had a fresh warm cup of joe waiting for me. Now, for some reason, it irked me that he just waltzed in.

“Hi, sweetheart. It’s so good to see you. It’s been too long.” He pulled me into his arms and enveloped me into a loose hug. Kissing the top of my head before he let go, he then moved around me and headed into the kitchen. That felt weird. Michael was usually overly affectionate.
A kiss on the head? Really?

I followed him and watched as he removed a pint of ice cream from the grocery bag. My nose scrunched up when I saw the flavor. Evan may have stopped doing little things like getting me my favorite snacks, but when he did he at least bought the right ones. Michael grabbed two spoons from a drawer and took the lid off the container.

“Rocky Road, sweetheart. You go first.” He held out the small cardboard container in my direction.

Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I reluctantly took a spoon from his grasp and dug in. “Yum,” is all I could say as I brought the bite to my lips. Desserts with nuts didn’t do it for me. In fact, they pretty much grossed me out. Unless it was a Snickers. I had told Michael that several times, so why he would bring me Rocky friggin’ Road ice cream was beyond my comprehension. Maybe he had another girlfriend and that was her favorite. “Thank you. This is great.” Had I always been so compliant with Michael?
This is great
. This is crap is what I should have told him, or I hate Rocky Road would have worked just as well.
This is great
, Maddy?

Had I always been so agreeable to avoid giving Michael the real me? Wow. Maybe that’s what you do when you attempt to move on from someone who is impossible to move on from. Had I really avoided putting my full heart and soul into any relationship for fear of having it broken and ripped out of my body like a damn horror movie?

Michael was the first man to make it past the third date with me. And even then, I had never given him all of me. I had finally come to that realization as my belly knotted at the thought of the Rocky Road.

He gestured toward the living room. We took a seat on my sofa, sitting close enough to share the treat. For every four bites he took, I got one. “Did you complete Genna’s task?”

“Yes. We did.” I couldn’t think about anything without thinking about Evan, so my response was limited.

“Did Evan sing?”

“What?” I asked.
Why would he sing?
“No, Michael. He didn’t. He doesn’t carry around a guitar and serenade people everywhere he goes. He’s a normal guy.”

He puffed out a breath of air at me, like I didn’t know what I was talking about. “He’s far from normal, Madison. The man is famous. I wonder if he’d be willing to sing at one of our office galas.” He looked up in thought. I couldn’t believe he was seriously contemplating it.

“I don’t know. You would have to ask him.” God, I hope he didn’t.

“You don’t want to ask him for me. I mean, you guys were a thing. I’m sure he’d be more willing to do you a favor than someone he doesn’t know.”

Did he just say ‘you guys were a thing?’ What the hell?
I shook my head to stop him from going any further. “No. I wouldn’t do that. Just because I know him doesn’t mean I would ask him for anything. To us, he’s just the guy we knew in high school and college. We treat him no differently than anyone else. He’s just plain old Evan James, not Evan the celebrity.”

Michael backed off, relaxing into the back of the sofa. “Sorry I asked. I just thought it would be okay. This is new to me, Madison. I wouldn’t know how to act if any boyfriend came back into your life, so I sure don’t know what to do or say about Evan James being that boyfriend.”

“He’s not back in my life, he’s just here for the wedding.” Just saying it hurt me more than I could’ve imagined. Now that he was there, I wanted him to stay.

“Madison, you’re not fooling me. I heard that song. I listened to the lyrics thinking, that poor bastard really screwed up and now his own heart is broken. I even thought to myself that he should just find the girl, apologize and make it right. I mean if I was a chick and heard him pour his heart out like that, I would take him back. Or at least consider it. So please, don’t act like the other night didn’t mean something to you. And now, you’re being thrown together for this wedding.” He dropped the ice cream and his spoon on my coffee table. Putting some space between us, he turned so his back leaned against the armrest and he pulled his bent leg up onto the sofa between us. “All you ever told me was that you only had one long-term relationship. You never told me anything else. Tell me about your relationship with Evan.” He linked his fingers together and his eyes caught mine, waiting for me to say something.

“You want me to tell you about him? What do you want to know?” I asked. This whole thing seemed awkward. Very awkward.

“How did you meet? How long were you together? That kind of thing. Tell me, from beginning to end.” When I sighed, he added, “Give me the short version.”

“Fine.” I mirrored his position, resting into the opposite armrest and pulling my knee up onto the sofa. “I met Evan in high school. We were friends for awhile until it turned into more.”

Michael appeared surprised. “Wow, he was your high school sweetheart?”

“Yes.” I paused, taking a deep breath in my nose and exhaling through my mouth. “We went to college together, along with Genna. She met Luke there our freshman year. We all hung out and did everything together, trying to figure out what we were going to do with our lives. We were all young and dumb and changed our minds all the time. We all knew Evan would do something with music, but that’s about it.”

“What changed?” he asked.

“Evan did.” Saying it hurt just as bad as thinking it had. “Shortly after we graduated, his talent was discovered. He started a new career. One that didn’t include me. And that’s all she wrote.” I had no interest in drudging up any more details. He wanted the short version. Well, he got it. And that’s all he was going to get.

“Well, it sounds like he wants to include you now,” Michael said. “I think...” He ran his hands though his hair and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“What do you think?” I asked him.

“I think we should call it quits for now. You two have history. And it’s not over. I could see it in your eyes that night and I still see it now. When I mention his name, your eyes light up, they shine like I’ve never seen before. I’m not so naive to know that you don’t have that same gleam in your eye for me. We’ve been a great team for a long time, but neither one of us is in love. We’ve been fine to pass the time, but if you could have that love back—the love you shared with Evan? Then I’m not going to stand in the way of that.”