Wizard's Funeral (13 page)

Previously the queen had had no symbols of royal power, but Humbold was shrewd enough to see that he had to endorse his position and make it stable. He had a jewelled sword fashioned by the famous goblin waylander, Culpernic, and stated that in future whomsover ruled Guthrum did it through the power of the Waylanders Sword. The blade, with its gem-encrusted scabbard, flashed like fire when it was drawn in the light. Humbold wore the weapon on state occasions and had it resting on a red velvet cushion at his feet on all others. Possession of the sword gave him the right of rulership over a faded empire. Alone, without Golgath accompanying them, Soldier took Uthellen and Ixonnoxl to a place of caves in the eastern mountains. Here there were only eagles eyries and the nests of dragons. This was the home of the giant yellow dragon, as long as a warship, but mild and inoffensive if left to itself. The yellow dragons had been hunted almost to extinction by the Hannacks and now dwelt almost exclusively at the lower end of the long range of mountains, only the northern part of which bordered Falyum. I shall send some of the red pavilions to guard you, he told the pair. Ixonnoxl shook his head. No, Soldier. Its best that few people know of our whereabouts. A few warriors wont stop my uncle. If he finds us hell discover a way to kill me, whether Im guarded or not. Keep my secret, thats all I ask. It shall be. With that Soldier left them and returned to Golgath, who waited at a camp some two days ride away. Golgath and Soldier then headed towards Zamerkand. There were movements of beast-people around the countryside. They saw hunting parties and war parties of Wild Dog-warriors, Horse-people and Fox-people. Soldier never got used to seeing the horrible combination of an animal head on human shoulders. He could not help wondering whether they thought like a human or like a beast of the field, or even perhaps like a beast-person, a race apart whose mindset was unique to themselves. The pair rode mostly at night, under a starless sky, making their way by the umber light of a hideous moon. Knots of snakes littered the paths. Giant spiders ran into and over bushes in that shimmery, light-footed way which caught the corner of the eye. Single rats formed king rats, twelve to a ring, which moved awkwardly across open ground with their tails linked, so that they made a protective circle of a dozen vicious mouths. The world was a frightening place where man, bird and beast jumped at shadows. The raven arrived with the latest news. Humbolds in, Vandas out. What? Speak plainly, cried Soldier. Chancellors in, queenies out. So help me Ill strangle you, bird! Theres been a coup. What more? Queen Vandas in a padded dungeon, along with Quidquod and the royal twins. Crushkite and Frmstin have been murdered. Humbold has assumed power and has glued his bum to the throne ... The bird told them all that had happened since Soldier had left Zamerkand. And your wife ... Yes, yes, my wife? cried Soldier, his heart sinking. Shes been sent to Uan Muhaggiag. No one knows where. Banished. Exiled. Probably shes in some foreign jail - where I understand fungus infections are rife rotting her little toes off You have a vile tongue, raven. Just telling you the truth. Golgath said, What will you do, my friend? Soldier shook his head to clear it of the foul hatred that bubbled up from somewhere deep within himself. I - I must go overseas, of course. I must find my wife. Once I know shes safe, then I can go after Humbold. He rode in silence after that, letting the horse carry him forward, one hoof after another, rather than riding. He hung limp and uneasy in the saddle. The great bay was unused to this dead weight. It faltered occasionally, stumbling along in the half darkness. Once a bobbing-gnome sprang up from a hole in the ground and startled the reliable beast, making him rear. Soldier was thrown to the ground. He found his feet without a word and climbed back into the saddle. The gnome, vitriolic as all his clan, was spitting fire at both horse and rider. Soldier ignored the creature and continued on, still weighed by heavy thoughts. When they reached Zamerkand, Soldier rode to see the Warlord of the Carthagans, his general. Theres a price on your head, said Jakanda. Despite my protests, youve been outlawed. I guessed as much. But why are you supporting this despot? Surely your loyalty is to the queen? Jakanda shook his head. My loyalty is to my paymaster, that is, whoever rules Guthrum. I cannot interfere in internal affairs. I run a mercenary army, Captain, you know that. It would not be right for me, a foreign general, to support one side or the other. No Carthagan general in the pay of Guthrum has ever entered Zamerkand at the head of his army, no matter what politics or shenanigans are going on behind the walls. I suggest you go back out into the wilderness, into the fastnesses of the mountains, until theres some change in Zamerkand. I might do that, said Soldier. Or I might not. He left, disappointed. They got rid of the horses, passing on the mounts to Lieutenant Velion and the Eagle Pavilion. Then, disguised as ragged holy men, they entered the gates of Zamerkand. It was Soldiers intention to take a barge down the covered canal to the Cerulean Sea, there to take passage on a ship or boat heading for Gwandoland. However, on their way to the docks Soldier bumped into a solid figure. Watch where yer gomT growled the man, bending to pick a cabbage stalk from the gutter. You just about trod on my supper. Then, looking up, the fellow cried, Strewth! Soldier! Soldier clamped a hand over Spaggs mouth and threatened him with his fist. Quiet! You give me away and Ill break your neck. Were leaving Zamerkand tonight, and if Im followed ... Spagg grabbed Soldiers worn priests habit, tearing it at the collar. Where you goin? Take me with you. I cant stand this place. Since Humbold took over Ive been starving. Look at me, eatin stuff out of the gutter, and its giving my gut what for, this muck. My belly feels as if its full of ragworms and a covey of quails explodes from my arse every time I have a shit. Look, he opened his mouth and stinking breath hit Soldier in the face, Ive lost two more teeth. Just went loose on me. One fell out and I swallered the other in me sleep. Take me with you. You need a man-servant, you do. You cant even strap your own breastplate on without pinching your nipples. Ill cook for you, Spagg made a sandpapery sound with his filthy fingers, as if kneading dough. Ill wash your soddin clothes. Ill lick your rotten boots clean with me tongue and shine em up with the hair under me armpits. Ill nip the lice off your head with what teef Ive got left, and pinch the fleas from your coat with me nails. Ill be the best man-servant youve ever laid eyes on only get me out of this city. Golgath muttered, Who is this repulsive dwarf? My old employer, answered Soldier, before I became a citizen of this country. All right, Spagg. You can come. But any hint of disloyalty and Golgath here will hobble you with a spike through your ankles. Understand? Understood, replied Spagg, eagerly. I wouldnt waste a good spike on this repugnant gnome, replied Golgath. Ill just crush his head under my boot. Nice fellah, your friend, Spagg said to Soldier, with a sidelong glance at Golgath. Got a way with words, aint he? The three men reached the docks and found a bargee willing to take them down to the coast - for five pieces of gold. Once they were on their way, surging with the current of the river which had been turned into a canal, Soldier relaxed. He lay back on bales of soft cotton and stared at the stonework which passed overhead. There were grilles every so often, through which he could see the night sky, but no stars. A world without stars felt strange to him. Stars were quite useless in themselves of course, embedded as they were in the black cloak of the earth, but the sky seemed ghastly without them, empty and bland, as if someone had robbed a face of its features nose, mouth, eyes, brows - leaving blank flesh. When Golgath joined him, Soldier revealed his thoughts. The stars useless? cried Golgath. Nothing could be further from the truth. I use the stars all the time. Youre a navigator? No, an astromagician. The stars form magical patterns, which I use to predict the future. I see. So now? Golgath threw his hands up. There is no future. Spagg now threw in his spinzas worth. Ive always wanted to get my teeth into a star. They look so cool and crunchy, dont they? I bet they taste good or did, when we had em. Food of the gods, eh? Inviting us to reach up and pluck em from their black branches. Ive tried. Oh, Ive tried. Some nights they look so close. But when you try theyre always just out of reach. Ive been to the tops of trees after em, an towers, an spires. But theyre not so easy. Youd think when they got ripe theyd drop off, wouldnt you? But you try an find a star on the ground. Hey, maybe they burst open, leave a kernel, like chestnuts? I didnt think of that. Yes, next time Im out on a plain Ill look for star kernels to crack. Golgath shook his head in wonder and said to Soldier, You really think this fool can be of any use as a servant? Spagg frowned. Hey! Hes all right, Soldier said. So long as you dont turn your back on him. I resent that. I truly do. Me, who saved your life oh, a dozen times. The barge slid on, down the internal workings of the long snake which took it to the sea. All that could be heard was the occasional clonk of the bargees pole, when he fended away a wall that got too close. Lamps swung, fore and aft, the yellow light travelling along the slick stonework of the canals engineers. There were creatures on ledges, picked out by their glistening eyes: monitor lizards mostly, that fed on the ubiquitous rat. In the water itself, silver shapes glided by or under the bows. A contained world, a tunnel from the heart of a city to the open sea. Soldier wondered if his own wife had passed along this watery road not a few hours before him. Sometimes he could swear he caught a whiff of her perfume.

Chapter Thirteen

When they emerged from the end of the tunnel, they came out into a basin filled with ships. It was morning. A great dull sun fought to penetrate the layer of clouds above. On the choppy ocean, outside the harbour, ships of all shapes and sizes were coming and going. There .were the small, nippy boats with their squarish lugsails and their triangular lateen sails; there were ketch-rigged sailing barges and yawls. On a larger scale beautiful three-masted schooners, proud and puffed, were entering or leaving. Five-masted barques with laden decks and full holds cruised through the dancing sea with ease. Audacious brigantines cut across the bows of larger vessels, raising foul language from the masters. This was the busiest port in the known world. Quite a sight, isnt it? said Golgath, to his two open-mouthed companions. Stuns you, when you see it for the first time. No wonder the city is rich, replied Soldier. Ive never seen such evidence of trade. Used to be twice as much. Well, it dont do the poor much good, do it? growled Spagg, disenchantment following rapidly on the heels of enragement. The three men walked around the harbour, bargaining with captains and masters for passage across the Cerulean Sea. Golgath was taken with a brig whose captain offered good passage, but eventually they came to an arrangement with the owner of a caravel, a smallish ship with a little more panache than the slightly larger brig. The caravel, called inexplicably the Winged Goat-fish, had more of a jaunty shape to its hull and had odd little sails in odd places. As he paced the deck he felt he had the right boards beneath his feet. He felt comfortable. Spagg was already being sick over the side, even though the ship was still securely moored. I hate sailin, he moaned. This is your first time, argued Soldier. In real, yes, but Ive often been on the high seas in me dreams, an Im nearly always as sick as a pig. Their cargo appeared to be walnuts, sackfuls of them. Even before they set sail they were cracking open those which had escaped their containers. Before they touched on the shores of Uan Muhuggiag they knew they would be heartily sick of them. They set sail with an assisting tide at dawn the next day. Soon the land had dropped behind them and a silvery sea spread before them. All three men heaved a sigh of relief, knowing that they had been in danger from several points of the compass until they were actually on the water. The sea was running and Soldier felt exhilarated. If he had ever been on a ship before it had been completely obliterated from even his subconscious. He felt young and boyish, completely captivated by the feel of adventure, the smell of the salt in the wind, the rush of the foamy water beneath the vessel. There were still shore birds perched on the rails and spars, but they left the ship once it had reached a certain point. When Soldier looked back he could see only a dark grimace along the edge of the horizon. Then he blinked and the land was gone. With water all around them they could have been on any world at any time. All threads, all ties with the land, had been severed. It was not a frightening experience. At that moment Soldier could have sailed the blue waters for ever and not cared a damn. Wonderful, isnt it? he said to Golgath. Smell that air! So clean. So fresh. I know I shall sleep like a lamb tonight. Someone doesnt like it, replied Golgath, clinging to a stay with his right hand and pointing with his left. Spaggs just covered the sea with those mushrooms he ate for breakfast. Spagg was now lying on his back, in danger of being trodden on by the sailors who were at their tasks around him. He groaned, continually. Finally a burly sailor with a tarred pigtail picked him up bodily and carried him to a nest of ropes. There he was deposited, unceremoniously, where his legs were out of the way of mariners feet. Thanks, mate, he managed to groan, propping himself up against the base of a mast. Little bit gentler next time, eh? Oh, Ill be gentle with you, came the promise. The turbaned figure in the loose nankeen shirt had the body of a hareem guard, but the voice was surprisingly feminine. All three men listening realised the sailor was a broad-faced, brawny female. The eyes behind the strong, thick nose, above the square chin, were sparkling. She looked covetously at Spagg, as he sat in a pathetic heap amongst the ropes, running her eyes up and down his shapeless body. A bit buttery, too much lard on you, but I like you, she said, grinning. You and me could soon get those rolls of fat off, if we met in the forecastle a couple of times. Marakeesh! yelled the vessels master. Get you back to your task, damn your lustful loins! Yes, master, she cried, moving but not taking her eyes from Spaggs crotch. Coming, sir. She spoke confidentially to Soldier in an aside, nodding her head towards the ships master. He was bitten by dogs and conceived by women! Her voice was full of contempt. She left Soldier puzzling over her remark. A few moments later she was pulling on a sheet, her muscles rippling, her thick broad mouth chanting a shanty. Golgath and Soldier were staring at Spagg. The little man looked revitalised. To their astonishment he turned a beaming face on them. Im in! he said. You poor sons-of-paupers will have to make do with salt-water dreams, as you sway in your hammocks and stare at the swinging lamp tonight. Ive got my bed companion. Golgath said, Jinn and genies, Spagg, shell swallow you whole! There was a nervous glance from Spagg, who then let out a hollow laugh. Youre just jealous both of you. I can see it in your faces. Youre a pair of. . . He never finished. His cheeks bulged and the next moment he was hanging over the rail emptying his belly into the ocean. Watching him, Soldier began to feel queasy himself. Soon, he too was ejecting the contents of his inmost of organs. Golgath moved away from the pair, upwind. Just before sunset, when Soldier was feeling slightly less ill, there came a shout from one of the sailors. Dragon flying in on the port side! Everyone looked to port except Spagg, who was at the starboard rail and didnt know one side from the other anyway. Sure enough, a winged shape was descending in the crimson light. Like a large, plump bat, the dragon was a dark silhouette against the light sky. Whats to do, Captain? said Spagg, now with the others. Will he go for us? Normally, they overfly ships, replied the master, keeping a keen eye on the creature. Theyre not for landing on water and they get tired on the long flight over the sea. Theyve got no energy for attacking shipping, which would be a dangerous business for them, for if we damaged his wings hed not make it across. Normally. But this one seemed to coming straight for the caravel. The master ordered the crew to stand by with harpoons. He hoped a show of force would deter the creature. But it seemed determined to go for the ship, not deviating in its course one single degree. Must be starved, muttered the master, and in a louder voice, All right, stand by - when I give the order . . . The sailors hefted their harpoons shoulder-high like javelins. WAIT! cried Soldier. Listen! A faint sound was coming from the dragon, as it descended on the craft, previously lost in the wind. Kerrowww. Kerrowww. Dont kill it, pleaded Soldier. Its my dragon. I mean, its coming down because of me. Im its its master. You own a dragon? said Golgath, raising his eyebrows. I know of no one who owns a dragon. Im impressed. The master was saying, I cant take the chance. I implore you, Captain. Please. This creature is harmless if its left to me to handle. I beg you. Its like a child to me. The master seemed dubious, but he refrained from giving order to kill the dragon, even as it approached the side of the ship, flying in low over the water. There was an awkward scrabbling for the rail with the dragons claws. A last frantic flutter of the wings. Then the creature folded those wings against its body and shuffled around on the stern rail, getting a firmer purchase, before it began crooning again. The ship went lower in the water. KERROOOOW. Soldier went to it and spoke to it in a low voice. The sailors all craned their necks, trying to hear what he was saying, but actually Soldier was just making sounds, with no articulated words. He simply wanted the dragon to feel at ease. The dragon shuffled along the rail and then settled again. It was a blessing that the rail was strong and well-built in the shipyards of Uan Muhuggiag, for a two-legged, red-bellied, green dragon was about the size of a large bear, though its bone structure was not quite so heavy. Even so the rail creaked from time to time. Finally, Soldier left the creature, which seemed quite content just to sit there and watch the ocean go by. What did it say? asked Golgath, excitedly. Is it coming with us? Who knows? I cant actually understand what its saying. Anyway, they have very few words, male dragons of this species. Its only the females who can talk a lot. You ask Spagg. Hes the expert. Hes got all the answers regarding dragons. Well, why does it like you! Im - Im its mother. Golgath looked at Soldier through disapproving narrowed eyes: the disgust was clearly evident in his demeanour. I would never have thought you would be a victim to such infernal desires. Bestiality. With a dragon. It beggars belief. How grotesque . . . No, no, not its real mother. And anyway, what youre suggesting is fatherhood, not motherhood. Soldier shuddered at the image it threw up in his mind. No, I just happened to be there when it hatched. I was the first thing it saw, so it assumed I was its mother. Since then weve had a close but infrequent relationship. The master was perturbed, but agreed to leave the dragon alone. Such policy was always wisest in any case. When you messed with dragons you played with fiery breath. The sailors worked around the creature and soon got used to the plumb-bob shape that perched on the rail. They even started feeding the long-nosed, long-mouthed head with fish and scraps. One of them had the audacity to place his sailors cap on the dragons head, while he carried out an awkward task in the vicinity of the taffrail. The dragon drew the line. He dipped his head swiftly, once the sailor had turned away, and the cap was lost to the sea. No clown, Soldiers dragon. One evening Soldier was standing with the dragon, when the master came up. Are we on a true course? asked Soldier of the ships captain. Surprisingly, the master shrugged, looking up at the heavens. Who knows? Theres no stars to navigate by. What? The master smiled. Just fooling. Yes, I do usually use the stars, to assist me, but theyre not absolutely essential. I know this voyage so well its almost instinctive with me. Soldier was relieved. Im glad to hear it. Dont you have any navigational aids then? Oh, one or two. The shape of the waves, the colour of the sea, the rips, the swells, land birds, sea birds, wind direction, cloud banks, fish shoals ... All right, said Soldier, grinning, I see the picture. The dragon, on seeing Soldier smile, made an unintelligible sound in the back of its throat. Hes a strange beastie, your dragon, said the master, nodding at the creature. Ive only ever seen them from afar before now. Close to, they dont seem all that dangerous. The dragon opened its mouth to yawn and the master instantly changed his mind. What sharp teeth, he murmured, drifting purposely now towards the bows now. The stowaway blinked and then, with a rasping sound which woke the whole ship, proceeded to scratch himself under the chin. In the event, the dragons presence turned out to be fortuitous. Two sea monsters were encountered the very next day. One was a harmless oddity which impressed the whole contingent of passengers, but did nothing in any hostile way. This was a creature the master called an aspidochelone, which looked exactly like a rocky, lichen-covered island. To unknowing eyes it would have been taken for land. It was only because the sailors knew it so well, they recognised it for what it was, a living, floating creature of enormous size. When the aspidochelone first drifted into that part of the ocean, sailors had made the mistake of mooring their boats in its generous coves, lighting fires on its back, and cooking the fish which nestled in its pools. The aspidochelone soon informed such invaders that they were not wanted and dived with them and their boats to an uncomfortable depth. She looks magnificent, said Golgath. A stately leviathan basking in the gentle rays of the sun. Lazy bitch, if you ask me, snorted Spagg. They passed by the great monster at noon, their bow wave caressing her insensitive shores. One giant eye opened to regard them. Spagg gave a start and a gasp, jumping back. Whats she lookm at me for? he cried. If her eye is that large, replied Golgath, her ears must be enormous too. Bitch is a proper word, aint it? It aint an insult, is it? Would you call your sailor friend a bitch? Spagg had been caught wrestling with Marakeesh under the canvas of the jolly boat that very morning. Both of them had been naked, a sight (said the second mate who found them at it) not at all appealing to a lover of nature and natural creatures. Marakeesh had been flogged by the captain. Spagg, because he was a passenger, was warned that he and his friends would be dropped off at the nearest point of land, wherever it might turn out to be, if he attempted to corrupt one of the masters crew-women ever again. It werent me, he grumbled to Soldier and Golgath, it was her. She cant be satisfied, that one. Have you heard what she used to do for a livin before she was a sailor? She . . . But they didnt want to hear. They werent interested in anything but ensuring that Spagg behaved himself in future. Soldier had no desire to be cast away on an uninhabited island. So, this first curiosity was left in the wake of the ship, and it closed its one open eye and continued to drift on the current. The second monster was of a different kind entirely. The day after the encouter with the living island there was a shout from the masthead. Ho! Black sails. Black sails a sea league to starboard. Even before the call was finished the ship became as a termites nest threatened by an anteater. The crew began running every which way. The master appeared on the bridge almost instantly, still in his nightshirt and cap, and stared intently through a spyglass. Sailors were snatching cutlasses from a tray which had been rushed up from below. Others were arming themselves with wicked-looking hooks, fending pikes, and other longer weapons. The master snapped the spyglass shut. Theyre closing fast, he said. Cant outrun em. Well have to fight. Soldier stared at the distant ship. It was a sleek craft with many curves and points about it. It reminded Soldier of an exotic soldans shoe, with its curled prow. He could see seafarers on her decks,