Wolf Bride (16 page)

Kristina

I slept fitfully, and time after time, my dreams careened back to the look in Luke’s eyes when I screamed and cried in terror.

No wonder he hadn’t told me.

After I was washed and dressed, I found breakfast still warming on the stove. I ate it on the front porch, but neither Dawson brother was around. The homestead was eerily quiet without the sound of them working. Even the animals seemed melancholy.

Finished with breakfast and thoroughly full, I rinsed my dish and the others in the sink before I headed out to the barn. It seemed to echo with emptiness, though all of its inhabitants were still here. Jeremiah and Luke’s horses were missing, so they must’ve been out with the cattle. If I had any idea where the herd was, I’d head out after them. They’d been moved since last I’d seen them though, and I hadn’t a guess where.

An ache bloomed in my chest the longer I went without seeing Luke. A quiet desperation to make it right washed over me. But my wants went unanswered as the morning sun rose in the sky to hang over a hot midafternoon.

I finished every chore I could think of and landed in the garden tugging ruthlessly on giant weeds that had sprouted after the rains. If I spent the time to make the boys a huge feast, Luke would have to let me say my piece. I’d make Trudy’s stew and the cornbread she’d showed me how to make.

I pulled oddly shaped carrots, snap peas, green beans, squash, and onions too. Tomatoes hung from their mother plants so numerous, the limbs were weighed down with the red orbs. When the garden looked immaculate and my basket was filled with the vegetables I’d need, I dragged my haul inside and washed my dirt riddled wares. Someone had put beef in the smoke house, so I cut enough for my stew. When the kettle sat boiling over the fire, I took the sewing basket out to the rocking chair on the front porch, and busied my mind while my eyes searched loyally for Luke.

He couldn’t avoid me forever.

It was Jeremiah who rode slowly through the edge of the woods. His hat shadowed his eyes, but the grim set of his mouth was telling enough. Whatever news he bore, it wasn’t good.

“Where is he?” I asked as he tied his horse to the post out front and dismounted.

Removing his hat, he leaned his foot against the bottom step. “Luke’s gone. The cattle are gone too, so I suppose he’s driving them to Denver.” His eyes never left the toe of his boot while he talked.

“By himself?”

“He’s capable enough.” His eyes found mine. “He’s a werewolf, after all. I tried to catch up but he must have left in the night.” His jaw clenched and unclenched with some hidden emotion.

“I don’t understand. When’s he coming back?”

Jeremiah shook his head and reached into his pocket before handing me a folded piece of parchment paper. “Found it on the table this morning.”

The edges of it were warm and soft in my grasp. Upon opening the letter, dark scrawled handwriting flowed across the page. It must’ve been his and I traced the first word with the tip of my finger before handing it back. “Can you read it for me?”

I followed Jeremiah inside and melted numbly into a dining chair. The lantern battled the evening light and flickered across the table, sending scurrying shadows dancing across the floor. I picked at the edge of my apron as Jeremiah’s deep voice resonated against the cabin walls.

Dear Kristina,

I’m leaving so you’ll have plenty of time to find your own way without me there. Jeremiah will give you money for the train and you can go anywhere. You’re young and will find another man. One more worthy of you. I don’t want a wife and never have, but if we lived in a different world, I’d want a woman like you.

Be happy.

Fall in love with a man capable of loving you back.

Live.

-Luke

I wanted to throw the letter into the fire before Jeremiah even uttered the last word. I wanted to shred it into a million pieces so it wouldn’t be true. I hated the letter more than I’ve ever hated anything in my entire life. How dare him cast me away before I’d even had a chance to talk about what I’d seen.

I didn’t want to leave. Where in the entire world could I feel this safe? This taken care of? He’d given me a taste of what it was to have love returned, then he’d ripped it away from me with that blasted letter.

I tore out of the house as the roiling anguish threatened to drown me. At the edge of the woods I dropped to my knees and screamed his name until my voice was battered. A selfish and dark piece of me wished he could hear the sobs in my voice and somehow feel the pain that ripped at my soul. This hurt so much more than anything physical ever could.

Exhausted and defeated, I stumbled into the house.

“I can take you to the stagecoach tomorrow if you’d like,” Jeremiah said.

With the back of my hand I wiped my tear stained cheeks, then straightened my spine. “You’ll do no such thing. Luke is mine and I’m not going anywhere. This is my home.”

****

Luke

It’d been five days and I already missed everything about her.

The long hours of slowly driving cattle weren’t any help for the ache in my chest that grew bigger the farther away from her I rode. The drizzle that fell in waves from the dark storm clouds above did nothing but dampen my mood. I pulled my hat further down over my face as the steady
drip, drip, drip
of water fell in front of me. I couldn’t name a more miserable time in my life.

I’d have to sell the spotted horse if she didn’t take it with her. I couldn’t see the animal in the barn and invite that kind of loneliness every day. Maybe I’d give her to Elias and Trudy. If Kristina was kind, she’d take everything that would remind me of her. My life had to be cleansed if I was to move on.

My wolf revolted and the animal slithered and snarled inside of me in desperation to get out and run back to her. I couldn’t change until I knew she was gone into the world where I’d never find her again. Where my wolf would never find her.

The look of terror on her face when she saw the real me was something we’d never get over, even if I wasn’t already leaving. Too much was stacked against us and if she was to have a life, one without fear, it was going to have to be one without me. It was best we cut our ties now before we got any more attached.

She’d find a normal man who’d give her all the babies she wanted. She’d never have to hold her withering daughters or cry over their graves. She’d never have to wish for boy children so they’d survive. She could be pregnant and not be afraid.

The thought of her blooming with another man’s child buckled me into myself. I shook my head violently and kicked my horse until he was running after a few cattle who’d wandered into the brush.

We hadn’t a huge herd, but driving them one-manned still wasn’t ideal. It seemed a fit punishment for me though. Every difficulty I’d found along the way, and they’d been numerous, felt right and justified. Maybe they would balance the wicked things I’d done.

Through the thinning trees, the edge of Denver was visible. The sight of it should’ve brought me excitement that the drive was almost done, but it was only the first leg of my journey.

I wouldn’t see home again for a very long time.

People in Denver knew enough to move out of the way when cattle were driven down the rustic roads that led to the pens beside the train. My herd, weary from the journey, were easy enough to coax as I rode from side to side, keeping them in line and in the right direction. Once they were loaded into the pens, looked at, and given a head count twice over, I was paid.

In years past, Jeremiah and I would cut loose at a saloon up here in the city, but this year, our money wouldn’t be squandered. I paid an advance to the Denver Bank that would get our homestead through the winter, and made arrangements to get Jeremiah his share of the leftover funds. With part of mine, I bought a train ticket.

“Where you headed?” the ticket master asked.

“Chicago bound, sir,” I said over the pounding rain.

If I was leaving Kristina to make her way in the world, I was leaving her safe.

Evelynn French didn’t know what kind of hell was coming for her.

September

October

November

Kristina

Winter was relentless in the hilly forests of Colorado Springs. Snow was a daily burden, and predators, desperately hungry in the weather, grew bolder in coming close to the house at nights. The biggest chore was keeping warm, especially when my heart felt so very, very cold.

Jeremiah had agreed to take up where Luke left off and teach me to survive in the wilds of the place I was so determined to make my home. Trudy picked up the slack when Jeremiah was too busy trying to keep the ranch running.

Trudy had bloomed, and the first signs of a growing life inside her could be seen through even her loosest of dresses. Elias was ever the doting father and waited on Trudy like she was a queen. At first it had hurt so badly to see them together that I’d withdrawn. It was Trudy who’d got me living again with a firm lecture on independence and creating one’s own happiness.

She was right. I had a warm bed and a strong roof over my head. I contributed to a ranch and had become a decent cook. I had companionship in Jeremiah, and even though it wasn’t romantic, I still had someone to talk to. And someday, I’d see Luke again. Until then, I just needed to keep moving, and living, and breathing.

For all the hate I’d felt for his letter the first time Jeremiah read it, something had changed over the lonely months. Now I looked over the letter before I went to bed every night and slept with it tucked into my pillow case. It was my only connection to the man I loved and mourned for. From time to time, on the snowiest days, Jeremiah would offer to read it to me, and I could almost imagine Luke’s voice through the sound of his brother’s.

Through the months, I’d grown used to what the Dawson boys were. Jeremiah had set a rule that he’d tell me when he was changing and I was never to venture outside, no matter what. His wolf was shattered and he didn’t have any logic when he turned. He assured me he’d bite me with little regret until he turned human again, and I believed him.

Sometimes, after he changed, the wolf would claw at the wall of my room to get in, and the snarling tearing sounds that would drift through my window said he was crazy. At first I’d been terrified, but now I’d press my hand against the wall he was trying to rip through and my heart ached with sadness for him. The loss of his Anna had fractured him, and a big part of me understood the loss. Maybe the biggest part of me now.

The cabin smelled of cherry preserves, golden flakey pie crust, and sugar. I wrapped the pan of desert tightly in a clean cloth as Jeremiah pulled the buggy around front. Trudy had developed a craving for pastries and the weather had cleared enough for us to ride into town. Buffalo hide blankets covered our laps as we raced the whipping wind over the miles that separated us from civilization.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something,” Jeremiah said as he steered the thickly furred horses around a dip in the road. “What do you think about marrying me instead?” He slid a dark-eyed glance my way but it took me a minute to recover.

“I’m waiting for Luke.”

“I know you are. You’re a loyal woman, Kristina, but I don’t think he’s coming back. He’s left like my brother, Gable, and I can’t seem to track him down anywhere. He doesn’t want to be found.”

My world shifted under my feet. “Do you love me?”

“No,” he said shortly. “You’re like the sister Ma always prayed for.”

“Do you think you’ll ever love me?”

The breath he exhaled froze in front of him. “No.”

“Then why would you want to marry me?”

“We get along all right. We run the ranch well together. You know my secret.”

“And every two days or so, the animal half of you tries to kill me. I’m not your cure, Jeremiah. You need love to fix your wolf.”

“I want you taken care of. I’m so mad at Luke for the way he left, I can’t even see straight, but someone has to fix this.”

His duster jacket was cold and coarse against my cheek as I rested against it. “You’re a good man, Jeremiah, but you don’t have to tether yourself to me. We work well just as we are.”

“Will you at least think about it?”

I frowned, but nodded. “I will.”

I could see his loneliness growing. Anyone with eyes could see he needed a woman, but I didn’t soothe anything for him. He needed a woman he could love. A woman his wolf would see as a mate and attach himself to. He belonged with Anna like I belonged with Luke. Two spare parts wouldn’t work if they weren’t built to complement each other.

Jeremiah dropped me off in front of Trudy’s house before tying the team in front of the post office. I watched him go with a heavy heart. I didn’t want things to change between us, but we were on the cusp of destruction.

Trudy opened the door and hugged me harder than I’d been held in a while, and the tensed muscles in my shoulders relaxed. “Cherry pie,” I said with a knowing grin, and she lit up like the candles on a Christmas pine.

“Eat a slice with me,” she merrily demanded.

I pulled a fork out and handed it to her before checking her ginger jar. “You need more,” I noted, but she shook her head.

Around a bite of sugar coated crust she said, “I haven’t been nauseous for the better part of a week. I think it’s finally over.”

“Jeremiah asked me to marry him.” I said it with my back to her because I didn’t know if I wanted to see her reaction. She was as mad at Luke for leaving as his brother was.

The clink of the fork hitting the side of the pan was the only noise in the kitchen. I turned. “I told him no, but he’s asked me to think about it.”

“I think you should wait for Luke.”

I sat gratefully down beside her and took my own bite of pie. “Why do you say that?”

Trudy wiped her hands on the edge of her apron and leaned forward. “Luke is your Elias. It’s been clear from the start you’re in love with him, but you and Jeremiah?” She shook her head. “There is no spark there. I’m mad as a hornet at Luke for putting you through this, but I don’t think marrying his brother, no matter how logical it seems, is going to fix what’s been broken.”

“Maybe Jeremiah will get a response to his advertisement in the post today and forget all about his proposal,” I said hopefully.

Elias came through the door, stomping snow off his boots. “Hey, Kristina,” he greeted me with a kiss to my cheek.

“Elias, you’re freezing!” I said, rubbing my cheek to bring warmth back into it.

He laughed unapologetically and kissed his giggling wife.

“Saw Jeremiah at the post office and figured you two would be in here eating somethin’ good.”

Trudy spooned him a heaping bite of pie and he disappeared into the back room, mumbling compliments to me for my improved baking.

Turning back to Trudy, I said, “Listen, I don’t think you guys should be coming to our place anymore until the weather warms up. The roads are getting really bad and I don’t want you stuck out there in your condition.”

There was a slight pout to Trudy’s full lips. “Okay, but I won’t get to see you as much.”

“I’ll come into town as much as we can manage. It’s not so scary for us.” I winked. “I have a werewolf driver.”

“Mmm, speaking of, is he still trying to kill you?”

“Every change.” I rolled my eyes to the rafters.

“Men,” we said in unison and burst out laughing.

Elias came back in with a worried furrow to his brow. “You’re sleeping with a gun just in case, aren’t you?”

“Yep, my trusty old Derringer. Jeremiah made silver shot for it and everything.”

“Good. Anything you need, you come to us, you hear?” he asked.

“Loud and clear,” I said.

“Okay, ladies, I’m back to it. Gotta get back to the shop. You and Jeremiah staying for dinner?”

I licked cherry deliciousness from my fork. “No. Oh! That reminds me. Jeremiah said we’re about to get slammed with a big storm. Blizzard big, so visit the general store for anything you need before everyone buys them out. We’re heading back to our place before the weather rolls in.”

“Eee,” Elias said. “Okay, I’ll go to the store before I get back to work.”

Trudy rattled off a list of necessities as a knock sounded on the door. That would be Jeremiah. I squeezed her tightly and waved to Elias before I let myself out. The wind picked up and I held my skirts as I teetered over the icy wooden boards. The buggy was half full of Jeremiah’s latest order from the general store and the horses were antsy and pulling against the reins in anticipation of the long ride home.

“Did you have a good visit?” Jeremiah asked with a steadying hand on my shoulder.

“Yes, but it wasn’t nearly long enough.”

He hoisted me into the seat and I rearranged the buffalo skins to let him in.

“I’ve considered your offer, good sir,” I said grandly as we pulled out of town.

“That was fast. And what say you?” he played along.

“Luke is the one for me and besides, I like us the way we are.”

“Fine, I won’t mention it again.”

“I’ll make a pot roast for dinner to make up for rejecting your proposal.”

He chuckled. “Well, that’s better then.”

And just like that, I’d managed to stop the winds of change.