Woman of Substance (6 page)

Monday morning, Nadine seemed lost in thought when Robbie asked her to put the revised thesis pages into the professor’s mailbox.

“She’s not in right now,” Nadine explained. “She took tall, dark, Jake to lunch.”

“Oh.” Robbie leaned against the desk.
Thank you, Jake Proctor.

“Have you seen him on campus? He’s easy on the eyes.”

Nadine was wearing gold dangling earrings that slipped below her styled hair. She tugged on them while she swooned over Jake.

“Nadine, are you are drooling over a man just because he has a great body while you work in the heart of the women’s studies programs?”

“So you agree!”

“I have noticed, but there has to be more to him than a broad back and a dark shadow over his strong jawline and you know it. I’ve been treated like an object, I understand what you’re doing to him.”

“Objectification may be better than not being noticed at all. Besides you know that a strong jaw says the man eats healthy and exercises.” Nadine sighed.

“What’s up with you? You work here, you’ve seen the studies about self-esteem torn to shreds because of someone noticing or not. We’re supposed to know better.”

“I have, honey, and I do know better, but right now this is personal. I’m trying to find a way to make Ken understand I’m worth seeing.”

“Who’s Ken?” Robbie studied Nadine’s round face, soft eyes, and wistful smile.

“He’s a real sweetie. I met him at the sociology social on Saturday.”

“You’re so lucky. You meet men. I’ve been so busy, the only guy who sees me regularly is one very sweet gentleman who feeds the birds. I run past him and wave and he waves back, if he isn’t focused on the geese.” Robbie hesitated. “Hmm”—she leaned over the counter—“he knows me in the body suit. I’ve visiting him as Robin. He’s old and dying and I remind him of happier days. He has a grandson, too, who I see occasionally.”

“So, you’re using them as part of your case study?”

“Yes.” Robbie leaned away from Nadine as if even a small distance might improve the necessary deception.

“And they don’t know who you really are?” Nadine asked.

“No, I’m considering this part of my field research.”

“Your suit must be something. Remember, you’re going to show me one day real soon?”

Robbie stroked her chin. “I have more outings planned before I put the suit away, but I’m being cautious. I can’t have any complaints or draw negative attention to this research. I will try.”

“I understand. Just let me know if and when it will work. I want you want to finish your degree and graduate this semester, too.” Nadine gave Robbie’s hand a gentle squeeze.

Robbie swallowed her fears and changed the subject. “I do have a small social life. I’m seeing Brad on Friday.”

“What fancy event is he taking you to this time?”

“Brad skimped on the fundraiser details. He promised a good dinner and networking possibilities for the pleasure of my company. Besides remember, he has a partner.”

Robbie leaned closer and concentrated on the candy bowl on Nadine’s desk. “If this Ken can’t see what a wonderful woman you are—drop him now.” Then she popped a candy in her mouth and opened the door to the corridor.

Nadine’s laughter rose and fell as Robbie closed the door behind her.

During the week, Robbie became Robin with more and more confidence. Her jewelry and vibrant blue or green shirts accentuated her style. She walked faster and didn’t bump into nearly as many doorframes or chairs.

Her chest tightened as she thought of her last visit with Frank. He was dying, but he seemed ready. She’d been visiting him every day while Jake taught or met with students at the university. They spoke of the weather and how he wouldn’t miss the minus double-digit weather. He wondered if the geese would miss him. He knew they wouldn’t, but he would miss not seeing them again. Usually one of the other residents popped in to see how Frank was doing and then he’d ask them about their day and the conversations would shift away from the coming end and focus on the present. She felt a knot lodge in her throat. Frank had become such a part of her life she couldn’t imagine a world without him.

Friday evening, from her front room window, Robbie watched the light fade in the late afternoon sky. The bare poplars were silhouetted against the pinks and oranges of the sunset. Where was Brad? She tapped the foot of her high heel. He was supposed to have picked her up fifteen minutes ago. She blew out a breath of frustration and hugged the chiffon jacket closer to her chest.

If Brad weren’t a childhood friend, she’d have begged off tonight. Lights from an approaching car lit up the street. The black Celica stopped against the curve. She watched Brad swing open the door and jog up her stairs. After she answered the door to his familiar knock, he embraced her, feathering her cheek with a kiss without disturbing her makeup. Holding her at arm’s length, he turned his head to one side and analyzed her appearance. “I’m in the running with you on my arm tonight.”

Robbie’s stomach quivered. “Is my appearance really all that important?”

“Of course. You’re my best business function date.” His shoulders slumped. He reached for her hand.

In her two-inch heels they were eye-to-eye. Every black hair on his head was in exactly the right place. His beard was a slight blue shadow against his dark skin. He could be a poster man for
GQ
in his tuxedo.

“The big boss wants to see the choices we’ve made in all aspects of our lives.”

“Brad, what choice is your boss going to assume tonight? I’ve accompanied you on a half dozen occasions.”

He met her eyes. “Robbie, this is a big career move. When the time is right, I’ll break the news gently.” He brought a jeweler’s box from his pocket and flipped it open. “If you wear this, he’ll assume even more.”

Robbie glanced down at the solitaire diamond. “No, Brad.”

“You don’t have to acknowledge anything. Just wear it. Guys never ask or gush over a ring. They just see it and take for granted something permanent may be in the future.”

“What about Sam?” Her life was getting very complicated. She’d forget who Robbie was if she wasn’t careful.

“He suggested it. This was his mother’s ring. When I’m stable, he and I can be an open couple.”

“Sorry, Brad. It’s one thing to be your date and it’s another altogether to pretend we’re planning a future.”

He shrugged. “Sam loses twenty bucks. I didn’t think you’d go for it.” He straightened his bow tie in the mirror and winked. “We’re a very impressive couple anyway. Ready?”

She enjoyed her dates with Brad where she networked and met some of the influential business people in the city. The conversations with regard to new taxations and new community ventures were enlightening. The last dinner she’d attended she heard about an inner city project where piano teachers volunteered their time to teach at-risk youth living in disadvantaged situations. The students were allowed to practice on donated pianos at the schools.

“I always learn something new about our city or Province when I go out with you. I wonder what it will be tonight,” she said as she locked the door.

He guided her toward his glossy black sport car idling at the curb, held her arm until she was settled on the warm leather seat, and then drove confidently down the street.

She turned toward him. “Any idea about the main speaker tonight?”

“I haven’t a clue. It was supposed to be the boss’s favorite cause but that someone got sick and cancelled, so there is a substitute guest speaker.”

When they approached the hotel door, a valet greeted them. Brad looped his arm through hers as they walked along the carpeted hallway to the Regency Ballroom. Inside, the chandelier glowed with miniature lights, reminding Robbie of the way Frank’s eyes twinkled when he talked about his wife, Mabel. Tearing herself from her thoughts, Robbie clung to her chiffon jacket as Brad helped her out of her coat. The president, Mr. Lawson, of Lawson Supply Management, called to Brad. Robbie stayed by his side for a few minutes, smiling and waving at familiar faces and hearing snippets of conversation about the new customer Mr. Lawson wanted Brad to begin designing a complex computer network proposal immediately, if not sooner.

The sequins and tuxedoes parted and allowed someone seemingly important to enter the ballroom. Her hand flew to her lips. The distinguished couple consisted of Jake, looking ever so handsome in a stunning black tuxedo and Jean Clifton, the rail-thin body dressed in white practically glued to Jake’s side.

Robbie swallowed her disbelief. Of course, they were colleagues and old friends. Heat raced up her neck and she pretended intense interest in the conversation but glanced at the banners looking for a clue to the occasion. The speaker’s topic was the African Zhun/twasi, ‘
the real people’
culture.

What was her problem? Jake wouldn’t recognize her after one little collision in a university corridor. Jean Clifton hadn’t seen her in the body suit. Therefore no one would be any wiser.
Her secret identity was safe.

Robbie excused herself to the powder room for a quiet moment.

When she came out of the cubicle, Dr. Clifton was leaning close to the mirror straightening her white pencil dress over her thighs.

“Dr. Clifton, you look sensational.” Robbie turned on the tap.

Clifton’s eyes met hers in the mirror. “Hello, Robbie. Thank you.” Clifton stepped back on her clear acrylic high-heeled shoes.

Robbie stood motionless as Clifton scrutinized her from the top of her styled black hair, past her simple gold hoop earrings, and then over her simple shift and jacket and stopped at her gold sandals.

Clifton raised her eyebrow. “You look nice. I haven’t seen you dressed up before. I forget that my students have lives outside of their research and exams.” Her tone suggested they shouldn’t.

Biting her tongue, Robbie held the door for the woman in control of her destiny and allowed her to make a spectacular entrance into the ballroom before she followed. The band was playing a swing tune. Brad came toward her with a grin that showed his irresistible confidence.

“There you are.” He bowed and offered his hand for a dance.

“I’d love to.” She immediately felt the magic in his lead. He kept the tension in his hold and rock-stepped to the beat.

“You’re happy tonight,” she said when the music stopped.

“I am. I have a good feeling about this evening’s event. You’re beautiful. And I’m lucky.” Brad placed his arm around her waist as a camera flashed.

“You’re fortunate that Sam likes me or he might be jealous,” she said.

“He knows we’re doing this for the two of us,” Brad whispered in her ear as the bandleader announced dinner.

Brad put his hand on the small of her back and guided her to the front and center, near the head table.

Robbie silently thanked the universe because the seats facing the speaker’s podium were taken and she couldn’t see Dr. Jean Clifton or Dr. Jake Proctor without turning her chair.

Chapter 5

Jake enjoyed the Saskatchewan pickerel with wild rice and the baked apple in puff pastry with warm spiced cream. So far the evening had been full of pleasant surprises. Because Jean studied and worked in Regina, she knew many people. He’d been reintroduced to men who were on his midget hockey and high school baseball teams. He thought he recognized some of the women, but he couldn’t be sure. High school was such a long time ago.

When Jean had asked him if he would replace the scheduled speaker, he’d accepted. Introducing his research to sated dinner guests was a great way to get his cultural project out in the public, and prairie people were known for their generosity. After the introduction, he stood and walked to the podium. He placed his notes where they could be accessed should he lose his way. After a sip of water, he glanced at the faces in the audience. The overflow light from the stage illuminated a familiar face. No, it couldn’t be the student who had crashed her nose into his chest. This was a pricey dinner to raise money for charities. She turned her chair and tilted her head to watch and listen. The movement felt strikingly familiar, as if he’d seen this often. But he had a presentation to give. He cleared his mind and he looked down at Jean Clifton. His colleague gave him thumbs up and he began.

Robbie shifted her chair slightly and peered between the other guests watching Jake straighten his notes and take a sip of water from a glass. She felt as if Jake had looked straight at her for the first few seconds, but that had to have been wishful thinking. She’d looked so different in her jeans and fleece jacket. Now, she carried an evening bag instead of a backpack. As he addressed the audience, Jake’s voice grew strong and full of conviction.

She felt safe watching him now that he was absorbed. The thought that had skidded across her brain that maybe, just maybe, he remembered her from one little collision in a busy hallway had sent her heart fluttering. In a small corner of her mind, she hoped he felt confused and recognized something about her that reminded him of his association with Robin. After all, he studied people so why hadn’t he noticed her disguise? Whenever they met at Frank’s, he was considerate. Or had he accepted her as she presented herself to him? The research side of her brain turned off and she put her hand on her heart. Now that would be the type of man that would be a keeper for her future.

She tore herself from her wayward thoughts and forced herself to focus on the presentation. Jake’s passionate voice described the ancient San in the Kalahari Desert. They continued their traditional hunter-gatherer lifestyle even though their hunting areas were invaded by commerce. Food was shared among the whole group. The !Kung San believed it was wrong to eat in front of someone who did not have food, even if he was a big, visiting stranger.

The audience laughed.

While he spoke about the clicks and pops in their language, Robbie felt cocooned in the anonymity of the crowd. She could indulge a fantasy that Mr. Broad-shouldered, dark- blond professor with a passion for his work was speaking to her and her alone. She discerned that they shared common interests. While Jake tried to understand whole cultures, she tried to understand the influences a negative body image had on a woman’s life.

Her attention was yanked back into the present when she heard Jake mention “appetite suppressant.”

“. . . The Bushmen ate the pulp of succulent Hoodia Gordonii for thousands of years during long hunting trips because it controlled their need for water and food. This plant is part of their ancient knowledge and is now under clinical development by a licensed drug company to find a cure for obesity. The San need assistance to protect the plants’ environment and their own lifestyle.”

Robbie knew about suppressants. Her group had confirmed her research about experiencing rapid heartbeats, mood swings, and expense. Maybe there was a new medical bullet on the horizon. But what did the suppressant do for the crunch of food, the brilliance of a plate of green vegetables and red strawberries, or the social activity of eating?
Didn’t anyone else see the irony in an appetite suppressant after a wonder meal?

Jake spoke about the changes brought to the community by those from outside, with examples of permanent housing and individual wages earned for individual work. He speculated for a moment about how changes seemed to move from the outside toward the inside of a community. He knew that every time he visited with another culture he left something behind and brought something forward to his own life.

Even Brad’s attention was held. Usually a few minutes into a presentation he was nudging her to call attention back to himself. Though Sam was the love of Brad’s life, Brad felt he couldn’t share that fact with the business world yet. But if Brad continued on the fast track, it wouldn’t be long before Mr. Lawson would find him indispensable and Brad and Sam could attend these functions together.

The serving staff unobtrusively slipped between the tables with refills of coffee, tea, and ice water.

For now, Robbie felt safe in stealing a long look at Jake’s full, open face. His broad smile, his white teeth, his deep brown eyes seemed to look directly at her. The room was decorated for the season where gifts were given and received.

“You okay?” Brad’s arm cushioned her back from the chair.

She leaned into him with a wispy smile on her lips.

“Close your mouth. You’re drooling.” Brad’s breath tickled her ear.

“But he’s handsome and a Ph.D. and I’m swooning and wishing that the universe will look after my love life for a few minutes. Indulge me.”

He leaned closer, then kissed her cheek. “Consider yourself indulged.”

“Thanks. I’m done now. I have a big life ahead of me after I get my degree. I’m not looking for love in all the wrong places.” She was a student and Jake was a faculty member and never the twain shall meet. She leaned her head on Brad’s shoulder before she filled her mind with more clichés, then watched the end of the formalities as Jake accepted his small token of appreciation with practiced grace.

As the overhead lights brightened, people stood, stretched, and chatted. Robbie saw the Master of Ceremony lead Jake and Jean Clifton straight to Brad and Robbie’s table.

Brad’s boss, Mr. Lawson, pumped Jake’s hand heartily and turned his attention to Brad. “This is the man who should be working with you, Dr. Proctor. If anyone can set up your cause in a wide network, it’s Brad Mason.”

“Glad to meet you, Mr. Mason.” Jake stretched his hand to Brad.

Robbie watched as the two men seemed to reach an understanding during the firm handshake. “I’d like to have the opportunity to draft some ideas and discuss them with you, Dr. Proctor.”

“Sounds good.” Brad turned to Robbie. “I’d like to introduce Robbie Smith.”

Jake nodded and extended his hand. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Robbie smiled and felt her hand secured in his. He remembered her. She sobered when the white-clad Clifton moved toward her.

Robbie stepped back. “I’ve learned my lesson. I stop and set up my MP3 player before I rush through the halls.” Her hand reached up to her nose. She recalled the scent of his leather jacket and his subtle cologne.

“Glad to see there wasn’t any permanent damage. I haven’t seen you at the university.”

Clifton stepped forward. “Robbie’s almost done. As you know, grad students work on their own, some more than others and then they defend their material and they’re off to a new life.”

“Thank you, Dr. Clifton. From your lips to the committee’s ears. You’ve been my role model.”
If Clifton’s sights are set on Jake maybe she’ll be too occupied and forget about her thesis. Sure, and elephants can hide in a pile of Smarties Candy.
After Jake and Clifton moved on to the next table, Robbie reached up and kissed Brad and swung him around. “The universe is a great place. Did you hear Dr. Clifton? She’s positive about my thesis. If I hadn’t come here tonight with you, I wouldn’t have met her in a social situation.”

“Looks to me like she’s got your man,” Brad said.

“I told you I was swooning for a few minutes. Those minutes are up,” Robbie whispered. “The most important issue is that for some reason Dr. Clifton seems to really be interested in Dr. Proctor and maybe, just maybe, she might be too busy to hassle me about my project.”

“Can I bring you another glass of wine to celebrate?” Brad asked.

She covered her mouth as a yawn exploded. “To be honest, I’d like to go home. I need sleep.”

“If you can wait a few more minutes, I’ll drive you. If you think you’ll fall asleep on your feet, I’ll call a cab.”

“I’ll stay if you’re sure you’ll be ready to leave in half an hour.”

“Deal.” He paused as his gaze swept the room. “They do make an elegant pair, but it looks as if the prince’s neck is on a swivel. He’s checking us out again.” Brad tilted his head to the left and wriggled his eyebrows.

She reached for her handbag and looked in the direction Brad was indicating. “Maybe he’s checking you out. After all, you could be working with him,” she whispered.

“He can check all he likes. His life will never be the same if he gives me a chance and I set up a system to help the San with their concerns about the environment and traditional medicines.”

The lights dimmed and the band began to play. Brad and Robbie circled the room extending their holiday greetings. While Brad helped Robbie with her coat, they both turned at the now familiar voice. “Mason, I’ve written down my cell phone number. Call me when you’ve had time to think of an approach for the !Kung San or if you need more information. I know the leaders would appreciate the assistance.”

“Yes, sir.”

While Brad and Jake exchanged a few more words, Clifton and Mr. Lawrence danced. Robbie felt Clifton’s stare. She stepped away from the men and was tempted to put her arms in the air as the general signal for surrender.

At the end of the evening, Robbie gratefully settled back into the heated leather seat in Brad’s car.

Brad put his arm around her shoulder and turned her toward him. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I had a great time. We danced, and I ate a meal that I didn’t have to cook or pay for, and I mingled with men dressed in fine suits and women in their seasonal glory. And, and Professor Clifton suggested I’d be starting a new life soon.”

“And don’t forget the swoon.” Brad nudged her.

“Oh yes, swooning is such good exercise for the heart.”

When they stopped at her house, Brad came around and opened the door for her and held onto her arm while they climbed the stairs to the front door.

“You’re such a gentleman. It’s a lost art.”

He gave her shoulders a squeeze. “It’s easy to be a gentleman to a lady.”

After the door was unlocked and the hall light was on, he kissed her cheek.

She took off her gloves. “Say hello to Sam for me.”

He yawned. “I will. Sleep tight.”

Robbie hung her coat next to the oversized coat she wore when she was in disguise. Her life was complicated right now but in a few weeks it would be all over.

She yawned while she undressed, then washed her face and brushed her teeth. It had been a long week. As she lay in bed, she thumped her pillow and scrunched further under her comforter. A fuzzy warmth settled over her as she remembered Frank’s comfort at having a her next to him in bed and Jake’s gentle motion of pushing the loafer over her toes and heels. It felt like she was wrapped in a hug where all was right with the world just being there for Frank and Jake, even if she was in a costume. Just because she didn’t look like herself didn’t mean that she was different.

Saturday whizzed by, filled with chores and studying. Sunday morning arrived, crisp and bright, no reports of road closures, no storm warnings, nothing to keep her from attending her high school reunion. After her first cup of coffee, she checked her thesis agenda. Her personal field research was supposed to help her understand how difficult it was for larger women to fit into their physical environment as well as any positive and negative reactions from those around her. Other than Jake thinking she was a danger to his grandfather and not asking her to visit but hiring her, she couldn’t report any personal negative reaction of other people to her as a woman of size. She must be doing something wrong. Could Dr. Clifton be right and she couldn’t walk in someone’s shoes? No, she did have those sales clerks who refused to help her and there was the matter of the chairs that were too small.

She was on the right path. Size had different meanings depending on the silhouette a person reflected in everyday life. When she was dressed as Robin, she left behind her comfortable world. For the purposes of her research and if because of her project corners of hidden discrimination and prejudices were illuminated and changed, then discomfort was worth experiencing.

Jake fumbled for the receiver. “Jake Proctor.” His heartbeat slowed when the mechanical voice announced his wake-up call. He scrubbed his hand over his face and through his hair. The twisted blankets were evidence of his restless sleep and now it was morning. With the pillows stacked to support his head, in that magic place between dreams and wakefulness, he wished that he had the power of the San healers. The San believed that spirits shot misfortune, sickness, and death at a person with invisible arrows. The healers focused on stopping or removing the arrows while they danced around a fire until they were in a trance. In that state, they healed everyone around the fire. He pictured Frank, Robin, and himself around the flames while the clapping and singing women from the community added power to the healers. What was he thinking? Frank was ready to leave this world, and Robin didn’t appear sick. Perhaps she just had a bad hairstyle and he wasn’t guilty of misappropriating money. His lawyer was investigating the allegations, possibly at this very minute. He stretched. Everything would fall into place.

After listening to the local news and weather, he showered and then stood with a towel around his hips lathering his face for a shave. When the telephone rang again, he jerked and the razor slipped and blood pooled on his chin.
Get a grip. Not every phone call is the care home telling you to rush over because his grandfather’s drawing his last breath.