Woman of Substance (5 page)

“You look different today. I had to look twice.”

“I haven’t fallen in the dirt today. Yet. It’s still early.” She felt at a disadvantage looking up at him. She pressed her palms onto the armrests and stood.

“Are you wearing those or your own shoes?” He pointed at her black oxfords.

She thought about the struggle past her belly to tie her laces. “Great idea. I’ll pay for them and break them in as I walk around the mall.”

The salesclerk bagged her black shoes and winked at her. “Smart move, these are more stylish.”

Jake’s image reflected back at Robbie from the mirror behind the cash register. She smoothed her coat and turned around. “All done. I suppose it’s time to go home.”

“Can I buy you a cup of coffee?”

“Add in a sticky bun and you have a deal.” Her stomach rumbled. “Breakfast was a few hours ago, and I always have a Cinnamon Hut bun when I’m here.”

“They must be good then. I’ll try one, too.”

“Yum! Is all I can say.”

“I’d like to carry your bags.” Jake reached out a tanned hand.

She tilted her head and observed him closely. There didn’t seem to be any hidden meaning other than courtesy.

They moved around couples with strollers, then stopped and allowed a woman speeding her overfull shopping cart across the aisle. While he went to get the coffee and buns, she squeezed into one of the chairs welded to the table. Her belly oozed onto the surface. She leaned her elbows forward onto the table to cover the bulge. Real flesh must hurt when slashed with the Formica edge.

While Jake stood with the tray of coffee and buns, she pressed her back tighter to the chair.

He cleared his throat. “I’d forgotten about the close fit of these chairs.”

She felt her lips tighten into a grimace as they did whenever she was embarrassed. “There isn’t much wiggle room for me.”

“I saw some sofas in the corridor. Let’s go there.” He pointed in the general direction with his chin.

“Yes, let’s.” She turned sideways on the seat. He put the tray down and grasped her hands and pulled. When she was freed, he began to laugh. His slow chuckle led to a roar.

Her belly tightened and her face got hotter and hotter. The salesclerks were one thing but Jake? She stomped her foot. “Stop laughing.”

“I’m sorry. You don’t know how many times I saw Granddad do this for Grandma and I’d be embarrassed. I’d try to slide away unnoticed because they’d laugh, too. Watching you struggle, I finally understand they had to laugh or they would be hurt, or angry, or embarrassed at the very many instances when the world didn’t accommodate a large woman.”

“I’d try and hide, too, when my parents ordered teen burgers at the A&W when they should have been ordering Mama and Papa burgers. And, of course, they laughed at my confusion,” she said thoughtfully.

“Come on, our coffee’s getting cold, and I want to try one of these buns. The aroma is making my mouth water.” He started toward the sofas in the center of the mall. She struggled with her bags and dropped them on the floor in front of a beige leather loveseat. She didn’t think she could have taken another step as she sank down into the cushions. She ducked her head. Pulling deep gulps of air into her mouth and down her dry throat wasn’t a pleasant sight for anyone to see.

Jake placed the takeaway cup into her hand. His fingers felt cool against her fingers.

“Drink up. You look a little shaky,” he said.

He sat on the small sofa on the diagonal from her and watched her bite a sticky bun. “I probably should have eaten two eggs instead of one this morning.” She attempted a smile. Instead of food, she thought about running naked in the snow to cool down. She felt damp perspiration all over her body. She breathed deeply, practicing the relaxation techniques she’d learned in her yoga class. She should have turned him down. She was risking her project because the more time she spent with him increased the chances of him discovering her true identity. If only she had magical powers and could disappear. But she didn’t want to. She wanted to see what made this man tick.

She looked over to see him absorbed in popping the last bite of bun into his mouth.

“You’re right. These buns are terrific. I wonder if Granddad would enjoy a tasty snack?” His shoulders slumped, as if a weight had settled there. “You made a great impression on Frank yesterday. I’m glad I ran into you. I wanted to ask if you would visit him whenever you could. I’m not sure if you guessed but he’s very ill, and because you remind him of the love of his life, I think he would enjoy your visits.” He studied her. “Yes, you do resemble Grandma. He misses her terribly.”

“I wondered. He seemed frail and wistful.” She felt the waves of his sadness spilling over her. Her parents were in great health, but she remembered her mother mourning her loss for a long while after Grandmother passed away.

“I stopped by the manor today and asked him to come with me, but he doesn’t have the strength to be out and about much these days,” Jake said.

“Do your parents visit him, too?” He crumpled the waxed paper and shoved it into his empty coffee cup. “No, they’re not here. Granddad is the father in my life. I owe him a lot.” He paused. “I’ll pay you to stop in now and then.”

This man is such a chump
. She would visit Frank without asking anything in return. “I could go over in my spare time. A neighbor helping a neighbor.” She’d squeeze in a few minutes when she was out in the neighborhood in her disguise. Besides she wanted to talk with him about his life with Mabel. “Yes, I’d love to pop in occasionally.” She pictured her calendar and mentally moved unimportant things like laundry, or scrubbing her floors.

“No, I’d like something more formal than the occasional visit. I’ll pay you what you want.”

She sat up straight. “Let’s see. Visiting an old man. Would I have to hold his hand? Wipe spittle from his chin? Lead him to the bathroom?” She put her hand on the side of her face as if calculating and looked directly at Jake. She took note of the quality of his leather jacket, the logo on his shirt, the quality of his pants, and the design of his shoes. “You look as if you could afford to pay well. I’d like a vacation after Christmas. How about fifty an hour, but no assistance in the bathroom? He keeps his dignity around me.”

His grip was strong when he shook her hand. “Deal.” The corners of his mouth relaxed.

“By the way, Jake, if he asks me to marry him, I’d be your grandmother.” The bun felt like a rock in her stomach when she stood up to leave. This man had a way of making her feel like she should shake some sense into him. “I hope you kept the receipt for the coffee and bun.”

He looked up at her with furrows on his forehead. “Why?”

“Employer expense for business tax purposes.” She gathered her purchases, straightened her coat, stood her full five feet eight inches, and said, “I would have visited Frank because he’s a kind man, but if you’re bound and determined to give me money, I’m going to take it.”

“Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m just starting a new job and I have to find a place to live besides the hotel I’m in, as well as some other concerns. I’d feel more comfortable knowing someone who he likes will be there.”

“Yeah, and the man who is your father gets visited by paid help.”

She turned her back on him and marched toward the exit.
You insensitive jerk. You superior dweeb.
Where has he been?
Head buried in some research book. Didn’t he know people repay kindness with kindness?

The image that reflected in the glass exit door was very different from the woman who began this day. The pants were accordion-pleated across her thighs, cinnamon sugar sparkled on her chest, and her lipstick was gone. She held the door for a mother pushing a sleeping toddler in a stroller. Glancing over her shoulder, she shrugged.
I hope he’s asking because he loves his grandfather and for whatever reason he’s forgotten what small cities are all about
. She’d let Jake pay her, and then donate the amount to a charity in Frank’s name. He would never know until the receipt arrived, and then the Robin Smyth he knew would be gone.

Jake felt as if he’d been sucker-punched in the gut. Could the rumors about padding his expense account have followed him? Was it general news? No, it couldn’t be. He’d upset her again. He’d obviously touched on a sensitive issue.

He watched Robin’s generous hips sway while she labored around the sofas toward the doors. He wondered whether she had been ill and there was a reason for the wig. He witnessed her humiliation due of some designer’s idea of convenience to weld seats to tables so they what? Couldn’t be stolen, or so that the cleaners could mop under them in record time? The Bushmen, with whom he had lived for three months, believed all people were part of the world. Why hadn’t his society gotten it right?

He followed other shoppers through the mall door, jamming his hands into his jacket pockets as he headed for his car. He had meant to purchase gloves but Robin, with her dignity and generous nature, made him forget this practical need. She reminded him that he wanted to care about and handle essential matters, first. Right now the only thing he wanted to do was to be with his granddad as often as he could be.

The Mustang wanted to surge past the speed limit as he gripped the steering wheel and pressed his foot hard on the accelerator. He couldn’t be late for his appointment with his grandfather’s doctor. The reason must be important for the doctor to see him on the weekend.

Chapter 4

Robbie drove home and levered herself out of her car, then gathered her parcels and struggled up the walk to the front stairs, her purse and shopping bags dangling off her arm like charms on a bracelet. Mavis’s bangles had nothing on her now. Coffee, what was she thinking? She needed to go to the bathroom. The costume designer
had
suggested she minimize her fluid intake.

She kicked off her loafers, dropped everything, and hurried up the stairs while she grappled with her coat. When she reached the bathroom, she slid down the slacks and quickly undid the crotch snaps, pulled up her belly, and slid down the leggings.
Whew!

When she put herself back together, her shopping bags were tipped and spilled in her front entrance, just where she’d dropped them. She examined the emerald green long sleeve T-shirt. It was just the thing for her to wear for her first visit to see Frank in his environment. Even though Jake would think she’s doing a job, she wanted to go for Frank because at the end of his life, she reminded him of happier days.
Robbie, be honest, these visits will help your research as well.

She stripped off the sweatshirt, cut the tags from her new shirt, and slid the plus-sized garment over her head. She felt better already as she wound her scarf tight and put on her gloves. Her wig kept her head warm. Her coat was lightweight but with the extra padding over her body, she really didn’t need anything warmer.

As she locked her door, she saw Mrs. Mitchell’s curtain flip again.
I have to remember to phone her when I get back.
She gave a little wave and turned down the street to the entrance to the park, then down the paved walkway alongside the lake toward Care Manor. She and all of the residents in the Care Manor were neighbors. If she weren’t involved in this research, how long would it have taken her to come to this simple realization and drop in for a visit?

Every parking space was taken. Of course. Saturday afternoon, visiting hours. She looked around.
So any of you belong to Big Spender Jake? He probably drives an oversized pick-up truck to haul his load of assumptions with him.
She didn’t want to see him any time soon because she might just swing her satchel at him. It would have been easier if Frank had been outside, but he wasn’t. She checked her wig and makeup in the reflection on the glass front door. The thought of running naked in the snow kept resurfacing while rivulets of perspiration settled around her belly. The costume’s cleaning instructions were precise; she should wipe the inside down and then every other day rinse the body suit gently and hang to dry. Tonight was definitely a hang-to-dry evening.

Robbie signed the visitor book and with Frank’s room number on a piece of paper crushed in her palm, she plodded down the hall. The Candy Striper stopped her juice cart. “Are you all right, Miss? I can get you a wheelchair if it would make visiting easier. You’re looking very warm.”

Robbie pictured herself seated and with her arms stretched to the sides trying to roll the wheels and stay in a straight line. “Thank you for the offer, but I’m fine.” She directed every last bit of energy to her feet. If she’d stayed home with her feet up, she wouldn’t look as if she’d just completed a track run rather than a walk across the park. She’d have to sit while she visited with Frank.

When she reached his room, she tapped on the partially open door, then nudged it with her hip. The door swung open to Jake sitting in a lazy chair. The sweet greeting slipped back behind her lips and she felt every ounce of cotton and latex pulling at her muscles. Jake put a finger to his lips and pointed to the bed. She stood half in and half out of the room.

As if sensing her presence, Frank sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Don’t anyone ever let me sleep through company.”

Robbie focused on Frank, noting the lavender crescents settling under each puffy lower lid and the pale draped folds of skin stretched into a smile. She stepped forward and reached for Frank’s hand. “Hi. The geese send their greetings.” She smiled.
Fake it until you make it
. She leaned on the bed with gratitude, because the only visible chair had Jake with his half-baked ideas sitting in it.

“Hang your coat on the hook behind the door and sit yourself right up here beside me. It’s been a while since I’ve had a woman in my bed,” Frank chortled.

Exhaustion hung around her lips before she collected herself. She slipped out of her coat and hung it up. Then she hoisted her bottom toward the center of the bed and let her loafers fall to the floor. “Don’t mind if I do. It’s been awhile since I’ve crawled into a man’s bed while company looked on.”

Frank let out a huge laugh. “Jakey’s used to seeing me and his grandma in bed together.”

“Granddad, you know this is different,” Jake said as he leaned forward in the lazy chair. “Robin isn’t Grandma.” There was a hint of puzzlement under his words.

“Jackass.” Frank supported himself up on his elbows. “Wipe those lines from your forehead, boy. Of course I know that Robin isn’t your Grandma. I’m not senile, just dying.”

Robbie felt her grin widen. Poor Jake. Chump. Jackass. He’d been downgraded on the insult chain.

She drew a parcel from her oversized purple satchel. “Here, Frank. I thought you could do with some meat on your bones. People are always giving me chocolates. I’ve got pounds to spare.”

“Thanks. Turtles. My favorite. Want one, Jake?” Frank held the box with fragile fingers.

“My favorite, too.” He strolled over to the bed. “Push over, you two.”

“Snuggle in beside me, boy,” Frank said.

Robbie’s heart thumped like an uneven load of laundry in a spin cycle. She gripped the lowered bed rail. She could see herself rolling onto the floor with no way of getting up. “I’ll take the chair if you’re giving it up.”

“Haven’t you shared a bed with two men before?” Jake asked, eyebrow raised.

Two can play at whatever game he was into now. “Every day for a whole summer,” she said.

His mouth tightened at her response.

She smoothed her green T-shirt across her ample chest. “You don’t believe me.”

His thighs nudged the mattress. “It must have been a king-size bed.”

“No, just a double.” Her smile slipped its smirk when she watched the muscles in his thighs strain against the fabric of his pants when he placed one knee onto the mattress.

“No, wait. I was five and my cousins were three and four.”

“Okay, you two, remember there’s an old man who’s dying here. I take it back, Jake, there’s not enough room for all of us in this bed. One of you has got to go.”

Jake watched her for a few more seconds, then he reached into the box of chocolates and popped a turtle into his mouth before he sauntered back to the chair. After he settled back into it, she found herself mesmerized as he licked the tip of his thumb and index finger and winked. She crossed one ankle over the other and concentrated on the fringe of her scarf.
Naked in the snow bank, naked in the snow bank.
Was he flirting with her? Or had her heated body and perspiration shorted out some wires in her emotional circuits? She shrugged and hoped she didn’t look as confused as she felt.

She’d read books suggesting that when a woman wanted a man to notice her, she should mimic his movements. Her fingers wound around the bedspread to keep them away from her lips.
Did she really want him to notice her as a woman? Of course she did. In or out of disguise, she was a woman and he was a handsome man.
She lowered her eyelids and she brought her fingertip to her mouth and her tongue flicked over the tip.

“Robin, are you in there?”

When she turned back, Frank seemed to have been poking her arm, but it was difficult to feel through the cotton layers. She stared at the spot. “Ouch. Of course I’m here, where’d you think I was?” Though foreign to her true body, she reached over and rubbed her forearm.

If Frank hadn’t said something to her, she would have forgotten where she was and done something to blow her cover.

“Frank, when we met in the park, you said you were Frank by name and nature. Would you share some of your life stories with me?” she asked. “I’d like to visit more often and hear them.”

“Why’d you want to spend time with an old man when there are plenty of young men around?” He looked directly at Jake.

“I took a sociology course a few years back and the professor said we should know our elders, and it’ll help us understand who we are. My grandparents passed on before I asked them about their lives, so I thought I’d ask you.” She reached for his hand.

“Sure, girlie, you come around when you want to, and if I’m not visiting with the queen, I’d be glad to have a chat with you.” Then he looked over at Jake. “Guess I still have some usefulness left.”

“Of course you do, Granddad.” Jake leaned forward. “I came back so we can spend time with each other, too.”

“Robin, you know Jake here is a doctor. Doctor Proctor. Sure has a funny ring to it. Good thing you’re not a proctologist.” Frank gave another raucous laugh.

Jake grimaced. “You always enjoy a good word association, Granddad.”

“What kind of doctor are you?” Robbie asked, knowing full well, but having to keep up the guise.

Frank wiped his eyes and turned to her. “My boy here studies people.”

“A psychologist?” Robbie watched Jake.

“No, an anthropologist,” Frank said. “He goes away and writes about groups of people and their roots. Guess it will do me good to remember the past and maybe good for both of you to hear.” Frank sank back into his pillows with a sigh.

“As much as these two girls”—she patted her thighs— “enjoyed our little rest, we’ve got to get going. We’ve got things to do and people to see.” She levered her elbows into the hard plastic-covered mattress and managed to twist with a minimum of decorum, dangling her legs over the side of the bed.

Jake was at the bedside in a flash. “You’re wearing your new shoes.” He picked up her shoes and placed them on each foot. “I used to do this for Grandma when I was around. Remember, Granddad?”

“Said it made her feel like a princess, but she was really our queen.”

Robbie saw Frank’s throat muscles tighten as he swallowed hard.

She clasped Frank’s hand and kissed his cheek before sliding off the bed.

“See you guys,” she said as she folded her coat over her arm and then stepped into the cool corridor.

Jake took Robin’s place on the bed and draped his arm around Frank’s shoulders. “Granddad, do I have to sign any papers allowing Robin to visit whenever she can?”

“Ask at the information desk. It’d be nice if she came around. There’s something different about her.”

“You really miss Grandma.”

Frank sighed. “We were together a long time.”

“Are you strong enough to talk for a few minute?” Jake asked.

Frank snuggled against Jake’s arm. “Depends. No, I don’t need any.”

“Always the jokester.” Jake tapped Frank’s shoulder.

“Ouch.”

Jake jumped away.

“Just kidding.” A grin spread across Frank’s lips.

“What do you know about your leukemia?” Sometimes asking straightforward questions was the best way.

“So you’ve spoken with Dr. Alley,” Frank said softly. “I’m glad.”

“Thanks for having him call and giving permission for me to meet with him.”

“Thought it was easier if the news came from the doctor.” Frank closed his eyes and spoke. “My leukemia is acute. Didn’t know I had it. Thought I had the flu but when the blood work came back, the results said something else. Talked with the specialist and because I’m old . . .” He stopped and took a couple of deep breaths.

Jake waited, knowing what the doctor had told him, but also wanting to know how his grandfather interpreted the information.

“The chemotherapy doesn’t work well on us old guys as it does on the young. Besides, that toxic stuff is hard on the body. Doc said it wouldn’t give me much more time anyway. That what he told you?” Frank turned toward him.

Jake nodded. “Said you could have a year.”

Frank reached for Jake’s hand. “Or less. I asked for the palliative care route, where they take care of the pain and keep me comfortable.”

“I’ll be here making sure your wishes are met,” Jake said with conviction.

“Thanks, son. Now enough about me, tell me about your latest research.” Frank had a bluish tinge around his lips.

“I see you have the photo of me while I lived with !Kung San in the Kalahari Desert on your bulletin board, thanks. They’re an ancient culture of hunters and gatherers. Their language is hard to translate because it has a series of clicks and pops. It’s like listening to someone snapping their gum and talking.”

Frank’s eyes closed, but Jake continued, knowing he was listening. “They share any little food they have with everyone around, including strangers.”

“Grandma always served the best she could to company.”

“She sure did.” Jake remembered fresh buns at least once a week, homemade soups for lunch, and when company came, the table glowed like a buffet line.

Soon Frank’s mouth fell open and spittle settled in the corners of his lips. He was sound asleep. Jake leaned over and kissed his grandfather’s cheek. Frank and Mabel had always kissed each other before they left and kissed again on their return. Grandma always kissed him, too. His heart slowed. He hadn’t been kissed with such accepting love in a very long time.

Jake closed the door quietly and stopped at the administration office. He changed the first contact number to his cell, then the university, lastly the hotel. He reviewed all of the forms the doctor suggested and he wrote Robin’s name on the special visitor’s list.

When the front door slid open, Jake looked across to the park he saw the geese along the shore but the bench was empty. He hoped Robin Smyth would visit Frank often because he just couldn’t be there all the time. The doctor had been kind but firm that a year without treatment was optimistic. He’d pay whatever Robin wanted to be sure Frank didn’t spend too much time alone.