Woman Who Could Not Forget (56 page)

Two days later, August 31, was Christopher’s second birthday. In the morning, Iris and I took him to the Gymboree in the Westgate Mall. After that, she shopped in a party store and bought a dozen variously colored and shaped argon-filled balloons. We had a hard time squeezing the balloons into the car. Christopher sat in his rear car seat and was very happy, screaming “balloon, balloon.” Iris also ordered a big ice cream birthday cake.

In the evening, we all gathered in Iris’s town house, including Ken, Luann, and Michael. In spite of the house being filled with brightly colored balloons and gifts, there seemed a lack of celebratory atmosphere. Iris took many pictures of Christopher. It was a briefly happy occasion, but there was a sense of uncertainty in the air. This was the last birthday party Iris spent with Christopher. The next day, Ken and Luann left for Illinois.

Once Ken and Luann left, Iris went back to her own house to sleep. She said she had many things to do. She needed to find a preschool for Christopher right away, so he could play with other kids. Therefore, I devoted myself to helping her with that project. Finally, we found one located in the heart of a quiet residential area of Santa Clara, about a twenty-minute drive from home. Later, we took Iris and Christopher to visit the school; and on September 13, Iris enrolled Christopher in the preschool.

Iris was now seeing Dr. B once a week, and she persuaded him to reduce her dosage of Risperdal by half (1 mg from 2). From the very beginning, Iris did not like to take any drugs, and she kept trying to reduce the dosage or stop it entirely. The rest of the family was hoping that with the Risperdal, Iris would be less depressed, but to no avail: there was no difference.

On Wednesday, September 9, Iris took Christopher to see his doctor in Palo Alto, and I went along to help her. Christopher’s pediatrician was a woman doctor who had been seeing him since he was born. The doctor maintained that she did not think Christopher had autism, or at least she could not see it at this stage. She found that Christopher was physically healthy, except for an allergy problem. But she suggested that Iris consult an autism specialist, and gave her a number of names in an effort to ease her worry.

In the meantime, Iris could not sleep at night again in her house with Christopher next to her bedroom. Since Risperdal has a sedative effect, her sleep problems might have also been due to her decreased dosage. In any case, we suggested that she sleep in our house. Ping could come to work late in the afternoon and stay overnight to take care of Christopher. Ping said she would give it a try.

The next time Dr. B saw Iris, he learned that her condition had not improved and that her problem with insomnia had resumed with the reduced 1-mg dosage of Risperdal. He wanted to change the drug and prescribed a similar antipsychotic drug called Abilify (aripiprazole, from Bristol-Myers Squibb). I immediately searched for information about this drug on the Internet and found that it was a relatively new drug. Some users called it a wonder drug; others said it had serious side effects on them. Without knowing anything about antipsychotic drugs, we listened to the doctor. As soon as Iris took the Abilify, 10 mg, she became excessively sleepy. She could sleep for twelve hours or more straight. Iris now essentially lived with us in our house, so I carefully recorded the kind of drugs and the dosage she took and the effect of the drug on her. Later, I gave a copy of her medical chart to Brett so we both could monitor her medicine intake.

Iris was so sleepy on Abilify that she was not able to get up in the morning to take Christopher to preschool. So Shau-Jin and I took him to the preschool in the morning and picked him up in the afternoon. Iris yawned all the time and did not have any energy to work.

Then Ping said that she could not stay overnight five times a week. At best, she said, she could only work three nights a week. Shau-Jin and I also felt physically and mentally drained from taking care of Iris. Therefore, Brett called Luann in Illinois, and she agreed to come to help. Iris felt that her illness and inability to take care of Christopher was a burden to everyone, something she hated. I could see that she was very sad and that she felt helpless.

On Saturday, September 18, because Iris’s condition was not improving, Brett and I both called Dr. B to express our concerns. He immediately arranged a meeting that afternoon and asked all of us to come. That afternoon, since Luann had arrived from Illinois and could watch Christopher, we went with Iris and Brett to Dr. B’s office. He heard our briefing on Iris. We described that Iris could not get rid of her worries and her excessive drowsiness and lack of energy since she started taking the drug Abilify. Dr. B stunned us all with what he said next—in a very serious tone, he said he thought Iris’s condition was very grave, and he suggested that Iris check into a recovery facility. He said the facility was in Sausalito near the beach; it was quiet and ideal for mental patients to recuperate. As soon as Iris heard this, she immediately showed her disapproval. I could understand her suspicion of any facility designed for so-called “mental patients.” She had learned many historical instances of government persecution of political dissidents. One way was to put those dissidents into mental institutions and abuse them, sometimes leading to death. I did not blame her for her suspicions. She was already suspecting that evil forces were at work against her for what she had written and done in the name of justice.

She told Dr. B that she did not think her mental state was that bad and that she didn’t need to go to a recovery facility. Actually, I saw that Dr. B was fully aware of Iris’s sensitivity. He was very careful and had already avoided using the word “hospital” or “institution.” He pointed out that the facility was like a resort or a residential facility, except that there were supervisors overseeing the residents.

I was interested in finding some specialists in the psychiatric field who he could recommend to help Iris in her situation. Dr. B mentioned two psychiatrists at a local medical clinic.

The discussion in Dr. B’s office lasted nearly an hour and did not really get anywhere. When we all left the office, I saw that Iris was very alert and displeased. After we reached home, Iris told me that on the way home, she and Brett had already decided that Dr. B was too old and that they did not believe what he said. She was going to discontinue seeing him.

I was astounded to learn that she had made this decision just because he mentioned that she should check into a recovery facility. In spite of that, I told her that I thought Dr. B was quite kind to arrange a special meeting immediately on a Saturday afternoon and to voice his concern. However, Brett said he had lost confidence in Dr. B when Dr. B said “To be honest, I’ve never treated a patient like you before.”

I got busy looking into the background of two psychiatry specialists that Dr. B had recommended. It was a surprise to find that these two doctors specialized in electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), which was commonly known as electroshock treatment. My God, I said to myself, if I told this to Iris, it would further confirm her decision that she would never go to Dr. B again. Iris had told me a long time ago about how cruel it had been to use electroshock therapy to treat mental patients in the past.

Indeed, when I told her about what I had found out about the doctors, she was very upset and said, “Do you know this is a very old method for treating mental patients? There is tons of scientific evidence that has proved it’s ineffective. I could not imagine he would suggest that I go to see doctors using this kind of method. . . .”

Dr. B’s recommendation was only making her feel worse.

Dr. B was going to take a week-long vacation and, before he left, he asked Iris to see him after he came back from the trip. This gave Iris an excuse to avoid making a followup appointment with him, and she switched to another doctor.

In the September 18 meeting, to help Iris’s condition, Dr. B had prescribed the antidepressant drug Celexa (citalopram, from Forest Pharmaceuticals). He prescribed 5 mg of Celexa for Iris to take for four days, then increasing the dosage to 10 mg. This was in addition to the 10 mg of Abilify.

At this time, Iris was already experiencing the strong side effects of Abilify. Most obvious were her lack of energy and the fact that she was drowsy all the time. In addition, when she woke up from her daily nap, she complained that her shoulder and leg joints were sore, which were new symptoms that she thought likely to have been caused by the drug. I was quite worried about the side effects of Abilify and voiced my concern to Dr. B. He said the dosage was the lowest possible and that the side effects would gradually disappear. In retrospect, it appears to us that Abilify had a big impact on Iris’s mental state; it was a turning point in that her condition became worse after she started taking Abilify, and then later worsened even more with Celexa.

After Iris decided she was not going to see Dr. B anymore, Dr. A came back from his month-long vacation. Brett made an appointment for Iris to see him because we had not found another doctor yet. The appointment was on the evening of September 20. Since Brett would be out of town on that day, he asked us to take Iris to the appointment, which was at 8:15
P.M
. It was probably Dr. A’s last appointment for the day.

Dr. A let us all into his office, and he looked very tired. Perhaps that was why we felt that he was not very interested in hearing about Iris’s condition. Iris told him that she had seen Dr. B, but was not going to see him anymore and wanted to continue with
him,
Dr. A. Dr. A did not like the drug Abilify that Dr. B had prescribed, and said he would change Iris back to Risperdal, but he did not insist on changing back right away.

When the session was about to end after only ten or fifteen minutes, he reminded Iris to make the co-payment right there, just as before. This distressed us all, and we could not help getting the impression that he was more interested in the co-payment than anything else. When we walked out the office, we felt very disappointed because he had not been helpful at all.

After this meeting, I told Brett, who agreed with me, that we needed to find a board-certified, better, more concerned psychiatrist immediately.

Tuesday, September 21, was a day I would never forget. In the morning, after Luann and I took Christopher to the preschool, I went home; by this time Iris had gotten up, and she said she wanted to go to the post office and then the library. I wanted to go with her as usual, but she refused. I did not like her to drive by herself. The sedating side effect of the drugs was quite serious, making driving dangerous. However, she was upset because I was accompanying her everywhere and she felt I was following her too closely. She insisted on driving by herself to the library. I acquiesced and told her she needed to get home before 6
P.M
. She agreed.

I was uneasy all afternoon. Near 6
P.M
., I called Luann and learned that Iris had not returned home. Brett was in Ohio. I was so worried, I went to the entrance of our housing complex and stood at the side of the street and waited. I watched every passing car, hoping to see Iris’s car. I waited and waited and the day became dark, and I still had not seen Iris’s white Oldsmobile. I was almost going crazy with not knowing where she was.

At this point, I also called Brett in Ohio and told him what had happened and asked him what was the license number of Iris’s car. About 7
P.M
., we called the police and reported that Iris was missing and told them the car model and license number. Then at 7:30
P.M
., Iris called me. She sounded a little confused. She said that she had gone shopping and become tired, so she’d checked into a hotel to sleep. She said she had just woken up and realized that it was already evening. Her voice was soft and sounded a little guilty.

I comforted her and said it was all right. I asked whether she needed me to pick her up. She said she was in the nearby shopping square and would drive back home right away. We waited another half hour before she showed up. She was all right, but she looked very confused. Several minutes later, two police officers arrived at her home. We explained to them that Iris had just returned and we were so sorry to have bothered them. The police did ask Iris a number of questions before they left.

During the police questioning, Iris told them that she was fine without giving any details. After they left, Iris told us that she had checked into a hotel, and she thought she had swallowed some sleeping pills, and she wanted to go to the hospital for a checkup. We were very confused and wondered whether what she was saying was true or not. Shau-Jin and I asked her many questions, and she said she had indeed taken sleeping pills in the hotel.

By this time, Michael had arrived; we had told him about Iris being missing. We decided that what Iris had told us was true, so Michael drove us all to a local hospital’s emergency room. On the way, Iris told us that she was really not sure whether she had taken the sleeping pills or not. From her appearance, she seemed normal and sober and not under any influence of any drugs. At the ER, while waiting in the doctor’s office, she told me again that she could not remember whether she had taken the sleeping pills or not. When the doctor finally came, he examined her and asked a few questions. The doctor concluded that she had not taken any sleeping pills and said that if she had, she would not have been as sober as she was. I was puzzled as to what had really happened while she was in the hotel.

Several days later, we found a big unopened bottle of vodka in her kitchen cabinet. Later, we realized that she had indeed made her first suicide attempt in the hotel. She’d bought the vodka and sleeping pills and checked into a hotel, but then she must have fallen asleep in the hotel, perhaps due to her prescription medications. In the end, she did not take the sleeping pills nor the vodka. When she woke up, she was not sure herself whether she had taken the pills. At the time, we still had not realized the strong side effects psychiatric drugs could have on a person’s mental function, nor the possibility that they could cause or amplify thoughts of suicide. We now know that the Abilify Web site warns that the drug “can affect your judgment, thinking, or motor skills,” as well as the side effects of increasing the risk of suicide, drowsiness, anxiety, and muscle stiffness, and the Celexa Web site warns about suicide, anxiety, and akathesia (a dangerous agitation associated with self-destructive or aggressive impulses).