Words to Tie to Bricks (17 page)

Act One, Scene Three

A ballroom. Enter Wellington, soldiers, guards, various other nobles/ladies. Music plays and they dance, Wellington with a well-dressed lady. Then enter General Henry
Percy

Percy
: General Wellington. May I take you aside for a moment?

Wellington
: This is hardly the best of times. May it wait until the dancing concludes?
(Twirls lady around)

Percy
: Forgive me, sire, but this is extremely urgent. It cannot wait.

Wellington
:
(Sighs)
Very well, General Percy. Forgive me, madam.
(Hastily)
Don’t stop on account of my absence, gentlemen.
(They go
aside)
What news do you bear?

Percy
: We have just received a dispatch about this ghost French army of yours.

Wellington
: I see. What ...?

Percy
: It is not fictitious.

Wellington
:
(Lowering voice)
What in God’s name are you talking about?

Percy
:
(Grim)
The skirmishers you sent out earlier returned. There is indeed an army and it is indeed heading for Brussels.

Wellington
:
(Curses under breath)
I didn’t say so but I indeed hoped that Prussian was a deceiver. A hope proved false, however. What does this
army consist of?

Percy
: As yet, no solid evidence. Their –

[A Noble approaches]

Noble
:
(in heavy Dutch accent)
Oh most honourable General Wellington, the Duchess asks I bring you this way. She requests you sample the crab devilled
eggs which I understand are –

Wellington
:
(snarl)
Tell the Duchess I am, ah, currently engaged. I shall sample finger food later.
(turns away pointedly)

Percy
: I’ve quite lost my train of thought.
(Pauses)
Ah yes. Their camp was heavily fortified and they dared not risk detection in broad
daylight. However, they heard mention from a sentry of a large number of artillery batteries and the presence of the Imperial Guard.

Wellington
: Dammit! The Guard goes where Bonaparte goes. And that man has his artillery, as always.
(Amazed, shakes head)
How in the name of God could
they have assembled an army so fast without our knowledge?

[Enter General Thomas Picton, covered in blood. Music stops abruptly. Everyone stares at Picton. Loud muttering in background]

Murmur in background: That gentleman has spoiled the dancing.

Picton
:
(Bows before Wellington. Out of breath, wildly gesticulating)
General! Your Grace! My division has just received word of a message from
Blücher. The French are near and they can see the light of their fires. They are planning an assault at dawn! The Prussians are fortified but are unlikely to hold indefinitely. Your Grace,
Blücher requests word of your plans. I departed immediately with my staff but ran into some cavalry buggers! I must say –

Wellington
: General Picton, please calm down! You are babbling like an infant!
(Glances around, appears to notice whole room staring at him)
Worry
not, this is confidential but completely unimportant business, ladies and gentlemen. My comrade is often thus and
(with air of telling a joke)
hath been from his youth. Pray you, keep
seat. The fit is momentary; upon a thought he will again be well. If much you note him, you shall offend him and extend his passion.
(Eyebrows raised, waving hand. Crowd chuckles
appreciatively)
But please! Return to your gaiety, pay us no attention.
(Beckons Percy and Picton into a corner, speaks more quietly)
Very well, now I must see a map before doing
anything.

Picton
: I brought one along.
(Pulls out map that is projected for audience)
Now, Ligny is here. Could the Emperor’s plan be to capture there,
then regroup his forces and assault Brussels?

Wellington
:
(puzzled)
No ... No. That can’t be right. Something else is happening. Why would the bloody Frog focus on Ligny? It’s a very
small town that isn’t anywhere near Brussels; in fact, it’s nearer the Prussian border, look. No, the only reason he would go there would be to dislodge the Prussians. But if
they’ve advanced this far without detection, presumably they know of the way our army isn’t condensed and is therefore extremely weak. But why would he just demonstrate to us where he
is and give us time to prepare defences? Could it be possible his army is in two sections and can therefore launch two simultaneous attacks?

Percy
: Two French armies hitherto undiscovered? Come now, your Grace, that is a bit ...
(Moves hands, searches for words)

Wellington
:
(Quietly, bordering on discernible whisper)
By God, Napoleon has humbugged me.

Picton
: It makes sense! That’s his plan, same as always! Attack both at once, stop us doing the same. Many old soldiers re-enlisted under King Louis
XVIII during his short-lived reign and plenty of new volunteers would have joined Bonaparte –

Wellington
:
(snarl, suddenly furious)
I couldn’t give a damn about the French fixation with Bonaparte, Thomas! For all intents and purposes,
this bugger that crawled out of his pit for the first time in eleven months is presently leading at least one enormous army straight through Belgium soil, without our knowledge until today while
our forces are spread halfway across the goddamn CONTINENT! It defies any rule of war ever written, even his own!
(Petty, almost childish)
It ... It’s not fair.

Picton
: The situation is dire, sir, but getting snappish at us shall not help in any way, with all due respect. Nor will classifying the situation in terms of
‘fairness’. Were the situation fair, we would be back in London now, not in a foreign land. Were the situation fair, Bonaparte would have kept himself to himself on Elba. Were the
situation
fair
, we would not be discussing fairness now!

Wellington
:
(breathing heavily)
Yes ... I apologise. Suppose we are right and he has divided his army. Whom would he trust with such a paramount
task?

Picton
: What about Marshal Ney? Bonaparte could quite easily have delegated him such an undertaking. They achieved the impossible in Russia together for a very
long time.

Wellington
: What did Ney’s reaction to Napoleon’s return appear to be?

Percy
: From what information we’ve managed to glean, Ney was ordered to lead an army to either kill or apprehend Bonaparte when he returned from Elba.
However, when he was sighted, the Monster somehow turned the tables and inspired his entire army to his cause. Though I’m certain Ney privately disliked this, he surrendered his sword and
allowed Bonaparte to take overall command again. It was partially on his suggestion that he abdicate in the first place, bear in mind. Ney is a true militarist; he serves France. He has never shown
loyalty toward one specific leader.

Wellington
: I suppose I must commend the bugger for that.
(Desperately)
Is there any way at all this can be turned to our advantage, in your
opinions?

Picton
:
(Shakes head slowly)
Ney is not quite as competent a military leader as Bonaparte but just as ambitious and abhorrent. There’s no way in
hell he’ll back down unless either defeated in battle or ordered by the Emperor directly. No matter how you look at it, your Grace, we have to engage them.

Percy
:
(Quietly)
In all realism, your Grace, we may actually have a slight advantage in that Ney and Bonaparte’s forces are separated. If they
should join, they will quite literally annihilate us.

Wellington
: Let’s say we assume we’re right about all this. If we are, the only liable target of Ney’s would be the crossroads at Quatre
Bras. They can’t get to Brussels without somehow going around us, and the French never were buggers for stealth. Besides, I personally feel Napoleon himself would insist on leading that
siege. However ... Quatre Bras. It’s an incredibly strategic position.

Percy
: We may be mistaken, your Grace. Perhaps –

Wellington
: No, it’s Quatre Bras, it must be! For one thing, it’s on the main Brussels road. Secondly, that crossroads is the route for our
supplies. Food, gunpowder, medical supplies, everything ... it’s all brought down that road. Should it fall, we may as well consider ourselves under siege. We must fight for that place,
gentlemen, and either win or die fighting!

Percy
: Sire, no doubt Ney’s army is not as large or as formidable as the Emperor’s, but they will almost certainly still outnumber and outgun the
forces we have in Belgium.

Wellington
: Henry, send word to the Earl of Uxbridge. He is currently leading the Union and Household brigades to assist Blücher. Somehow they’ll
have to do without – we need them back here right away. Go now.

Percy
: Yes sir.

[Exit Percy]

Wellington
: Thomas, go see the Prince of Orange. Quite frankly, I’d rather not rely on the Dutch but they do have a reasonably sized army. Send him to
me. Also fetch whoever leads that miserable Belgian army. We need their assistance too. Lastly, find Major Bentley and Sergeant Frederick. They were instructed by Orange to attend.

[Exit Picton]

Wellington
:
(Addressing audience)
Oh, what a calamity. What in God’s name are we going to do? I’m merely fooling myself by thinking we can
hold the crossroads under these conditions. If France is a snake, Napoleon Bonaparte is the tongue. No matter how many times we defeat him, crush him, he merely slips out again. In Spain, he seemed
unstoppable, pushing my forces aside with ease. We did however beat him back over his iced Pyrenees but any thought of it ending there was a child’s daydream. All of Eastern Europe was
humbled into conceding they were, in fact, French. Then the snake slithered over the motherland, toward the Russian capital, where it finally lost its momentum. It crept back on itself while more
and more of its tail was removed, until it was merely the head and top of its neck. We removed the head finally, locked it away for eleven months. But the sly creature never died, merely bided his
time; allowing poison to replenish in his fangs. BONAPARTE WILL NEVER AGAIN DOMINATE EUROPE. Such may not be decided tomorrow, or the next day, or next week or in a thousand and one nights; but
history will, at some stage, decide on our behalf.

[Enter Prince of Orange]

Orange
: Most noble Viscount Wellington, what may I –

Wellington
: Duke, boy, Duke! Do you never read the news?

Orange
: I wholeheartedly apologise, your Grace. Now what is the meaning of this audience? I am supposed to be dancing with the –

Wellington
: As you have undoubtedly heard, however late, Napoleon Bonaparte has returned from exile. What you have undoubtedly not heard is that he invaded
Belgium earlier today. Britain and Belgium require Holland’s assistance to stamp out this attack.

Orange
: Sir, you must understand that my nation is ill prepared for war and indeed my army is worse prepared for battle.

Wellington
: Prince, around the time you were still at school, your, ah, prosperous nation was allied to France. Calling itself the Batavian Republic. Do you
recall such a time?

Orange
: Yes, sir, of course, but –

Wellington
: What you may not recall was that it was not, per se, a republic, indeed, I daresay, almost the exact opposite. Bonaparte thundered orders from
Paris, threatening annihilation if not instantly obeyed. When you were annexed by Britain and became the United Netherlands, the Frog was furious at having lost one of his backyard puppet states.
Should Brussels fall at any point in the future weeks, Amsterdam will be his next objective – and he will not let it slip through his fingers again. You do not even want to entertain the
notion of what the revised regime would be like, mark my words on that.

Orange
:
(Pale faced)
You will have full assistance from Holland, sire. I promise you that.

Wellington
: I thought as much. Goodbye.

[Exit Orange, enter Bentley]

Wellington
: Major Bentley, good evening. I am afraid we have a problem. Napoleon has invaded Belgium and is headed for Quatre Bras as we speak. I have had to
request help from the Prince of Orange and his army. Now
(smiles grimly)
Orange is not a competent commander and last time he led a battle he managed to cause far, far more trouble then he
solved. We are going to engage the French tomorrow and, as you are the largest British representative on Orange’s staff, I am delegating you the task of double-checking his orders.
Irritatingly, I can’t authorise you the power to veto his decisions, but if he orders something absurd, you are to come directly to me. Any questions?

Bentley
: Your Grace, what exactly do you define as absurd?

Wellington
: Between you and me, Major, with a lot of work and excellent mentors, the Prince might make a half-decent lieutenant or a captain, perhaps. He is
certainly not fit for leading an army of any kind, let alone the only one that can repel an invasion by Napoleon. I would like you to stay with Sergeant Frederick and observe the Prince. Do not
make it obvious however, unfortunately, we need to co-operate almost perfectly with the Dutch for the duration of the war and letting my doubts on to him would be the equivalent of begging for
trouble. You follow?