Worse Than Being Alone (26 page)

Meadow had finally moved past the first stage of
denial into a full-blown second stage of not just anger, but
absolute rage. No one had been spared her wrath, especially the
burn unit staff. We talked for several minutes, but she flew into a
rage when a nurse came to tell her she couldn’t see her mom for a
few minutes because they were putting in a new central line.

The next minute, she was sobbing and I hugged her,
feeling totally impotent. Her fiancé arrived just as the nurse
returned and she took them back for a visit. I left the hospital
but the feelings of impotence and depression lingered.

I pulled up Roni’s name from the menu and pressed
her name.

“
Hey, Kitty, how’s it going?” she
asked.

“
It’s going fine. Mostly, I’ve
been playing catch-up with phone calls and reports, but I just
visited Meadow at the hospital.”

“
I hear you,” she said. “I’ve been
doing the same thing so I can get to Sikeston on Monday. How is
Meadow?”

“
Not good. She knows it’s only a
matter of time.”

“
That’s a tough place to be,” she
said.

“
She’s firmly in the anger
phase.”

“
Everyone moves through the stages
at her own pace,” she said. On another subject, was Paul OK with
backing off Sloan?”

“
Yeah, he seems to be chilling out
a little. Say, have you noticed anyone following you?”

“
No, I don’t think so,” she said.
“Are you being followed?”

“
Maybe. When I was out with Lionel
yesterday, we thought we spotted a black SUV tailing us. They broke
it off right away so I’m not sure.”

“
I’ll pay more attention,” she
said. “I wonder who would follow us?”

“
That’s what I keep wondering. You
know, we keep following Sloan to that same bank. Lionel and I are
starting to think he’s casing it.”

“
As in robbing it?” she
asked.

“
Yeah, I know he’s kind of young.
We’re going to put a GPS tracker on the truck and see what
happens.”

“
Why not?” she asked. “Paul would
probably give us a bonus.”

“
Oh well, we’ll see you
Sunday.”

“
See you then,” she
said.

I pulled in front of Lionel’s house and got out of
the car. I was pulling my bag out of the backseat when Sophie and
Bella, dressed in identical pink bathing suits and clogs, bounded
down the walk. We shared hugs and they talked non-stop as we walked
into the house.

Lionel walked out of the kitchen
with two Corona’s and a big smile on his face. He was wearing his
Hawaiian shirt and a bathing suit. We followed the girls out to the
heated pool and sipped our beer while the girls played Marco Polo
in the water.

“
Did you manage to get the GPS on
Sloan’s car?”

“
Yeah, I went this morning,” he
said. “I’ve been following his movements. The monitor seems to be
working great. He hasn’t gone anywhere near the bank so
far.”

“
I called his employer this
morning and told him we were working some other files for a few
days. I told him I’d call back on Monday and we would regroup
then.”

“
He’s already got enough to cut
Sloan off, right?” Lionel asked.

“
Yeah, I think he’s just really
mad. This will give him a couple of days to cool off a little
bit.”

“
It will also give Sloan a crack
at the bank,” he said. “I mean, if that’s his plan. Anybody follow
you today?”

“
Not that I could pick up. Maybe
we’re just being paranoid.”

“
What cases are you working on
that might result in a tail?” he asked.

“
There’s Sloan and Ho for
starters. Of course, it could be someone from another case we
haven’t even thought of.”

“
What about Marian or someone
connected to her?” he asked. “Has Roni noticed anyone following
her?”

“
I asked her if she noticed
anything. She didn’t seem to think she was being
followed.”

“
Well, keep looking and be careful
where you go,” he said.

“
Yeah, I will. I worry I might not
be able to spot the tail. If they use a lot of vehicles, it’s hard
to pick up.”

“
Hey, Kitty,” Bella said as she
got out of the pool and grabbed my hand. “Come on, it’s time for
you to get in the pool with us.”

“
OK, let me get my suit on,” I
said as I stood up and walked into the house.

The evening seemed to fly as we played volleyball in
the pool with a beach ball and ate pizza as the Tiki torches on the
patio blazed with light over the sparkling water. I ended up
sleeping in the living room with the girls in a borrowed Barbie
sleeping bag.

I was totally disoriented when I heard a ringing
sound in the dark, open space. I wasn’t sure if it was the GPS
monitor or my cell phone that was begging for attention as my eyes
adjusted. I staggered over to the other side of the room to see if
Thomas Sloan was on the move or if some other unpleasant reality
demanded my attention.

Chapter Forty-Six

After stumbling around Lionel’s living room in the
dark for several minutes, I finally turned on a table lamp and
checked the GPS monitor first. Nothing happening there. My cell
phone was on the charger right next to the GPS monitor. When I
pressed the on button, I noticed a voice mail message from Meadow.
I unhooked the cell from the charger and took the phone out by the
pool.

Thirty minutes later, I was on my way to the
hospital. Beverly Knull’s DIC had progressed to the point where
transfusions couldn’t keep up with the bleeding. I parked in the
visitor’s lot and hurried up the stairs, unwilling to wait for the
slow pace of the elevators.

Meadow, her fiancé, and her brothers and sisters
were huddled in a corner of the room near the windows. We had a
group hug and then mindful of the younger children, Meadow and I
went out of the waiting room to discuss Beverly’s status.

“
Her heart has stopped twice this
morning,” Meadow said tearfully. “They keep coming out and asking
if I still want them to resuscitate her. So far, I’ve said yes but
I got to tell you I’m having reservations. What’s going to
happen?”

“
Eventually they won’t be able to
restart her heart.”

“
Maybe I should just let them
stop,” she said. “What do you think?“

“
It’s not my place to advise you
on that, Meadow. Do you feel like you and your brothers and sisters
have had an opportunity to say goodbye? That’s the real
issue.”

“
I keep trying to keep them out of
there to protect them,” she said. “Maybe that’s the wrong thing to
do now. Maybe I should tell them to stop. We could go in and pray
and be together when she dies.”

“
Your mother would be so proud of
you, Meadow. You’ve taken care of your family and looked out for
your mother’s best interests. I can’t imagine anyone being a better
daughter or advocate.”

I hugged Meadow, who couldn’t seem to stop sobbing.
Finally, she asked me to send her fiancé out. I stayed with her
siblings until they came back into the waiting room. Meadow didn’t
even have a chance to speak before the doctor walked into the
waiting room. He took a seat, looking at all the survivors, trying
to figure out what to say.

“
Look,” he finally said. “We just
got her heart going again, but she is very weak and I don’t think
she’ll survive the next episode.”

“
We want to go in all together and
be with her,” Meadow said. “We want to pray and hold hands. No more
resuscitation attempts.”

“
I’ll take you all in there,” he
said as he stood.

“
I’ll wait out here,” I said as
Meadow squeezed my hand and led her siblings into the
unit.

I’ve never been good at sitting out any kind of
tense situation, so I left the waiting room and paced back and
forth outside the unit. There was a wall of windows; I stopped long
enough to watch an old woman using a walker make her way from the
visitor’s lot to the front entrance. She looked frail, but she
seemed to possess a steely determination to make it into the
hospital to visit someone, reminding me of just how powerful love
can be.

I turned around when I heard the doors to the unit
pop open and spotted Meadow and her entourage coming through the
doors. They looked sad but united, holding hands and letting the
tears flow.

Meadow thanked me and promised to call me regarding
funeral arrangements. I called and left a message for the adjuster
regarding Beverly Knull’s status. I wanted to be sure the death
benefits started immediately for the Knulls.

As I walked to my car, I thought it seemed wrong
somehow that the sun was shining so brightly without a cloud in the
sky. I climbed in my red car, put the top down, and called Lionel.
I picked up Subway for all of us and we ate out by the pool. Sophie
and Bella seemed to sense my sadness by clinging and telling me
jokes only a 5 year-old could love. Finally, they jumped in the
pool to resume their game.

“
How bad was it?” Lionel
asked.

“
As bad as it gets. I’m sure you
remember. It’s hardest on the kids, I think.”

“
I agree,” he said. “Time does
help.”

“
Being around two little girls so
full of life helps, too.”

The girls weren’t having any part of swimming alone
indefinitely. They grabbed our hands and soon after we were playing
volleyball in earnest. The afternoon flew by and we got cleaned up
and took the girls to P.F. Chang’s, where we had egg rolls, lettuce
wraps, General Tso’s chicken, and sesame chicken.

We went back to Lionel’s house and watched Toy Story
Three, a great movie for all. By 10 o’clock that night I was back
in my Barbie sleeping bag, exhausted both emotionally and
physically. I slept soundly until an alarm sounded again somewhere
in the darkness.

Chapter Forty-Seven

Lionel had opted to sleep on the couch, convinced
Thomas Sloan would make his move on Saturday night. Since I was
tangled up in my Barbie sleeping bag, it was Lionel who turned off
the GPS alarm. He turned on a table lamp near where I was sleeping,
and the first thing I saw was Barbie’s smiling face on which I had
drooled heavily.

I finally got free of the sleeping bag, checked on
the still sleeping girls and followed Lionel into the kitchen. He
called his mom, who agreed to come over and we went upstairs to get
dressed. Dark shirts, jeans, and black watch hats were the uniform
of the night.

Lionel’s mom arrived and we were back in Lionel’s
Pilot with the GPS monitor, trying to figure out where Thomas Sloan
was headed. There was no moon so the darkness seemed impenetrable.
It had cooled off considerably. I was shaking slightly, unsure if
it was the temperature, not being fully awake, or the thrill of the
chase.

“
What do you think?” Lionel
asked.

“
He’s getting on highway 64. He
could be headed for the bank.”

“
Part of me doesn’t believe it,”
Lionel said as he got on the highway from the opposite
direction.

“
We’ve got the binoculars. We can
watch from a distance when we figure out where he’s
going.”

“
We’ll have to find a vantage
point where no one can see us,” Lionel said.

“
I’ve been thinking about that.
You know, there’s that park on the other side of the street from
the bank. I think we could park there and pick a spot in the
trees.”

“
Good idea,” Lionel said as he
whistled. “He’s getting off. That’s the right exit for the
bank.”

“
OK, he’s stopped. Let’s wait a
minute to be sure he’s parked. Then we can pull in behind him and
get the tracker.”

The truck remained in place, a red dot flashing. We
had pulled over in a semi-residential area. After a few minutes,
waiting became intolerable for me.

“
Let’s do it. We can swing by and
always leave if he’s still in the truck.”

“
How do you make it through
stakeouts?” Lionel asked.

“
Not well. I get antsy almost
immediately.”

“
OK, let’s go,” he said as he
started the Pilot and headed for the flashing dot.

The traffic was sparse at 2 a.m., which was a cause
for concern. We turned down the residential streets until we
spotted the red truck parked in front of a house at the end of the
block. There were plenty of other vehicles parked on the street so
the truck didn’t stand out. We couldn’t see any sign Sloan was
still in the truck when we pulled in behind and killed the lights.
Lionel took a small penlight, climbed out, crouched under the
truck, and retrieved the tracker.

I had slipped into the driver’s seat. I pulled away
as soon as Lionel was back in the Pilot. I drove two streets away
before I turned the headlights back on. I headed out of the
residential area back to the main road where the bank was located,
careful to be sure I wasn’t exceeding the speed limit.

“
So far so good,” Lionel said.
“I’m glad we got the tracker.”

“
The turn is coming up, isn’t
it?”

“
Yeah, it’s kind of hard to see,”
Lionel said as he craned to look on the other side of the
street.