Worse Than Being Alone (5 page)

My first thought when I saw her could be summed up
as: way overdressed. We were, after all, in the middle of what I
always thought of as butt fuck. Even if you insisted on the cleaned
up version, the boonies, clearly it was impossible to reconcile her
attire with an area of the country where a loud boom made everyone
wonder whose meth lab just went up in flames. Marian was wearing a
black suit with a white frilly blouse visible underneath. She even
wore a black hat, which I hadn’t seen anyone wear since I was a
child.

Every finger seemed to have a different colored ring
on it and a strand of white pearls adorned her neck. I glanced at
Harley, whose mouth seemed to have fallen open. I wasn’t sure if
the jewelry, the hat, or the cumulative effect of everything caused
his reaction. Billy and Marian stepped up on the porch, waiting for
someone to make a move. Roni surreptitiously stepped on Harley’s
foot, a signal for him to close his mouth.

“
Dad, Marian, it’s good to see you
again,” Roni said as she stepped forward and hugged her father. She
stuck out her hand to Marian, who reacted by stepping forward and
grabbing Roni, hugging her with a furious intensity almost as if
she knew what was coming and was trying to ward it off.

“
Marian, this is my husband
Harley,” Roni said as she stepped back and Harley stuck his hand
out, clearly hoping to avoid a hug. Marian smiled and shook
Harley’s hand.

“
This is my best friend, Kitty
Talty,” Roni said. I duplicated Harley’s move and shook Marian’s
hand.

“
Let’s go in and have a drink,”
Roni suggested as we all walked into the house.

After several glasses of wine for courage, I was
ready to begin my interrogation. We were seated at the dinner
table, digging into Harley’s smoked ribs when I blurted out my
first question.

“
So, Marian,” I said. “I noticed
you had a hint of an accent. Where were you born?”

“
That’s my southern accent,”
Marian said. “I’m old school so this lady isn’t going to tell you
what year that was. So, are you also a nurse, Kitty?”

“
Yeah, Roni and I have been best
friends since high school,” I said. “You know, I would have guessed
that accent was from Kentucky. I have relatives there.”

“
Well, I left home when I was 19,”
she said. “Accents get diluted after 40 years.”

“
How about more ribs, Marian?”
Harley asked.

“
No thank you, Harley,” Marian
said. “Aren’t you a sweetheart. I’m glad Roni snagged
you.”

“
Yeah, there was a huge line of
women trying to snatch Harley,” I said as Marian glared at me and
Harley laughed.

Marian miscalculated when she glared at me. I’m sure
the desired result was my silence but that look only spurred me on.
After all, I wasn’t really part of the family so I didn’t have to
play nice in this sandbox.

“
So, Marian, have you ever been
married?” I asked as sudden silence descended in the
room.

“
I’m a widow,” Marian said sadly.
“Like Billy, I lost my spouse.”

“
So, you were only married once?”
I asked.

“
How about some more potato salad,
Kitty?” Billy asked as he stared at me and handed me the bowl. I
took that as an unspoken message to stop.

I was considering my next move
when the sound of mooing interrupted the conversation. We all
strained to hear and were rewarded with more mooing that seemed
ominously close. Everyone left the table and headed for the porch.
A small herd of cows had taken up residence in the front yard. They
seemed to be as curious about us as we were about them. The great
cow stare down had begun.

“
I smell a rat,” Harley said.
“Kitty, did you have something to do with this?”

“
You’re just being paranoid,
Harley,” I said. “You know how I feel about cows.”

“
You didn’t answer my question,”
Harley said.

“
They’re staring at us,” Roni
said.

“
Where did they come from?” I
asked.

“
They probably belong to the
Cowens,” Harley said. “I’ll go call them.”

“
I don’t like the way they’re
staring at me,” I said. “It really creeps me out.”

“
They keep mooing,” Marian said.
“It’s like they’re talking to each other.”

“
I don’t like the way that one
over there is looking at me,” I said. “I think that one is telling
the rest of them my butt looks big.”

“
Moooo,” the cow closest to the
house intoned as the others joined in.

“
Shoo,” Roni said as she waved her
arms and came down the stairs in an attempt to get the interlopers
to leave.

This only resulted in another loud chorus of mooing
as none of the beasts seemed inclined to move even an inch.
Previously, my cow viewing had all been from a distance. I found
this up close and personal contact unsettling. I kept getting the
sense that just as we were standing there talking about them, they
were also sharing an opinion about us. Saturday night in the
country; wahoo, gotta love it.

Chapter Seven

What a glorious early morning sight, Roni Edelin
thought as she sipped coffee from a huge mug while standing on her
porch the next morning. The leaves on the trees had almost achieved
their fullest potential and everything was in bloom; daffodils
waving back and forth, dogwoods and redbuds the most dominant
feature of every copse in sight. Spring had always been her
favorite season.

Roni loved the country. There were times when she
tired of the way everyone always seemed to be prying into her
business, but Roni couldn’t imagine living in St. Louis like Kitty.
She understood Kitty’s feelings; Kitty had moved here in high
school and, as such, had never really been accepted. She was still
considered an outsider.

That wasn’t the case for Roni. The land she was
standing on had been in her mother’s family for a hundred years.
With the exception of Billy, all her relatives either lived or were
buried nearby. And now that she was about to become a grandmother,
the cycle would continue.

“
Hey, breakfast is ready,
Grandma,” Harley said as he stuck his head out of the
slider.

Roni joined him in the small breakfast room, grabbed
the coffee pot, and poured them both another cup of coffee. “I
can’t believe we’re going to be grandparents,” she said, recalling
their daughter Emma’s phone call informing them of her
pregnancy.

“
I’m excited,” Harley
said.

“
I’m not sure how I feel about
becoming a grandmother.”

“
It’ll be great,” Harley
said.

“
I’m glad the cows are gone.
They’re really noisy and they tore up the yard.”

“
The Cowens weren’t too happy when
I called them last night,” Harley said. “They tried to tell me they
weren’t their cows. I told them that was fine. We could use the
meat and we’d have them all butchered.”

“
That explains why they were here
at first light. Did they figure out how they got out?”

“
They found a place along the
fence line that had been knocked down,” Harley said. “I still think
Kitty is involved somehow.”

“
May be you’re just feeling guilty
because you torment her so much.”

“
Well, she’s going to try to get
even,” Harley said.

“
That’s a given but I’m not sure
she’d use cows. She seemed freaked out last night when she saw them
in the yard.”

“
How do you think it went?” Harley
asked.

“
I think we may have overplayed
our hand. It’s possible Billy might think we were picking on
Marian.”

“
The arrival of the cows kept it
from getting too bad,” Harley observed. “That seemed to end the
inquisition. Still, Marian might be smart enough to make Billy feel
guilty.”

“
I can’t make up my mind about
her. I think my people radar is off.”

“
That’s because this is personal,”
Harley said. “You want your dad to be happy, but the child inside
doesn’t want daddy to be with another woman.”

“
Well, Harley Edelin, sometimes
you dazzle me with insights.”

“
That’s what us macho, silent
types do,” he said.

“
OK, that’s a little over the
top.”

“
You know, I’ve been thinking,”
Harley said, trying to change the subject. “I’m a little worried
about Kitty and this cyber dating thing. Our little Kitty has
turned into a swan. I just hope she’s careful. You still headed to
Barnes Hospital tomorrow?”

“
Yeah, as soon as we finish
breakfast.”

“
Is this guy going to end up being
pissed off at you?” Harley asked. “I’ve heard some of the phone
messages you get.”

“
Those messages are from people
who aren’t interested in getting better,” Roni said. “Their goal is
to delay treatment and avoid going back to work at all
costs.”

“
How is this guy at Barnes
different?”

“
This young man has had his whole
life turned upside down. These kinds of injuries keep me honest. I
do my best work on cases like this. I can get him into the best
rehab facility in the area and help him and his wife
adjust.”

Chapter Eight

Billy Diamond thought dinner in Hillsboro had been
tough, but he had a vague premonition that breakfast in Alton might
also be a challenge. Marian was on her way over but there had been
a distinct tone in her voice when she called. Red flags seemed to
be flying around the kitchen as Billy whipped up pancake batter,
sausage and eggs, and another pot of coffee.

Marian had been quiet on the ride back from Roni’s
the night before and had refused to spend the night, which was
Marian’s typical tactic when she was mad about something. Billy had
just finished putting all the food on the table when he heard the
doorbell. A subdued Marian stood in the doorway when he opened the
door.

“
Good morning, Marian,” Billy said
as he waved her in.

“
Good morning, Billy,” she said as
she allowed Billy to kiss her on the cheek and they walked back to
the kitchen.

“
Would you like some coffee?”
Billy asked.

“
That would be fine,” Marian said
as she sat down.

Billy brought two steaming mugs to the table and sat
down, allowing the passing of food to replace dialogue. The silence
seemed to go on a long time with Billy trying his best to avoid
looking at Marian. Eventually, the pancakes had been buttered and
lathered with syrup, the sausage had been cut into bite-sized
pieces, and the eggs had been salted and peppered. Before he began
to eat, Billy made the mistake of looking at Marian. Silent tears
were running down her cheeks, making a mess of her heavily applied
make-up.

“
Good grief, what’s wrong Marian?”
Billy asked as he grabbed Marian’s hand.

That simple question broke the dam as Marian’s ample
chest heaved with gut wrenching sobs. Billy dropped his napkin and
knelt beside Marian, trying his best to comfort her and wishing he
had finished breakfast before he looked over.

Finally, the sobbing slowed and Marian spoke.

“
I’m sorry, Billy. I’m just really
sad. I don’t think this is going to work out between us and I
really love you, you know?”

“
Why don’t you think this is going
to work out?” Billy asked.

“
I think your daughter hates me.
I’m trying as hard as I can to make her like me. I don’t want to
come between you and your only child. I think it’s better if we
just end it now. I don’t want to get hurt any worse than I have
been.”

“
She doesn’t hate you,” Billy said
as the sobbing increased again. “It was mostly her friend Kitty who
got out of hand. I don’t want to stop seeing you.”

“
I don’t think we can go on the
way we have been.”

“
What do you mean?” Billy asked as
Marian fled the kitchen and ended up standing by the overstuffed
sofa in the living room with Billy lagging behind.

“
I’m too old to just have flings.
I need to know that you really love me Billy.”

“
What will it take to convince
you, Marian?” Billy asked.

“
I want to get married, Billy,”
Marian said as she smiled through her tears and began to undo
Billy’s belt, unzip his pants, and put her hands inside Billy’s
underwear. Billy tried to think but Marian continued to undress
him, unbuttoning each button of his shirt and kissing his chest as
she continued to stroke him. The time for thinking had passed as
Billy began tearing Marian’s clothes off and pushed her down on the
couch.

Chapter Nine

Brad Henry woke with a start as he had every morning
since his ill-fated accident. Unsure where he was, Brad had to
focus to realize it was Monday morning and he was a patient at
Barnes Hospital. A 26 year old ironworker, Brad had recently
celebrated becoming the father of a baby girl and now had to deal
with life as a paraplegic after a 15 foot tumble off a downtown
building under construction.

Brad looked out the window at Forest Park, a local
point of interest first developed for the 1904 World’s Fair. Muted
purple light poked through the massive trees, recalling images of
druid statues from some old movie. When he was awake during this
twilight, Brad usually felt hope he could make the new day a good
one, but hope must have tumbled off that building with him because
he hadn’t felt anything close to it since he fell.