Worth It All (The McKinney Brothers #3) (19 page)

While Paige and Casey were busy with another ride, JT drove to his parents’ house as he’d promised his mom. He’d only been back to the house he’d grown up in a handful of times. When he arrived, his mom was out back with his dad, so he took a minute to go upstairs.

Not much had changed in his old room since high school. Same dark furniture, same blue bedspread and curtains. Much of the football memorabilia had been removed, but his trophies remained. He picked one up from his dresser.
V
IRGINIA
S
TATE
C
HAMPIONS
M
OST
V
ALUABLE
P
LAYER.
God, he’d loved playing football. Everything about it. The smell of grass and leather. The uniform and the sweat. Even the bruises. He’d been in his element.

He hated that beyond the loss of it, the memories, the happiness of being on the field, felt tainted now. His love of football and drive toward his dreams had played a large part in his reaction to Rachel’s news. That’s what he avoided here. All that he had been, what he had wanted. And what he hadn’t wanted.

But, of course, he didn’t need to be here to be reminded of it or the selfish person he’d been that day.

“Knock, knock.”

He turned and found his mother in the doorway. “You always did have a quiet walk.” They’d called it the death glide because she’d been so good at catching them in the act of doing something they shouldn’t have.

“Your old room,” she said, looking around, then sitting on the edge of his bed. “My last baby to leave the nest.”

He sat down beside her and stared across the room at his reflection over the dresser. Being in this room of his past, and looking at this older version of himself…it was somehow more clear than ever before he wasn’t the same man. That wasn’t the same reflection that had stared back at him years ago. He could literally feel the confidence and cockiness that had filled him then. The impatience and eagerness.

“I know I probably smothered you a bit after the accident. But…,” she held out her hands. “You were my baby.”

“I know. I get that now.” He did. He couldn’t imagine something happening to Casey, having to stand by and watch her hurting.

She rubbed his back lightly just like she’d done when he was a boy. “How are you?”

“I’m good, Mom.”

“You look good.” His mother studied him the way mothers do. “Does Paige have anything to do with that?”

“Probably.”

His mom sent him a knowing smile. “She seems like a sweet girl. And Casey, my goodness, what a cutie.”

He nodded.

“You know, I was afraid you were avoiding relationships after the accident. I wondered too if…if maybe it had something to do with Rachel.”

Here it goes. The moment of truth.

“I’ll admit I was angry that she never came by the house after the accident.”

“I didn’t want anyone to come by.”

“I know that, but as a mother, it hurt me, thinking you might be hurting even more than you were. But then she did come by.”

His gaze swung to hers. “Rachel came to see you?”

“Well, she came to see you. After you left. She didn’t know you’d moved.”

He wondered what she’d come to say that she hadn’t already said in the hospital. “What did she say?”

“She told me the two of you broke up. She told me how much she loved you and…I always felt like there was something she wasn’t saying.”

His mom waited silently. She always knew how to wait out her kids. “She didn’t tell you she’d been pregnant?”

“No.”

He laid out the story for his mom, leaving nothing out. It didn’t feel good, but after his talk with Paige he wasn’t as apprehensive about her reaction.

“Jacob.” She brushed the hair back at his temple like he was five. “People say things they don’t mean.”

“But, I did mean it.”

“People mean things in the moment that they don’t mean forever. And people grow, they change. You were young.”

He looked up at her. “You think Dad would have reacted like that? Or Matt or Tony? Or any of them?”

“I don’t know and neither do you. And neither do they. I know how much you looked up to your brothers, but they weren’t perfect. You aren’t perfect. No one is. You had plans, you were shocked.”

Well, he shouldn’t have been that shocked since he’d had unprotected sex with his girlfriend. On top of everything else it was uncomfortable for his mom to know that, to know he was having sex at all. That’s not how he’d been raised.

“How do you know you wouldn’t have changed your mind if things had gone differently? I think you would have. I think after you had time to get used to the idea you would have.”

“That’s what Paige said.”

“So you told her. And how did she react?”

“Like the generous, loving person she is.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

She hadn’t exactly said she loved him, but she’d taken him back to bed, made love to him like…he didn’t know what. It was hard to explain the connection he felt, too much to assume she felt it too.

“Rachel still lives here. In a neighborhood near Tony and Beth. I’ve seen her a few times, talked to her just briefly. She has her own life now. I wonder if maybe you should talk to her, see her.”

He stared at the beige carpet. “Maybe. But you know…I’ve spent so much time regretting what happened, wishing I could go back and change things, but if I hadn’t lost my leg, I wouldn’t have met Paige. I wouldn’t have found the one person I was meant to be with.”

“Maybe. Or maybe you’ll always find the one you’re meant to be with. A winding road, a hard road, but whatever happens is what brings you to where you’re supposed to be. To who you’re supposed to be with.” She touched his cheek. “And you’re sure you’re supposed to be with Paige?”

“More sure than I’ve ever been in my life.”

Sunday morning, Paige stood at the rail with Hannah. Tall grasses leaned in the distance, giving in to the breeze. Three dogs yipped through a paddock, barely gaining notice from the horse grazing there. Casey’s laughter rang out as she chased Mitchell on the playground. She sighed at the perfection of it all.

“I wish she could stay longer,” Hannah said.

“Me too. It’s so beautiful here.”

Hannah gazed out over the field in front of them. “It really is. I love it. You should see it in the fall. I’m serious,” Hannah said, when she didn’t respond. “You really should see it in the fall.”

Paige smiled. Hannah was amazing, truly amazing, and Casey was already in love with her. With the combination of the animals and Hannah’s soothing voice, she could see how much progress a child could make. She’d worked with Casey again this morning and Paige had even been able to help when Hannah found herself shorthanded.

“You know, for someone who hasn’t been around horses much, you’re a natural.”

Hannah’s palomino, Whinny, ambled over to the fence and Paige reached out to rub her forehead. “I always liked them. Had that little-girl dream of having a horse.”

“And you’re obviously good with the kids. Not everyone is able to or comfortable working with special-needs children, but you certainly are. I hate that you worked, though. This is supposed to be a treat for the parents as much as the kids.”

“Are you kidding? This has been the biggest treat. Everything about it.” She’d stepped in yesterday and this morning when one of Hannah’s assistants hadn’t shown and loved every second of it. “And thanks. Coming from you that means a lot.”

“What are your plans?”

“When Casey starts school, I’ll take two classes, three if I can handle that and work.”

“Ever thought about physical therapy?”

“No, I never have.” She patted the horse again and watched Casey fly down the slide. “Honestly, that might be out of my range. Going part-time, that would take me…I don’t know how many years, but too many. And honestly, I don’t think I could juggle everything I’m juggling for that long.”

She wasn’t even sure what all a degree in physical therapy entailed, but aside from finding a way to pay for it, that would mean even more years without a real job. More years of scraping by. The pressure of real life bore down on her chest. Mini vacation over.

“Well, you know a lot already. Something to think about.”

“Maybe.” Casey let out a happy squeal as she held on to a bar sliding along a low zip line across the middle of the specially designed playground.

“That was Jake’s idea. He dreamed up a lot of that playground, even built the components for several things.”

“Yeah. He’s good at what he does.” He’s good at a lot of things. Her mind drifted back to last night. And again this morning.

“You like him.”

She could feel Hannah looking at her. “Of course I like him.”

She might have doubts about hearts and flowers and a lifelong romance, but she believed in Jake and the man he was.

They’d had another night alone last night after dinner at his parents’ house. Matt and Abby had insisted on taking Casey and a few others to their house to repay Stephen and Hannah. It was good for her, and like Abby had pointed out, it might help with the kindergarten transition. It seemed to have worked. She’d gone on and on this morning about the twins’ uniforms and school supplies.

A van pulled up to the barn and Hannah turned. “Sorry. That’s my next rider.”

“No problem. Thank you so much for everything.” Paige wrapped Hannah in a tight hug. “This really was a dream come true for Casey. And for me. I never could have given her this.”

“You’re welcome. We’ll talk soon.”

Hannah was treating this like more than a quick visit to a camp. In fact, all of Jake’s family seemed to think this was the beginning of a lasting relationship, that they would see her and Casey again. Casey definitely seemed to think so. She had big plans with Cole, who’d lost a tooth last night. The blood had taken Cole to elite status in Casey’s mind.

Jake stepped up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. “Hi.”

“Hi.” She angled her head back to meet his eyes. “Everything good at home?”

“Yes. Better than good.” He kissed her neck as they watched Casey burn off a last bit of energy before they headed to the airport.

She sighed and leaned back into his hold, loving how it felt to be surrounded by Jake. She’d woken several times in the night and each time she was in his arms. She’d turned to him, silently asking for more, which he gave. “Did you ever ride here?”

“No. My brother met Hannah after I’d moved.”

“That’s right.”

They watched another minute, then Jake turned her in his arms and cupped her face. He took her mouth in a long, deep, toe-curling kiss that stole her breath. “What was that for?”

“No reason. I just wanted to.”

“Really?” Smiling, she rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. “I just wanted to, too.”

A week later, the magic of Freedom Farm had almost vanished under the reality of work and school. She’d barely seen Jake. He’d been busy with his work, and when he was free, it never failed that she wasn’t. He hadn’t pushed her for time, but she still felt guilty, on top of missing him. No matter how hard she tried, there were only so many hours in a day. Hours at work, hours in class, hours studying. Casey needed her and she had to sleep at some point. Would he get tired of being put off again and again?

She walked into the back to hang up her purse next to Jenny’s and smiled at her cousin. “Hey, girl. Where were you last night?”

A smile spread across Jenny’s face, and then it grew until she thought her cousin’s cheeks might crack. She was always happy but…“Jenny?”

“I was with Simon!”

Jenny shrieked his name and followed it with a squeal of unrestrained joy. Paige struggled to close her mouth that now hung open. “You were…”

“Yes! He came into the diner and we were talking and then he waited for me to get off and…” She paused for a happy wiggle. “He took me out to dinner, not out actually, to his mom’s! Can you believe it? He took me to his
mother’s
! And then when he asked if he should bring me back for my car, I said no!”

“Wow.” Paige managed to smile, but on the inside she was thinking,
Oh, Jenny.
She wanted to preach to her cousin about not getting her hopes up, not losing her heart, but she really had no room to talk.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Jenny went on. “I really haven’t been with as many men as I make it seem like sometimes, but it doesn’t matter. This is it. There won’t be any others. Isn’t it great? We’re both finding men at the same time.”

Paige’s heart skipped. “I’m not finding a man, Jenny. Not like you mean.”

“What? Why? I thought things were good.”

“They are, I mean he is. Very good.”

“Then what? Because you’re afraid?”

Because I’m terrified.
She pressed a hand over her aching heart.

“Have faith, Paige. When it’s right you’ll know, like I do. You just can’t be too scared to grab it.”

She wished she could know. More than anything she wished she could take chances and not feel like she was standing on the precipice of a major fall. But she didn’t want to squash Jenny’s happiness. “It might be different if I didn’t have Casey.” Though she doubted it. She’d always preferred the sure thing over the maybe. How did Jenny have so much faith everything would work out? How did she have so little?

“I get it,” Jenny said. “I do. I just—”

“Yo! Jenny!” Mac yelled from the front. “There’s a man out here for you!”

She squealed again and wrapped Paige in a crushing hug, then literally bounced out of the break room. Paige peeked and sure enough, Simon stood in the middle of the diner, an enormous bunch of roses of every color clasped in his big hand. Jenny bypassed the flowers and took a flying leap right into his arms, wrapping her tiny self around Simon. It knocked him back a step, but he laughed and caught her against his chest.

The customers looked on smiling, a few people clapped.

She wished she had Jenny’s unbidden trust in life. The total lack of fear to take a flying leap into the arms of whatever or whoever life threw you without looking ten steps forward or ten steps back.

She prayed Jenny knew what she was doing. The same prayer she had for herself as she spent the rest of the afternoon trying to imagine giving in to her feelings for Jake without feeling like she was diving into the great unknown with Casey on her shoulders.

Later that afternoon Paige brought soda refills for a young couple cozied up on the same side of a booth by the window. “Can I get either of you anything else?”

“No,” the man said. “It’s about time for us to hit the road. We’re already behind schedule.”

The woman elbowed him playfully. “You and your schedule.”

Paige smiled at them; it was hard not to as they’d been practically beaming since they walked in.

“Yeah,” the man continued. “We got off for gas and got turned around.”

“He got turned around,” the woman said, but she gazed at him lovingly.

“Right,” he said. “I got turned around.” He covered her hand with his and his wedding band twinkled. “I should have listened to you, but we made it to this diner, right?”

“Yes. It’s all good. I mean, we’re on our honeymoon,” she said to Paige. “What could be bad?”

Right,
Paige thought. What could be bad?

She understood singles who came in or moms with kids. She understood the couples at the bar and the ones who came alone hoping to leave with someone. But that? A man and woman both looking over the moon at the promise of forever? That’s not something she knew anything about.

This thing between two people that she hadn’t thought existed, yet she’d seen it with the McKinney couples, between his parents who’d been married for over forty years. And now here it was again; although new, the marriage-license ink barely dry, she could see it working. She could see this man and woman together for the long term without her usual sense of foreboding. Because of Jake.

The woman turned her face back to her husband, and he touched his forehead to hers. The moment felt too intimate for an onlooker, but she wanted to look. Chastising herself, she spun away. She brushed at the tears gathering and rushed around the counter, hoping to get to the back before they fell. Mac yelled out to her, but it was too late.

Her foot hit a wet spot, her legs flew out from under her, and she went down hard. The floor knocked the breath from her lungs, and the instant pain brought even more tears. “Damn. That hurt.”