Worth It (20 page)

As I drive to class, I try to get myself under control. My mom bitch-slapped me with doubt, and I hate that I’m dwelling on it. I promised myself that I would try to trust, but with a few simple words, it becomes harder and harder.

What could possibly hold him to me? It’s not like we’ve known each other that long. What if everything he said was a lie? What if—

Fuck!
I can’t think that way, or I’ll go crazy. Before I left last night, he said he’d call, and he’s done nothing to break my trust yet, so it’s not fair to doubt him now. Just as I’ve pushed aside my insecurities and locked them up tight, my phone rings, and I nearly swerve off the road.

My shoulders sag with relief as I rush to answer my phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, baby. I’m so glad you answered. Guess that means you’re done being mad at me, right? Are you ready to talk?”

Motherfucker!
My jaw grows tight, and my knuckles grip the steering wheel. I know better than to answer the phone without checking the caller ID. Sam has called me twice since that night at Shannon’s, but I haven’t answered, and he hasn’t left a message. I have nothing left to say to him, and I have no idea what his problem is. The longer his persistence goes on, the more the anxiety fades, and the anger seeps in.

“Stop calling me, Sam. We’re done.”

“Anna, we’re not done. We just hit a bit of a speed bump,” he says softly but urgently. “I know I’ve been an ass, but I was dealing with the divorce, and I was just fucked-up. Give me another shot, and I swear that I’ll treat you like you deserve. I mean it. Please, I love you, baby.”

My jaw drops slightly because Sam never lowers himself like this, but I’m
done
with him.

“Sam,” I say with a deceptively calm voice, “I don’t know what I need to say to you for you to accept that we are not getting back together. You’ve played me too many times, and it won’t happen again.”

“But—”

I hang up on him and chuck the phone into my purse. It rings again, but I ignore him. He is just another stress that I don’t need right now.

After my first class, I have a break until my next one, so I make my way to the commuter café to start working on lesson plans due at the end of the week. I’m so engrossed in my work that I don’t notice someone approaching until I hear the squeal of a chair as it’s being pulled away from the table. I glance up just as Sam sits down next to me. I haven’t seen him in person since the last time he played with my heart. The blood drains from my face momentarily before I get angry.

Why the hell is he doing this?
“What the fuck do you want?” I ask icily in a low voice, so I don’t attract onlookers.

He appears a little taken aback, and to be honest, I am, too. I’ve never spoken to him quite this harshly, but he’s seriously pissing me off.

“I want to know what it’s going to take for you to forgive me,” he says quietly.

He looks like shit. His clothes are rumpled, and his usual clean-shaven face is sporting a week’s worth of stubble. I’ve never seen him like this, so broken, and I feel bad for him—almost.

“Hell will freeze over before I take you back.” I drop my head and focus on my work.

“Anna, this is so unlike you. I really miss you. Please talk to me, so we can work through this.” He reaches over and puts his hand on mine.

I snatch my hand away. “We can’t work through this. We’re done. I don’t know how many times I have to say it, but we’re never, ever getting back together.”
Shit, did I just quote Taylor Swift?
“I don’t even understand why you’re pushing this so much. It’s not like you cared about me before.”

He hangs his head briefly before lifting it to meet my stare. “I know that’s probably how it looked, like I didn’t care, but I did, and I do. I’m kicking myself every day that I didn’t treat you right. I’m sorry. I really am. I need the chance to make this right, Anna. You’re special, and I can’t lose you. I know it’ll take a little while for you to forgive me for treating you like shit, but you’re mine, Anna. We’ll get through this. I was too messed-up before”—he stands up—“but I’m better now, and I’m going to get you back. I’ll give you a little space to calm down, and I’ll call you a little later, so we can talk.”

I study his expression for a moment, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d think he is being honest. Part of me trusts that he believes what he’s saying, but it doesn’t matter. Even if he could change, two very important things stand in the way of there ever being an
us
again. The first is that I can’t forget his shitty behavior. Looking at him now, I’m not sure that I ever truly loved him. I think I loved the idea of being loved and wanted. The second reason, obviously, is Jed. I know we’ve only just started out, but with just a few encounters, I’ve had more happiness with Jed than I ever had with Sam.

Finally, I sigh. “I’m sorry, Sam, but no. There’s nothing left for us to move forward with. We’re done.”

His eyes roam over my face, and just when I think he’ll finally let this go, I notice that instead of being resigned, he looks angry, and it’s making me a little nervous. He bends at the waist and brings his face close to mine. A flash of a memory surfaces, and my heart rate skyrockets as a cold sweat breaks out all over my body. I lean away, but he grabs me behind the neck and pulls me closer to him.

“We’ll see,” he whispers. Then, he crushes his lips to mine for a split second before he walks away.

What the fuck just happened?

On my lunch break, I decide to call Anna. I want to see what time she’ll get out of work. Maybe I can convince her to come over and hang out. It’s a great plan, genius really. It’ll show her I’m not a fuck-’em-and-dump-’em kind of guy, and it’ll help with her insecurities. I’ll also get to hang out with her, and if I’m lucky, we could have a repeat of last night.
See? Genius.

She answers on the second ring. “If you call me again, I’m going to call the cops.”

Say what now?
I look at the phone to be sure I dialed the right number. “Um…”

There’s a beat of silence. “Jed?”

“Um…”

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry, Jed. My ex has been calling me nonstop for an hour. I can’t believe I just threatened you. I didn’t even look at the ID before I answered. I’m so sorry—”

“Anna, it’s fine. I understand.” I do understand because I had a crazy ex of my own. Between what she told me last night and him fucking with her, enough for her to threaten him, I’m getting pissed. She became my girl the moment I sank my dick in her, and this fucker needs to back off.
“Do you want me to talk to the guy?”

She doesn’t say anything for a second. “No, that’s okay. Thank you, but I’m sure he’ll get the hint eventually.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, concerned, my voice quiet. I want to have a conversation with this little shit—and it will involve my fist.

“Yeah, it’ll blow over, but thank you,” she says softly.

Arguing is getting me nowhere, so I take a deep breath to calm myself down before I change the subject. “What time do you get off work?”

“I’m off at nine tonight.”

“Do you want to hang out at my place when you get out of work for a little while?”

“Um…really?”

Her shock irritates me. I hate that she thinks so little of herself. Part of me just wants to work harder to change her perception of herself.

“Yeah, of course. I told you, Anna, I really like you. I know you have schoolwork, but if you can, I’d love to see you.”

“Okay, I’d like that.”

Her voices seems more relaxed and I’d bet money that she’s smiling.
Fuck yeah.

“Great. I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Me, too. I’ll see you later.”

“Sounds good. Bye, Anna.”

“Bye, Jed.”

When I hang up the phone, I want to high-five someone. I’m pumped that my gut was right, and this chick might work out, but I think we have some shit to iron out—her insecurities, my sudden possessiveness, and her shithead ex.

I do have some experience with a psycho ex. Danielle was a manipulative bitch. She was my only serious relationship, but her constant nagging and high-maintenance bullshit was a drain on my existence. I tried to force something that wasn’t there, and I ended up staying with her for almost a year.

As I reach my work desk to begin my paperwork, I brush thoughts of that psycho bitch aside and focus on my paperwork. I also think of Anna, of course. That woman never leaves my mind. I can’t wait to see her again.

Two weeks later, I crawl into bed, exhausted. The last two weeks with Jed have been utter bliss, but between him, school, and work, I need a decent night’s rest. That man has been beyond amazing. He’s caring, patient, and sweet, and the sex has been out of this world. School has been going well, and in a few weeks, I’ll be able to take the final teacher test. I’ve been studying as much as I can, and I feel confident that I’ll do well, but only time will tell. I just need some damn sleep to rejuvenate. Pulling the blanket tight around me, I burrow deeply into my pillow and quickly drift off to sleep.

“Come on, Savanna, you know you want this,” he whispers in my ear.

I don’t want this, and he knows I don’t. I’ve told him enough times.

“I need to know you love me. You love me, right?”

Tears leak out of my eyes, but I can’t respond because his hand is pressed tightly over my mouth. I can barely breathe, and my chest constricts. I hate this. I want him to love me but not like this.

“You think you can be quiet?”

He releases my mouth enough, so I can nod.

“I’m going to show you that I love you,” he whispers. He moves his hand away from my mouth and starts to take off my shorts and underwear.

I let out a whimper, and he reaches out and pinches my breast so hard that I have to clench my teeth together, so I don’t cry out. My chest stings, and my silent tears fall faster.

Why can’t I make him happy?

“Why did you make me do that?” he says harshly in a low voice. “You said you could be quiet.”