Worth It (31 page)

A couple of hours later, Jed and I drive back to his place. I couldn’t wipe the happy grin off my face if I wanted to, which I don’t. His family, like stereotypical Italians, is loud and close. They’re funny and warm, and they welcomed me with open arms. I really got along with his sister, Chris. She is currently a music teacher at an elementary school a couple of towns over, so we talked a lot about working with children. She is like the older sister I never had.

His mom is great, too. She’s a little quieter but really nice, and she’s such a great cook that she could put any restaurant around to shame. I might never be able to appreciate pasta from anywhere else ever again. That’s how good it was. Apparently, she ran a home daycare for twelve years while she was home with her kids. I felt a connection to her because I’ve seriously considered doing the same thing if and when I ever start a family. That’s something I didn’t think would ever really happen.

His dad was nice and friendly, but for me, it was a little difficult to interact with him. On the outside, our interaction was light and friendly, but on the inside, I felt awkward. I’ve never had a solid male figure in my life, so when I talked with Jed’s dad, I didn’t really know what to do or say. I knew it shouldn’t be uncomfortable. He’s just a person, but the dad title made it weird for me. Hopefully, over time, I’ll get used to his demeanor, like I did with Donnie. I could, however, see where Jed learned to be the person he is. His dad is a great dad, laughing and talking with all his kids, and he very obviously loves his wife. Just the simple touches and looks convey that they have found that elusive true love. Of course, I think of
twue wove
from
The Princess Bride
.

I can’t really put a finger on why I took to Jed’s family so quickly or why they took to me. Maybe it is their open and friendly nature. Maybe they could tell I care for their son and brother. Or maybe I really do make Jed happy and that makes them happy. I try to tamp down the thrill of happiness and possibility the last two thoughts bring.
But should I be tamping it down? Is this what it’s supposed to be like when I’m in a good relationship? Or am I latching on again and becoming blind?
I mentally punch myself in the head.
Why am I overanalyzing things?

Jed is absolutely, positively nothing like any guy from my past, but it’s just so damn difficult for me to go with the flow while I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like he’s so sweet and fun and
hot
that I’m just waiting to see what the catch is. I need to remember the talk with Shannon because she seems to think he’s great and good for me, so I just need to relax.

“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Jed interrupts my wayward thoughts.

I smile up at him. “Your family. They were really nice.”

“I told you that there was nothing to worry about. I knew they’d love you.”

“So, you think they liked me?”

“Of course they liked you.”

I smile in response.

When we get back to his apartment, it’s late. We both have to get up early for work and school, so I don’t bother going up to his apartment. I let him walk me to my car. He pulls me in for a hug, and he shoves his face in my hair and breathes deep.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” he rumbles gruffly.

I smile into his chest and reply, “You’re pretty awesome yourself, Jed.”

He lifts his head and plants a light kiss on my lips. “It’s just great to have a girl who my family likes.”

I’m taken aback, and my brow furrows. “You’ve never had a girlfriend your family likes?”

“No, they were lukewarm toward most, and they hated Danielle. They love you though.”

“Really?” I’m astonished. “How do you know?”

He gives me another quick kiss. “Because they told me. They said you were sweet and respectful and good for me, and I have to say they’re absolutely right, except they forgot smoking hot.” He grins.

My heart warms, and my belly flips.
He’s so damn sweet.

“I should let you get home before it gets too late.” He kisses my forehead.

I sigh. “Yeah. Thank you for this weekend, Jed. You’re some kind of wonderful.”

“Did you just quote Grand Funk Railroad?” He laughs.

“Do you seriously know who sings that song?”

“Yeah, I’m a wealth of useless trivia.”

“I suppose we all have our talents.”

“Trivia isn’t my only talent.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

I blush and duck my head. “I’m well aware.”

He raises my chin and kisses me softly. “You’re so damn cute.” He closes his eyes and leans his forehead against mine. “Drive safe, beautiful.”

“I will,” I say.

He kisses me once more and steps back, so I can get into my car. After waving to him, I put the car in gear and drive home.
I think this is what falling in love feels like.
I’m going to try my damnedest to really give this my all, to stop thinking negatively, and to just revel in this feeling. It’s light and beautiful, warm and happy. I smile to myself and think that this can only get better from here.

Over the next couple of days, Anna and I spend as much time as we can together. We pretty much did before, but she seems like she’s letting a wall down with me
.
I’m fucking pumped that I’m finally getting through to her because this woman is fucking amazing, and she’s gotten so far under my skin that I couldn’t pry her out if I wanted to, which I don’t.

Yesterday, we went to the roller skating rink. I laughed at her cuteness, and I wanted to drag her into the nearest closet or restroom, so I could bury myself inside her because of the tight T-shirt and jeans she wore. She had her hair piled on top of her head and very little makeup on. She kept apologizing for looking like a ragamuffin. Apparently, she had gotten a late start to school because she’d slept through her alarm. I know she’s been staying up late to study. Honestly, as great as she looks dolled-up, I like her best when her natural beauty is showing through. I watched her roller-skate around the rink, looking so carefree and beautiful. My heart swelled with the knowledge that she was mine, all mine.

I’m not getting down on one knee anytime soon. I’m not completely nuts. She needs to finish school, and I’d like to finish saving to buy a house. Like I told my brother though, I’m pretty sure she’s it. I know that there are still a lot of things we haven’t talked about, and we’ve only been dating for just over a month, but this is it. I know it. Maybe it’s a gut instinct, maybe it’s intuition, or maybe I’m just being a sappy pussy, and I need to go buy a bra, but I know it deep down in my bones.

It’s Wednesday now, and I’m watching something stupid on TV. Well, I’m not really paying attention to the TV. My focus is on Anna, who is curled up next to me, studying some papers. It’s fascinating to watch her study. She chews on her thumb with a pencil tucked behind her ear, and her beautiful blue eyes skim across the page. Every so often, her eyes will narrow in concentration, and she’ll pull the pencil out and jot something down or underline a sentence. Then, she’ll twirl the end of the pencil in between her plump, lush pink lips. That’s when I redirect my attention back to the TV, so I’m not tempted to rip the papers out of her hands and replace the pencil with my tongue. I discreetly adjust myself as I try and fail to rid myself of the image of her lips wrapped around the pencil…or around my cock.
Shit!

When I glance back down, she’s out, and I inwardly chuckle. Here I am, imagining my cock in her mouth, and she’s so tired that she passed out in the middle of studying against me. I’m glad she’s getting a little rest though, and I take the opportunity to drink her in. She’d probably be embarrassed that I’m studying her right now. Her cheek is kind of squished, and her mouth is parted a little more than normal.
She’s beautiful.
I take my finger and gently—so I don’t wake her—trace the line of her jaw, the curve of her nose, and along her eyebrows. My dick stirs when my finger travels across those pouty full lips.

Her brow furrows, and she frowns.

My lips tip down, too.
Huh. I wonder what she’s dreaming about.

Her body tenses into a rigid plank, and her face crumples. She looks like she’s in pain and maybe embarrassed.

Jesus, what the fuck?

“Um…Anna,” I whisper.

“Sthop! Wahda ya doin?” she slurs, whispering.

What the hell needs to stop? What the hell is she dreaming about?
I’m starting to panic
. Should I try to wake her up? Isn’t there an old wives tale that says not to wake people up, or they’ll go on a murdering spree or something, right? Wait—no, that’s sleepwalking.
I should try to wake her.

“Anna,” I say a little louder, giving her shoulder a shake.

Her face contorts. She whispers, “Ged offa me.”

My stomach drops, and my jaw clenches.
Get off of me?
Christ, I need to wake her up and get her out of whatever hell she’s in.

“Anna,” I say louder, shaking her shoulder a little harder.

“Plleeaasse sllopp,” She starts trembling.

Oh fuck.
I’m freaking the fuck out because I’m almost positive she’s dreaming about rape or something just as shitty. I want to jump in her head and bash the shit out of her dream attacker. I feel helpless, and I hate it.

“Anna!” I yell and shake her hard.

Her frantic eyes pop open, and she sits up so fast that she almost knocks me off the couch. Her wild eyes search the room.

“Are you okay, baby?” I ask. I’m sure the horror and concern are all over my face.

She finally stops her wild searching, and when her eyes meet mine, her face falls, and she ducks her head, squeezing her eyes closed. That’s the moment I know. I know this wasn’t just a dream. It was a memory, and it was exactly what I thought it was. I swallow thickly, and I try not to show an ounce of my rising anger because I don’t want to scare her. I need to comfort her and make sure she knows that she’s safe.

“Hey,” I start softly, “you’re okay. I’m right here.”

“I should go.”

Wait—what?

“I have school in the morning, and you have work. It’s getting late. I’m sorry I passed out,” she says, getting off the couch. She moves to the chair where her coat and schoolbag are, and she starts shoving everything in.

It takes me a moment to recover from the shock. This is not the reaction I was expecting.

“Don’t go right now. Talk to me.” I stand up and approach her carefully.

She plasters a fake smile on her face, but I can see the panic behind it. It’s rising, and I can see her hands shaking as she puts on her coat.

Ah shit.
I’m trying to tamp down the urge to physically keep her here. I can’t have her take off in the state she’s in right now.

She smiles a wobbly smile, and I can see tears forming in her eyes.

“Nothing to talk about, but I should get going.”

I can’t let her run from me—not like this, not right now. “You’re staying. Talk to me.”

She clenches her jaw. She won’t look at me as gathers her things. As she pulls her purse over her shoulder, she turns her back to me.

“You talk in your sleep.”

She freezes and turns slowly to look at me. Her face is full of pain, embarrassment, and regret. She opens her mouth to say something, but then she quickly closes it. I see the tears well up again. She swallows thickly, and I can tell that she’s trying with everything she has not to cry.

“Talk to me. What happened?”

She shakes her heads with a tiny jerk. “I’ve got to go.”

Before I can stop her, she flies out the door.

Shit.
I throw on my shoes and grab my keys, and then I rush out the door. She’s sprinting toward her car, but I’m close behind her.

Fuck, it’s cold out here. I forgot my jacket.

I reach her car a few seconds after she closes the door, and I knock on the window.

Her head is buried in her hands, and when she finally looks up at me, her face is tearstained. She looks so tortured, and the thought of something happening to her is tearing me up. I’m fighting against my conflicting emotions—my need to comfort her and the rage I feel toward whoever did this to her.

I open the door and kneel down in front of her. I reach out to wipe away a falling tear. “Let me in.”

She squeezes her eyes closed, and then she gives a jerky shake of her head. “I can’t.”

I take her face in my hands and lean in close.
She needs to open up.
I
need her to open up.

“Did someone hurt you?” I ask.

I can feel her jaw clench under my hands. She looks scared and hurt. I can also see the shutters slam down like a steel door.

“I’m sorry, Jed, but I need to go,” she says in a quiet, even voice.

She reaches for the door handle, but I grab her hand a little too hard.

“You—” I start to say, but when her eyes widen in terror, the words die in my throat. I drop her hand quickly, and my mind starts spinning.