Worth the Trouble (St. James #2) (27 page)

Whether in true accord or merely from emotional exhaustion, Jackson nodded. He glanced at Vivi’s flat stomach again.

“I’m gonna be an uncle to a pip-squeak with a big appetite.” He flashed a crooked grin. “That was a helluva way to make the announcement, Vivi. I never figured you one for emotional blackmail.”

“Hormones.” She smiled, easing the tension still vibrating in the room.

Jackson rubbed the back of his neck before glancing at David. “I’m not an alcoholic. Maybe I’ve fallen into some bad habits, but I don’t
need
to drink. It just helps me relax.”

Before David responded, Vivi jumped in again. “You should talk
to someone about all the betrayal you’ve been feeling, and maybe take
on fewer projects to reduce stress.” Vivi turned toward David. “And you
two need to sit down and build a bridge over the gap that still exists.”

“If I promise to think about counseling, can we end the inquisition tonight?” Jackson turned back to David. “I’m talked out.”

“Give us your word you’ll seriously consider it?” David asked. “And you’ll stop drinking until you sort things out.”

“Fine.”

David pushed off the door and hugged Jackson. “I love you, brother.”

“Congratulations on the baby.” Jackson slapped David on the back.

Cat rose from her chair somewhat dazed, as if she’d just watched the saddest movie. But this was real, and it affected all the people she most loved—including Hank. In that instant, she craved a connection to them, to anything.

Against her natural instincts, she crossed the room to join the group hug. Having the arms of those closest to her wrapped around her relieved a bit of the loneliness she’d felt all week. And to think this group would soon include a baby.

Cat would be an aunt. One who would spoil the child and then hand it over to the parents to discipline. She peered at Vivi. “I hope it’s a girl so I can teach her everything I know.”

“That’ll be fun to watch,” Jackson teased. “But I’m pulling for a boy who’ll be a charming lady-killer like his uncle.”

“Well, I’m just praying for a healthy baby,” Vivi said, rubbing her tummy. “By the way, I’m starving. Can we order dinner now?”

Cat excused herself while the others debated the takeout order. She shut herself in the bathroom, needing a private moment to digest the news.

Like a storm-swollen river, life kept moving at a quick pace regardless of her setbacks. Lately she could barely keep her head above the water. A fresh wave of pain for her own losses, for the babies she’d never bear, and for the love she’d left behind, deluged her.

Unlike Jackson, she couldn’t blame someone else for her situation. This intervention may have been intended for Jackson, but seeing how his denial had screwed up his life made her realize how she’d been destroying her own.

Maybe Vivi and Esther were right. Maybe the time had come to tap into the courage to be honest. And maybe, by doing so, she’d finally prove to herself she was worthy of love.

She was wiping a stray tear from her eye when she heard a quiet rap at the door.

“Cat?” Vivi asked.

Cat opened the door to find Vivi looking chagrined. “I’m so sorry about the way I blurted out my news. David and I had planned to talk to you first, but I just reacted to Jackson’s belligerence. It popped out before I even thought about how it would affect you. The last thing I wanted, though, was to hurt you.”

Cat swallowed the lump in her throat. “I know, Vivi. I understand. It may not look like it right now, but I really am thrilled for you and David. Don’t let my issues steal one second of your joy. And you did get Jackson to calm down and listen. Honestly, I’m still reeling from
his
bombshell, too.”

“All three of you take after your dad—closing up like you can shut off your feelings. But feelings always find their way out. You all make it so much harder by retreating.” Vivi exhaled before she hugged Cat. “I won’t press tonight, or even tomorrow. But soon you and I need to talk about whatever has happened with Hank.”

“Talking won’t help,” Cat rubbed her forehead before continuing, “But maybe Jackson can. Do you think he’d come home with me before he returns to Connecticut tonight?”

“Why? Are you worried that Justin’s lurking around?”

“No. I just need him to do me a favor.” Cat sighed. “Make a delivery, actually.”

Vivi cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. “If you think you’re leaving this bathroom without letting me in on your plan, think again.”

Mom,

I guess you know all about David and Vivi, and Jackson. Without you to confide in, we’ve all been walking around hiding our secrets and pain.

I know you wouldn’t want that for us, so I’m taking the risk of exposing myself to rejection. The only thing more terrifying than losing every scrap of pride I’ve ever had is the thought of losing my last chance with Hank.

I hope this choice I’ve made is brave enough to earn a happy ending.

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY
-T
HREE

H
ank was sitting at his kitchen table toying with a cold cup of coffee when Jenny entered the room.

“Going for a run.” She pulled her hair into a high ponytail. “Need anything before I take off?”

Hank shook his head and waved her off. Staring at the dormant video monitor lying in its cradle, he let the eerie silence settle in his bones. Nothing stirred in the house now that he’d been sidelined and his mother spent her days and nights in the nursing facility where she’d remain until he regained full use of his hand.
If
he regained full use of it.

Besides, his mom’s condition deteriorated a little more each week. Odds were pretty good she might never return home, despite his best intentions.

The freedom he’d dreamed of for years—the choice to stay inside, go for a walk, or do anything else he wanted, whenever he wanted—held no relief. He’d been gutted to a hollow shell, fumbling around, unable to move forward.

No Cat, no work, no mother to care for. Nothing.

He absentmindedly tapped the splint against the table a few times. The damn contraption made him think of his mother again. What a pair they’d make if she were here with him, sitting and staring into space together.

Of course, at least he understood the circumstances of his life and situation. He couldn’t say the same for his mom. Every morning he wondered whether she awakened in terror, in an unfamiliar bedroom, surrounded by unfamiliar faces and sounds. Imagining her tears and confusion crushed him.

He stood up, placed the coffee cup in the sink, and leaned against the counter.

Through the window, he saw Jackson’s truck pulling into his driveway.
Hell.
He’d been avoiding talking to him for the past few days, and didn’t feel much like dealing with him now. But Hank learned long ago how to accept the inevitable.

He opened the door before Jackson knocked.

“Hey,” Jackson said. Hank noticed Jackson’s clean-shaven face. For the first time in months, he looked like himself. “Can I come in?”

Hank gestured with his head then closed the door behind Jackson.
“Grab a seat.”

“Where’s Jenny?” Jackson glanced around for signs of life.

“Out for a run.” Hank collapsed into the recliner. “We’ll be visiting our mom later today.”

“Hank, I’m sorry. I know how much you wanted to keep her here.” Jackson squeezed the thick manila envelope he’d been carrying. “What’s the doctor say about your wrist?”

“Meg got me in to see a big shot at Yale who used some new kind of pins set inside the bone. It’s supposed to shorten the recuperation period and improve my chances for a full recovery. I really hope it works. In any case, I’m not to use it much for the next eight-to-ten weeks. Hurts like a son of a bitch, though.”

“It’s my fault.” Jackson plopped onto the sofa and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees after setting the envelope on the table. “I’m sorry for how I acted, and for the way I’ve been treating you and the crew the past several months.”

“I appreciate the apology, but I’ve got bigger things on my mind right now, like filing for disability, and praying therapy gives me back my hand.”

“Shit, Hank. My fuckup really screwed you over, and I want to make it right.” Jackson scrubbed his hand over his forehead. “I know you’ve spoken with David.”

Hank nodded and frowned.

“So you know Doug’s suing me for assault?”

“Yes,” Hank replied. “I’m not surprised, given the way Doug felt about you. Man, I wish you’d have kept a lid on your temper.”

“I know. He provoked me, though. It’s not like I hit him. I just grabbed his shirt. He shoved me . . .” Jackson stopped and waved his hand. “Sorry, I know I still should’ve walked away. Now I’ll be paying for it by racking up attorney’s fees.”

“I think your bigger problem will be keeping the projects on schedule with another man down.”

“Well, that’s part of the reason I’m here.” Jackson inhaled through his nose and nervously tugged on his earlobe.

Stunned, Hank held up his lame arm. “You don’t expect me to work now, do you?”

“Not as a carpenter, no. But I have a proposition for you.”

The last St. James proposition I accepted broke my heart, Hank thought warily. “This oughta be interesting.”

“I guess you haven’t spoken with Cat about Vivi’s birthday party.” Jackson grimaced. “My family basically turned dinner into an intervention.”

“No kidding?” Hank rubbed his good hand across his left cheek. “Sorry I missed it. Did anyone get through to you?”

“Vivi and her crocodile tears,” Jackson said. “She’s pregnant, by the way.”

“Really?” A stab of envy punctured the happiness he felt for her and David. “So you’ll be an uncle soon.”

“Yes, which is one reason why I need to get my shit together.” Jackson stood and started pacing. “I’m
not
an alcoholic, but I’ll admit to drinking to reduce stress and tune out. Guess I can’t honestly say it hasn’t affected my judgment at times, and my relationships. So, I’m going to make some changes.”

Hank didn’t think Jackson fully comprehended the extent of his problem, but at least he was taking a step in the right direction.

“I’m glad, Jackson. I’m sorry it took all this to get your attention, but better late than never.” He leaned forward. “Still, what’s that have to do with me?”

“Well, I could really use your help.”

“How so?” Hank frowned.

“I want to get out of town for six or eight weeks. Go someplace
where I can get some help, clear my head, and work through the things
that pushed me off balance. You know our projects and the business
basics, and the crew respects and trusts you, so I thought you could take my place while we both recover. I’ll pay you my salary, give you a bonus
to help offset the cost of your mom’s new accommodations, and I’ll get
the bookkeeper to come in more often to help with the paperwork.”

Jackson stopped himself and glanced at Hank. “You’re the only person I trust, and it would make me feel better if you’d let me compensate you somewhat for what’s happened. I’d still be available by phone when needed. Maybe we could set up weekly conference calls or something. And, when I come back, you can keep working for me unless you find something else you’d rather do.”

Hank sat back in the chair, dumbfounded. When Jackson had arrived earlier, he’d never anticipated this conversation. Run the business for a couple of months? Could he do it? He wouldn’t mind the pay upgrade or help with his mom, and this wouldn’t be charity, either. “You need to hire at least one new carpenter before you go.”

Jackson smiled. “I know. I’ll take care of that, but you should meet with the prospective candidates, too. I mean, if you’re willing to help me out. I know I don’t deserve it, considering how I ignored your warnings.”

“I’m glad you’re stepping back. I can probably get you through the existing projects, but don’t count on me to actively seek out new ones. I don’t know enough about bidding work to feel comfortable with that responsibility.”

“Deal.” Jackson stuck out his hand.

Hank stood to shake Jackson’s hand, but Jackson yanked him into a
man hug and slapped his back. “Thanks, man. I’d hoped you’d say yes.”

“You’re welcome.”

Jackson tilted his head. “So, I’ve got one more task to complete, then I’ll get out of your hair.”

Hank raised a brow and held his breath.

Jackson nodded toward the envelope on the table. “Whatever is in there is from my sister. She asked me to give it to you, and for you to return it ‘when you’re done,’ whatever that means.” Jackson lifted the envelope off the table and handed it to Hank. “I know it’s none of my business, but she seemed damned sad the other night. She’s not as tough as she likes to act. I don’t know what happened with you two, but if you think it can be fixed, try.”

When Hank remained mute, Jackson held up his hands again. “Okay. Don’t answer. Just thought I’d give it a shot. I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll work out how to transition things before I take off. My goal is to be out of here by October first, if possible.”

“Where are you going?” Hank asked. “Rehab?”

“I’m not sure.” Jackson stopped and looked at the sky. “I’m thinking Vermont. Maybe private counseling, hiking, fishing, and kayaking will give me time to settle my mind and recharge.”

“Good luck with that,” Hank said before Jackson turned, waved, and went to his truck.

Hank leaned his body against the closed door, mulling over Jackson’s remarks about Cat. He’d spent the past two weeks in agony, in large part from regret about the way he’d handled their situation, the things he’d said to her in Chicago.

Sitting back on the sofa, he tore open the envelope, half expecting it to be the legal documents necessary to dissolve their short-lived company. Instead her diary landed on his lap with a thud.

Stunned, he turned it over, remembering the first time he’d seen it in her room at Block Island earlier this summer, when she’d been so drunk all her defenses had fled and she’d asked him to stay.

His heart thumped hard in his chest. The most guarded woman he knew had just handed him her most private thoughts. He stared at it, rubbing the soft leather with one hand. The trust she’d just thrust into his lap humbled him beyond words. So much so, he almost didn’t want to invade her privacy by reading it.
Almost.

Before he opened the journal, he decided not to read any entries that preceded the wedding weekend. Whatever had happened before that had no relevance to everything that had occurred since.

Resolved, he opened the book and flipped to the weekend of June 11 and began reading.

Hank approached Cat’s apartment door with a dry mouth and nervous stomach. Too late he remembered it was Sunday. She’d be going to Esther’s this afternoon. Maybe she was already there.

He should’ve called before coming, but he didn’t want to risk her shying away.

He blew out a breath and straightened his shoulders before knocking. He licked his lips and stared at the door. Nothing. He raised his hand to knock again but she suddenly opened the door.

“Hank.” Her eyes widened. “What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” Her beauty had always kicked his knees out from under him, but today all he saw were shadows of sorrow dimming her face. When he held up her diary, her lips parted with a slight gasp.

“Of course.” She took it from him and stepped back, granting him entry. Her gaze rested on his splint. “I’m sorry about your injury. How’s your wrist?”

“I won’t know for a few months.” He extended the splinted arm. “I’ll start therapy soon, then we’ll see.”

“What about your mom?” Her brows pinched together in concern. “How will you manage?”

“She’s in a facility for now. Not sure when or if she’ll ever return home.”

Cat moved toward him but then stopped and linked her fingers together in front of her body. “I’m so sorry. I know it’s the last thing you wanted to have happen. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Come back.

“Not really. Turns out you were right. There really wasn’t anything I could do for her after all.”

Cat shook her head. “I was wrong to force you to choose. I panicked, and I let it get the better of me. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for the way I behaved.” Her mouth twitched into a grim smile. “I suppose it doesn’t surprise you. Seems I’m always having to apologize for my bad behavior.”

“Actually, I owe you an apology, too. I did make you promises I didn’t live up to, and I’m sorry I didn’t stop to consider what you needed that day.” He hesitated, unsure of how to proceed. He decided to take a page from her playbook and change the subject . . . ease into the conversation. “Jackson told me about the intervention.”

“It was unpleasant, but necessary.” Cat wrapped her arms around her waist. She gently twisted her torso side to side as if she were rocking an infant in her arms. That thought saddened him because, after reading her diary, he knew she believed she’d never be anyone’s mother. “I hope it works.”

“I think it did.” Hank waited to catch her eye. “He says he’s making some changes. Even asked me to step in for him while he takes off to figure stuff out.”

“What?” Cat’s eyes widened again, this time with alarm. “Taking off to where? How do we know he’s not running off just to get away from us and do whatever he wants?”

“I believe him. Between what happened with Doug, and Vivi and David’s big news, he sees the need to change. Don’t worry.”

“So you know about David and Vivi.” Cat straightened her spine and smiled, but he could see pain behind her eyes.

“Yes. It’s wonderful for them” His voice dipped. “But after reading about your diagnosis, I have to ask, how are you feeling? No one would blame you if it hurt a little.”

Her eyes met and held his for a few seconds. He kept his gaze steady and reassuring so she’d know he didn’t pity her. So she’d realize he wasn’t going anywhere, either.

“I’ll probably experience mixed emotions throughout her pregnancy, but I won’t let it interfere with their happiness.” Cat’s rueful smile tugged at his heart. “Don’t worry about me. I’m tougher than I look. By the time the baby arrives, I’ll be fully ready to be a loving aunt.”