Worthy of Love (15 page)

Was there something subconscious involved there, she wondered wryly. So here she was, with Kevin on one side—and a now drunken Max on the other.

She toyed with the rice on her plate. Kevin had insisted on helping her in the kitchen while Max watched television in the family room. Time had gotten away from them and at least forty minutes had passed. She’d been so on edge about the entire evening, she’d forgotten Max’s earlier trip downstairs. Apparently, Max hadn’t. And, apparently, there was more in the basement than just wine. Because Kevin’s father was rip-roaring drunk.

“Do you want to just drive him home?” Nikki asked, softly.

Kevin shook his head. “Let him eat and maybe he’ll sober up,” he said, disgust evident in his tone.

She sighed. She felt so responsible for the way the evening had turned out. If only she hadn’t invited him for dinner. If only… She shook her head. If only wouldn’t change a thing. She’d do her apologizing later, but she had to help Kevin through this meal first.

She pushed her plate aside. Her appetite had fled the minute she’d come into the family room to find Max and a nearly empty bottle of whiskey. “The coffee should be ready. Let me go check.”

Max stuffed a forkful of rice into his mouth. “Don’t need any.”

“But you’ll drink it if you know what’s good for you.”

Nikki rose from her seat. She knew she was better off getting the coffee than remaining in here with Max.

“She doesn’t look like she’s having a baby.”

Nikki froze. Although she knew Kevin had told his father about… their situation, she wasn’t sure what an intoxicated Max would say about it.

“Go on and get the coffee, Nikki,” Kevin said.

She didn’t take offense at the order but her legs wouldn’t move. She wanted to hear what came next, certain that Max wouldn’t disappoint her.

He laughed loud and hard, but his tone had turned malicious. So were his words. “But if she’s set up house here, she must be. Told you you’re like your old man. Trapped before your time.”

Nikki cringed, realizing for the first time what kind of household Kevin had grown up in. Understanding now why he was so withdrawn, and comprehending why he felt the need to protect and turned on himself when he failed.

That Max’s drunken words echoed her own fears wasn’t lost on her either. Kevin stood. “Instead of the coffee, just bring me the car keys,” he said, never taking his gaze off his father.

Nikki jumped at the chance to get the older man out of the house. When she returned, she handed Kevin the keys and he steered his father toward the front door. “Wasn’t done with my meal,” he muttered.

“You were done a long time ago,” Kevin retorted.

When they reached the door, Max glanced over his shoulder. “He might think he’s high and mighty and better than me, but the apple don’t fall far from the tree. You both remember that.”

Kevin gave him an abrupt shove out and the door slammed closed behind them. The sound of the car engine reached her ears. Wrapping her arms around herself, Nikki shivered. No matter how far away Max got, his parting words continued to echo in the empty house and in Nikki’s ears.

Not because Nikki believed him, but because she was all too afraid that Kevin did.

*     *     *

Kevin deposited Max face down in his bed, fully dressed, then headed on home. Facing Nikki tonight would be harder than looking in the mirror each morning, and that was saying a lot. But putting it off wouldn’t change the fact that his father was a drunk and had made a despicable scene. He’d also uttered truths Kevin would have preferred remained unspoken. But what the hell. It was nothing Nikki didn’t already know.

And, if by chance, she’d started believing in fairy tales, tonight had dispelled the myth. So perhaps he owed Max for that. He stepped into the darkened house, expecting to find himself alone, Nikki closed in her room. He didn’t figure she wanted to look at him any more than he’d be able to meet her violet eyes. Eyes he was sure would be filled with pity or disgust. He couldn’t tolerate either.

Though the house was quiet and the overhead lights were off, the soft glow of a lamp beckoned to him from the family room. Just like Nikki to be thoughtful and leave a light burning for him, he thought.

With a weary groan, Kevin stepped inside the room.

“Are you okay?” Nikki asked.

Her soft voice took him by surprise.

Kevin was used to Max. She wasn’t. He glanced her way. “Are you?”

She bit down on her lower lip. “I feel responsible. He went into the basement earlier and I forgot to mention it… what with dinner and the tension, not that there’s an excuse…”

“Stop right there.” He held a hand up to forestall any more explanations.

“I don’t blame you for being angry.”

He raised an eyebrow. “If I’m angry at anyone, it’s at myself for subjecting you to him.”

“Don’t you think he’s responsible for his own behavior, not you?”

Kevin couldn’t help but grin. “Using that logic, you ought to lighten up on yourself, too.”

She tipped her head to one side. “So you’re not upset with me.”

“No, Nikki. I’m not upset with you.” How could he be? She was the one person who made him want to be better than he was—and the one person he kept letting down.

“But you’re still upset.”

“You always were perceptive.”

“I’m also here. For you.”

Though he’d be damned later, Kevin couldn’t resist the temptation—or the solace she offered. She held out her arms and he walked into her embrace.

*     *     *

No hesitation, no uncertainty. One minute Nikki was standing alone, the next he was there. She had no illusions. Kevin needed someone. If he hadn’t been emotionally drained, he’d never have turned to her now.

But somehow, it didn’t matter. Solid and sexy, his hard body aligned with hers, leaving no doubt where this could lead.

If she so desired.

She cupped his cheeks in her hands.
If she desired
. As if wanting him was ever in question. She’d sought the chance to show him what they could share. It seemed she was getting her wish in a way she’d never expected. Maybe she’d regret this in the morning. Or maybe she’d be looking at a brand-new start.

What better way for them to begin again than with the ultimate act of intimacy? If nothing else, they were good at that. Good at giving of themselves when the other one was in pain. What was so wrong with that? Didn’t that show a depth of caring not many people possessed?

He grabbed her wrists. “You know we shouldn’t do this.”

“Why not? It’s not like I could get pregnant,” she said with a grin.

Her attempt at lightening the situation worked, and Kevin laughed. But only for a moment. “I’m no good for you, Princess.”

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of what’s good for me?” she asked. Her body ached in delicious ways and all because she was in his arms, inhaling his scent and imagining them entwined more deeply. She drew a breath for courage and pressed closer to him.

He let out a slow groan. “Nikki…”

“No more words, okay?” She touched her mouth to his. His lips were warm, but remained closed.

After seeing his father in action, Nikki understood how Kevin’s mind worked. He’d never had anyone give to him or take care of him. Rather, he’d always been the strong one. Which was why he possessed that all-consuming need to control. About why he tended to treat people like they needed his protection.

“I don’t need your protection,” she murmured. She threaded her fingers through his hair, feeling the soft strands between her fingertips. “But I do need you.”

*     *     *

A man couldn’t resist a plea like that—even if the reverse were true. Nikki didn’t need Kevin as much as Kevin needed her. She was warm and giving, and she wanted him. She wasn’t holding his father’s behavior against him, nor did she seem disgusted by tonight’s scene.

She seemed only concerned…for him.

And he needed that right now. Needed her. He cupped her face in his hands, much as she’d done to him. And he kissed her the way she demanded to be kissed. Her mouth opened in return and he lost himself in her.

Their clothes landed haphazardly around the room. Wanting more for Nikki than a fast tumble, he swept her off her feet.

“You do realize you’re lifting two of us,” she said, laughing.

“Do you hear me complaining?”

“I hope we’re going to bed,” she murmured. Her tone was sexy, her eyes glazed with desire.

“Can’t argue with that.” And he couldn’t. Not with them both undressed. The warmth of her skin heated his already overloaded senses. They made it to the bedroom and he lowered her to the bed before following her. At least the sheets were cool, a contrast to the fever burning inside him.

Kevin felt the give and take between them, sensed the need when he cupped her breast in his hand. The soft mound was fuller now than last time and the reason why was staggering.

With every movement and every touch, he was in tune to Nikki. But he couldn’t escape the feeling in his gut that they weren’t meant to be. That this time was inevitable, but it couldn’t…
shouldn’t
happen again. And from the frenzied way she writhed against him, he had a hunch she knew it, too.

TEN

T
he aftershocks of her climax had barely subsided when Kevin rolled off her. “Don’t want to crush you,” he muttered.

Nikki didn’t believe him. More like he didn’t want to be inside her once his brain kicked back into gear and he’d have to face what he was feeling. She inhaled and refused to give in to despair. The seductive masculine scent that was so much a part of him wrapped itself around her, giving her strength.

She wouldn’t give up a possible future. Not without a fight. She wasn’t sure when she’d made the decision. She did know she’d been struggling with it, fighting an internal battle between what was best for her baby and what was safest for her heart. There was no contest as to which was more important.

The scene with his father should have convinced her to back off and have nothing to do with him. After all, she’d seen why he couldn’t sustain relationships easily and knew what a struggle it would be to force him to try. He’d had no family to speak of growing up and she didn’t want her child raised with an absent father, or worse, none at all.

If she were to give her baby the sense of family she’d had, if she was going to give all of them that feeling of family, she’d have to start at the beginning. She reached for his hand and brought it to rest on the slight swell of her stomach, which felt like it had blossomed overnight. “You can feel the baby kick as early as fourteen weeks,” she said.

She met his gaze. No doubt he’d been expecting her to question his emotions or the reasons he’d backed off. But an overt grasp for his heart wouldn’t work. Instead, she planned to ambush him slowly until his heart and hers were so closely intertwined he couldn’t tell whose was beating stronger, or faster. Until he didn’t want to.

“It’s too soon then.” His fingers curled more tightly against her stomach. More possessively, she thought.

“It’s too soon,” she agreed. “But a few more weeks and it won’t be.” She looked into his dark eyes. “Will you want to feel it? Or will you want to run?”

He lay a hand over his forehead and covered his eyes. “You don’t ask for much, do you?”

Now that their lovemaking was over and the world had intruded, a chill rushed over her skin. “I’m not asking for anything at all.” She tugged at the bedsheet until it covered her exposed skin. The cotton was cool and did nothing to warm her, so she curled into Kevin’s body heat. The chill eased completely. She wasn’t surprised.

“I helped create this life. You know I want to be part of everything.” He wrapped his arm around her waist. Because she’d pushed first or not, she’d never know.

“I didn’t know or I wouldn’t have asked. But that aside, there was more of a point to the question.”

“What is it?”

“If you want to share in the physical changes in my body, we’re going to have to come to some kind of understanding,” Nikki said.

Kevin bolted upright beside her. “What kind of understanding?” he asked warily.

“I’ll marry you, Kevin. I’ll give my baby his father’s name and the best possible medical care. I’ll give you a home and try to be the best wife I can be. I only ask one thing in return.” She had a nerve asking anything at all, she knew. He was doing all the giving just to make her life—and their baby’s life—easier.

“Why do I think giving blood would be easier than whatever’s on your mind?” he muttered. “You have to know I’ll do whatever it takes to keep both of you safe.”

She sighed. So it all came down to that again. To responsibility. What she wanted from him entailed so much more. “Safety isn’t the issue, Kevin.”

She curled her legs beneath her. Being naked around him didn’t embarrass her, which said so much about her trust and faith in him. Why couldn’t he see that?

They sat in silence. He obviously waited for her to continue. She couldn’t ask him to love her. Either he did or he didn’t.

She hung her head for a minute, gathering her thoughts. “A baby should be born into an atmosphere of peace and harmony. Into a family,” she explained at last.