Wounded Courage (Lucky Thirteen) (7 page)

“Shut it,” Murphy snapped at me. He rounded on Chris. “And you damn well know better.”

Chris’s expression sunk into sullenness. We ate in silence for a long time. I didn’t know what they were thinking about. I would have to talk to them eventually. And then my fate would be sealed, if it wasn’t already. I just wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.

Murphy grabbed his own food, handed a container to Chris, and settled between Chris and me, like a parent dealing with unruly children. I rolled my eyes. “So how much longer do I have to stay here?”

“Anxious to get somewhere?” Chris asked, coldly.

“Yeah, somewhere with Netflix,” I shot back. “Do you know what it feels like? To have your freedom ripped away from you?” I glanced at both of them. Chris avoided my eyes, but Murphy… his made me feel naked. “I don’t think you guys get it. I don’t think that you could.”

“Tell me about it.” Murphy’s words weren’t a command, but it was so much like one I just obeyed without thinking.

“A week ago, I had a boyfriend, a gorgeous house, a
fantastic
expense account. One night, I see Devyn with Alex’s sister, and now I’ve lost everything. Do you know how that feels?” From the look on their faces, I guessed not. “And now I’m here, and I can’t leave. I miss my life. It’s only been a couple of days, and I’m going crazy here.”

Murphy looked back at Chris, and something passed between them. They were always doing that. It was like some sort of psychic SEAL connection between the two of them, except that they’d done it all our lives. I tossed the half empty box of food on the coffee table and stood up to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“To my room.”

“You’re not done eating.” Murphy’s tone left no room argue, but I was done being Ms. Obedient.

“Not hungry,” I lied.

“Yes, you are.”

I growled, my irritation growing with the man. His mouth turned up in a slow smirk.

“Come sit back down.”

“No.”

“Will you please come sit back down and eat?”

He always did that. He’d be all commanding, and then suddenly, he’d pull out something nice like that question. I glanced at Chris, who took a bite of his food and wisely remained silent.

“Addison?” God I liked my name on his lips. I wanted to hear it again.

“I…” I trailed off because I had no idea what I’d been about to say. “I can’t.”

Murphy punched Chris in the leg. Chris grunted and yelled, “Hey! What the fuck was that for?”

“For being an asshole. Now apologize.”

“I didn’t—” Chris growled but didn’t finish the sentence. “Fine. I’m sorry.”

“To her.”

Chris glared at Murphy. “You’re serious? You want me to apologize to Addison?” His tone of voice made it sound like that was the most ridiculous thing in the entire world.

“Yes. She’s the one that’s been displaced from home here.” His pointed look made Chris frown.

Chris rolled his eyes. “Fine. Addison, I’m sorry.” He stood up, grabbed his food, and added, “I’m out. I’ll eat up at the watch station.” He didn’t wait for a reply, just turned and left the room, food in hand.

The door slammed shut, the metal reverberating through the entire lounge area.

~*~*~

Several moments of silence passed before Murphy said anything. “You don’t have to antagonize him, you know. He’s trying.”

I sunk down on to the couch again. The fight was gone again. My intention hadn’t been to chase my brother out. I was just frustrated and annoyed and I didn’t know how to handle it anymore.

“You guys don’t have to hold me here.”

“We kinda do.” He was unapologetic. I had to give him props for honesty. “I’ll level with you, Addison. You weren’t being truthful with us before. I know it. Chris knows it. Pretty soon, LT will know it. You need to level with us. Let me help you before it gets more complicated.”

I bit my lip and leaned back against the couch. That was interesting. Will know? Did that mean that his commanding officer didn’t know about me yet? Murphy took my now empty container from my hands and set it on the table. His arm stretched out over the back of the couch behind me, bringing him closer. His eyes searched mine, for what I didn’t know. But whatever it was, I wasn’t sure if he found it or not.

“What do you want me to say, Murphy?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.” He didn’t move back, and I didn’t want him to. “Why don’t you ever use my first name?”

That was right out of left field Why did he want to know that all of a sudden? “I do use your first name.”

“No, you don’t. You haven’t. Not since I met you.” He shook his head. “Why is that? Is there something wrong with my name?”

“You’re not an Eamon to me,” I replied. “You’re Murphy. It’s who you are.”

His brow furrowed. I wasn’t sure if it was confusion or irritation. Did he not like me using his last name? Everyone called him Murphy. And if I called him Eamon, it would make me too close to him. I needed distance, if only to maintain my sanity.

“You could call me Hardy,” I offered.

He laughed and shook his head. “No. I call your brother Hardy. That would just be weird.”

“Oh.” My cheeks flushed with heat.. There was little other meaning I could take from that. The heat in his eyes cemented that hypothesis into theory. “Why would it be weird?”

“Because there are things I’d like to do with you that I would never do with your brother.” As if punctuation, he leaned in, his breath smelling of cilantro and beef. His cologne enveloped my senses, surrounding me like a cocoon. His lips brushed my cheek. “I like your name. Addison. It’s smart. It’s sensual.”

I liked him saying it. His voice was velvety and sexy, my inner thighs tingled with the beginnings of desire I had no business feeling. His hand, the one that wasn’t behind me, landed on my thigh furthest from him. The sharp intake of breath was involuntary. I couldn’t help it and my breath shuddered unevenly. His hand was hot, his palm leaving sparks across my skin. There was no mistaking his intentions now, as if I could have before. As if I’d wanted to at all.

Traitors that my hands were, I found them fisting his t-shirt, and pulling him closer. But instead of kissing me, his lips made contact with my neck, soft little droplets of kisses covering my skin with each movement of his head. A tiny whimper of appreciation escaped me. I felt his smirk, even as his hand slid up my uninjured thigh and squeezed lightly. I’d have died to have this attention when I was younger. My teenage love for Murphy hadn’t ever really died. I’d buried it when I realized he hadn’t wanted me, and that was where it needed to stay.

“Addison.” He needed to quit saying my name. I was dying here. I wasn’t thinking right. This guy made me want to spill all my secrets to him. He made me want to cling to him and never let go. I wanted him to touch me, every inch of me. The heat of his hand hyper-sensitized me, sent sharp tendrils of desire through every single nerve in my body as he stroked the flesh of my thigh. And yet, there I was, tilting my head to give him better access to my mouth, in absolute opposition to common sense.

The first touch of his lips on mine was electrifying, burning straight through me. Someone whimpered. I think it was me. I was fighting a losing battle, one I needed to nip in the bud before it got out of control. But I already knew it was out of control. Regret coursing through me, I pushed him away from me. At first, he didn’t move, but when I got more insistent, he pulled back.

“We can’t…” I trailed off, but he knew. “I can’t.” He didn’t say anything but I owed him something, at least. I hadn’t discouraged him before now, and we’d been dancing around our flirtations since I’d come there. “I just lost Alex. I have—had been with him for months. I can’t just forget that.”

“We predate Alex and you know it,” Murphy said, but he didn’t try to come closer. He stayed back, and I was thankful, because I didn’t think I had the wherewithal to push him away again. “You didn’t love him.”

“You have a lot of gall, telling me what I felt for my… boyfriend.”

“When you trip over calling someone your boyfriend, you know it’s not love. What we have, what we’ve always had, it’s special. It’s important.”

Special? Important? That shook loose the spell he had over me. I slid away, trying to ignore both the pain in my leg and in my heart. I pushed to my feet and backed away from him, bracing my weight on my good leg as much as I could. I’d left the crutch in the other room. 

I pulled in old hurt, let it fester in the old anger of his ignorance where I was concerned. I couldn’t fault him for everything. I’d never told him how I felt when we were younger, how apparently, I still felt. I hadn’t allowed myself to think of it in a long time.

“No. You’re not doing this to me, Murphy. You’re not guilting me into this.
You
passed us by. Not me.”

“I’m not trying to guilt you into anything,” he said.

“Bullshit, you’re not. If you
ever
thought it was special or important, you would have done something about it years ago. Because that’s who you are, Murphy. You don’t run away from things you think are important. You’re right there, demanding it. And you know what?” Tears formed on my lower lid, blurring my vision. “You never did. And I moved on.” 

I couldn’t stay there, and let him continue.

I swallowed hard, that lump building like the center was a powerful magnet. I had to get out of there. I had to not be around him, just to save my mind. “I’m going back to bed.”

“It’s only six in the evening.”

“Yeah, well, I have a hole in my leg and sedatives in my system thanks to you.” The leg wound wasn’t actually his fault, but I really needed to blame him. I cursed as tears spilled over my cheeks. Fuck. I hated crying, and I’d done nothing but since I’d been there. I turned away from Murphy and limped my way toward my new bedroom. As soon as I shut the door, I leaned my back against the cool metal, sliding down to the floor. I brought my knees up to my chest, ignoring the sharp pain of my wound, and rested my head against them. It wasn’t just Murphy. It was everything. Everything was wrong.

~*~*~

Murphy

I crossed to the door, my hand out, but I stopped before I touched it. I couldn’t hear her on the other side, but I had already seen the tears. It wrenched my heart because she’d never cried in front of me before. She’d always been strong and in control of herself.

Her presence pulsed through the wall toward me, like a beacon, but I’d done enough to hurt her today. She’d always been important to me but I’d never told her that and now I’d hurt her far more than I’d ever intended.

“Hey, Murphy.” I did a quick about face as soon as I heard Dylan’s voice. He stood, half leaning in through the doorway. He braced himself with his hands on the doorframe on either side. “Oh, is there food?”

I glanced back at the table. “Yeah, it’s all yours.”

“Awesome!” He practically ran over to the bags, rummaging through them like a kid in a candy store. A really big kid, considering he was about my size.

Looking back at the closed door where Addison was, maybe I was a little jealous, because she’d given up her normal college lifestyle for a man like Alex Giroux. Hell, I wasn’t just jealous. I was an asshole. I’d known about her crush on me as kids, but she was Hardy’s sister. Not to mention that I hadn’t been interested in relationships then. She was too good for me.

“Dude, why are you hovering at that door? It’s kinda creepy-like.” Dylan shoved food into his mouth and said, “Mmph wumpa mush.”

I stepped away from the door. “What the fuck did you just say?”

He held up a finger and chewed, his cheeks puffed out like chipmunk cheeks. He swallowed and said, “I said… why don’t you just go to bed? You’ve been up for like… two days, yo.”

Because I couldn’t sleep. Especially now that I had… I’d initiated that kiss and I’d put something in motion that I had zero right to. Because at this point, it wasn’t just that she was my best friend’s sister. She was also under suspicion of being in league with international criminals.

“I’m fine.”

“Whatever. Your stupid face looks like you got in a fight with Rudolph and stole his nose.” Dylan shrugged. “Also, White wanted to see you.”

Crap. I’d forgotten to go see him yesterday when he’d said to come by. “Thanks.”

This wasn’t going to work. I was a damn mess with her here. I didn’t forget things. Not ever. And I didn’t get mixed up over things that I knew were right. Like making Addison stay until we figured this out.

It was time. Master Chief  would be here soon and he’d want to talk to her himself. Maybe I could just let him talk to her, and then I could let go of the confusion. I promised her I would keep her safe, but at the same time, I had a duty to my team, to our mission, and she was not cooperative with that. She was going to make it impossible to get her cleared of collusion with the Giroux family.

I flopped back on the couch, deciding not to go into Addison’s room for the time being. 

“You’re not going, are you?” Dylan eyed me from his seat on the opposite side of the couch.

I shook my head. “Nope. Staying here.” Addison had been here several days at this point, though she’d been unconscious for several hours of it. She had to get used to the idea on her own that she needed to help us to help herself. She needed time, and I needed a break from her. I couldn’t take the way she made me feel anymore.

“Figured. I tried.” He shoved more food into his face.

Damn it. Addison had that weird power over me, the one that made me want to crumble at her feet and beg her to give me a chance to show her how much I wanted her when I needed to stay the hell away.

I sighed and leaned my head against the back of the couch. I had to figure this mess out quickly, and Addison needed to start talking sooner. If neither of those happened, I was doomed.