Wrangling the Cowboy's Heart (16 page)

As Vic spoke, Finn heard the truth in what he said, even as part of him fought it, feeling disloyal.

Had he been hero-worshipping the man? Had he been blind?

He used to hit me. Sometimes with an open hand. Sometimes with a fist.

“What's up?” Vic asked.

“I can't talk about it now. I'll tell you someday.”

“And what about the horses?”

Finn scratched his forehead, trying to figure out what to do. “Just wait a day or two before you come and get them.”

He hung up, then picked up his Bible. Right now he needed to set his feet on a solid foundation. What Vic had told him wasn't new, but combined with what Jodie had said, it altered his view of Keith.

Finn thought back to other things Jodie had said, before her revelation. How her father hadn't believed her when he'd picked her up at Jaden's party. How they used to have to sneak around when they were dating because she didn't want her dad to find out.

Finn had thought it was because she was ashamed of him, when it turned out she was probably afraid of Keith.

He suddenly recalled a model airplane he had put together once. His mother was away and he'd been by himself. He had gone ahead without the instructions, and when he saw it wasn't going the way it was supposed to, he'd started pushing pieces to fit, discarding the ones that didn't work.

Had he done the same with his relationship with Keith? Had he pushed things to fit, turning Keith into the father he had lost? Had that twisted his perceptions of the man, turning him into what was missing in his life?

Had he been blind to Keith's faults because he'd needed so badly for him to be good? So he could have someone to look up to?

Finn thought of what Vic had just said and knew that Keith had a temper, and that he was only human. But he wanted so badly for Keith to be what he needed him to be.

He looked over at the pictures of Denise again and, with a smile, realized that even she was only human, and he couldn't compare her to Jodie. She hadn't lived the life Jodie had.

As he gazed at Denise, he knew he wasn't looking for someone like her anymore.

He was looking for someone like Jodie.

Chapter Seventeen

Y
ou should stay.

Jodie ignored the nagging voice as she carried her suitcase out to the car the next morning.

Stop running. Go talk to Finn. Explain.

Jodie's steps faltered as she thought of him. Explain what? she wondered, yanking open the door of her car. Give him the gory details? Would that make a difference? Would he believe her?

She tossed her suitcase onto the seat, then looked back at the house.

She'd left her father's letter behind, needing some space from it. Some distance while she tried to think what to do about it.

She sent up a prayer for strength and wisdom, then got into the car and drove away from the ranch.

At the end of the driveway she slowed. Right was the road back to Wichita. Left was the way to town, Saddlebank River and Finn's place.

She stopped there, her hands resting on the steering wheel. Turning to the right was running away.

Turning left meant facing her fears. Facing Finn.

“I'll need You beside me, Lord,” she said aloud as she made her decision.

She had driven half a mile when she saw it.

A police cruiser.

She automatically slowed up.

Was it... Could it be...?

The cruiser flashed its lights, sped past her as she pulled over, turned around and parked behind her.

The driver got out, and as he walked toward her, Jodie felt as if her life had come full circle, back to where she had started only a few weeks ago.

But this time she didn't wait in the car, stifling her nervousness, hoping she wouldn't get dinged with a speeding ticket. This time she got out and stood by her vehicle, head up, facing Finn Hicks as he removed his sunglasses and tucked them in his pocket.

He didn't look as intimidating this time as he had the last.

She was surprised to see weariness in his expression and wariness in his eyes.

“Hey, Finn,” she said. “I wasn't speeding this time.”

“No. You weren't.”

“So why did you stop me?” The question was meant to be teasing, but Jodie couldn't keep the yearning out of it.

“Because I don't want you to go.” Finn took another tentative step toward her, raising his hand as if reaching out to her. “I want you to stay.” He touched her shoulder, the faintest brush of his palm. “I'm sorry I didn't believe you. About your father. It was...difficult to hear...and unexpected. But I shouldn't have reacted the way I did.”

Jodie was surprised at the tears that welled up in her eyes.

“I know your father was a hard man. I just didn't know how hard.” Finn stopped there, his hand resting on her shoulder now, tightening. “I should have believed you. I'm sorry.”

Sorry.

Had she ever heard that word from a man before?

Jodie's lips quivered, then she reached up and caught his hand in hers, holding it tightly. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“Were you leaving?”

Jodie shook her head. “No. I was heading toward your place. To talk to you. I'm tired of running. I want to work this out.”

“Me, too. Because I want good things for you, for us. I love you.”

Joy swept through her soul like a spring Montana wind as she stared at him. “I love you, too,” she choked out.

Then, to her surprise, he swept her into his arms and kissed her. She wove her arms around his neck, vaguely aware of knocking off his Stetson.

But then he kissed her again and she couldn't think of anything else.

Finally, he drew away, his rough finger tracing the tracks of her tears. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad.”

“I'm not sad. I'm happy. Happier than I've been in a long time.”

Finn smiled and brushed a light kiss over her lips. “Me, too.”

They stood this way for a moment, then Finn drew back. “I meant what I said,” he told her. “When I said I was sorry that I didn't believe you. About your father. It was a shock for me.”

“I shouldn't have run away,” she admitted. “It was just so hard to see the look on your face when I told you. I just want you to believe me,” she whispered, swiping at the tears on her cheek. “To know my side of the story. I'm sorry that it's not what you want to hear.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he said, putting his knuckle under her chin and lifting her face to his. “I'm more upset for you than I am for any false vision I had of your dad. How he hurt you. How he took away your chance to go to that music school. Stole your future.”

“It wasn't just him,” she said, sniffing, wishing the tears would stop, thinking of the letters she had left in her father's house. “I made decisions, too. I could have tried again.”

“But it changed everything for you.”

“It did. But one of the biggest disappointments was missing out on whatever might have happened between us. If we had gone on that date, I think a lot would have changed. If I hadn't gone to that party, tried to defy my father one more time, everything could have changed, too. I made some bad choices back then.”

“I'm sorry it seemed as though I didn't believe you,” Finn responded. “It was just that I had such a different view of your father.”

“I know that,” she said. “I have to accept that the relationship you had with him was just a different side of who he was. I often wished I could have had the same relationship.”

Finn gave her a soulful smile. “Your father helped me when I needed it. I felt I could trust him.”

Jodie sensed the comfort he must have felt, being around her father and his never-ending rules.

“I wish you would have told me earlier about your dad,” he continued. “I could have had time to readjust my thoughts. My expectations. My memories.” He held her gaze, his own eyes tortured. “I always prided myself on knowing people, but in your dad's case I was wrong.”

Jodie heard the pain in his voice at the loss of a part of his past. At the disillusionment he felt.

But her father's letters had given her a new perspective on an old relationship.

“‘Stumbling to grace,'” she murmured.

Finn looked confused.

“Words from one of Mandie's songs,” Jodie said. “I quoted them to you before. I think my dad was struggling, as well. Trying to do what he could, but not sure how. He wrote me a letter apologizing for what he did. It will take time for me to completely forgive him. For the memories of what he did to fade away.”

She caught Finn's hands between hers. “We each had different relationships with the man,” she said. “What happened between him and me was part of his identity, but it wasn't all of who he was. When I hear you talk about my father, truth be told, part of me is jealous. I wanted to have that, but I wasn't the perfect daughter.”

A rueful smile drifted over Finn's dear features. “I can't believe you can be so gracious,” he said.

She sighed, reaching out and stroking his face. “I know that all my mistakes have brought me here. To you.” She cupped his cheek, the whiskers scratchy against her palm. “And I like where I am. Right now. Right here.”

Finn closed his eyes, his hand covering hers as he pressed a kiss to her palm. Then he held her gaze. “I am amazed at your capacity to forgive. Humbled by it, in fact. Now that I know what I do about your father, I feel as if I'm nowhere near ready to forgive him the way you have.”

“Each of us has to find our own way to reconcile with people who have hurt us. Keith wasn't the best father, but I have to admit he did provide for us. I found that out.”

“Just like I want to for my family,” Finn said as he brushed a strand of hair from her face. “I think we were meant to be together, you and me. And I don't want you to ever leave. I want to marry you and provide for you and take care of you.”

Jodie stared at him in wonder.

He kissed her again, as if sealing the promise, then drew back. “I want to be your husband, and I want to help you be the best person you can be. I want to help you nurture the gifts God has given you. I want you by my side as we grow old together.”

Jodie flung her arms around his neck and kissed him again, her heart fuller than she'd ever thought it could be. “I love you, Finn Hicks. I think I always have. I want to stay here and be your wife.”

“I've been wanting to tell you something all night, he told her. “I finally took your advice and bought the place I'm living. So I also have a home for us.”

Jodie felt peace slip over her weary soul. “A home,” she said, almost reverently. “I feel as though I haven't had that in a long time.”

“You'll have one when we get married, and I want to do that as soon as possible.”

Jodie kissed him again. “But I have to stay on the ranch...”

“Only another month.”

“If I want my share,” she said, a touch of remorse washing over her. “I'm not so sure I do. Part of me just wants to leave all that behind.”

“It's your choice,” Finn stated. “I can support us just fine without any money coming from your father's estate.”

“I can pay my own way,” Jodie said, teasing him now. “Mandie liked my music. Said she wanted to see more.”

“I'm not surprised.” Finn wove his fingers with hers.

“The piano,” Jodie said suddenly. “I do want the piano from my father's place.”

“I'm sure we can find a spot in the house for it.” Finn smiled. “Just make sure you keep a place in your heart for me.”

“You have all of my heart,” she declared, giving him another kiss.

“I think we should celebrate. Lunch at the Grill and Chill? We can make some plans. For our future.”

Love and peace and hope flowed through Jodie like a refreshing stream. “Lunch sounds good. And our future sounds even better.” Then she gave him an impish grin. “Race you there?”

He laughed. “I don't think so. Then I'd have to give you a ticket.”

“Like you should have the first time.”

“I'm still glad I didn't. I needed all the points I could get with you.”

Jodie's heart was so full she thought it would burst.

Then he kissed her and touched her nose. “Don't speed,” he warned her, before walking back to his cruiser.

Jodie watched him go, her smile so wide it hurt her face. Then she looked to the sky, which hung like a large blue bowl above her.

“Thank You, Lord,” she whispered. “Thank You for bringing me back here. Back home.”

Then she got into her car and followed her future husband to town.

And their new life together.

* * * * *

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Dear Reader,

I think many of us struggle at one time or another with feeling we are not good enough. This is something Jodie had to deal with. Her father saw her as a burden and struggled with his feelings for her based on what he thought. This, of course, had a huge impact on Jodie and what she felt she was worth, and was reflected in the choices she made. But through the events of the story she learned her worth was not tied up in people's perceptions or what she thought others thought of her, but in how God saw her. If you are struggling with this same sense that you are not worthy, I pray that you may know that God sees you as infinitely precious. And that you are worth much to Him.

If you want to find out more about my books and stay on top of what's going on, sign up for my newsletter at
www.carolyneaarsen.com
or write to me at
[email protected]
.

Blessings,