Wrong Girl (42 page)

“You
still need to go to Rachel.” I remind him.

“I’ll
see her tomorrow, tonight I need to be with you.”

“How
on earth do you see any of this working out?” I question him, jumping out of
the bed as I reach for my clothes. “It’s impossible, Zack.”

“Nothing
is impossible.” He concludes, as if this makes it final. “I’ll speak to Rachel
and explain things to her. I’ll help her understand why we can no longer be
together but make her realise that we can still be good parents. We can raise
the baby and I’ll be his or her father but that’s all it will ever be between
us. I promise you, Sam.”

He
starts to get dressed, angrily tearing at his clothes as he yanks them back on.

“Things
will be different once the baby is born. You will hold your baby in your arms
and fall head over heels in love with it. Your love for me will not even begin
to compare and that’s exactly how it should be.”

I
take a seat on the bed, cradling my head in my hands as I contemplate the
future that is now before me.

“How
can you even say that? You’re my life, Samantha. You’re the sole reason for my
existence now.” He falls to his knees once again, trying to prise my hands away
from my face. “We will have our own children one day. I swear to God we will.”

“That
can never happen”

“Why
the hell not?” He demands fiercely, taking hold of my shoulders as he shakes
me.

“I
can’t go through that again.” I sob, shoving him back. “I cannot go through the
agony of that misery again.”

“Baby,
it would be different. You were just a young girl when it happened before, you
had no support and no one to take care of you. It wouldn’t be that way again,
our baby will be beautiful, you know that. One day it will happen for us and
until that day I’m absolutely determined that you will not let your past
dictate
our
future.”

The
desperation and painful torment can be heard in his voice, revealing his own
heartache and suffering. I’ve been so selfish in all of this, only thinking about
myself and how I’ the one who is hurting. I’ve ran out on him twice, leaving
him alone in his despair and anguish. He’s just found out he’s going to be a
father and all I’m concerned about is how all of this will affect me.

“I’m
sorry.” I apologise, allowing him to wipe away my salty tears. “I’ve lived in
the past for so long, I don’t know how to escape it. It haunts me every day.”

“Shhh,
it’s ok. Everything is going to be alright.” He consoles me, pulling me into
his warm embrace.

“I’ve
had counselling before but none of it has been enough to kill the sadness that
lives inside of me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t know where I
went wrong or what I can do to fix myself. I’m damaged goods, broken beyond
repair and that’s why you deserve so much better. You deserve to be with
someone like Rachel, you deserve the perfect life and the beautiful family.
Your baby with her will be beautiful and I don’t want to be the one who will
keep you from that idyllic life. You’ll end up hating me, I know you will.” I
sob violently, struggling to control my breathing as I gasp for air.

“Never
in my life will I hate you.” He vehemently assures me, forcing me to look at
him. “Never.”

“Please
go and see Rachel.” I beg him, fighting the anxiety that’s already invading my
mind, distorting the truth and causing me to fear everyone and everything,
including myself.

“I
will. I’ll go and see her first thing tomorrow morning, ok? But right now I
need you to calm down for me. You’re not thinking clearly, you’re all worked up
and I need you to really focus on me and the sound of my voice, ok? I’m here,
I’m right here with you and nothing bad is going to happen. I got you, Sam. I
got you and I am never going to let you go, you can push me away all you want but
I will
never
leave you.”

I
eventually manage to fall asleep, emotionally drained and physically exhausted.
His arms are protectively wrapped around me with my head resting against his
chest. I wake several times during the night, tossing and turning due to a
restless sleep and realise that Zack is still awake every single time. He has
yet to fall asleep and I can’t help wondering why on earth has still not given
into his exhaustion when I know how tired he must be.

It’s
during the third or fourth time when I wake up that I realise the reason behind
this. Zack is keeping watch over me. He’s making sure he maintains being alert
and attentive in case I decide to disappear again. He’s watching over me
because he also needs to know I’m safe.

For
the first ever time in my life I feel cherished. I feel loved, protected and
taken care of by the one person in this world who truly loves me. I know we
have a long road ahead of us but a small part of me still remains hopeful. It’s
a small flicker, a tiny beacon of hope that refuses to die out despite the
darkness that threatens to consume it.

Chapter Nineteen

I
wake up early the next morning to find that Zack is already up and dressed. He brings
me a cup of coffee before taking a seat on the side of the bed, resting his
elbows on his knees as he lets out a heavy sigh.

“Zack,
you look like you haven’t slept in weeks.” I tell him, sitting up to drink my
steaming cup of coffee.

“I
don’t think I have.” He smiles weakly. “Not properly.”

“You
know I didn’t expect you to stay awake all night. I wanted you to get some rest
too.”

“There
was no point, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.”

He
shrugs, making out like it doesn’t matter. Even though his mental and physical
exertion is completely obvious to me.

“Have
you spoken to Rachel yet?” I ask, eager to change the subject.

“I
just phoned her a couple of minutes ago. She said she’s got the house all to
herself for the day so I’m going to go round there in half an hour.”

I
try to ignore how jealous this makes me, knowing that Zack and my sister will
be together and talking about their baby. Something which has absolutely
nothing to do with me, something I will never be a part of.

“You’re
not supposed to know that she’s even pregnant.” I caution him. “What exactly are
you going to say to her?”

“I
don’t know, I’ll think of something. I can’t plan or rehearse what I’m going to
say to her or I’ll just mess it up.” He groans, walking over towards the
window.

“But
you’re not going to tell her about us, are you?”

The
idea of him hurting Rachel any more than he already has to is agonising for me.
She will be irreparably heartbroken when she finds out that he wants to call
off their engagement, let alone anything else.

“I
promised you I wouldn’t… not yet.” He says quietly, rubbing the centre of his
forehead as though he’s in pain.

“She’s
going to be absolutely devastated.” I murmur softly.

“I
know she is and that’s why I’m going to tell her as gently as I can.”

He
reaches down to place a soft kiss on my head, inhaling deeply.

“Will
you give me a call when you’re done?”

I
hate how my question makes me sound so needy and pathetic. I also resent how vulnerable
I am feeling now I’ve come to acknowledge how dependent I am on Zack. It leaves
a bitter taste in my mouth, reminding me of a time when I felt even weaker than
I do right now.

“I
won’t need to call you.” He replies, casually picking up the jacket he left
discarded at the foot of my bed the night before.

“Why
not?”

“Because
I’ll be coming straight back here.” He assures me, trailing his thumb along the
length of my jawline. “As soon as I’ve made sure that she’s going be ok, I’ll
be right back here with you.”

“Do
you think that’s such a good idea?” I question him, full of doubt and
uncertainty.

“I
don’t care if it isn’t. I can’t be apart from you again, Samantha. I just
can’t.”

“But
we can’t stay here with Audrey and we can’t go back to my apartment either.
Where are we going to go?”

“I
want you to pack a few things whilst I’m gone and be ready for me by the time I
get back. We need to get away from here, even if it’s just for a few days. We need
some time alone together so we can figure out what we’re going to do next.”

“I
can’t just leave? What about Rachel?”

“You
really think you can keep the truth from her? She’ll be crying on your
shoulder, begging you for an explanation as to why all of this has happened and
why I’ve called off the engagement. It won’t be any good for you to stay here. 
Besides, it will only be for a few days.”

“Ok.”
I acquiesce, realising there’s no point in arguing with him about this when his
mind is made up.

He
kisses me goodbye and walks out the door. I hear him call out his thanks to
Audrey who must be downstairs and closes the front door behind him. I suddenly remember
that he doesn’t have his car with him and how we had to get a taxi back here
the night before. I race over to the window and spot him getting into black cab
which is parked up the road.

I
sigh deeply, preparing myself for the next couple of hours I have to wait.
Hours which I know will be the most agonising of my entire life.

My
phone rings two hours later, rousing me from the trance-like state I managed to
fall into. I clamour off the bed and grab my mobile, failing to even check the
caller ID on my phone’s screen.

“Hello?”
I answer breathlessly, waiting to hear Zack’s voice on the other end.

“Samantha,
it’s me.” Rachel sobs, sounding frantic. “I really need you.”

My
heart rate accelerates as my palms turn sweaty. I clasp the phone to my ear,
trying to ignore Zack’s warning he gave me earlier when he reminded me how
terrible it would make me feel if I were to see Rachel right now, so soon after
him breaking up with her.

“Rachel,
are you ok? Where are you?” I ask, eagerly anticipating her answer.

“I’m
at mum’s house and Zack just left… he knows about the baby.” She cries
hysterically, struggling to vocalise what must have just happened.

“Do
you want to come here? I’m still at Audrey’s but she won’t mind you coming over.”
I encourage her, understanding how desperate she must be feeling right now.

“No,
I really don’t think I could drive right now. Can you come and see me?” She
pleads, sounding so desolate and alone.

Her
simple request tug at my heart strings, leaving me with no other choice.

“Is
mum there?” I inquire, resolute in my decision to never set foot in the same
room as that woman ever again.

“No,
she isn’t. She won’t be back home until later.”

“Ok,
I’m on my way. I won’t be long, Rachel. I promise.”

“Just
hurry.” She begs me, disconnecting the phone line before I have a chance to
respond.

I
race down the stairs, calling for Audrey to phone for a taxi. I’m frantic in my
urgency to get to Rachel, surprised by how protective I suddenly feel over my
sister and her sadness.

“I’ll
take you, it will be much quicker than waiting for a cab.” Audrey advises me,
grabbing her car keys before we head out the front door.

I
didn’t think to bring anything with me in my haste to leave the house so fast,
not even my phone which I dropped as soon as Rachel hung up on me.

“What
do you think she knows?” Audrey asks, concentrating on the road ahead of her as
we weave in and out of the Sunday afternoon traffic.

“Zack
said he was only going to break off their engagement. We both thought it would
be too much for her to handle if she were to find out the truth about us as
well.”

“You’re
probably right.” Audrey agrees, taking a sharp corner which she claims will
make an excellent shortcut to my mother’s house. “And now there’s the baby to
consider too.”

“I
know, I know.” I wail despairingly. “God, this is such a mess, a complete and
utter mess.”

“It
is but there’s nothing you can do about that now, the damage has already been
done. The most important thing now is helping your sister.”

We
pull up outside a few minutes later, thanks to Audrey’s reckless driving. She
doesn’t even get the chance to switch off the engine before I’m out the door
and tearing down the long driveway. I already told her during the journey over
here not to sit and wait for me, seeing as I have no idea how long I’m actually
going to be here. I watch her drive away before I knock on the front door,
announcing my arrival. Battling the terrible memory of the last time I stood
out here like this.

The
day I found out the truth about why my own mother despises me.

I
inhale sharply, willing myself to forget everything about that dreadful day,
reminding myself how important it is for me to direct all of my attention on
Rachel and what she needs.

After
several minutes I decide to try the front door and see if it’s unlocked. Under
any other circumstances, I would simply call Rachel and let her know I’m
outside but seeing as I’ve left my damn phone at home… I’m out of luck.

“Rach?”
I call out. “Rachel, it’s me, Sam.”

There’s
no response… just silence, making the house feel empty and eerie. I quietly
tip-toe down the hall, checking the kitchen and the back garden before I search
the dining room and then the main one.

“Rachel!”
I call, raising my voice in case she’s in the shower or something.

There’s
still no reply and the solitude I’ve come to find myself in is starting to
scare me. Where the hell is she? I only spoke to her on the phone half an hour
ago. Realising I have no other choice but to check upstairs, I take a deep
breath and brace myself for the worst.

Every
single step feels like a flaming marathon, heightening my fear as well as my
heart rate. The first place I decide to check is Rachel’s bedroom, the nicest
room in the house with the most gorgeous view. When we were kids we would
always choose to hang out in there. She would tell me about all the boys who
fancied her at school and all the girls who wanted to be her friend. I would
listen and nod along, agreeing with every little thing she said, so desperate
to be like my big sister. Despite it all, despite every wonderful thing that
has ever happened to her, I have never envied her. I’ve never wanted anything
that belonged to her… until now.

“Rachel,
where are you?” I ask, opening the door to her bedroom.

Nothing.

No
one is in here and there’s not a sign of anyone else being in the house. I
sigh, taking a seat on the edge of her king size bed, wondering what I’m
supposed to do next whilst praying that my sister is ok.

“So
you finally made it?”

I
whirl around towards the doorway to see Rachel stood there, leaning against the
wall in front of it. As expected, she looks dreadful. Her hair is a mess, as
though she’s been running her fingers through it and her mascara has ran,
leaving black smudges across her face. Her eyes are swollen and her entire
demeanour is fractured. She’s a shadow of her former self and the sight of her
is enough to shatter my own heart into a thousand pieces.

I
did this to her.
Me
.

“I’m
so sorry, I came as quickly as I could.” I tell her, slowly making my way
across the room. “Listen, I know this is a stupid question but how are you
feeling?”

She
starts to laugh, chuckling to herself at first until it turns into a hysterical
and disturbing type of laughter.

“How
am I feeling?” She repeats my ridiculous question, making it sound heartless
and insensitive.

“I
know it sounded stupid, Rachel. I just don’t know what else to say to you.” I
confess, trying my best to handle the situation as tactfully as I can manage.

“How
about sorry?” She questions me spitefully, narrowing her eyes at me in
revulsion.

“Excuse
me?”

“How
about you try apologising to me.” She repeats, staring at me with hatred in her
eyes.

“F-for
what?” I stammer, taking a step back from the intimidating stranger in front of
me.

“For
screwing my fiancé behind my back.” She snarls contemptuously, circling around
me like a predator eyeing up its prey.

I
inhale sharply, covering my face with my hands.

She
knows.

How
long has she known? I wonder, unable to control the million and one thoughts
spinning around inside my head. What exactly does she know and who told her?
Surely not Zack? Not when he promised me that he wouldn’t.

“Rachel,
I… I… don’t know what to say.” I whisper, hardly able to formulate the words
inside my head, let alone speak them.

“Aww,
fragile little Samantha is at a loss for words?” She taunts me, shoving me into
the wall across the room. “Don’t worry, little sister. I have plenty of things
I want to say to you.”

“How
long have you known?” I ask, resisting the urge I have to rub my arm which got
hurt when she pushed me.

“About
thirty minutes.”

“Zack
told you?” I gasp, struggling to believe that he would do such a thing.

“Oh,
no. He was too much of a coward to tell me the whole truth. All he said was
that he was no longer in love with me in the way that he should be and that he
thought it would be best if we were to call off our engagement. He also gave me
some spiel about wanting to raise the baby with me but I pretty much stopped
listening as soon as he told me it was over.”

“So…
who told you?” I ask again, trying to remember how she sounded on the phone
when she called me.

There
was no sign that she knew anything about me and Zack then, all I remember
hearing is her absolute devastation and her request to see me as soon as
possible.