Wrong Girl (39 page)

I
smile to myself as I recall what she said that night. She told me she rarely
drinks and has never been into the whole going out and getting drunk thing. I
glance around the bar, knowing that this would be the last place on earth that
I would see her. She would more likely be found curled up on a sofa with a book
in her hand than in here.

“Take
it easy on that one.” My brother warned me, passing me my second glass.

I
wanted to down the golden liquid and pray for oblivion to take over, instead I
swirled the whisky in my glass before taking a sip.

“You
know I just don’t get it.” I confessed. “I just don’t get what she’s done to
me, Aaron. She’s inside my head every flaming second of every damn day and the
sick part about it is… I like it. I want her in there. I wouldn’t have it any
other way. How fucked up does that make me?” I ask him.

“I’d
say that makes you pretty fucked up.” He replies truthfully.

“Exactly.
I mean… she’s not even my usual type, you know? I normally go for tall
brunettes with bronzed skin and then there’s Samantha who is petite, fair
skinned and blonde.”

I
know I’m not making much sense, I’m rambling on about things that aren’t even
important, superficialities of no consequence. Regardless of my blathering, it
does feel good to finally get some of this stuff off my chest.

“Well,
she’s not blonde anymore.” Aaron adds, motioning for the bartender to bring us
another couple of drinks.

“What?”

“She
changed her hair to dark.” He informs me. “You haven’t seen it?”

“No.
Why the hell did she do that and when?”

“The
same day I bumped into her a couple of weeks ago. She told me she’d just had it
done.” He shrugs, unconcerned by it all. “It looked nice.”

“For
fuck’s sake. Is there anything I
do
know about her?” I exclaim loudly,
captivating the attention of the couple on the next table. “I don’t know where
she is, I don’t know why she left. I don’t know how long she’s going to be gone
for. I don’t even know the damn colour of her hair!” I bang my fist against the
wooden table, almost upsetting our drinks.

“Zack,
calm down. It’s not that big a deal.” Aaron assures me, attempting to diffuse
the situation.

“It
is
a big deal.” I argue. “It matters because I love her, Aaron. I’m
in
love her and I don’t know where she is.”

“Are
you sure about that?”

“Of
course I am! You think I’d actually be sitting here with you if I had the
faintest idea where she was?”

“I
meant are you
sure
about being in love with her?” He questions, watching
me closely.

“Yes.
I’m certain.”

“So
where does that leave you and Rachel?”

“I
can’t marry her, Aaron. I just can’t.” I say resolvedly.

“Then
you need to tell her. It’s the decent thing to do.”

“I
know and I will tell her, I honestly will.” I close my eyes and rub my
forehead, trying to ease some of the tension. “I just need to find Samantha
first.”

“What
if Sam doesn’t feel the same way as you do?” He asks, infuriating me beyond
belief.

“She
does.” I insist firmly, unwilling to even contemplate a circumstance where she
doesn’t.

“Ok
but what if she’s not willing to do it? What if she’s no longer prepared to
hurt her sister any more than she already has done? Where does that leave you?”

“What
do you mean?”

“Are
you still going to call off the wedding? Because Sam isn’t even here, Zack. She
left you, she walked away and Rachel didn’t.”

“I
don’t want Rachel.” I remind him. “She’s an amazing girl but I’m not in love
with her any more. All I want is Sam.”

“Then
you best do something about it.”

“What
the fuck am I supposed to do? I’ve already told you, I don’t know where she
is!” I groan helplessly.

“So
you’re just going to carry on like this until she comes back?” He responds with
scepticism, thanking the waitress when she brings over another drink.

“Carry
on like what?”

“Look
at the state of you, Zack. You haven’t ate, you haven’t slept. You’re ignoring
your fiancé and you’re beating up your brother. How long you think you can
behave like this for?”

“Look,
I’m sorry about what I did to you. I really am.”

“Forget
about it. I’ll get over it so long as you do the right thing now.”

“And
how do I do that?”

“You
get yourself sorted, you decide what you’re going to do about Rachel and then
you concentrate on Sam.”

He
makes it sound so simple, as though it’s no big deal at all. My brother seems
to have forgotten that this is my actual life we’re talking about. My future
happiness depends on this girl, the girl I adore and would give my life for.
The girl whose whereabouts I don’t even know.

I
drain the remainder of my glass, relishing the numbness that’s taking over from
the amount of alcohol I’ve consumed. Aaron leaves me alone to use the bathroom
and I find myself gazing out the window, watching the outside world blur before
me.

Samantha.

I
swear to God I just saw her walk past the window… unless my messed up brain is
playing tricks on me. I jump up out of my seat and knock my chair over in the
process, shoving people aside as I tear out of the bar onto the busy street.

I
glance up and down the walkway, scanning the busy crowd for a glimpse of her.
The woman who walked past was with an older lady, she had chocolate brown hair
which she wore sleek and straight. I would never have thought the girl to be
Samantha but after my brother’s revelation about her changing her hair… I
have
to know.

There’s
a couple of restaurants further down the street and I decide to check them out,
certain that Sam would choose to go in one of them over the bar I was sat in.
I’ll go inside if I have to and check out every single table. My pride doesn’t
give a shit, I’ll do whatever it takes to find her.

The
first restaurant is full. There’s a long queue outside the door to get in and I
study every single girl in line, desperate for a glimpse of the woman I thought
to be her. To no avail, I give up and try the restaurant next door. This one is
much quieter and there’s no queue outside. I make my way indoors and shake my
head at the seating hostess who greets me with a warm smile.

I
peruse the diners, narrowing my eyes in concentration as I scour the entire
area. I’m about to give up and leave when I do a double take. There’s a girl in
the corner with her back towards me and she’s talking to an older lady just like
the one I saw walking past.

I
stride over towards them, already rehearsing the apology I’m going to have to
make when I realise it’s not Samantha. I reach out and tap the young woman on
the shoulder, scarcely able to breathe as I wait for her to turn around.

I
inhale sharply when she does, struggling to support my weight as my legs almost
give way beneath me. I reach out for her chair to support myself, holding onto
it for dear life as I lose my balance, vertigo and confusion taking over.

“Zack?”
She whispers softly. “What are you doing here?”

I
can’t believe it’s really her. I can’t believe she’s
here
.

Samantha.

Chapter Eighteen

Samantha

“Y-you’re
pregnant?”  I stammer, utterly unable to process the words she just said to me.

“I
am.” She says, smiling warmly.

She
looks so content and graceful. She’s almost glowing with happiness and it’s
enough to shatter my already broken heart.

“B-but
how?” I falter. “When?”

“How
do you think?” She rolls her eyes at me, struggling to conceal her absolute joy
and elation. “And it must have happened a couple of weeks ago, on the night I just
mentioned.”

“The
night he was drunk? Neither of you used anything?”

“No.
We’ve never used condoms, I’ve always been on the pill.”

“So
how did it happen? How are you even pregnant?” I ask, struggling to understand.

“Well,
I might have accidentally forgotten to take a couple of my contraceptives.”

“
What
?”
I gasp in disbelief, fighting the overwhelming misery which is threatening to
devour me at any moment.

“Ok,
ok. I stopped taking them, alright? I know it’s a terrible thing to do but I
was desperate, Sam.”

She
jumps up from the sofa, making her way towards the patio doors which open out
onto the back garden. The view is serene and tranquil. It’s peaceful and calm,
allowing the beholder to become entranced by it in an instant. I watch it
happen to Rachel. She’s captivated within seconds, completely absorbed by the
spectacular landscape of the countryside where Audrey’s house is situated.

“You
deliberately got pregnant?” I prompt her, needing to uncover the truth.

“It’s
not like I thought it would happen straight away.” She says softly. “It’s just
one of those things.”

“But
you had stopped taking the pills, Rachel. Which means you knew you could get
pregnant.”

“I
thought it wouldn’t happen for a few months. I honestly believed that we would
be married by the time I fell pregnant. It’s not my fault it happened the very
first time.”

“Rach,
do you not understand the severity of what you’ve done? You went ahead and made
this decision without consulting Zack first. He’s your fiancé and you chose not
to discuss this with him beforehand. What if he doesn’t want to have a baby
right now?” I enquire gently, reluctant to upset her or arouse her suspicion.

“Look,
I understand that it’s going to come as a bit of a shock to him but I know
Zack. He’s always wanted children and although this pregnancy wasn’t exactly
planned… I know he’s going to be absolutely thrilled about it.”

She
drags her gaze away from the view, resting a delicate hand against her flat
stomach.

“My
God.” I groan, raking my fingers through my hair, grappling with the knowledge
that Zack’s baby now exists inside her.

Their
baby.

“I’ve
been so worried about you, Sam. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling
right now. I know it must be so hard for you to hear my news and the last thing
I want is for this baby to stir up all sorts of bad memories for you… about
your own pregnancy.”

“Rachel,
I…”

“Please
let me finish, Sam. I need to say this.” She joins me back on the sofa,
grasping hold of my hands. “I want you to know just how special you are to me
and I’m determined that you’re going to play such an important role in this baby’s
life. I truly mean it when I say that I want you to be involved in this, I
really do. You’re going to be an auntie!” She beams at me, unable to conceal
her delight and exhilaration.

“I
am thrilled for you, Rachel. Its wonderful news and you’re going to make a
fantastic mum. It’s just… I’m a little shocked.”

“So
was I?”

“When
did you take the test? You have taken one, right?” I ask, hoping that all of
this could still be untrue.

“I
did one this morning. I bought one of those digital ones where it actually
spells it out for you. I didn’t want to leave any room for any doubt.”

“I
remember.”  I whisper inaudibly, making sure my statement isn’t heard.

I
bought the exact same pregnancy test all those years ago, the same day that my
entire world came crumbling around me.

“I
can’t believe I’ve actually told you. That wasn’t even part of my plan when I
decided to come here.” She admits happily, evidently relieved that she’s been
able to share her news with someone.

“What’s
going to happen about the wedding?” I blurt out, unable to control my internal
ponderings from being spoken.

“What
do you mean?”

“Will
it still going to go ahead?”

“Of
course will, why wouldn’t it?”

“Because
you’re going to be well and truly pregnant by August.”

“I’ll
only be around three to four months gone so I’m not going to be that huge. I’m
sure a designer will cater for my adorable baby bump.” She gushes, clapping her
hands with excitement.

“You
need to tell Zack.” I remind her, slowly dragging my wretched body off the
sofa.

I’m
anxious to put some space between us, afraid that she’s going to see through my
façade if I remain in close proximity to her. I hope the distance will be sufficient
when it comes to hiding the fact that her joyful news has just destroyed me.

“I
know and I will tell him. I just wanted to come by here first and talk to you.
I needed to make sure that you’re ok and I really wanted to tell you about the
baby myself.”

“I
see.”

“You
know what mum is like, she’s probably going to insist on throwing me a baby
shower the second she finds out.”

The
mention of my mother’s name makes my skin crawl, reminding me of the last
conversation I had with her before I left. I glance at my beautiful sister,
incapable of comprehending how such a beauty like her came from the animal who
abused me. I’m still striving to understand how my mother kept her secret about
Rachel for all those years and know how much it would hurt my sister if she
were to find out about Harry being her real father.

“When
are you going to tell her?” I ask, absolutely certain that my mum will set out
to destroy my relationship with Zack once she learns that Rachel is pregnant.

“I
don’t know yet. The next person I need to speak to is Zack.”

“You’re
right.” I say, smiling weakly. “Go and find him, Rachel. He deserves to know.”

She
nods her head and picks up her bag, heading towards the front door.

“I’m
really sorry about what mum said a couple of weeks ago about Uncle Harry coming
over for the wedding. She mentioned it to me beforehand but I never agreed to
it. I know you don’t like him and although I don’t fully understand why that
is, I respect the choice you have made to avoid him. He won’t be giving me away,
I promise you.” She assures me, begging me with her eyes to believe her.

“Thank
you.”

“Ok,
I have to go. Please don’t stay away for too long. I miss you.”

She’s
just about to get into her car when I call out after her, using a nickname I
liked to call her when we were small.

“I
miss you too, beautiful.”

She
grins at me, radiating joy and exuberance like never before.

“Goodbye,
pretty girl.”

Her
own pet name for me is like a dagger to the heart. For the very first time I
truly feel the agonising pain of the betrayal I have committed. I’m no better
than Harry. He hurts people and that’s exactly what I have done, I’ve ruined my
sister’s life and she doesn’t even know it yet.

Audrey
arrives home a couple of hours later, shocked and saddened to find me in a
crumpled heap on the living room floor. I haven’t been able to move since
Rachel left, incapable of putting one foot in front of the other let alone
anything else.

“Sweetheart,
what on earth’s the matter? What’s happened?” She asks, kneeling down beside
me.

“Rachel
came by here.” I whisper, almost incoherent.

My
throat is so dry and scratchy, the amount of crying and misery I’ve put my body
through must be finally taking its toll.

“Oh,
dear. Don’t tell me she knows about you and Zack?”

“No,
she doesn’t.”

“So
what on earth is it?” She inquires, gently wiping away the remainder of my
tears.

“She’s
pregnant.” I sob, breaking down all over again. “She’s going to have Zack’s
baby and I’ve still lost mine.”

Years
of grief and regret come pouring out of me, causing my entire body to tremble
uncontrollable. Sadness is a disease of the mind, it eats away at you until
there’s not a scrap of hope or happiness left. I’ve finally come to realise
just how long I’ve been carrying the weight of sadness around inside of me.
Exhausted and close to defeat, I guess I finally find the right time for me to
let it all out.

I
tell Audrey about the baby I lost that day, I confide in her about the
overwhelming fear that took hold of me the second I found out that I was
pregnant. I somehow find the strength to let go of all the pain I’ve been going
through, releasing myself from the restraints of y past.

“Shh,
baby. Its ok, it’s going to be alright. I’m here.” Audrey soothes me,
enveloping my fragile body in her arms as she rocks me back and forth.

Comforting
me the way my own mother should.

I
finally agree to eat a little something and bathe, surprised by how much better
those two things make me feel.

“We
need to get you out of this house, honey.” She says to me, joining me on the
couch.

“I
really don’t feel like going anywhere right now.” I mumble, tempted to fall
back into the self-pitying state she found me in earlier.

“I
know you don’t but it will make you feel better. Even if it’s just for a couple
of hours or so. We can go out, get some food like we arranged and then come
back here and sort this whole mess out.” She replies, using an authoritative
tone.

“You
really think that any of this is solvable?” I say incredulously.

“Of
course it is. Never lose hope, Sam. Ever.”

Realising
just how much Audrey has done for me over the past couple of weeks, I decide to
do as she asks and reluctantly get changed so we can go out for a meal as
planned. I don’t know how much I’m going to be able to stomach but the
important thing is I will try for my friend.

We
leave the house a little while later, driving into town with the hope that it
won’t be too busy. It is Saturday night and it’s after eight o’clock, the prime
time for people to go and eat. Audrey suggests one of the quieter places,
pointing out long line of people waiting to be seated at the restaurant next
door. We walk past a couple of bars and I can’t help but notice how lively
everyone seems to be tonight. They’re all laughing and joking without a care in
the world, whereas I’m drowning in my own sorrow and heartache.

We
get a table right away in the smaller restaurant and are seated at the table in
the far corner. My appetite is slowly returning as I get to view the delicious
food which is being brought out to the other diners. I suddenly realise how
right it was of Audrey to insist that we still come out tonight.

I
watch Audrey’s face change to that of confusion as her focus is drawn towards
something behind me. I’m about to ask her what’s wrong when I feel a tap on my
shoulder. I turn around, half expecting to see an enthusiastic waiter ready to
take me order. Who I see is instead is enough to take my breath away.

Zack.

“Zack?”
I whisper his name faintly, incapable of comprehending the vision of him before
me. “What are you doing here?”

He
fails to respond, staring at me in utter disbelief and astonishment. I
gradually take in his harrowing appearance, noticing the dark circles
underneath his eyes and the fraught expression he is wearing. He looks haunted,
his appearance shows just how tormented, worn and weary he is and I have to
fight against every single instinct which is screaming out to comfort him.

“Never
mind me, what are
you
doing here? Where the hell have you been?”

He
drops down beside me, crouching down so he’s on the same level as me, he gazes
into my eyes and I can smell the whiskey on his breath. His eyes are all
bloodshot and glazed over, confirming the fact that he has probably had too
much to drink.

“I’ve
been staying with Audrey, she’s my boss and my dearest friend.”

I
look across the table to find her gaping over at Zack. He’s still
breathtakingly handsome, even if he is visibly troubled and exhausted. His
attention is entirely focused on me as his arm rests against the back of my
chair, oblivious to her perusal of him.

“Samantha,
do you realise I’ve been existing in my own personal type of hell these past
couple of weeks? How could you just disappear on me like that? Did you realise
that you were ripping out my soul when you left me?”