X: The Hard Knocks Complete Story (38 page)

J
orge is definitely
due some credit. He’s been a good friend to me since I’ve been hanging around this part of the country. He’s texted me a few times to check on me, and tonight, he picked me up from Liv and Brian’s to take me to Tuesday
Tension
, so he can watch the show.

When we pull up to the arena, Jorge asks, “Am I going to see you wrestle tonight?”

I laugh. “No. I’m what they call a valet. I only escort wrestlers out to the ring.”

“Will you be with Phenomenal X again?”

“No. He’s actually been suspended for the past few weeks, so I’ve been assigned to Assassin.”

“Oh, is he any good?”

I shrug. “He’s the current champ. He won the belt when we were in Seattle.”

“Wow. The champ? Impressive, Anna.”

“Not really,” I mumble. “He’s an asshole. I can’t wait until Xavier comes back, so he can kick Assassin’s butt and take the belt away from him. I’ll be cheering like this.” I pump my arms in the air, as if I’m lifting the roof.

Jorge chuckles. “Not a fan, huh?”

“Definitely no—” I can’t even get the words out because his driver’s door flies open, and two large hands reach inside.

“Xavier, no!” I shout.

It doesn’t faze him as he curls his fingers into the fabric of Jorge’s once perfectly pressed polo shirt.

Xavier leans down in the car, so he can get face-to-face with Jorge, who is pinned to his seat by both his seat belt and fear. “What the fuck are you doing with my girl?”

Jorge’s eyes widen as he defensively holds his hands up, and his voice shakes as he says, “We’re friends.”

Xavier pulls him up and then slams him back on the seat. “Don’t lie to me. I know more than that is going on. You fucking her?”

“Xavier! Stop it! You’ll hurt him.” My plea for him to end this before it gets any further out of control seems to fall on deaf ears. It’s as if he’s lost in a rage haze, unable to recognize anything outside of his anger. I need to do something drastic, something to snap him out of it. “I’m pregnant!”

That does the trick because Xavier’s eyes snap to me. “What did you just say?”

Tears stream down my face as I lock my gaze on his. “I’m pregnant.”

“No, you’re not.”

My mouth drifts open as his words feel like a slap in the face, but I refuse to let him make me feel bad about this. He might not want this baby, but I do.

“I am,” I whisper. “And it’s yours. And…I’m keeping it. You can either be a part of its life or not—it’s up to you—but I’m going to be a mother.”

Xavier releases Jorge’s shirt from his grasp, and his eyes soften. “Anna…I…I can’t. I’m sorry.”

He steps back, and yet again, he’s running from me because things are hard, but I refuse to let him turn his back on me so easily.

I jump out of the car and chase him down to the edge of the gated lot where I grab his arm. “You can’t keep walking away from me,” I tell him.

“You don’t understand, Anna. This changes everything. I came here to beg you to come back to me because I’m a selfish bastard who can’t stand the thought of losing you, but now, I know I was doing the right thing by letting you go. It’s one thing for me to ruin your life because you can leave me anytime you want, but a baby? If it’s stuck with me, it has no choice. I won’t ruin my kid’s life. I’m too much of a fuckup to be a father.”

“No, you’re not. This baby deserves to have you in its life.”

I can clearly see the struggle in Xavier’s eyes, and as he takes another step back from me, I know I’m losing the battle in making him see he’s a good man.

“Don’t,” I whisper. “Don’t leave me again. It’s now or never, Xavier. I won’t keep playing this game with you. Either you want to be with me or not. Choose.”

Tears flow freely from his eyes. “I’m sorry, Anna. I can’t.”

He walks away from me, and I drop to my knees on the asphalt of the parking lot. No air gets to my lungs as I gasp for breath between sobs.

He’s gone.

This time, I feel like I’ve really lost him.

I’m not sure how long I stay kneeling in the parking lot, but Jorge is there, putting his hands around my shoulders and urging me to get up.

“Come on, Anna. The bouncer guy says he’ll cover for you and tell your bosses that you were throwing up all over the place. I’ll take you to the hotel, so you can get yourself together.”

I nod and then stand up on my feet. My legs feel like they’re made of Jell-O as Jorge leads me back to his car.

Freddy is standing by the car with a deep-set frown. The pity he feels for me is clear, and I’m sure I look like a pathetic mess because that’s exactly how I feel.

“Take care of yourself, Anna.”

I stare up at the big teddy bear of a man who has always been so kind to me. “Thank you.”

“Come on.” Jorge nudges me to get inside the car.

As soon as the door closes, the sobs start again, and I don’t see them stopping anytime soon.

L
ater that evening
, I’m still crying while lying on the bed. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop the tears from falling.

Jorge has been pacing the floor nonstop over the last couple of hours. He’s never been through something like this, so I’m sure he has no idea how to handle a heartbroken woman.

A knock at the door causes me to gasp. I’m not ready to see Xavier right now, if that’s him.

Jorge releases a relieved sigh as he hustles to the door. “Finally,” he mutters.

The door creaks open, and the distinct sound of Mother’s voice wafts into the room. “Where is she?”

“In here. But—” Jorge begins to tell her, and the door hits the wall like she’s forced her way past Jorge.

I push up into a sitting position in time for her to make it down the short hall of the room. My heart thunders in my chest as she stands there, staring at me. She looks just the exactly like she did as the last day I saw her. The same dark hair is perfectly pulled back into a low-set ponytail, and her makeup has been flawlessly applied. All of that coordinates with the black dress slacks and red blouse she has on.

I’m going to kill Jorge for calling her.

Her head tilts, and her eyes soften as she rounds the bed and sits down next to me, wrapping her arms around me in the process. “My baby,” she whispers.

I instantly begin crying again.

After she holds me for a long time, she pulls back and inspects my face, tucking a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “He’s done a number on you, hasn’t he? Jorge says you’re pregnant.”

My eyes cut to Jorge, and he knows he’s betrayed my trust by telling her that.

He raises his hands in surrender. “I panicked. They were the only people I knew to call who could help you.”

“They?” I question. “What do you mean,
they
?”

“Don’t be angry at Jorge, dear. He did the right thing by calling us. We’re here to help you. Your father is downstairs, and he forgives you—”

“Forgives me? I did nothing to him. He’s the one who was smothering me,” I tell her.

Mother licks her lips but continues to stare at me with her beautiful green eyes. “Perhaps we are guilty of sheltering you too much, but you have to believe that we did it because we had your best interests at heart. When you left the way you did, it hit us that you weren’t a little kid anymore. You’re a grown woman, capable of making your own decisions. If you come back home with us, we promise we will do our best to lighten up and give you freedom.”

I wipe under my eyes. “I love you, Mother, but I can’t live at home again. Father will never stop seeing me as a little girl he can control unless I stand on my own two feet.”

She pokes out her bottom lip. “But with a baby, Anna, life will be difficult without help.”

“I know,” I tell her. “But I’ll manage. I’m ready to accept the responsibility.”

Mother pinches my chin between her forefinger and thumb as she sighs. “My little girl is all grown-up and going to be a mother. I can’t believe it.”

She smiles, which makes me smile.

Somehow, I know that Mother and I will find a way to work out our differences. My father, on the other hand, will be a different story.

I
’m sitting
on the edge of my bed, bawling like a fucking baby.

It killed me to walk away from Anna, but how can I be a father?

I’m not cut out for it. I don’t want to be the reason the kid eventually turns into a monster like me.

But what I do want is for Anna to be happy. I swore, I would never make her frown and that I would be a good man to her, yet here I am, breaking those promises.

I wish I were different.

I wish I were better.

I wish I could give her the happily ever after that she craves, like the ones in those romance books she reads.

It’s then, in the confusion in my head, I do something I haven’t done in a long time. I fall to my knees in the middle of my motel room and fold my hands to pray.

I raise my head up toward the ceiling. “God? I know I stopped talking to you after you took my mother away from me, and you probably don’t give a shit about me either way, but I need your guidance. I need a sign to tell me what I need to do. I love Anna. God, I love her so much that it scares me to lose her. She’s my everything, but I’m willing to let her go if it’s the right thing to do.” Tears drip down onto my shirt. “What should I do?”

A gentle knock at the door causes my head to snap in its direction. No one knows where Corey and I are staying, so having a visitor startles the hell out of me. Corey probably forgot his key.

I hop up onto my feet and then dry my face with the sleeve of my T-shirt.

I open the door, and at first, I don’t see anyone until I drop my gaze about four feet. Standing there is a dark-haired little girl, wearing a pink dress and clutching a teddy bear to her chest.

“Da-da?” is all she says. Evidently, she’s still in the babbling phase of her communication skills.

I furrow my brows just as a woman from down the hallway scoops up the child into her arms.

The woman grimaces as she stares up at me, obviously intimidated by my towering frame. “I’m so sorry. No, no, Anna. Stay with Mommy.”

My mouth falls open, and for the first time in my life, I swear, I’ve witnessed a miracle. I asked for a sign, and the man upstairs sure as hell provided one for me.

At that moment, it’s clear to me what I’m supposed to do. I need to find a way to make things work with Anna and to say to hell with all the things that could happen. I’ll fight to keep her and my baby safe until my last dying breath.

Anxious to see Anna and grovel for her forgiveness, I sprint all the way back to the hotel where I know all the wrestlers are staying.

I burst through the doors and cut in front of the line at the concierge desk. “What room is Anna Cortez in?”

The woman, who is visibly put off by my behavior, looks at me with a resting bitch face. “We cannot give out that information. Now, if you don’t mind, please step away from the counter.”

“Fine,” I say. “If you don’t want to tell me, I’ll just go up and down every hallway, searching for her. I think I’ll start here in the lobby. Anna! Anna?” My voice commands the attention of the entire room, and every head turns in my direction.

“Sir! Lower your voice.
Please
, sir!”

The woman keeps trying, but I ignore her and begin walking toward the elevators when a man I vividly recognize from Atlanta steps in front of me.

“What are you? Crazy? You can’t go around, yelling for my daughter like that.”

I stare down at Anna’s father. “What are you doing here? She doesn’t want to see you.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “I could say the same thing to you. I heard what you did. Got my daughter pregnant and then ran out on her. What happened to all that preaching you did to me, huh? The same rules don’t apply to Mr. Superstar?”

He’s right. I did give him the third fucking degree for not treating her right, and I haven’t been doing much better myself lately.

“You’re right. I’ve been screwing up. But I’m going to do my best to beg her for forgiveness.”

Mr. Cortez sighs and rubs his chin. “My daughter will forgive you because she’s a good girl, and she knows the words of the good book. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

When he quotes the line of scripture, I remember reading that passage over and over as a kid, wishing Grandmother would apply that rule to herself every time she told me she hated me.

“Luke—six, thirty-seven.”

He lifts his eyebrows in surprise. “You know
his
word?”

I lift my chin. “I do. And I believe he put the two of us together for a reason. She’s my angel, and she has been saving my life since the day I met her.”

He smooths back his dark hair as he contemplates what I said. “She’s in room four thirty-two.”

We are far from friends, but it seems we have an understanding now when it comes to the type of relationship his daughter and I share.

My lips pull into a tight line, and I nod. “Thank you.”

I turn and head for the elevators and jump into the first one that opens, pressing the button to the fourth floor. I make it up to her room and take a deep breath before I raise my hand and knock on the door.

When the door opens, it’s not Anna who opens it but the guy I was so ready to kill earlier, and he doesn’t look too pleased to see me.

I shove my hands deep into my pockets, so he knows I’m not here to cause any problems. “Anna here?”

The man doesn’t make a move to clear out of my path, and I’m impressed that, even after what I did to him, he’s willing to stand his ground.

“I don’t think she wants to see you right now.”

I swallow hard. “I know I fucked up. At least let me come in and apologize to her.”

He shakes his head. “You hurt her enough. Why don’t you—”

“Jorge,” Anna calls from inside the room. “It’s okay. Let him in.”

Jorge? The same Jorge she was supposed to marry?

I eyeball the guy, and it’s understandable why her father picked a guy like that for her. He’s the complete opposite of me in every way and probably more deserving of her than me, but I refuse to allow him to have her.

Jorge steps back, and I pass by him.

Anna’s sitting in the middle of the bed in her room. Her legs are curled underneath her, and her face is red and swollen from crying.

Jesus, I’m a piece of shit for doing that to her.

A woman with the same dark hair and green eyes as Anna pushes up from the bed and approaches me with her hand extended. “I’m Maria Cortez, Anna’s mother.”

I nod, easily seeing the resemblance between Anna and her mother. “Xavier Cold.”

“I figured,” she replies. “My daughter is a good girl. Make this right with her.” She turns back to Anna. “Call me if you need me,
mija
. Our offer for you to come home always stands.”

Anna nods. “Okay.”

Maria kisses the top of Anna’s head and makes her way toward the door. “Come on, Jorge.”

“You don’t think we should stay?” he questions as she walks by him.

She grabs the door handle. “No. They can handle things from here.”

Jorge sighs, and it’s easy to see that, while Anna might be over him, he’s not over her, and it kills him to leave her alone with me.

But he’s an obedient guy and does as he’s asked. “Good-bye, Anna.”

When we’re alone in the room, I clear my throat. “When did you find out about the baby?”

“After my first show on Tension. I fell and had to get checked out by the trainer. They drug-tested me and gave me a pregnancy test.” She is quiet for a moment. “I tried to call and tell you, but you never answered me.”

Things begin to click. Not only was she upset because she thought I was blowing her off, but she was also going through some real shit, and I wasn’t there for her.

“I’m sorry, Anna. For everything. I handled it all wrong. I wish I could go back and have a do-over.”

She doesn’t even look at me, and I know I’ve hurt her badly, but I need to see her eyes, so I can tell what she’s thinking.

“Anna…”

“I’m sorry, Xavier. I can’t—”

Before she has a chance to finish that sentence, I drop to my knees by her side. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. Please, don’t. Anna, look at me.”

She reluctantly shifts her eyes in my direction.

“Don’t end this. Don’t end us. I’ll do whatever you want to make you stay with me. I can’t live my life without you, Anna.”

Her lips twist as she stares into my eyes. “Then, tell me the truth, Xavier. Tell me everything that you’ve been hiding from me. Help me understand you and why you keep pushing me away.”

I lock my fingers together on the bed in front of me and then drop my head onto my arms. Telling her everything might change the way she sees me. I don’t want her pity—I never wanted that—but if exposing the demons of my past is what will make her stay, then she’s about to get an earful.

I raise my head and take a deep breath. “Where do you want me to start?”

“At the beginning,” she whispers. “Talk to me instead of getting angry all the time.”

And so it begins.

I launch into my earliest childhood memories of all the good times I spent with my mother and then how things got really hard when she figured out my father—whoever he was—was never coming back. I tell Anna about all the drugs, living with Grandmother, the beatings she inflicted on me, and lastly, about the times I lived on the streets, doing things for money that made me a monster.

I’m lying next to her on the bed, facing her, as I pour my heart out, telling her things I’ve never told anyone else before, and she’s listening to everything.

She never makes a move to judge me. She just listens, and it feels good to get all this off my chest.

The last thing I tell her is the one thing I was trying hard to keep from her. Nothing is held back this time as I tell her about the day Kai took me to see Bishop. “That’s why I was with Angie that day. Bishop threatened to hurt you unless I did as he asked. I’m not getting back into business with him, so the only way I could keep you safe was to keep you away.”

Anna pushes my hair back off my face. “So, that’s why you were trying to break things off with me—to keep me safe?”

“Yes. I knew I had to. The night you went to Larry’s and drank, one of Bishop’s flunkies was the guy next to you, trying to pay your bill. They were showing me that they could get to you anytime they wanted. I couldn’t handle it if they hurt you. You’re my reason for living. The only problem is, I can’t make it without you.

“When you told me you were pregnant, I lost it, believing I would drag a kid down and make it a monster like me, believing you—both of you—would be better off without me.”

She stares into my eyes. “I’m better when I’m with you, and I know our kid will be, too. You’re good, Xavier. It’s time you start believing in yourself, seeing yourself the way I do. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a family, and I’m willing to give you that chance, but you can’t check out on me again, no matter what happens.”

“I’ll never leave your side again. I will control my temper—that, I promise. It’s cost me too much in my life, and I have more to lose now than I ever have.” My hand covers her entire stomach as I cradle my unborn child. “I’ll love both of you with every inch of my soul until my very last breath on this earth. I swear to you, from here on out, no more secrets. I’ll tell you everything. Nothing will get between us. I love you, Anna.”

Tears fill her eyes. “And I love you. Forever.”

I crash my lips to hers while relief floods me. I’ve finally found my heart again.