xanth 40 - isis orb (19 page)

“I’m not making much sense of this either,” Fiera said. “Why would he dance without the castanets?”

“Because he can’t play any musical instrument. He conjures them, but that’s all. But anyone else who plays one of his instruments can do it well. It’s his talent and his curse.”

“Ah. But there’s a problem: if he borrows the Totem, it will protect him from the fire and make him competent in the dance. But then you will have no protection.”

“I think I can finesse that. But we’ll need your help, I think.”

“If this can get me to the dance with a competent partner, I’ll do what I can.”

“Good.” Feline turned to Nya. “Can you lend the Totem to Hapless for the dance?”

“I could, but it won’t do magic for him, only for me,” Nya said.

“I think it will work for him if you ask it to. Your word is its law, no?”

“I can try,” Nya said dubiously. She lifted the Totem. “Totem, I want you to go with Hapless for this purpose, to protect him from the fire and make sure he knows his way around. That’s so he can take Fiera, since you can’t. Will you do that?” Then, answering a silent query. “Yes, I believe this will facilitate the Quest, because we’re trying to get along with the folk we encounter along the way.” Then she nodded and handed the Totem to Hapless. “He will do it.”

Hapless accepted the Totem. Immediately he felt its power.
My mistress wants this, so I am obliged to do it, snothead
.
Don’t foul it up
.

Just so.

“Now the other detail,” Feline said. She came to stand before Hapless. “Fire Totem, I know you can hear me. Hapless will take your girlfriend to the dance, and you will protect and guide him for that. But I need to come too, for a key aspect, so I need to be protected from the fire too. Can you make me immune to the flames for a few hours?”

Why the blazes should I, catbox?

“The Totem wants to know why,” Hapless translated.

“Because I think I can help Fiera win her prize, as she wants to. You’ll have to trust me on this.”

“Oh, I want to win it!” Fiera said.

I don’t have an order from my mistress. I don’t have to do it, whiskerface.

“The Totem prefers a more specific reason,” Hapless said.

“Then let’s put it this way: do you want your girlfriend attending the dance with a stranger who can’t keep his eyes and maybe his hands off her curves? But suppose they are accompanied by his jealous girlfriend who will be watching them all the time?”

The conspiring pussy has a point. I’ll have to do it
.

“The Totem agrees with your reasoning.” Hapless was just translating, though he was not entirely pleased with her description of his tendencies.

Feline smiled. “I thought it might.” She held up her hand, and Hapless touched it with the Totem. There was a crackle of power.

Now the schemer is immune to fire.

Then it was time to get ready. They garbed Hapless in the dance outfit Fiery would have used, and Feline in a spare dress Fiera had. Both outfits were burning hot, but now they could handle them without suffering. They both looked surprisingly sharp, Hopeless thought. Then, prepared, they left Nya and Quin to relax in the den while they headed out to the dance.

The two centaurs were startled to see the three exiting the den. “We’re going to the Fire Fandango,” Feline explained brightly. “Carry on.”

Fiera led them through several burning fields to a larger rock pile. Beneath it was a much larger den where dozens of fire fauns had gathered. “Fiery couldn’t make it,” Fiera explained. “But these folk are filling in. Treat them like respected visitors.” That sufficed.

Hapless and Fiera stepped onto the dance floor. “Conjure me castanets,” Feline whispered.

He did, and she donned them while Fiera donned hers. They were little shells that attached to the fingers so that they could be knocked together, producing evocative clicking sounds. In amateur hands they could be awful, but in expert hands they could be fantastic.

“But I don’t know how to do this dance,” Hapless protested.

Follow my lead. Better, let me have your feet.

Hapless turned over his feet. The music started. Then suddenly he was dancing, tapping the floor with precision while snapping his fingers. Meanwhile Feline on the sideline played her castanets with marvelous dexterity in time with his steps.

He danced with Fiera and it was wonderful. She really knew how to use her fingers, hooves, and torso, and was about as sexy as she could be without freaking him out. But he was matching her in everything but the castanets, and those were so well played and timed by Feline that he almost felt as if he were playing them himself.

Then they changed partners, and he got to dance with other lovely fire girls. He had never been so well treated by so many beauties. It was like a slice of heaven.

Then he saw Feline watching him, and stifled his rapture. Still, he was having a fine time. No girl had ever been jealous of his attentions before.

Midway through the dance, they paused to have the contest. “Give me the Totem,” Feline whispered urgently.

“But—”

“Totem, I need you so I can help Fiera win a prize,” Feline said. “With your help I believe we can do it. Do you want her to win?”

Bleep. Turn me over to the she-devil
.

Hapless did. When the Totem left him he reverted to his normal incompetent self. It was not a nice feeling. But he was doing the right thing. He hoped. He sat down and watched the contestants.

One couple after another performed, doing intricate dances as they clicked their castanets most intricately. They were good, very good; it was a stiff competition. The panel of judges watched, listened, and made notes.

Then Fiera’s turn came. Feline went with her. The music started, and the two women addressed each other, doing a fine coordinated dance as they clicked their castanets. Hapless realized that Fiera had phenomenal natural skill; she did indeed have the talent to win a prize, with an equivalent partner. The hidden key was Feline: she had the body, the coordination, the curves, while the Totem she carried lent her the skill in this particular dance and Hapless’s talent lent her the phenomenal ability with the castanets. It was Fiery Faun’s skill being drawn on here, and he certainly had it. Thus the two shapely women became a marvel of lovely symmetry, doing a dance that fascinated him. Feline lacked the petite hooves of a true faun, but her human feet were appealing in their own right. In that moment he loved them both.

Then he looked quietly around. All the men, and many of the women, were similarly rapt. They all loved the dancers. The performance was that good.

It didn’t hurt that it was clear that Hapless was far from the only one who admired well-displayed curves.

They won. Fiera hugged the trophy, transported by her joy. She kissed Feline, then kissed Hapless. “Thank you!” she breathed.

Feline returned the Totem to Hapless. “That was glorious,” she murmured.

Gotta admit, the cattail pulled it off.
The credit was grudging, but genuine.

After the dance they returned to the home den. The others welcomed them back and admired the trophy. Hapless returned the Totem to Nya. Then they all collapsed into sleep. It had been a considerable day.

Better, Hapless felt reasonably satisfied that they had done the right thing. They had gotten the first Totem without doing serious harm to anyone else. He hoped that kind of success would continue.

Chapter 9:

Earth Dragon

In the morning the plot of land had been burned over again; pockets still guttered. The centaurs must have had to step lively to avoid the flames.

Hapless opened the box. There was a picture of a huge six-winged steamer dragon, with the words EARTH TOTEM.

“This can’t be right,” Zed protested. “That’s not a land-bound creature, it’s a winged monster.”

“You know better than that,” Faro said. “The totems don’t have to be restricted in nature. All the elements are in all the Regions except maybe the Void: air is everywhere, ground is everywhere, and nothing could live anywhere without water. I suspect there’s some fire spread about too. The Regions are merely where particular elements are dominant. So a flying creature can represent Earth, if that’s the way it is. Maybe it needs to fly in order to get around the Region efficiently.”

“Excellent point,” Zed agreed, looking at her fondly. It occurred to Hapless that they could have gotten to know each other well during the night. “I stand corrected.”

“You were always correct; it was just a slip of attention.”

“I was distracted by your nice—wings.” He had evidently changed the word as he detoured around it.

She inhaled. “Thank you.” She probably had picked up on the original word.

“Time to follow the path,” Hapless said, as he felt a glare from Feline lurking in case he got too interested in that word.

This time the path stayed on the ground. It led from the box to a distant firewall. They followed it, avoiding sections that were still actively burning. The Region of Fire wasn’t so bad when they were used to it.

They halted before the firewall. Nya slid forward and touched it with a finger. That section blazed up and flickered out. They quickly stepped through.

They were in the Region of Earth. It was mountainous, with an active volcano directly ahead. “See—fire,” Faro said, pointing to the smoking cone.

“You’re right,” Zed said. “Volcanoes are creatures of earth, but do have fire.”

The path did not go to the volcano. Instead it meandered to the right as if in no hurry to get anywhere.

“There’s something odd about this,” Feline said. “Where’s the dragon? Why isn’t the path going straight to it?”

“Maybe we should pause to consider,” Zed said. “I have no idea how to catch a dragon, let alone pacify it. Quin or Nya could have flown after it, and maybe fought its steam with steam, but I can’t.”

“It does seem odd that a centaur should have been selected to capture a flying dragon of any kind,” Feline said.

“Well, maybe we got it wrong,” Zed said. “We decided who would be what, but we didn’t know the actual alignment.”

“Yet it worked out with the fire faun,” Nya said.

“You had fire to oppose it,” Quin reminded her. “Maybe I’m supposed to oppose this dragon with my steam.”

“We had better decide soon,” Faro said. “Because there’s the dragon.”

They looked. The monstrous six-winged dragon was flying toward them, puffing steam. It was male, and so big it seemed it could carry any of them away, even maybe a centaur.

“Well, I’ll try,” Zed said bravely. His bow appeared in his hands, arrow nocked.

The dragon saw that, and sheared away. He knew about a centaur’s infallible aim.

“But he’s too big to be killed by an arrow,” Quin said. “
I
could be killed, but I’m only a quarter the size of that one.”

“He probably would feel the sting, though,” Faro said, her own bow appearing. “And if you aimed for an eye, you could blind it. If I loosed another arrow at the same time, we could take out both eyes. It might not like that.”

“It might not,” Zed agreed with a smile.

“But we thought it should be just one Companion to a Totem,” Zed said.

“Maybe it doesn’t know that,” Faro said.

“It must know. The path has to go to it. The fire faun saw that, and knew.”

“But it doesn’t,” Faro said. “The path bears off to the side.”

“Maybe it’s the wrong dragon,” Feline said.

“I doubt it,” Zed said. “That dragon gave me too knowing a look.”

“But if the path doesn’t track him—” Faro said.

“I don’t understand that,” Zed said. “The path should go to him, and if he’s moving, it should move after him, as it did with me. Why isn’t it?”

“There are too many mysteries here,” Hapless said. “We’d better stop right here and figure some of them out, because any mistake could be lethal.”

They formed a circle facing each other. “We’ll storm-brain again,” Feline said. “Only all together this time, because that dragon could pick us off individually if we separate.”

“Two questions to answer,” Hapless said. “Why doesn’t our Companion match the challenge, such as our steamer dragon going after the steamer dragon? And why is the path ignoring the target? Could they be related?”

“Maybe we do have the wrong Companion for this Totem,” Quin said. “So the path refuses to focus. That’s it’s way of telling us we’re going wrong.”

“That makes so much sense it’s bound to be wrong,” Feline said.

“That is cat logic?” Nya asked.

“Yes. Sometimes the way to catch something is not by bounding straight at it, but by circling it and sneaking up from behind.”

“How do you sneak up behind a flying dragon who can see you coming?” Quin asked. “You’d never catch me that way.”

Then Hapless got a notion. “Maybe not sneaking. Herding.”

The others looked at him, perplexed. “You can’t herd cats,” Feline said.

“Or dragons,” Quin said.

“Ah, but we can,” Hapless said. “By getting all around the Region of Earth, and closing in on the dragon from all sides. I think he’s confined to the Region, so we can surround him.”

“He would just fly over us,” Nya said.

“Not if we balked him with music. That can reach up and fill the area.”

“Music! That’s how I enchanted Fiery Faun.”

“Yes. It should work on the dragon too. Music can reach into the sky so he can’t avoid it.”

“And if he knows about it, he will want to avoid it,” Zed said thoughtfully. “So he could be herded in toward the center.”

“Or to one corner, where you will ambush him with your saxophone,” Faro said. “No fire or steam needed, or even arrows. Just a clever idea.” She glanced at Hapless. “I confess, at first I didn’t see why you should be the Quest leader. But I am coming to appreciate it now.”

“It’s just an idea,” Hapless said, embarrassed. “Maybe wrong.”

“And maybe right. Let’s put this together: with music, we don’t need to worry about physical weapons, so they’re irrelevant. With herding we don’t need to have the path go direct. The path goes around because that’s the way to catch our dragon: surrounding him. So you were right: the two matters are related, and are the key to success. You’re a genius.”