xanth 40 - isis orb (39 page)

“No.”

“It’s a shallow water current that occurs when the tide is going out. If you get caught in one, there are two ways to handle it. One is to swim as strongly as you can toward the shore, hoping to overcome it and not get washed out to sea. The other is to flow with it, letting it carry you, saving your energy. Then you can ease out of it, into regular water, and swim shoreward from there. That’s the smarter course.”

It sounded like good advice, but he didn’t trust it, or her. “Are you trying to get your way, and become queen of the Orb?”

“That, too. But the Orb is yours; I can bask in its power only by influencing you. If you stay with it, you will be king. I will be your queen. I am part of the package, Hapless; you will need me to exercise its power smoothly. You are simply not competent.”

He knew that was true. “What of Merge!”

“Do you suppose she would ever agree to your complete corruption by the Orb? Unless you exercise your magic power to change her mind and corrupt her too. You can do that. You can do almost anything.”

“No!”

“You still have those endearing civilian attitudes. But face it, Hapless: You are caught in the riptide. Are you going to handle it smartly or stupidly?”

What choice did he have? “Show me how to handle it smartly. But if you betray me, when I have power I will make you regret it.”

“And you could do that. I would much rather work with you than oppose you. Here is your course of the moment: study the shadows.”

“We just fixed the shadows!”

“You fixed the literal shadows. Now it is time to address the figurative ones. Look at your associates standing around you. Do you see their historical shadows?”

“Their whats?”

“Let me come out and help you, Hapless; it will make it easier.”

“Come out,” he agreed.

She formed before him, her royal robe just loose enough in front to provide a tantalizing glimpse of the rounded contours within. “Thank you.” She kissed him on the cheek. He liked it far more than he cared to admit. “Consider Nya, the naga/dragon crossbreed with the bosom that is returning to its natural attractive shape.”

He considered Nya, as she was standing directly before them. She seemed frozen in place. They all were. “Yes.”

“Her physical shadow is adjusting its contours. But focus on her historical shadow.”

“I don’t see it.”

“Use your snapshot technique, and modify it when you get a glimmer.

He tried, and did begin to get a glimmer. There were shadows extending both before and after the Naga. “What are they?”

“The one behind is her past. Follow it closely and you can see her associates before she joined you, right back to her original family.”

He saw them, all standing still along the extended shadow. Right back to the meeting of her parents at a love spring. “Wow!”

“Love spring encounters do tend to be graphic,” Isis agreed. “A love spring doesn’t care about social events; it simply forces instant breeding. There’s not much real love in it, truth be told, just overwhelming passion.”

“So I see,” he said, impressed. He was a virgin, and had not seen action like this before. It was mesmerizing. He had had no idea that this was the way it was done. He really did need Feline’s advice. Or Isis’s.

“I will tryst with you in a love spring, if you wish.”

Temptation flared, but he fought it down. “What about the other shadow? The one going forward?”

“Follow it.”

He traced it carefully forward. Nya in due course married Quin, and they had a fine time as a dragon pair. Then one day they blundered into a dragon net set up by goblins, and both were suddenly captive, then killed, cooked, and eaten. “No!” he cried in anguish.

“It does not need to be,” Isis said. “You can warn them, so that they can avoid the dragon net.”

“I’ll do that!”

“But that will count as a wish, a foretelling of the future, and will commit you more firmly to the Orb.”

“Oh. Still, to help a friend—”

“Understand this, Hapless. Every creature comes to an end eventually. You can’t prevent all passages, or even any one, given enough time. You can expend yourself, corrupt yourself, and in the end it will make very little difference. Every case will be severely tempting, but you will be better off ignoring them all.”

“Bleep you!”

She smiled. “I merely advise you of reality. You may do what you choose to do. Try watching your own future shadow.”

“I can do that?”

“Not far, because your looking will cause your future to change, and the original future will dissipate, to be replaced by a new one, which will in turn also dissipate. But you can see ahead a day or so at a time, and this can enable you to follow the course to become King of Xanth. There is no power like the ability to see the future and to change it at will. You will be king.”

“But I don’t want to be king.”

“Think of all the good you could do as king. You could seriously benefit all your friends. And consider this: I will be your queen. Look at a typical night.”

He looked, and his shadow, guided by her, showed the two of them in the throes of such passion that the air was shimmering and nearby candles were melting into puddles. “Hoo!”

“Every night, Hapless,” she said. “All night, if you wish. Daytime too, if you wish. I have had thousands of years experience being a good wife; I do know how to do it. I also know of herbs and spells to make a man endlessly potent. There is no effective limit to your potential pleasure.”

He was tempted again. To help his friends, and to be with her …

She was of course aware of his desire. She pursued her advantage. “But if the pleasures of Power are not enough, consider those of Knowledge.”

“Knowledge?”

“You can know all things. Never again will you be considered ignorant. The mysteries of existence can be yours to fathom.”

“Mysteries?”

“Did you ever wonder why the universe, including Xanth, Mundania, Fornax, and all else, even exists? Why there is something rather than nothing? For it must have started with nothing.”

“Uh, no.” But now he was intensely curious. Why
was
there anything?

“That question has perplexed philosophers for millennia, and they have never had a satisfactory answer. But you can have the answer, via the Orb. All you have to do is ask it.”

“I—”

“Then there is the riddle of life. How did it come to be, when originally there was only inert matter? How was the original transition made from non-living goo to living goo? This too has perplexed alchemists and scientists. But you will be able to visit the scene and actually see it occur.”

He was awed. He did want to do that. “Uh—”

“And the mystery of consciousness. That has balked philosophers from the outset. How did it first arise, and why? Because without it we are all mere blobs of protein.”

He did want to know, now that she had tweaked his mind. “Um.”

“These and endless other mysteries will be yours to fathom. You will know everything you care to know, from the nature of the universe down to the color of a lady’s panty.” She flounced her skirt, almost showing the fringe of a panty. “Nothing will be to large or too small for your attention.”

That was phenomenally tempting. Then he thought of something. “Merge. What of her?”

“Follow her future shadow.”

He did. There was Merge, with Myst, both disconsolately going about their business of searching out remnants of anti-pun virus to neutralize. He zoomed in close to look at their faces and their eyes. Both sets of eyes were bright with tears.

He knew why: they had loved him and lost him to the bad girlfriend. To the Orb. To Passion. To Power. To Knowledge. They were protected by his beneficence so that no personal harm came to them, but they were not happy. They had wanted to be with him, as wife and child.

That wiped out all else. “I’m going back to them,” he said.

“You will have to give up all of what I have shown you.”

“Yes.”

She shook her head. “Amazing.”

Then the scene reanimated. He was no longer looking at shadows. “We are decommissioning the Orb,” he announced.

“Oh, Hapless!” Merge exclaimed, and Myst clapped her little hands.

“How do I do it?” he asked Isis.

She frowned but answered. “Simply hold up the Orb and say the words ‘Orb be Free.’ Then have the others do the same with each of the Totems.”

Hapless hesitated. The lure of the Orb tore at him, incalculably precious. It could all so readily be his! Could he really give it up?

Then he looked at Merge and Myst, and his reluctance dissipated like an ice cube in a furnace. “Orb be Free.”

The Orb dissolved into smoke. That reformed into the Goddess Isis. “Now at last it is clear why a klutz like you was selected for this mission,” she said. “You are virtually incorruptible. You value the feelings of a woman and child more than you do absolute power. Only one man in a million would do what you have just done, and there aren’t that many men in Xanth.”

“Sorry about that,” he said, and he was. She might be the Bad Girlfriend, but she was not a bad goddess. He could have been happy with her. But there was no point in dwelling on that. The decommissioning was not yet complete. “Companions, it is your turn. Hold up your Totems and say the same words I did, to them.”

The others did. One by one their Totems reverted to their guardians, who hastily fled the scene. They were left with almost nothing.

Only the gorgon Carmen lingered for a moment, as beautiful as ever despite her kerchief and glasses. Beside her was Prince Voila, who would join her in her Region, at least for an extended visit. “I think you must be lonely, Isis,” she said. “So am I, though the prince may help. Visit us in the water realm if you like. I’m willing to share.” She glanced at Voila, who seemed nothing loath.

“I can’t leave the comic strip,” the goddess said. “But if you care to visit me here, you will be welcome.”

“It’s a date.” Carmen hugged her and vanished with Voila.

It occurred to Hapless that if any two supernatural women understood each other, these were the ones.

But he had other business. “We’ll be moving on now,” Hapless said. “Fare well, Isis.”

“Fare well, Hapless,” she replied, and now the tears were in her eyes. “For what it’s worth, you have won my respect.” Then she faded out of the scene.

“Let’s get out of here,” Hapless said.

They went into snapshot mode, and soon picked their way out of the frozen comic strip. They emerged roughly where they had entered it.

There were two dogs. “Rachel! Woofer!” Myst cried, running to hug them both.

“To what do we owe the honor of this visit?” Feline inquired.

“The princesses are organizing an informal musical ensemble, but they are missing a few things,” Rachel said. “I told them I know of someone who could help.”

“Princesses?”

“Melody, Harmony, Rhythm. The triplets.”

Feline visibly digested this. “What are they missing?”

“Instruments, ability, a conductor.”

Feline laughed. “They’re joking!”

“No, they really want to do it. They want to travel around Xanth and give concerts for grateful audiences.”

“This seems like a big ambition, considering what they lack,” Zed said.

“They hope to recruit some competent musicians, and learn the ropes.”

“But if they lack talent, this is nonsensical,” Faro said.

“They’re
princesses
,” Rachel reminded them.

She had a point. The terms princess and common sense hardly fit in the same sentence, but what royal folk wanted generally came to pass.

All eyes came to focus on Hapless. What could he do? “I guess we can give it a try.”

“This way,” Rachel said.

They followed her to a copse where stood a young man. “Back so soon, Rachel?” he asked.

“They’ll help,” the dog reported.

“Yes they will, Bryce,” Merge said. Evidently they were acquainted.

Hapless stepped forward. “I’m, uh, Hapless. I’m a, uh, conductor.” They shook hands.

“I’m Bryce Mundane. Rachel and I came to Xanth together four years ago. I’m older than I look; I was youthened. It’s a long dull story. We do need a conductor. We have Xanth’s two finest musicians, but they aren’t used to playing in concert. And the princesses have never joined a group. Now suddenly they have this idea, and sort of have to be humored.”

“Uh—” All he could think of was how he could have abolished “uh” forever if he had accepted the Orb. He just wasn’t a very sharp conversationalist.

“I see you carry the box,” Bryce said.

“The box?”

“That’s the one that enabled our passage to Xanth. It has what you need, whatever it may be, even if you don’t know it. All you need to do is open it.”

Hapless considered the box. It should be useless, now that the Quest was done. He shrugged, and opened it.

There was a small cylinder. No picture. He took it out. It lengthened into a wand. A conductor’s wand. His musical instrument. Apparently this was meant to be.

Then the box disappeared. It seemed that he was truly through with it. He hoped that he would continue to be able to think outside it, even if he didn’t have it there to remind him.

“This way,” Bryce said. “The princesses are waiting.”

And there before them was a beautiful castle that Hapless somehow hadn’t noticed before.

“Caprice Castle,” Rachel said. “It travels.”

“It wasn’t there before,” Bryce said. “You’ll get used to it.”

Hapless wasn’t sure he would ever do that.

Hapless found himself walking beside Nya and Quin. “Uh, you guys—be hyper alert for dragon nets. You never can tell when you might run afoul of one.”

“We will,” Nya agreed, humoring him. But maybe the warning would be enough.

Now the princesses came out to meet them. There were three of them, similar but not quite identical, with cute little crowns. They looked to be about twenty years old. They stood together so that Bryce could introduce them. “Princess Melody.” The one in a green dress, with greenish hair and blue eyes, nodded, smiling.

“I’m the prettiest,” Melody said, though in truth there was little to choose between them.