Year of Jubilee (25 page)

“No,” he said, “I appreciate your help. She
does seem very cross with me lately. I thought you might understand
why.”

Bouncing Britta on her hip, Elsa brought up
her other hand to point at Rafe. “You talk to her then you
know.”

Rafe sighed.
Easier said than done.
Surely Elsa, with her broken English, had misunderstood. He thanked
them, turned to mount his horse, and made his way back to the farm.
The weather was sure putting on a cold shoulder early this year,
but his mind barely registered this fact. He pulled the coat
tighter about him. His thoughts were wrapped around Elsa’s claims.
Rafe let the horse meander to give his brain a chance to absorb
this startling information.

He chopped more wood when he arrived home,
knowing the weather seemed determined to start off with a good cold
snap. He glanced toward the cabin and where Jubilee worked in the
garden, cutting the pumpkins, the last of the squash, and the rest
of the fall produce.

He wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to
approach her about this whole ‘baby’ subject. And if this proved to
be untrue,
man
, he’ll have stuck both feet in his mouth and
a couple of neighbors’ feet to boot. He twitched his head in
aggravation and set off for the barn to put some finishing touches
on the jelly cabinet he’d started.

* * *

Jubilee placed the produce in the bushel
basket, thankful for the thick cloak that draped her shoulders.
Despite exerting herself in the cold weather, she still felt
chilled. Perhaps it was a sign of a bad winter ahead. Or plain
anxiety. She glanced toward the barn and watched Rafe swing the
heavy axe over his head with ease. Her hand went to her throat and
gathered the wool material tighter about her neck. Would he wait
until spring to dump the bad news on her, or leave her right before
the holidays?

She sucked the frosty air into her lungs to
clear her mind.
Don’t dwell on it.
Elsa said she was
praying—albeit a bit left of center, but praying, nonetheless.

Yet had she taken the time to pray for
herself? Surely the Lord, in all His splendor, knew her true
situation and what was best for her. Her eyes moistened, and she
determinedly turned back to her chore. It was just too cold to
cry.

As Jubilee prepared supper, she dreaded
Rafe’s presence, always on edge that he’d tell her their marriage
was over. It made it difficult to enjoy the meal. Tonight there was
a beef roast, potatoes, carrots and celery in the Dutch oven that
had been cooking most of the day on the banked fire in the
fireplace. While she busied herself with the gravy on the stove,
Rafe’s three knocks sounded before the door swung open. His huge
figure swept into the room, and he removed his hat before he
approached.

“Jubilee.” He nodded his head at her.

“Hello.” Tension tightened her belly.

He paused a moment, turning the brim of his
hat around in his big hands. She ignored him and stirred, noting
how difficult it was to keep her roving eyes from him. Surely he
wouldn’t break the news while she blended gravy. A blue flash
caught her eye and her gaze fell on the sapphire ring on her
hand.

From the corner of her eye, she saw him turn
and hang his hat on a peg before stepping to the fireplace on the
other side of the room. Her gaze flicked to him as he held his
hands out to the fire. Jubilee gathered the plates and placed them
on the table. With his back to her, she took the opportunity to
scan him.

His hair had darkened a bit with the
changing of the seasons. The simple work shirt and pants set off
his broad shoulders, hardened with labor, which tapered to his slim
hips. He rubbed his big calloused hands together, hands that had
effortlessly lifted her time and time again onto the wagon seat.
Her stomach jumped in response, for his strength and form both
lured and fascinated her.

He turned slightly, as if sensing her gaze,
and she spun to gather the rest of the utensils to set the table.
She grabbed her potholders to remove the huge Dutch oven from the
fireplace but found him next to her, taking it from her hands

She took a quiet breath to steady her nerves
before stepping back to the stove for the gravy. Did other women
feel so useless and breathy when the man they loved came near?
She’d never experienced this with Colvin.
Never.

“I’ll get the pan, too.” He approached with
the potholders.

She removed her apron as he carried the
skillet, and then stepped back to an appropriate distance from him
so her equilibrium could return to normal. At least as normal as it
could be with him in the same room. Exhaling between pursed lips,
she seated herself across from him. As had been their custom, Rafe
grasped her hands before bowing to ask God’s blessing on the food.
And although Jubilee wanted to gaze on him as he prayed, she
dropped her head and closed her eyes.

* * *

He looked at her when he finished and gave a
weak smile.

“You have a good day?” He grabbed a biscuit
from the basket on the table.

“Uh-huh.”

Rafe stabbed a piece of meat. This was not
starting so well. “Get all the garden crops in?”

“Uh-huh.”

That again.
Frustration clawed at his
gut. Perhaps he’d need a more direct route. He filled his mouth and
chewed, keeping his eyes on her.

When he’d swallowed he said, “Talked to Elsa
this morning.”

That brought Jubilee’s head up. Her forehead
puckered. “Oh?”

He cleared his throat. This wasn’t going to
be easy. Jubilee put her fork down and eyed her plate.

“You see, I’ve been concerned about
you.”

Her eyes came up and searched his face.

“You’ve been so quiet.” He shrugged and
stabbed his fork into a potato but didn’t lift it. “I was wondering
if there was something bothering you.”

* * *

She eyed him as he raised a bite of potato
to his mouth and chewed, his eyes narrowing and watchful as if he
were trying to read her mind. Oh, dear. He’d talked to Elsa.
Praying Elsa, who’d mistakenly thought Jubilee craved a baby. She
took a quivering breath. The problem was, Elsa wasn’t too far off
the mark. She did want a baby, but she wanted Rafe’s love as
well.

“No, there’s nothing.” She grabbed for her
glass, and it tottered before tumbling over. Water splashed
everywhere and both of them jumped up from the table, rubbing water
drops from their clothes. The water spread across the table and
dripped to the floor. An apology leaped to Jubilee’s lips, but so
did an immediate anger. She threw her arms down to her side in a
huff, her hands clenched in fists.

“Why? Why are you going behind my back,
asking Elsa about me?”

He looked up in confusion and a scowl
crossed his handsome features.

“What am I supposed to do, Jubilee? You’ve
practically stopped talking to me. How else can I figure out what’s
going on?”

Her anger climbed to a higher plane. “You
don’t have to know anything about me. We’re just business partners,
remember?”

Rafe opened his eyes wide and slung his head
as he spoke. “Well, according to
Elsa
, you want a baby, and
that’s more than business in my mind.”

Jubilee gave a gasp and brought her hands to
her face. She closed her eyes and shook her head.
Elsa. Oh, why
had she told him that?
Suddenly, the uncharacteristic anger
that had exploded from her dissipated and nothing but a horrible
sadness rose up. She clenched her fists to her cheeks, vaguely
aware that water dripped from the hem of her dress. He grabbed a
napkin to wipe the front of his shirt.

“No,” she said quietly, “she
misunderstood.”

Rafe’s movements froze.

“So you didn’t tell her…that?”

She hung her head. How could she lie to him?
No, she hadn’t told her exactly that, but she did indeed yearn for
a child of her own. She took a quivering breath. “Let’s…just drop
this.”

She rubbed her right hand wearily across her
forehead. He came around the table, picked up her unused napkin and
wiped the moisture from her face. A fervor burned in his eyes. From
anger? Jubilee wasn’t sure. Then he moved to dab her throat,
pausing a split second before moving lower. He continued until he’d
wiped her dress down the front, ending at her dripping hem. Then he
stood, tossed the napkin to the table, and reached forward to put
his hands upon her elbows, pulling her closer.

“Jubilee.” His voice thickened and her head
came up. “We can do whatever you want.”

His hands slid up to her upper arms, moving
up and down in a gentle caress. Jubilee swallowed a lump, warmth
cascading from his touch, mesmerized by the bright flecks of yellow
around the pupil of his startling jade eyes. His words grew deep
and hushed. “If a child will make you happy, I’m willing to do my
part.”

Jubilee barely heard the words he’d crooned
as his face came closer. Softly, so softly, he touched his lips to
hers, and Jubilee drew nearer to him until their bodies met. All
the love she possessed for him seemed to blossom as she sighed
against him, bringing her arms up to encircle his neck. Rafe’s
embrace tightened at her response and the kiss deepened, awakening
a shadowed fear in Jubilee. Suddenly, with all her might, she
pushed him away and stumbled backwards several steps. They were
both breathing heavily, eyeing each other with yearning and
wonder.

“Jubilee?”

She took a shaky breath.

“I…just need a couple of minutes.” Her voice
warbled with emotion. When he didn’t move, she whispered, “Please,
could you go to the barn for a few moments?”

Confusion clouded Rafe’s eyes but failed to
mask the light of desire. He shook his head before backing toward
the door. “Okay.”

After the door shut she closed her eyes and
raised her face to the ceiling.
What in the world was she
thinking?
She needed a couple of minutes for what? She couldn’t
do this. She couldn’t…
oh, I love that man.
The power of the
emotion snatched her breath away. She moved to sit on the edge of
her bed, putting her hand to her breast. She ached with love for
him. Absolutely ached.

She had no thought of Rosemary’s letter at
this point. Her only thoughts were of him and how wonderful it was
to have his arms around her. And his kiss had been sweeter than the
finest honey. Holy gracious, what was she going to do when he
returned?

Oh God, I love this man. What am I to
do?
Like a whisper through her brain came Esther’s wise words,
‘show him all the love in your heart.’

Suddenly her chin lifted. She knew exactly
what to do when he came back, come drought or high water. She was
going to fight for her husband with all her being. Taking deep
breaths, she rose and began removing her dress.

At last she stood trembling in her thin
cotton shift, a puddle of clothing encircling her ankles.
Why is
it so hard to breathe?
Quickly she pulled the band from her
hair and unbraided it with shaking fingers. She shook it free and
it tumbled about her waist with thickness and shine.

Oh, Lord.
Of all the times to pray,
but she couldn’t stop herself.
I love Rafe so much. So very,
very, much. Oh, Lord, how I so desire to have a normal, loving
family with him. Please let the love he had for Rosemary be
completely wiped from his memory and let him learn to love me, oh,
Lord, please!

Tears dropped to her cheeks and she quickly
kicked the dress from around her feet and underneath the bed. She
wobbled as she drew back the blankets on her mattress. Perhaps, if
nothing more, she’d have his child to hold when he left. A baby to
ease her broken heart.

She walked across the cold floor and blew
out the lantern on the table, throwing the room into shadows. With
a tremulous smile, she noticed dinner still on the table.

Thankful for late fall’s early darkness, she
went to the door to wait for his signature knock, trying to keep
her courage up. Surely if she survived life with Colvin and his
abuse, she’d survive this night with the man she loved with all her
heart.

When the knocks came, she opened the door
with quaking fingers. Rafe stood there, his eyes widening as he
scanned her figure down to her bare ankles. When his gaze returned
to her face, the light of desire burned brighter and he groaned her
name. He stepped in, wrapping his arms around her trembling form.
After exhaling a husky sigh, Rafe picked up her slight body, swung
the door shut, and carried her to the bed to gently lay her
down.

“Are you sure about this, Jubilee?” he
murmured in her thick hair, laying a sweet kiss against her
neck.

His warm breath on her neck sent tingles of
desire through her and she arched to meet his body. “Yes.”

With a moan he joined her on the bed and the
two strangers, who’d been impartial business partners, became a
true married couple indeed.

Jubilee blinked in the morning light. Her
face seemed very cold but her body was snug under the double
wedding-ring quilt. As she took a deep wakening breath, she
wondered why she hadn’t banked the fire. Now she loathed getting
out of bed.

She closed her eyes and relaxed into the
soft warmth of her little cocoon of blankets. A large hand crept
over her belly, pulling her backwards against an equally bare
chest. Then a bristled masculine face and sleepy sigh nuzzled her
ear. Jubilee’s eyelids flew open.

She caught her breath as the memory of the
previous night swept over her. Allowing a slight smile to tug at
the corners of her mouth, she remembered the sweet, gentle caresses
of the man she loved. Rafe, who still slept behind her, snuggled
against her warm body.

His tenderness gave her yet another reason
to give her whole heart to him. She basked in the heat radiating
from his form. Nothing about their mating had frightened her. She
pondered how such passion burned between them, with his affections
set on his previous fiancée. Perhaps he wouldn’t ever love her, but
maybe he could learn to be happy with her. Perhaps…no, she wouldn’t
allow that woman’s name to come into her mind this morning.