Year of the Monsoon (25 page)

“Yes, you can have the time off for this,” Maddie said when Leisa explained about Todd. “I’d go if you weren’t. I don’t want her doing this by herself. But you have to talk to Mariela before you go.”

Mariela had learned so much so quickly that the decision had been made to enroll her in kindergarten for the last grading period of the year. Leisa had taken time that first morning to walk her to school, taking her into the office to introduce her to the school secretary. Mariela gave Leisa one last hug around the waist and went to meet her new classmates. She’d been thrilled to be in school at last and had instantly charmed her teacher, but recently, “she won’t go to school,” the staff had reported. At first, she’d come down with various ailments – “I have a cold” or “my tummy hurts”. The staff, not knowing what was really wrong, had let her stay at the Home where she was content to do her schoolwork, but “now, she’s not pretending to be sick. She just refuses to go,” they said.

With a pang, Leisa remembered she’d received those reports a couple of weeks ago and had planned to talk to Mariela, but it was all mixed up with everything that had been happening with Eleanor and the surgery and then Bron….

“She won’t tell anyone what’s wrong,” Maddie said in frustration now. “Maybe she’ll tell you.”

Leisa found Mariela in the classroom where she had once found her practicing her writing. She ran to give Leisa a hug.

“I told you I’d be back,” Leisa smiled. She sat down at the next desk and looked at the arithmetic Mariela was working on. “Wow, those are big numbers.”

Mariela glowed at the praise.

“I thought you liked school,” Leisa prodded.

Mariela’s face fell and she lowered her face, letting her hair swing forward. Leisa reached out to brush it back.

“What’s going on?”

Mariela only shrugged.

“Has someone been picking on you? The other kids? Don’t you like your teacher?” To each of these questions, Mariela would not respond beyond more shrugs. “Can’t you tell me why you don’t want to go?”

Mariela shook her head.

“Why not?”

“I’m afraid,” Mariela whispered.

“Oh.” Leisa rubbed Mariela’s back. “Tell you what. Miss Maddie has arranged a trip to the zoo later this week. I have to go away again for a few days, but when I get back, I want to hear all about the zoo. And then I will go with you to school.”

Mariela looked up. “You will?”

Leisa nodded. “I will. Together, we can tackle whatever it is that’s scaring you, okay?”

Mariela thought about this for a moment and then nodded.

Nan and Leisa’s connecting flight from Atlanta brought them to a warm, slightly humid evening in Savannah. They picked up their rental car and drove straight to their hotel.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital this evening?” Leisa asked.

Nan shook her head. “I’d rather rest this evening, and go tomorrow.”

Leisa knew that Nan wouldn’t get much rest, but let it drop. Nan did call the Taylors’ house and leave a message that she was in town, and would be at the hospital the next morning by ten.

Nan was quiet all through dinner. Leisa didn’t push for conversation. She let Nan have the remote when they got back to the hotel. Nan flipped absent-mindedly through channels until Leisa was regretting her decision.

“I won’t know what to say to him,” Nan said so softly that Leisa needed a few seconds to register that she had spoken. She reached over for Nan’s hand.

“He probably feels the same way. I didn’t know what I would say,” Leisa told her. “You could let him guide the conversation. He may have lots of questions. Maybe he just wants to get to know you a bit. Relax and see where it goes.”

But Nan looked anything but relaxed as they entered the hospital the next morning. Todd was on the oncology ward on the fifth floor. As they neared his room, Nan reached for Leisa’s hand and leaned against the wall. She looked like she might pass out.

“I don’t think I can do this.”

Leisa squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Yes, you can. I’ll wait out here.”

“No, you won’t,” Nan insisted as she took a deep breath and knocked softly on the door.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor were there, sitting in chairs on either side of Todd’s bed. They both stood as Nan and Leisa entered. Mrs. Taylor was small-boned and very pretty, in contrast to Mr. Taylor who was a large, burly man who looked like he had been a football player in earlier days. Todd was lying in bed, bald and very thin with dark circles around his eyes, made even more prominent by the oxygen mask covering the lower half of his face.

“Hello, Todd,” Nan said nervously as she entered. “I’m Nan Mathison.”

She shook hands with Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, and introduced Leisa.

Todd pulled his oxygen mask off. Even with the changes his illness had wrought, his resemblance to Nan was unmistakable. Leisa saw Mrs. Taylor’s hand fly, trembling, to her mouth. Todd raised the head of his bed so he could sit up straighter. He stared at Nan as if he were seeing a vision.

“I’ve wanted to meet you for so long,” he said, his eyes hungrily searching her face.

Nan gave a wan smile. “Mr. Chisholm is very persistent.” She moved a little closer to the bed. “How are you doing?”

Mr. Taylor answered for him, saying, “He’s doing fine. Gonna be up and around in no time, aren’t you, boy?”

Leisa looked at him pityingly as he tried so valiantly to deny what was right in front of him.

“Yeah, Dad,” Todd said, giving the required response as he smiled at his father. But he turned immediately back to Nan who pulled a chair up closer to the bed. “So,” he said shyly, “what do you do?”

“I’m a psychologist,” Nan responded.

“How… how old are you?” Todd asked uncertainly. “If you don’t mind me asking,” he added apologetically.

Nan smiled. “I was in college when you were born.”

Todd nodded. “What about my –” he glanced quickly at his father, and faltered. “I mean, what about the guy who got you pregnant?”

Nan looked down at her hands, frowning. “He was someone I knew in college, but… he didn’t even know about you.” She looked back up at him. “I really can’t tell you anything about him.”

Todd nodded, thinking. His mouth opened and closed a few times as he vacillated about what to ask next.

“You can ask me anything,” Nan prompted gently.

“Why did you give me up?” he blurted.

Nan looked into those eyes so like her own. “I was supposed to start grad school in a few months; I wasn’t married or attached to anyone. It just seemed crazy to think about keeping a baby.” She paused. “The truth is,” she admitted after a moment, “all these years, I’ve thought of you as a mistake, as something that never should have happened, but,” she glanced at his parents, Mr. Taylor’s arm wrapped protectively around his wife, “now, I think everything happens for a reason. I wasn’t ready to raise you, but I can see that you have been a gift to your parents. So, my mistake turned into something good, after all. I think the hardest part for anyone who gives up a baby is wondering if they made the right decision. Now, I know I did.”

Nan and Leisa stayed in Savannah for three days. They visited Todd a couple of times a day at the hospital, but he tired quickly, so they kept their visits brief. He turned out to have Nan’s wicked sense of humor. When he finally figured out that they were lesbians, he said, “No wonder you thought I was a mistake!” – but he did wait until his parents weren’t around to have that conversation.

Leisa watched Nan slowly evolve from stoic resignation at having to meet him to genuinely enjoying talking to him. As she sat there watching them argue about the Ravens’ and Falcons’ chances in the upcoming football season, she couldn’t help but compare this reunion with her own with Eleanor. Todd, who’d always wondered, always felt he’d been given away, was getting to know a woman who really liked him for himself, while she, who’d been content just to know her parents had chosen her, who had never felt abandoned before, felt more abandoned after meeting her biological mother.

“What?” Nan asked one evening as they walked back to their hotel from the hospital.

“You’re different with him than I thought you’d be,” Leisa said.

Nan thought for a moment. “It’s not as bad as I expected,” she conceded. “He’s a nice kid.” She glanced over at Leisa. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Leisa asked.

Nan reached for her hand and held it. “Don’t keep wishing and wondering about how things might have been.”

“How do you know I am?” Leisa challenged. Nan just looked at her sideways until Leisa laughed a little. “Okay, I am.”

“I know you are. I can see it in your eyes when you look at him,” Nan said gently. “But you of all people, you who loves to think about alternate realities for every choice we make, should know that if I had decided to keep him, chances are very good that I wouldn’t have gone to grad school, wouldn’t have stayed near Maddie and would never have met you.” She brought Leisa’s hand to her lips and kissed it. “Things unfold more or less the way they’re meant to.”

She smiled as she heard Leisa mutter, “In this reality.”

Leisa watched Nan and Todd say good-bye, both pretending for Mrs. and Mr. Taylor’s sake that they would see each other again, making tentative plans to get together again later that summer, when Todd was strong enough to travel. Nan managed not to cry until they were alone in the elevator. Leisa wrapped her arms around her, oblivious to the other people who got on and off the elevator. As they exited on the ground floor, Nan wiped her eyes on her sleeve. Her cell phone beeped, indicating a text. She checked it, and started laughing and crying at the same time. She held it out so Leisa could read it.

It was from Todd. “How many kids get to have two extra moms?”

They were packed and carrying their suitcases down to the rental car when Leisa’s phone rang. She stopped in the lobby to dig it out of her pocket. “It’s Maddie.”

“Hey, when are you guys due back?”

“This evening,” Leisa said. “Our plane gets in at seven-forty. Jo and Bruce are supposed to pick us up.”

“Tell them we’ll pick you up,” Maddie said.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Leisa asked. Nan leaned near so she could hear.

“It’s Mariela. She’s missing.”

Chapter 20