Year of the Monsoon (23 page)

Donald was doing so well that they removed him from isolation precautions after two days. Leisa was off her own IV, and would probably be discharged the next day. Eleanor had been in to see her only one time, the day after the surgery.

“Leisa’s doing just fine, thank you for asking,” Jo Ann said quite pointedly after listening to Eleanor talk for several minutes about Donald without asking once about how Leisa was doing.

Eleanor had the grace to blush. “Oh, of course. I just can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done.”

“No, you can’t,” Nan said coolly. “I think you should remember that.”

“I just can’t believe them,” Jo huffed indignantly after Eleanor had left.

Leisa tried to shrug it off, saying nonchalantly, “It doesn’t matter,” but she couldn’t look them in the eye as she said it.

The morning Leisa was to be discharged, she dressed in her own clothes and went to say good-bye to the Millers while Nan and Jo were checking out of their hotel. As she passed the bulletin board, she paused and looked, remembering that no one had taken their photo. But there, pinned in the middle of the board was a photo of Donald with Eleanor hugging him happily. Leisa stood there looking at Eleanor beaming at her from the photo. She had to reach out and brace herself against the wall as the floor shifted under her.

“Are you all right?” A nurse came rushing over to check on her.

“I’m fine,” Leisa said. “Just a little dizzy.” She glanced again at the photo. “I’m back to normal now.”

As she approached Donald’s room, she smelled a peculiar aroma. She knocked and entered the room to see Eleanor hurriedly crushing a paper bag and pushing it into the trash can by the bed while Donald very obviously finished chewing something and swallowed.

Leisa’s eyes became icy. “You missed some ketchup,” she said, tossing a napkin to him. “I hope the hamburger and fries were good.”

His face transformed into something ugly as he stared at her defiantly. “It was.”

“He was just so hungry, you know,” Eleanor said quickly. “The diet they have him on is so awful.” When Leisa continued to stare at Donald, Eleanor continued in a slightly panicky voice, “It’s just a little hamburger. You won’t say anything, will you?”

Leisa turned her cold stare to Eleanor. “No,” she said quietly. “I won’t say anything. I won’t say anything to them. I won’t say anything more to you, either.”

“What are you going to do, take back your kidney?” Donald sneered.

Turning her gaze back to him, Leisa said disdainfully, “I didn’t give it for you. Or for you,” she added, looking again at Eleanor. When they exchanged puzzled glances, she laughed derisively. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

She turned toward the door. “But when you ruin this kidney, you’re on your own. Don’t call me.”

Fuming, she went back to her room. When Nan and Jo arrived a few minutes later, Nan took one look at her face and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Leisa said flatly. “Let’s get out of here.”

Chapter 18

“WE’VE BEEN DYING TO
hear all about it,” Lyn said as Maddie led Nan into the kitchen. She went to the stove and stirred a boiling pot of fettuccini. “What were they like?”

“When did you get back?” Maddie asked.

Nan looked from one to the other. “Day before yesterday and I need a glass of wine before we jump into this.”

Maddie obliged with a big glass of cabernet. “Here. Talk.”

Nan slid onto a stool at the island and took a big sip of her wine. Closing her eyes, she let the wine warm her as it went down. “Could have used some of this in the hospital.”

“That bad?” Maddie said.

Nan rolled her eyes. “They’re awful. Well… he’s awful, the half-brother, and the mother lets him get away with it. I’m honestly not sure how Leisa stands them.” She paused, swirling her wine around and around. “She wouldn’t have before.”

Maddie was watching Nan closely. “How is she?”

Nan’s lips compressed. “I’m not sure. I’m glad Jo and I were there for her because they sure weren’t. I’m not sure how to describe it. It’s almost like she’s begging or hoping for their approval. It’s kind of hard to watch.”

“Did you talk?” Lyn asked, pouring the fettuccini into a colander.

Nan shook her head. “It wasn’t the right time. Jo tried to talk me into driving back with her, but that much time alone in a car together… I don’t know where she’s at with everything and I just didn’t want to get into it when she’s still recovering. I haven’t seen her since we got back.”

“The operation went well, though, right?” Maddie asked.

“Yeah. As far as that part, it went very well.”

Lyn dished pasta out into three plates and poured Alfredo sauce over top. They carried their plates to the table.

“She hasn’t said anything about the job up there?” Maddie asked.

“Nope. Jo said she just clammed up when she confronted her about it. I’m not sure if she’s figured out that it was you who told me,” Nan said.

Lyn reached for a piece of bread. “Why haven’t you gone over?”

“I told her she had some decisions to make,” Nan said. “It’s up to her now.” She took a bite, chewing as she thought. “She did introduce me as her partner.”

Lyn and Maddie looked at one another. “That’s a good thing, then, isn’t it?” Lyn said.

“I hope so.”

Leisa exhaled impatiently as she clicked through television channels. “How can we have three hundred channels and still have nothing worth watching?” she grumbled. She pushed painfully to her feet, grimacing as she grabbed her side.
For such a small incision, it still hurts like hell.
She went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. After staring at the contents for a minute, she closed the frig door and called Bronwyn out into the back yard. She sat at the picnic table watching Bron run around, inspecting every corner of the yard. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and glanced at the screen. Nothing. No calls from Eleanor – “not that I expected any,” she reminded herself sulkily, remembering the photo – but no calls from Nan, either.

She’d been home for three days – almost as long as the longest car ride of her life.
At least it felt that way.

“I don’t know how you thought you were going to drive yourself home,” Jo Ann had said as Leisa squirmed in the passenger seat, trying to get comfortable.

“I didn’t think I would have to drive home the day I got out of the hospital.” But Leisa didn’t say it. Didn’t even like to think it. She felt so stupid, thinking that Eleanor had been ready to accept her as a daughter. She turned to look out the window so Jo wouldn’t see the sudden tears that had sprung to her eyes.

Since getting back to Baltimore, Jo had come by each day to bring her food and check on her – “you really should come stay with us,” she fretted – but there had been no contact from Nan. “She’s waiting for you,” Leisa reminded herself. She knew, too, that Nan had left it to her where they went from here.

“You have some decisions to make,” Nan had told her.

Only, Leisa didn’t seem capable of making any decisions at the moment. “How did it come to this?” she fumed. Every time she tried to think back, to trace the chronology of the events that had led them to this point, it seemed her brain jumped from Williamsburg to now, “but that can’t be right.” There was Eleanor and Sarah and – “Damn!”

Restlessly, she got up and called Bron back inside, wandering from room to room, but there was nothing to straighten, nothing that needed doing. She was too sore anyhow. She sat down and tried to read, but gave up after a few minutes, tossing the book aside and getting to her feet again. Bron raised her head hopefully.

“Want to go for a walk?” Leisa asked, thinking that some fresh air and a little exercise would do her good.

Bron jumped up at the ‘w’ word and danced around as Leisa tried to clip the leash to her collar.

“Stand still, you silly little beast,” Leisa laughed. “Ready?”

Gingerly, Leisa descended the porch steps and headed along the sidewalk toward Herring Run Park. Distracted by the splashes of sunlight filtering through the leaves, she tried to breathe deeply, but it hurt.

Suddenly, Bronwyn yanked the leash out of her hand and raced down the street, heading toward Nan. Leisa yelled and sprinted after her, ignoring the pain in her side. Bronwyn rounded the next corner and disappeared from sight. Before Leisa could get to the corner, she heard the screech of car brakes and a heart-wrenching yelp of pain.

Rounding the corner, she saw a car stopped diagonally in the street and Bronwyn’s limp form on the asphalt. An elderly woman was getting out of the car. She looked up as Leisa ran to the scene.

“Oh, Leisa,” said the woman, her hands fluttering anxiously. Leisa glanced up at her and realized she was a neighbor. “I’m so sorry. She just came out of nowhere. I couldn’t stop in time.”

“I know, Mrs. Samuels,” Leisa said. “She got away from me.” She knelt beside Bronwyn, and could see that she was still alive, panting rapidly.

“Oh dear, oh dear,” cried Mrs. Samuels helplessly as Leisa bent over Bronwyn. “I’ll go get Nan,” she said, trotting down the street as fast as she could.

Fighting the lump rising in her throat, Leisa ran her hands over Bronwyn’s head, soothing her. She could feel how cold the little dog’s ears were already. Bron’s frightened brown eyes stayed focused on her as she leaned close and whispered, “Hang on. You’ll be okay. Hang on, you hear me?”

She kept murmuring, saying whatever came to her for what felt like long minutes, as she stroked Bronwyn’s face, trying to keep her calm. Trying to keep herself calm.

She glanced up the street toward the house, but could see no sign yet of Nan. “Oh, please hurry,” she prayed. Looking back down at Bronwyn, she realized she was no longer breathing.

“Oh, no,” she whispered as her eyes filled with tears. “No, no, no, no.” She picked up the still-warm body, cradling it to her and rocking. She heard footsteps running toward her, but couldn’t see anything clearly through her tears. Then Nan was there, kneeling beside her, wrapping her arms around both Leisa and Bronwyn.

“Come on,” Nan murmured through her own tears. “Let’s take her home.”

She said something to the distraught Mrs. Samuels and then helped Leisa to her feet, and together they walked back to their house. There, they laid Bronwyn on her bed near the fireplace. She looked like she was sleeping.

“It’s all… my fault,” Leisa managed to say in between her sobs as she collapsed on the floor in front of the couch and pulled her knees to her chest.

Not sure how her touch would be received, Nan tentatively wrapped her arm around Leisa’s shoulders. “It was an accident,” she said as Leisa let herself be pulled close. Nan held her tightly as they cried together for a long time.

Nan’s tears slowed after a while, but Leisa’s sobs seemed unending, now they had been released. The living room darkened and time crept by, and still Nan held her as she seemed unable to stop crying.

“I’m so sorry,” Leisa gasped during a lull.

“I’m sorry, too,” Nan said, caressing Leisa’s face with her other hand. “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you from the beginning. I’m sorry I haven’t held you and touched you and loved you the way I should have. I’m sorry I ever made you doubt how much I love you.” She felt she couldn’t hold Leisa tightly enough or find words strong enough to make her know all the things she was trying to say.

It was late when Leisa’s tears finally seemed to slow.

“Are you hungry?”

“No,” Leisa sniffed as she sat up.

Apprehensively, Nan said, “Please stay here tonight.”

In the dark living room, lit only by the streetlights outside, Nan couldn’t read Leisa’s eyes, but she could see her nod.

“Why don’t you go upstairs?” Nan suggested glancing over to the dog bed where Bronwyn’s still body lay. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

Leisa’s eyes filled with tears again as she gave Bron one final caress before going upstairs. Nan swaddled Bronwyn in one of the towels reserved for her baths, and carried her down to the basement, tears falling again down her own cheeks as she laid the small bundle on a workbench for the night.

When she got upstairs, Leisa was undressing and getting into bed. “I’ll just be a minute,” Nan said as she went into the bathroom. When she emerged, she could hear Leisa crying again as if her heart were breaking.

“What is it?” she asked softly, spooning in behind Leisa and wrapping an arm around her.

Leisa couldn’t answer. She wasn’t sure she even knew the answer. This upwelling of despair felt tangible and malevolent, as if it were a shadowy force threatening to pull her into its grasp and keep her there forever. But it was also familiar, something that only now did she realize had been stalking her for months, always just out of sight, but there, waiting. And it was all tied up with the things she couldn’t remember anymore, as if this… this thing was blocking all memory, all ability to feel anything happy. Until today, she had evaded its grasp, but now, she had no words to describe the terrible, aching aloneness she was feeling, an isolation and sorrow that went beyond Bronwyn’s death, beyond even her parents’ deaths.

“I’m here,” Nan whispered, sensing some of what Leisa couldn’t say. “I’ve got you, and I promise I will not leave you.”