Yearning for Love (12 page)

She licked her lips to stop her mouth from watering.  She wanted to kiss those lips that were so close to her.  Resting her elbow on the padded arm of the couch, she crawled out of her head and back to the conversation with him. “Your past is a walk through a field of lilies compared to mine.  Besides, your mom is waiting in the car.  You shouldn’t leave her outside alone.”

“My mother is relaxing in a plush hotel with room service at her beck and call.  She isn’t suffering.”

“Well, I don’t want to bring you down further by talking about me.  Walker, you should listen to her.  I’m not the person you want in your life.”

He took her hands and cradled them between his. “I’m listening to my heart. It’s yearning for you.  Nicole, you can’t hide you feel something for me.  If you didn’t, your mind wouldn’t be working so hard to find a way to get rid of me.”

“You’re a mind reader now?”

“I’m not an expert, but you drifted off for a minute.”

“You saw that?”

“Yep, and apparently the voice of reason won since I’m still here.”  He sighed, playing with her slender fingers. “Come on, Nicole, you don’t strike me as the type to let prejudices influence for you.  What is going on inside your head that you don’t want me to know?”

She closed her eyes. “I don’t want you to know me.  I’m an awful person who doesn’t deserve anyone in my life.”

“Woman, what are you talking about?”

“I’m not going to tell you.  My pitiful life goes to the grave with me.”

He released her hand and started to untie his shoe.  Kicking it off, he switched to the other foot. Nicole crinkled her nose shaking her head. “What are you doing?”

“Getting comfortable,” he said kicking off the shoe and working the buttons on his black shirt.

“I didn’t ask you to stay.  As you can see, I don’t have any room for another body in this place.”

“Then, you have two options.  You either tell me what you’re hiding, or we’ll be sharing this tiny space until you decide you’ve had enough of me.  And since I don’t have a change of clothes, it could get a little ripe in here.”

“You’re strong-arming me.”

“Tell me what’s going and maybe I’ll go home afterwards.”

She sighed.  “All right, but remember you asked to hear about my hideous life.”

“I did and I’m listening,” he said putting his shoes on.

She got off the couch.  She had to leave a path for him to run. “I’m not who you think I am.  I’m alone in this world.  I have no family or anyone I can depend on if I need someone.”

“Nicole, your parents are alive.”

“Yes they are. Only, I hate my father, and he hates me.  My mother is so weak-minded it’s disgraceful to acknowledge her as my mother.”

“This is what you didn’t want to talk about that night on the drive to the hotel?”

“Right. I try my best not to let people know they exist. I’m a super-rich kid without the benefit of their love or money.  When I was kicked out of the mansion with only the clothes on my back, I vowed never to go back to that house, and I haven’t.”

“Whoa, this is deep.  Patty never said you were estranged from your parents.”

“Patty doesn’t know everything about me.  No one knows.  I’ve maintain a low-profile since doing that fashion competition.  It was a blessing I lost.  I had time to think about what would happen if I’d won.  The attention would’ve been devastating to me and it wasn’t worth it; not even for fame and fortune.”

“I don’t know how your parent’s are allowing their only kid
not
to be a part of their life.  You have an illness….anything could happen to you and they wouldn’t know.”

“To be blunt, my father would jump for joy if he learned I’d died.  I’m sorry to say my feelings about him are mutual.  The man is a monster and my mother is afraid of him. However, I’m not; I couldn’t take his bullying anymore and if I had not left that house….” She shuddered from the thought.

He got off the couch going over to her. “Nicole, did he abuse you?”

She gave a chuckle as tears tried to form in her eyes.  She blinked knowing nothing would fall.  Crying was a sign of hurt, and she no longer felt the pain, only a numbing and the void.  The void of knowing she would never love a man because her father’s evil blood flowed through her veins.

“He was mentally abusive.  He would berate me to my soul and my mother would do nothing but hide and hope she wasn’t next on his list.”

“There had to be someone to help you.  Grandparents, servants concerned about your well-being.”

“The help didn’t step out of line and my poor grandmother—he was willing to let her rot away in a filthy nursing home before I took the steps necessary to get her help.  He couldn’t muster the compassion to make her dying days comfortable.  The bastard banished me after I threatened him.”

“You’re his only daughter.  His first priority should be protecting you.”

“Walker, he doesn’t even acknowledge me as a human being.  Because people have forgotten I exist, he doesn’t talk about me and my mother would be too scared to contact me.  It has been ten or eleven years since I’ve seen or spoken to either of them.”

He reached to touch her, and she shied away. “This is why I said you didn’t want to know about me.  Telling you my dark side will change the way you look at me.”

“Nothing could ever change the way I look at you, Nicole.”

She sucked in a deep breath.  Her lips trembled from the pain of recalling her past. “That was just the ice tip, there is so much more.”

“I have all night.”

She couldn’t stop herself now that she’d opened up and continued to tell him about her past.  “The man is pure evil man with no spirit.  There was no love in my house.  No hugs, no congratulations on a job well done.  I graduated from college, and neither one of my parents bothered to attend.  I had no family in the audience or a celebration waiting for me when my design won the competition.  I’ve never even had a birthday party.  However, when I was about six-years old, I remember during one election, I was expected to be the cute kid and smile and kiss his cheek. I couldn’t do it because all I wanted to do was smack the hell out him.”

“Wait—what elections?”

“My parents are knee-deep in politics.  I don’t want to say what rolls they play but my father is a very important person.”

He pulled her in his arms holding her tight. Whispering, he said, “Okay, I get it.  You don’t have to say anymore; I’ve heard enough.”

Nicole’s body shook uncontrollably. The heaviness lifted from her chest although the tears still refused to fall.  The burden she carried around inside for years, ebbing away at her soul had finally been set free, somewhat.  She felt different; odd.  Almost as if releasing the anger for her father, to a stranger, was therapeutic.

“Nicole, put your arms around me,” he said against the side of her face.

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

Her arms lifted from her sides to circle his back.  Her head nestled on his shoulder.  She had never been in such an intimate position on purpose.

“How does it feel to you?” He asked.

“Nice,” she whispered.

“Do you want to hold me tighter?”

A broken affirmative tumbled from her mouth. “Y-e-s, but I’m scared to do that.”

“Why are you scared?”

“My father’s blood runs through me.  I don’t want to treat another human the way he treated me.”

Walker broke the embrace and tilted her head to look at him. “Nicole, you are not your father. You broke his hold by walking away and never going back.”

“That doesn’t prove I have a loving heart. It only proves my intolerance for people like him.”

He shook his head. “The smile, the glow your eyes give when you talk.  You are a woman meant to be loved.  I want to be the man to love you.”

“How can you be so sure I’m the one?”

“We’re both yearning for love, Nicole.  We met at the time I should’ve been devastated, but all I could think about was you.  So, I said to myself, how am I going to get this woman, with the movie-star smile, to notice me?”

“And, what answer did you give yourself?”

He raised a lazy eye and said, “I said self, Nicole is a craving I cannot resist. To lead her into temptation, you will have to bait and lure her.  So put on your big boy pants, buckle the belt tight, and get that girl.”

Nicole dragged her gaze away.  She wanted to move away from him, but the minimal struggles she attempted grew useless against his strong arms holding her. “We’re not doing this.  I am not yearning for love.”

“Let me prove it.  Are you going to protest if I do this?”  He bent his head to kiss her forehead.

“No, that was an innocent kiss.”

“What if I kiss you here?”  His lips trailed down the length of her nose to linger on the tip.

“Why don’t we stop playing games, and get to the nitty-gritty.”  She grabbed his head pressing her lips against his.  The softness of his flesh caused her to release a gratifying moan.  She deepened the kiss, letting her tongue slip inside his mouth to explore.  Her lips parted giving him access to explore her territory.

Walker nipped at her lips before breaking the kiss. “Well, I think I proved my point,” he said in a heavy laced voice.

“What usually follows a kiss like that is what you expect next, right?” She asked huskily, finding her throat dry. Nicole placed her palm on his sternum running her hand down the center of his shirt, before pausing over his abdomen. Her fingers could feel the firm, taut muscles beneath. As she gently stroked his washboard stomach thought the cotton shirt, Nicole felt him involuntarily twitch.

“Umm, no,” he paused, clearing his throat as he sought to assert control over his unruly muscles. “We will take this slow and get to know each other before jumping into bed.”

Wonderful! Get me riled and decide now is the time to practice morals
.  Nicole felt his hands on her sides holding her body slightly away from him.  It was too late to hide his arousal; she felt the swelling protruding from his groin against her belly.  Her own arousal dampened her underwear.

“If that is what you want,” she said adjusting her body, so her chest was no longer pressed flushed against him but tilted enough so the V-neck of the sweatshirt revealed she was braless.

Walker’s breath was coming hot and fast as his eyes zeroed in on the firm mound peeking from the neck of the sweatshirt. His hands traveled to rest on the outer curve of her breasts where he discovered she wasn’t wearing a bra.  Unconsciously, his thumbs brushed across her nipples causing her to jump. “I intended to tempt you, not the other way around,” he said lustfully.

An ear-piercing blare filled the apartment breaking them apart. “Doggone it!  I forgot I had food in the oven,” Nicole cursed, while skirting to the kitchen.  Snatching opened the oven door she used oven mitts to remove the smoldering chicken.  Taking off the foil, the liquids had dried searing the fowl and vegetables to the bottom of the glass baking dish.

“Well, there goes my dinner,” she laughed.

Walker leaned over her shoulder turning his nose. “Poor fella didn’t have a chance and took a few friends down with him.”

“Wow, on top of being handsome and good listener, you’re funny too!”

“You get the whole package with me.  Besides, I’d whether take my girl out to eat.  We can celebrate.”

“Celebrate what?”

“Didn’t you hear what I said?  You are my girl now, and nothing is going to come between us.”

“Walker, I didn’t agree to that and we should talk about it more.”

“Talk is cheap, Nicole.  I’m for showing and proving the naysayers wrong.”

“According to your mother, you will be ousted from the family.  Is the risk of being with me worth writing off millions of dollars?”

His long fingers massaged her shoulder muscles in a circulation motion. “I can’t be cast from something I was never a part of to begin with, Nicole.  As far as the money goes, I can’t miss something I’ve never had.”

“You have answers for everything, don’t you?”

“Not all the time.  But, I want to know if you are willing to stand by my side and fight the haters?”

Her necked rolled from the pressure of his fingers kneading her muscles. “So together you’re saying we could send these misfits causing us misery to hell, and live a life of no regrets?”

“You hold open the furnace door while I punt them through the goal post,” he said turning her to face him.

She balled her fist shaking it in the air. “I have never backed away from a fight and lord knows I’ve had a lot of them.  But, unfortunately this is a fight where you have too much to lose.  Walker, you should really think about what’s at stake.”

“I’m not taking
no
for an answer.”

She shook her head. “I’m not giving you a
yes
.”

“Nicole what can I do to get you to change your mind?  I will do anything you need me to do.”

“I need you to not press me about this.”  She wiggled free from his grip grumbling.

“Why, Nicole?  I need solid reasons why you won’t at least give it a shot.”

“It would be a huge mistake.”

“Because you don’t believe you can love a person because of your father?  That is stupid, baby.”

“Walker, I know myself.  I have never cared about anything or anyone but me.  When my business bellied-up, it proved my father was right about me.  I’m nothing and will always be on the outside looking in.”

“Nicole, you cared about your grandmother.  You helped Patty with her bridesmaid crisis.  Sweetheart, you care about people whether you know it or not.”

“Right, I do care about people to an extent, but it doesn’t prove I can devote myself to a person for the rest of my life.  This is hard for me, Walker.  I’m thirty-one years old.  Because of the way I grew up, I didn’t have friends, much less boyfriends.  As I got older, I met a man that was a friend and we became friends with benefits.”

“Excuse me, but what?”

“I didn’t go to private schools but had tutors until I went to college.  I stayed to myself because I didn’t know how to blend in with people who lived a normal childhood.   So I hung with the loners and losers, and met a guy from that group.  He was my only male friend during college.  When he wanted more, and I couldn’t provide him with more, he moved on.  He met another woman and today he is a successful businessman with a wife and kids and I’m still me; a loner.”