Yesterday's Embers (7 page)

Doug wished desperately for a glimpse into his own future.

D
oug yanked at his tie and craned his neck to catch his reflection in the pickup’s rearview mirror.

“You look fine, Daddy.” Kayeleigh flashed him a telling smile. “You look handsome.”

Embarrassed at being caught primping like some girl, he patted her knee. “You look pretty fine yourself, young lady. That’s a nice dress. Grandma buy you that?”

She huffed. “No, Dad. Don’t you remember? Mommy made it for me. For the Christmas program.”

“The Christmas program? Last year? It still fits?” He didn’t remember seeing her wear the dress before.

“This year.” She stared straight ahead, out the windshield, looking like she might cry.

“Oh…okay.” Had he said something wrong? It didn’t seem to take much to set
her off these days. How did he always manage to say exactly the wrong thing? “Well, you look awful pretty.”

She turned to him with a shy smile, her chin quivering. “Thanks.”

They rode the rest of the way into town in silence. Kayeleigh smoothed her hands over the skirt of her dress until he thought she’d flat wear a hole in it. She must be feeling as nervous as he was. He’d never been big on weddings, but if Kaye were here, he would have simply followed her lead. Kaye was the life of any party, and wherever they went together, her vivacious personality had paved the way and made him look good.

Over three months—more than a quarter of the year—and it still hurt to think about her. How was he going to walk into that church alone? He reached over and patted Kayeleigh’s knee. He wasn’t so sure he was glad he’d let her talk him into going, but if he was going, he was glad he had his daughter with him.

He watched her out of the corner of his vision. When had she gone and gotten so grown up? Like all their kids, Kayeleigh had her mother’s thick blond hair. But she had more DeVore blood in her than Thomas. Her features were sharper than the delicate Thomas profile the other kids had inherited. Still, Kayeleigh was every bit as pretty as her mother, even if she was in that gawky preadolescent stage. He’d noticed with chagrin that her figure had begun to take on the slightest of womanly curves. He didn’t even dare to ponder how he’d face
that
aspect of raising daughters without Kaye.

He pulled into the parking lot of Community Christian Church and parked beside Pete Truesdell’s truck. Kayeleigh already had her hand on the door handle.

“You have that card?”

She held up the oversized—and overpriced—wedding card she’d helped him pick out. Shoot, the card cost almost as much as the crisp twenty-dollar bill he’d tucked inside. He could almost hear Kaye chiding him for being such a cheapskate, but he had his kids to think about and money was going to be tight until after harvest. Assuming his wheat
didn’t get hailed out. He climbed out of the pickup and peered up at the sky. Clouds swirled threateningly overhead. “Let’s go…before we get rained on.”

He went around the truck and grabbed Kayeleigh’s hand, and they ran across the parking lot. He opened the door to the church and followed her inside. The vestibule was all decorated in candles and ribbon. Kaye would have been in hog heaven. Kayeleigh
was
. She looked up at him, beaming.

A girl in a fancy dress handed each of them a program, and a tuxedoed usher—one of the Brunner boys, he thought—met them inside the sanctuary. “Friends of the bride or groom?”

Doug shrugged. “Both, I guess.”

The usher held out his arm for Kayeleigh. Snickering, she took it, but had to practically run to keep up with the long-legged fellow. He stopped at a pew five rows from the front and motioned for Kayeleigh to go in.

Doug followed her to the middle of the pew, feeling the eyes of the guests in the pews in front of them turn to gawk. He was grateful when they were seated and the rows behind them began to fill up. Two empty spaces separated him from the aisle to his left, and he settled in to the padded bench, grateful for room to stretch his legs. It didn’t last long. He had to straighten in his seat when another Brunner brother deposited Mickey Valdez beside him.

He smiled and mouthed a hello. Mickey cleaned up mighty nice, if he did say so himself. Instead of her usual ponytail, her dark hair fell around her shoulders in waves, and she wore sparkly earrings and a little lipstick or gloss or whatever the shiny stuff was called. Kaye had always said lipstick was the one makeup she could never live without.

Kayeleigh leaned around him and waved to Miss Valdez. He noticed Mickey was doing that same skirt-smoothing thing Kayeleigh had done all the way into town. Maybe it wasn’t just nerves. Maybe there was a reason behind it.

A minute later Jack Linder stepped out from a door behind the choir loft, followed by Trevor Ashlock and another man Doug didn’t know. He felt a tug on the sleeve of his suit coat and turned to find Mickey eyeing his wedding program. “Can I look at that for a minute?” she whispered.

He handed her his program and motioned to the one Kayeleigh was studying. “Keep it. We have another one.”

The organist held a long note and switched the sheet music with one hand. The very air in the room seemed to change, and he recognized a song he’d heard at weddings before. Maybe even his own. He glanced over Kayeleigh’s shoulder at the program. “Trumpet Voluntaire,” it said. She squirmed in her seat until she was facing the back of the room. Everyone else seemed to be looking there, too.

Suddenly, as if to some invisible cue, everyone stood up. Doug nudged Kayeleigh, and they stood with the rest, turning toward the back of the sanctuary where a very elegant Vienne Kenney floated down the aisle on Pete Truesdell’s arm. She wore a radiant smile, but she had eyes only for Jack.

Doug remembered that same look in Kaye’s eyes when she’d marched down the aisle of that big church in Salina. He thought she’d never looked so beautiful…until the day she held a newborn Kayeleigh in her arms. And then sweet Rachel—

His eyes stung and he had to look away.

Kayeleigh tugged on his coattail, her voice a stage whisper. “Daddy, I can’t see.”

Mickey must have overheard, for she motioned Kayeleigh to come and stand on the other side of her in front of the seat on the aisle. Doug put his hands on Kayeleigh’s shoulders and eased her past him and Mickey, giving the teacher a grateful smile.

Vienne stopped at the front pew where her mother hunched in a wheel-chair. It was sad to see Ingrid Kenney so frail, but she beamed a crooked smile at her daughter and raised her head to receive Vienne’s kiss.

Pete turned the bride over to Jack and the couple moved to the altar. While the congregation took their seats, Kayeleigh scooted back in front of Mickey to sit beside Doug again. He put an arm around his daughter, relishing the feel of her warmth against him. Nothing like a wedding to remind a guy how lonely he was.

Jack repeated his vows, his voice strong and clear as he echoed the pastor. Doug felt genuinely happy for him. The poor guy had weathered some tough times, and it was good to see him finding happiness. How much more quickly might Jack have overcome his addiction to the bottle—or even avoided it altogether—had God only allowed him a glimpse of this day?

For a moment Doug wished desperately for a glimpse into his own future. If he knew for sure that the sentiment of all those sympathy cards was true, that someday time would dull the edge of his agony, maybe he could start living again. He pulled Kayeleigh closer.

Every morning he went through the motions, punching the clock for Trevor, doing the farmwork, picking the kids up from daycare.

He couldn’t allow himself to think too hard about what his life had become, because he wasn’t sure such a life was worth living. And for his children’s sake, he
needed
to live.

She kept dancing with Seth, but she wasn’t thinking about him so much now. She felt torn up inside. She wanted Dad to be happy…but she hadn’t counted on this sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

K
ayeleigh sat by the front window of Latte-dah, saving Dad’s seat with her little pink wallet and her wedding program. The coffee shop didn’t even look like the same place Dad had brought her and Landon to for hot chocolate a couple of weeks ago.

Today, all the tables had been cleared away and chairs were lined up around the room, leaving the shiny floor in front of the fireplace clear for dancing. Dad came back from hanging up their coats just as Jack and Vienne cut into their three-story wedding cake. With a gleam in his eye, Jack smashed a hunk of the white cake into Vienne’s waiting mouth. Chewing and laughing at the same time, she tucked her veil behind her shoulders and did the same to Jack. Cameras flashed all over the room, like those strobe lights Seth Berger had at his birthday party last summer.

Kayeleigh wrinkled her nose. “Did you and Mom do that?”

Dad got a faraway look in his eye. “Yeah, we did. It’s tradition.”

Watching the bride try to pick icing out of her curly hair, Kayeleigh decided then and there that she didn’t want that tradition at her wedding. But she did want to have a toast with grape juice in fancy glasses and pretzel her arm through the groom’s to take sips as they looked into each other’s eyes.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen…” A DJ in the corner by the door got everyone’s attention. “The bride and groom will share their first dance as man and wife. Allow me to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Jackson Linder.”

Everybody clapped and whistled while Jack and Vienne took the floor. Kayeleigh let a sigh escape. She hoped she looked as beautiful on her wedding day as Vienne Kenney. And that God put her with a husband as handsome as Jackson Linder. They danced like there was nobody else in the room. When the music died down, Jack kissed Vienne—and not the quick, soft kiss he’d given her when the minister pronounced them man and wife. This time his kiss made all the people clap and cheer. Kayeleigh felt her face grow warm.

The DJ invited everybody to dance. Dad grabbed her hand. “Come on…you want to dance?”

She hung back. There were only a few people on the floor, mostly grandmas and grandpas dancing the old-fashioned way. “Not yet, Dad. Wait till the next song.”

“Chicken,” he said. But she liked the way he winked at her. He tapped the seat of his chair. “Save my place. I’ll be back for the next dance.”

She nodded and watched Dad cross over and shake some guy’s hand. Probably somebody he worked with at the print shop. When Dad’s face got that sad look, she could tell the guy was saying something about Mom and Rachel. But then they talked more and Dad even laughed at something he said. That made her feel better.

Dad turned around and started back across the dance floor, but
Wren Johannsen stopped him. Still smiling, he gave her a hug. She said something, then pointed her way.

She waved at Wren and Wren waved back, but then Wren led Dad over to where Miss Valdez was sitting. Dad shifted from one foot to the other, looking kind of embarrassed. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Wren was pointing to the dance floor like she wanted them to dance together.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Seth Berger coming her way. She looked away, but not before he caught her eye. Her hands started sweating. He was going to ask her to dance.
Come on, Dad. Hurry up…hurry up…

But even as she thought the words, another part of her prayed she would get to dance with Seth. She wiped her hands on her skirt and licked her lips.

“Hey, Kayeleigh…” Seth’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “You wanna”—he swung his head toward the dance floor—“you know…dance?”

He had on a white shirt with a tie. His dark hair had gel in it, and he’d gotten it cut since she’d seen him at school Friday. He looked really good.

She leaned around him to look for Dad. She spotted him in the middle of the dance floor. He was dancing with Miss Valdez. They were standing kind of far apart and not talking, but still, it made her feel funny seeing him touch her like that.

“Who are you looking for?”

She looked back at Seth. “My dad. I was gonna dance with him.”

Seth followed her gaze to the dance floor. “Hey, he’s dancing with that daycare teacher. Man, she’s hot.”

“Seth!”

“Well, she is.”

“She’s like, old enough to be your mother.”

Seth raised an eyebrow. “Or yours.”

She didn’t like the way he said it. Like Dad had a thing for Miss Valdez or something.

Seth put a hand on her shoulder. “Come on. You wanna dance?”

“Okay.” Her tummy felt a little fluttery as she followed him to the edge of the dance floor. It was crowded now and she lost sight of Dad.

The song was a slow one. Seth put a hand on her arm. “Ready?”

She nodded and as he moved his hands to her waist, she placed her hands on his shoulders, almost around his neck, the way she’d seen the high school girls do. His collar was damp. Maybe he was a little nervous, too.

They turned a slow circle, staying in one spot. She kept her eyes glued to the floor, scared she’d step on his feet. But after a few minutes she didn’t feel so nervous. She even looked up a couple times to see Seth smiling at her. She liked the way it felt to be dancing with the cutest guy here.

Looking over Seth’s shoulder, she scanned the crowd for Dad. She wondered what he would do if he saw her with Seth. She would dance with Dad on the next song. It wasn’t so scary once you were out on the floor. Besides, almost everybody was dancing now, and nobody was paying any attention to them.

The song ended and another one started. She pulled away. But Seth grabbed her in a one-armed hug. “Let’s dance one more.”

“I promised my dad I’d—” She saw him then, dancing with Miss Valdez again.

“Okay.” She let Seth pull her back into his arms. He held her a little tighter this time. But even though she almost had to tiptoe to see over his shoulder, she couldn’t help watching Dad and Miss Valdez.

They were dancing closer together on this song, too. And they weren’t only dancing. They were talking to each other, putting their mouths close to each other’s ear because the music was so loud. They were laughing. A lot.

She’d never seen Miss Valdez look so pretty. Instead of the ponytail or bun she usually wore at the daycare, she had her hair down long and smooth, skimming her shoulders. She was laughing in that flirty way Lisa Breck laughed when she was trying to get some boy to pay attention to her.

The DJ had put on Natalie Cole’s “This Will Be.” Mom used to play that song on the CD player all the time. Kayeleigh knew the words by heart. “
An everlasting love
…
together forever…
” Counting down to the last verse, she tried to catch Dad’s eye. But even though it was a fast song, he was dancing close to Miss Valdez, whispering close to her ear and laughing with her. The only time she’d seen Dad laugh like that was—when he was with Mom.

She kept dancing with Seth, but she wasn’t thinking about him so much now. She felt torn up inside. She wanted Dad to be happy. She’d hoped this wedding would remind him how to smile again. But she hadn’t counted on this sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. In all her daydreams about this night, she’d pictured Daddy dancing with
her
, not Miss Valdez. He wasn’t really doing anything wrong. They were only dancing and talking. But for some reason, she felt like she should look away—pretend she hadn’t seen them laughing and smiling with each other.

And Dad seemed to have forgotten all about his promise of dancing with her. She was going to sit down when this song was over. If Dad kept dancing with Miss Valdez, she’d come up with some excuse to go out on the dance floor and get him. Maybe she’d tell him she was sick. Her stomach
was
feeling kind of funny.

Before she could rehearse an excuse, the song ended. She pulled away. “I’m…going to go sit down for a while.”

Seth’s face fell. He shuffled his feet. “Okay. But maybe we can dance again later…after you’re rested up?”

“Maybe.” She turned and hurried over to where she and Dad had been sitting. She saw him making his way back through the crowd. She
smiled, but then she saw that Miss Valdez was right behind him, smiling that great big smile.

“I’m going to get some punch for Mickey—for Miss Valdez.” Dad seemed a little breathless. “You want some, Kayeleigh?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Sure enough, he’d totally forgotten about the dance he promised her.

He came back a minute later, juggling three plastic cups of peach-colored punch. But Dad and Miss Valdez barely took two sips from their cups before they were back on the dance floor again.

When that song was over, the DJ said something about the next song being for young lovers. Before she lost her courage, Kayeleigh drained her punch cup, set it on the chair beside her, and threaded her way through the dancers to where Dad was. Some slow, mushy song started playing, and Dad and Miss Valdez stood facing each other, looking like they weren’t sure if they were going to dance this time or not.

When Miss Valdez saw her, she brightened. “Hi, sweetie. I’m going to turn your dad over to you while I go see if they need any help in the kitchen.”

Dad put out a hand like he might try to get Miss Valdez to stay, but she was already sidestepping the other dancers and heading over to the counter where people usually ordered. Kayeleigh turned to watch her.

She felt a tap on her shoulder. She felt Dad’s warm breath on her neck, and his aftershave tickled her nostrils.

“Excuse me, miss. May I please have this dance?”

She giggled, then tried to make her face serious. “I’m not allowed to dance with strangers.”

That made him laugh. He scooped her into his arms and twirled her around. Her cheeks flushed. If Seth saw her, he’d think she was a baby. Daddy brought her down until her feet found his shoes and she forgot about Seth. Just like when she was a little girl, Dad led her in a circle around the floor. Holding him tight around the waist, she buried her face in his chest.

She closed her eyes and pretended Mom was sitting in one of the chairs along the wall. She pretended that when the song ended, Dad would escort her off the floor. Then he and Mom would dance the rest of the night while she watched them smile into each other’s eyes the way he and Miss Valdez had.