Yesterday's Sins (30 page)

"What?" Sarah responded in hushed awe.

"Out of the black storm came a ghostly silver light and the area around the small boat became calm. Cullum ordered the maid to bail out the water."

"What was the light?"

Sarah listened entranced, her eyes glistening in the subdued light from the bedside lamp. Kate swallowed hard to clear the lump of love and longing in her throat. She looked down at the wooden music box, running a shaking finger over the polished wood.

"Ilona called up the spirits of her ancestors to aid them. They reached the safety of Tillyfore where The Cullum married the girl who'd risked her life to save his. When Ilona unwrapped the contents of the shawl, she found this music box. Ever since, it's been handed down to the eldest son.

"She was never able to go back to her family. She would have been killed for her treachery. Your grandmother was the last Cullum, and so the box has come to you."

For several moments there was hushed silence after Kate's voice faded away. Sarah yawned and Kate spared a guilty glance at her watch. She tucked the blankets in around the child. "Would you like me to sing for you?"

"Yes, please."

Kate sat in the old rocker and sang softly, the love lilt of the music box. Sarah's eyelids grew heavier as Kate changed from one lilting melody to the next.

Before the last notes faded away the child was fast asleep.

Moving softly, Kate went to the bed and stood looking down at her sleeping daughter. Poignant tears filled her eyes as she brushed a finger down a petal smooth cheek.

"Goodnight, my darling baby," she whispered huskily, leaning down and kissing the sleeping child.

Chapter Fifteen

A
lex leaned against the door frame, unbearably moved by the tender scene he'd watched unfold. Guilt seared him at Kate's tender expression as she kissed Sarah.

Was she ready to accept her place in Sarah's life? Her place in his own life? He could not pressure her, but being spotted by that reporter could prove disastrous.

Despair warred with hope.

He, who'd never needed anyone, knew he needed Catriona. She was his sunshine and warmth. The love he'd never known. But any hope of a future together was inextricably bound by their past. In a long, slow bonding their relationship had grown. And then everything had gone so disastrously wrong.

The future loomed, bleak and empty if she chose not to return.

Unable to still his despairing thoughts, he shifted and Kate looked up and saw him. The familiar wariness and apprehension clouded her expression. It was an expression he hated, but knew he deserved nonetheless. Their gazes clung for a long, timeless moment. That reporter had made things difficult. There was now very serious pressure, where he'd hoped to have limitless time.

"A very stirring tale, your ancestors were as ruthless as mine."

"I was just thinking that." She stood up, watching as he crossed the room and kissed Sarah.

"You solved your problem? It was nothing too serious, I hope." Her words tripped over each other.

"Serious enough to be worrying," he admitted catching her nervous glance. "Come through to the sitting room, Maria is bringing supper."

He escorted her downstairs and along the east corridor and opened a door into a small sitting room. She looked around the room, frowning.

"We had the ballroom converted into several smaller rooms." He correctly interpreted her puzzlement. "This one, it's what the Victorians called a morning room. We also built a library and a music room. Have a seat."

Instead of sitting, Kate wandered around the room.

He watched her as she picked up a simple modernist glass sculpture, and then put it down again. She wandered across the room to study two delicate watercolours he'd seen and brought on a whim, because they reminded him of the lush beauty of Maude Island. In creating this room, his brief to the interior designer was to create a clean, uncluttered space with minimal decoration.

And now, he waited for Kate's reaction.

At last she walked across and sat in a comfortable brocade wingchair next to his before she looked at him. "This room is lovely, I like it."

"Do you?" He smiled, wondering how she would react if he told her he'd created this room specifically for her.

Maria entered carrying the supper tray.

"Thank you." Alex took the tray and put it on a small table beside Kate. "Catriona can pour for us. We won't need anything else tonight."

As she poured coffee and he took his, absently stirring in sugar.

"What's wrong?"

His frown eased. "That reporter was tipped off."

She lifted a shaky hand to her lips. "What sort of tip off?"

"Far too accurate to be coincidental, he knew I was taking Sarah and her mother on a family outing at the zoo," he said quietly gripping her shoulder as the colour drained from her face. "I've ensured the story won't be printed."

"For how long?" She gave him a beseeching look and he knew she feared a media feeding frenzy. The thought didn't exactly fill him with joy either, but at least he was used to it.

"Hopefully long enough." It had been a tough job to get the editor's agreement. He'd been furious when he'd seen the photographs taken with a telephoto lens.

"Who tipped them off?"

"They refused to reveal their source."

After so many years of protecting Kate and Sarah from media intrusion it was sickening to be discovered at this critical time.

"What shall we do?"

He didn't miss the revealing
we
and despite the gravity of the situation was pleased she instinctively looked to him for security against a darker, external threat.

"Sarah needs to know who you are, Kate. It could be very damaging if she was to hear it from any other source."

"No." She raised a shaking hand to her throat, an instinctive gesture of repudiation. "Not yet. Please."

He frowned, wondering what she was thinking. Her vulnerable expression tugged at his heart and he slipped his arm around her and pulled her into a hug. "What are you frightened of? Sarah won't despise or resent you for leaving."

"But she does," she said in a despairing whisper. "You surely must see that. You heard her at Smith's farm and again today."

"She wants you to be her new mother," he said slowly.

"That's just it, her new mother. She doesn't want
me
, her birthmother recycled."

"Sarah doesn't think like that," he said, even as his own doubts multiplied.
What if she's right, what do I know of the female mind?

"Doesn't she?" She looked at him shaking her head.

"Sarah will see you through the eyes of love and need."

Her lower lip trembled and her blue eyes filled with tears. With a soft, virulent curse he scooped her out of the chair and sat down bringing her onto his lap and holding her close.

"When are you going to stop punishing yourself?" He framed her face with his hands. "If I know Sarah, she's already fantasizing about you being her mother. She's going to be thrilled, not judgmental."

Kate buried her face against him, shaking her head. "How can you be so sure?"

That was just it, he wasn't sure but as he stroked her head, he tried to control his apprehension. At last he pushed her away, holding her face so he could see her expression and gauge her reaction.

"I can't be sure, but I do know fretting and worrying won't solve the problem. Nor will this situation miraculously resolve itself."

The tip of her tongue ran around her lips, a sure sign she was nervous. He couldn't allow doubts and nerves to get in the way. It was time to put the question to the test. There could only be one outcome if he was to be certain of hers and Sarah's safety.

"I think it's time you returned home to us, Catriona. Don't you?"

*****

Kate looked at the phone and her courage failed. She wrapped her arms around her midriff and continued pacing.

Ever since that shattering moment on Saturday night she'd been so apprehensive and anxious, it bordered on panic.

She'd stumbled off Alex's knee and fled. Had he meant what she thought he had?

Had she been wilfully blind since he'd come back into her life? Did this explain his compassionate consideration, his willingness to let her share Sarah's life? Was this why he'd shifted his home to where she'd settled and made friends?

Was this proof he cared about her?

Or did he need absolution of his guilt?

Should she approach Alex and ask him? The idea increased her apprehension a thousand-fold. Could she trust him to be truthful? She trembled on the brink of trusting him, but caution made her hesitate.

Love rendered her vulnerable.

Only one other person would know. Gathering her shaky courage she picked up the phone. After waiting an intolerable time as she was passed from secretary to secretary she finally reached him.

"Yes?"

Kate took a shuddering breath at the uncompromising tone, gripping the receiver tightly. Would he even speak to her? If he hung up, she wouldn't blame him. It was no more than she deserved.

"Gregori?"

"Yes." There was a thoughtful pause. "Who is this?"

"Catriona."

She heard him gasp, and knew she'd caught him by surprise.

I'll bet I'm the last person he expected to phone him?

"How can I help you?"

Now that he asked, she couldn't find the courage to voice her question. The intent listening silence unnerved her.

"Is something wrong, Kate?" His gentle tone set her heart racing. Unsure what to say she was silent too long before she muttered, "I don't know."

"Are you at home?"

"Yes."

"I'll come to you." She heard papers rustling. "I can get away in half an hour. Expect me in an hour or so. Okay?"

She relaxed at his swift understanding and then stiffened. "You won't tell Alex?"

There was a pregnant pause, then his amused voice. "Rest easy."

She was waiting when his car purred into the curb. Kate ran down the path before he turned off the engine. He leaned across and opened the door.

"Why the rush?"

"Can we drive somewhere, please?" She twisted her hands in her lap.

He leaned across and put a finger under her chin and made her look at him, and she was sure her embarrassment was clear to see.