Yesterday's Sins (33 page)

"Will you push me?" Sarah was on the swing, waiting.

"Sure." Her voice was rusty.

"Higher. Higher."

"That's high enough." At Kate's refusal, Sarah made an exclamation of annoyance. "Move your legs out straight as you go forward and then bend them as you come back. That way you can swing yourself."

After a few shaky attempts Sarah got the rhythm. Kate savoured the simple pleasure of watching her daughter at play.

For years, she had endured the agony of not knowing anything about this child. Now the knowing brought such sweet pleasure, it bordered on pain. It took all her self-control to resist smothering Sarah, to make up for the missing years.

The blonde ponytail swished backwards and forwards. Sarah squealed when the swing hit the high points. After ten minutes she tired and jumped off.

"Can we look around the garden?" Kate held out her hand. Sarah placed her small one in hers; the simple trusting gesture warmed a cold spot in her heart.

"It's bigger than your garden." There was no bragging in the statement. Sarah had pleasing manners. Alex had done a marvellous job raising her. She wasn't at all spoilt by his vast wealth.

"These roses are going to be beautiful." The huge beds were covered in the bronze foliage of early spring.

"My mother loved roses."

The wistfulness in Sarah's voice was nearly Kate's undoing. "Most ladies do."

"Well I don't," Sarah blurted out scowling fiercely.

"Why not?" Kate asked cautiously.

"My mother loved those dumb flowers. Why didn't she love me instead?" Sarah's bottom lip jutted out at a pugnacious angle.

Regret pierced Kate's heart as she was left in no doubt that Sarah carried the wound of her mother's abandonment. She knelt and wrapped her child in comforting arms. Sarah leaned her head into her shoulder, her distress plain.

"Because she loved roses doesn't mean she didn't love you." Kate smoothed her hair back meeting Sarah's eyes without flinching.

"If she loved me she wouldn't have gone away."

What could she say that Sarah would understand? How could she make this child understand when she struggling to understand herself? She silently prayed for guidance.

"Adults get hurt too," she said, her arm around Sarah's fragile shoulders. "Your mother must have been hurting badly to have left you with your daddy."

"Daddy said she was too young and hurt."

Thank you, Alex.
Kate was comforted knowing hadn't betrayed her to her own child.

"But not too young to make sure you were safe, and cared for." The child pulled away puzzled. Kate held a hand against a petal smooth cheek. "You love your daddy, don't you?"

"He's the bestest Daddy in the world."

The wealth of love and trust in those few words was humbling. Seven years ago Kate had staked everything on Alex giving this child his unstinting love. Her faith hadn't been misplaced.

"Your mother knew he would love you." Kate subdued a husky catch of torment.

"Why was she hurt?" There was anxiety as well as curiosity in the question.

"Her father and twin brother had been killed in a car crash, just before you were born."

Kate was filled with a sudden crazy urge to blurt out the whole story, to confess the whole, unhappy truth. An urge so overpowering it nearly overwhelmed her. Was this why Alex never trusted her alone with Sarah? The weight of this un-sanctioned visit suddenly became very heavy. But as she looked into Sarah's innocent eyes, she knew she couldn't do it. She could never destroy Sarah's faith and trust in her father, no matter how justified.

"That's bad." Sarah leaned her head against Kate's shoulder.

Unnerved by the seriousness of their conversation, Kate made a great show of dusting the knees of her jeans, desperate to divert Sarah before she made a slip and broke her promise to Alex. "The knees of my pants are quite damp."

"Let's go inside. Maria must have afternoon tea ready. I'm starved."

Kate gave a shaky chuckle. How often she and Chris had rushed into their mother's kitchen asking,
Mum what's to eat? We're starved.

Sarah dashed ahead leaving Kate shaking her head. Where did all that boundless energy come from? Sarah surprised her with her ability to go from deadly serious to the casual in less than a heartbeat.

Maria met them in the hall a laden tray in her hands.

"Go and wash your hands, Sarah." She met Kate's eyes over the child's head, dropping a conspiratorial wink.

Sarah dashed up the stairs at break neck speed leaving the two women to follow at a more leisurely pace.

"She's a live wire that one." Maria shook her head her eyes alight with affectionate amusement. "She keeps Mr. Alex on his toes."

"She's remarkably unspoiled, considering." Kate waved a hand to encompass the luxurious surroundings.

"Mr. Alex can't abide spoilt kids." Maria looked at Kate, obviously curious. "High spirits is another thing all together."

"This room must be a child's paradise."

"Maybe." The older woman glanced around with shrewd eyes "Small compensation for what young Sarah's missing. Toys don't take the place of a mother or brothers and sisters."

Kate's gaze skittered away.
How much does Maria know? Probably far too much for my peace of mind.

Sarah returned with Noni in tow.

"Good afternoon, Noni." Kate was determined not to let the old besom throw her off balance. "I wasn't expecting to see you this afternoon."

"What are you doing here?" There was no mistaking the jealous glitter in the jet eyes and the tightly pursed mouth.

With a flash of percipience, Kate realized the old woman must feel seriously threatened by her presence, and was touched by an inconvenient sympathy.

"Miss Audley is here at Sarah's invitation, Noni," Maria rebuked the old nurse sternly. "I'm sure you can find something to do while Sarah entertains her visitor."

The old woman grumbled and complained but left them alone. Maria frowned at her retreating back. "She's very jealous of anyone coming close to Sarah or Mr Alex."

Tell me something I don't already know.

Kate knew if she ever assumed her rightful place in this family there would be a massive power struggle. She shivered at the prospect.

Maria left them to enjoy the sumptuous spread. Kate's appetite, woefully flagging over the past three weeks, surfaced and she helped Sarah do justice to the delicious cakes and muffins.

"That was scrummy." Sarah gave a huge satisfied sigh as she drained her tall tumbler of milk, leaving a ring around her mouth.

"You have a milk moustache," Kate teased.

Sarah giggled and darted to the bathroom to remove it and Kate began packing the dishes on the tray and picked it up.

"Maria will come and get that."

Kate raised her eyebrows in surprise at the commanding tone. "My legs are younger than Maria's."

Sarah flushed at the sharp rebuke. "You can get busy and wipe down the table so Maria doesn't have to come back upstairs."

That Sarah considered menial chores the work of servants, brought Kate up short. She must have a word with Alex. She stopped in mid step at the enormity of the thoughts. She had forfeited her right to question Sarah's upbringing.

Back in the playroom Sarah inveigled her to play Snap. They were laughing over a simultaneous grab at the cards when the door opened.

"Uncle Gregori." Sarah dashed across to him.

Nicolaides scooped her up blowing noisy kisses on her neck until she squealed and wriggled to get down. He looked at Kate sprawled on the floor holding her cards.

"Has she beaten you yet?"

"Not quite." Kate straightened her clothes, colouring with embarrassment at being caught sprawling so casually in Alex's house.

Gregori lowered himself down to the mat where the game was in progress.

"Do you want to play?"

"When you're finished."

"We can finish this game and start a new one, Sarah." Kate scooped up the cards and deftly dealt a three handed game. For half an hour the nursery rang with squeals and laughter as the two adults pitted themselves against Sarah.

"I give up." Gregori raised his hands in defeat as Sarah snapped his last remaining cards. He sat back, an amused smile softening his stem mouth, as he watched Sarah and Kate battle out the game, applauding cheerfully when Sarah snapped the last card to win.

"You're too smart." Kate conceded defeat with a rueful laugh. "Do you play a lot?"

"Daddy and I play every night." Sarah was flushed with triumph at her victory.

"Alex gives her no quarter," Gregori drawled humorously. "They've had a nightly duel for the past couple of years."

"No wonder you're so good. It's years since I've played."

Their conversation was interrupted by Maria. "Your Dad's on the phone, Sarah."

Sarah bounced downstairs at breakneck speed. Gregori and Kate followed more sedately.

"Enjoyed your day?" His expression left her choked–up.

Sarah was talking nonstop, her face animated as she regaled Alex with her doings. Kate paled as she heard her name mentioned in every second breath. It came as no surprise when Sarah handed her the phone. "Daddy would like to talk to you, Kate."

With clammy hands, Kate took the receiver, nervous of Alex's reaction.

"Hello." Her voice was so husky it came out as a squeak.

She cleared her throat, turning her back on Gregori, hunching her shoulder so her hair concealed her face.

"What the hell are you doing at my house?"

Kate caught her breath at the furious question. She sought desperately for an answer to defuse his anger and not betray Sarah.

"Is this all your word's worth, Catriona? You wait until my back is turned and then sneak up to see Sarah, betraying my trust. I knew I should never have agreed to allow you near her. You're no more to be trusted now than you ever were."

The harsh accusations lacerated her spirit, cutting deeper with every furious word.

"It's not like that—"

He cut across her attempt to explain. "It's just like that. You're a lying, spoilt little witch. So much for my thinking you had changed. If you've upset Sarah—"

Kate reached out an unsteady hand and depressed the button cutting him off in mid tirade before carefully replacing the receiver. Holding herself erect, calling on every ounce of pride she possessed, she turned and faced Gregori and Sarah.

"I have to go." She brushed an unsteady finger down Sarah's cheek. "Goodbye."

"I'll walk you to your car." Gregori gave her a comprehensive look, his expression grim and she knew there was little chance of evading him.

Alex's tirade was a kick in the gut.

The phone shrilled, distracting Gregori. As he answered it, she bent and kissed Sarah's cheek and fled.