Authors: Lauren Myracle
Sat, Oct 5
, 4:54
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SnowAngel: | Zoe! how's the Dougster? ya gettin' some, know what I mean, know what I mean? |
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SnowAngel: | Zoe! oohhhhh, Zoe! |
SnowAngel: | ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM! |
Sat, Oct 5
, 6:30
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SnowAngel: | Maaaaaadddddiieeeee, Zoe won't answer my texts and won't pick up when I call. I feel neglected! |
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mad maddie: | leave her be, fool. |
mad maddie: | stalker! |
SnowAngel: | also I told her to wear a condom, but really I meant that Doug shld wear a condom. on his penis. do you think she figured that out? |
mad maddie: | hmm. that's a tough one. |
SnowAngel: | Doug's penis? you're saying Doug's penis is a tough one??? |
SnowAngel: | YOU'RE the stalker, weirdo! |
Sun, Oct 6
, 9:34
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zoegirl: | Maddie, I'm sure you're still asleep. |
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zoegirl: | Angela, you probably are too. |
zoegirl: | but . . . |
zoegirl: | Doug broke up with me. he didn't come to visit me; he came to break up with me face-to-face. |
zoegirl: | God, I never in my life thought I wld be typing these words. |
zoegirl: | I wish I could hit “undo.” |
Sun, Oct 6
, 11:00
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SnowAngel: | Zoe, wtf? |
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SnowAngel: | when? just now? do you want me to drive to Ohio and be with you??? I wld if I cld, you know! |
zoegirl: | I'm numb. I'm a ghost. my skin is such an ugly color. |
SnowAngel: | Zoe. no. you are not a ghost, and yr skin is beautiful. ALL of you is beautiful. don't you dare talk yrself into thinking this happened cuz something's wrong with you. |
zoegirl: | he said he wants the full college experience. that he wants to experience new things. he said he didn't mean for his feelings toward me to change, but that they did. |
SnowAngel: | my heart is breaking for you. I am SOOOOOO sorry! |
zoegirl: | I can't think straight. |
zoegirl: | this *is* really happening, right? I'm not dreaming? |
SnowAngel: | shit, it's not that Canyon girl, is it? |
zoegirl: | he claims they're just friends. I don't know. |
zoegirl: | want to hear the worst part? |
zoegirl: | well, all of it is the worst part, but at the end of his speech, he said, “so, uh, ok. I guess I'm going to take off.” |
SnowAngel: | when? this morning? |
zoegirl: | um . . . not exactly |
SnowAngel: | then when, exactly? |
zoegirl: | on Friday night, right after he got here. |
SnowAngel: | AND YOU'RE JUST NOW TELLING ME? |
SnowAngel: | Zoe! wtf?!!! |
zoegirl: | I was a mess, and I didn't want him to go, so I grabbed his hands and said, “it's late. just stay, please? you can drive back tomorrow.” |
SnowAngel: | okaaaay. and . . . ? |
zoegirl: | he didn't want to, but I forced him to by being needy. and then he didn't want to sleep in my bedâhe said he'd take the floorâbut I was needy all over again until finally he gave in. |
SnowAngel: | uh-oh |
zoegirl: | yeah. so there we were in my bed, and our bodies were so close, and . . . things happened. except that's me not telling the whole truth, because I *made* them happen, just like when I visited him at Oberlin. |
SnowAngel: | you made bad sex happen again? WHY? |
zoegirl: | Angela! are you really asking that when you already know I feel like complete and utter shit? |
SnowAngel: | sorry, sorry. bad phrasing!!! |
SnowAngel: | let me try again. did Doug STOP things from happening? the “why look, here we are about to have sex again” things? |
zoegirl: | no. but right before he came inside me, he whispered, “just so you know, this isn't going to change anything.” |
SnowAngel: | oh, Zoe. |
SnowAngel: | and Doug! what a fucker! |
zoegirl: | so that's who I am, the girl who sleeps with her ex-boyfriend one last time even though she knows it's not going to change anything. |
SnowAngel: | Zoe, that is NOT who you are |
zoegirl: | well, um, it is. go me! |
SnowAngel: | where are you now? are you in yr dorm room? I know yr not going to want to, but you need to be with other ppl right now. can you call your friend Holly? |
zoegirl: | I just want to be alone. |
SnowAngel: | and hold on. I'm confused. |
SnowAngel: | today's Sunday. Doug broke up with you on Friday. Did he leave on Saturday? |
zoegirl: | bright and early, yep |
SnowAngel: | and you kept all this to yourself until now??? |
zoegirl: | I didn't feel like talking. or moving. or thinking. I still don't. |
zoegirl: | will you tell Maddie for me? I don't want to do the walk of shame twice. |
SnowAngel: | of course, but there is NO WALK OF SHAME. |
SnowAngel: | I'm sending all my love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Sun, Oct 6
, 7:28
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mad maddie: | hey, you. |
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SnowAngel: | hey. poor Zo, huh? |
mad maddie: | I called her after you and I talked, but I got her voicemail. tried her again, got her voicemail again. |
SnowAngel: | same here. |
SnowAngel: | her latest tweet says, “gone off the grid. back eventually. #maybe.” |
mad maddie: | ack, I hear that |
SnowAngel: | huh? |
SnowAngel: | our friend is hurting and in pain and you're glad she's “gone off the grid”??? |
mad maddie: | what? no, I'm not glad! I said NOTHING about being glad. |
mad maddie: | just, I understand the impulse. |
SnowAngel: | what impulse? |
mad maddie: | to go off the grid, even if you don't like that expression. to just . . . not deal. |
SnowAngel: | but we're her friends! we're supposed to HELP her deal! |
mad maddie: | yes. I know. and we will. I feel just as bad for Zoe as you do. |
mad maddie: | I'm just acknowledging the fact that sometimes, when crappy things happen, it's tempting to disappear for a while. |
SnowAngel: | *narrows eyes* |
mad maddie: | and again, I'm not saying we're going to LET Zoe disappear. but don't you ever feel like you're constantly “on”? like you're chained to your phone/tablet/laptop/whatever? like you cldn't escape even if you wanted to? |
SnowAngel: | as in, do I obsessively check for texts, emails, tweets, snapchats, and FB posts? |
SnowAngel: | NO |
mad maddie: | I do. sometimes I want to smash the internet with a rock. then I remember that y'all live in there, so I don't. |
SnowAngel: | hmmph |
mad maddie: | and now off to a diner on the boardwalk that serves maple bacon donut dogs. |
mad maddie: | let me say that again: Maple. Bacon. Donut. Dogs. |
SnowAngel: | that sounds revolting |
mad maddie: | by which you mean “delicious beyond belief”? agreed. I shld buy a dozen and mail them to Zoe. |
SnowAngel: | are Zara and the Esbees going with you? |
mad maddie: | ish |
SnowAngel: | they're going with you “ish”? I don't even know what that means. |
mad maddie: | so don't worry about it |
SnowAngel: | as for me, I'm txting from smelly laundry room in smelly dorm. (not my dorm.) Sunday night keg party, baby! |
mad maddie: | if you're at a keg party, why are you hiding in the smelly laundry room? |
SnowAngel: | eh. party is fun, but SO MUCH DRUNKENNESS! |
mad maddie: | then leave |
SnowAngel: | don't be silly! my constant companion, Reid, is here with me, and we're having a delightful conversation. |
mad maddie: | um, no. you're texting me. |
SnowAngel: | but he's holding my crutches. that's nice, isn't it? |
SnowAngel: | I'm sitting on one of the washing machines. |
mad maddie: | and Reid's just standing there watching you??? |
SnowAngel: | AND HOLDING MY CRUTCHES! omg, are you not listening? |
mad maddie: | is that sweet or creepy? |
SnowAngel: | it's sweet, dummy! |
mad maddie: | hmmm. in that case, I like Reid. tell him to keep taking care of you. |
SnowAngel: | ok, hold on . . . |
SnowAngel: | Reid sez it is his pleasure and honor. |
mad maddie: | uh-oh. leaning back toward creepy . . . |
mad maddie: | is he after yr body? |
SnowAngel: | no |
mad maddie: | are you after HIS body? |
SnowAngel: | plz! not in a million years. |
mad maddie: | why not? cuz he's a geek? |
SnowAngel: | he's not my type, that's all |
mad maddie: | why not? cuz he's a geek? |
SnowAngel: | Maddie, let's review: |
SnowAngel: | Reid's an engineering major. his favorite class is optics, which I don't even know what that is, and he thinks it's a crime against the universe that I haven't |
mad maddie: | ahhhh. so you're just using him to lug around your crutches and watch you text ppl. |
SnowAngel: | stop trying to make me feel bad! |
SnowAngel: | I like himâas a FRIENDâbut he's not in a fraternity. I know you won't understand, but at UGA, Greeks are expected to date Greeks. |
mad maddie: | I think I'm going to vomit |
SnowAngel: | wow. thx. vomit away, Mads. vomit all over yr stupid hot dog donut!!! |