You Can't Choose Love (6 page)

His lips were soft against hers as
they moved in a rhythm she had grown accustomed to, yet it never failed to make
her weak at the knees. His hands were on her hips, squeezing occasionally and
rubbing gently. They were standing outside the door of her apartment with
nothing but a few trees concealing them. If anyone walked right up to the path
that led to her door, they would discover them. But a passerby walking on the
street would not see them.

He had come to drop her off and
their goodbye kiss had become prolonged. When she felt his hands push up her
skirt, she thought of stopping him but his lips were warm and his hands were
gentle and there were butterflies in her stomach and her heart was fluttering.
Her head rolled back as he kissed her neck. His hand trailed over her underwear
and she moaned with the anticipation of his inevitable touch. He pushed her
against her wooden door as his kiss became rougher.

“Ethan,” she moaned. “Maybe we
should- move this somewhere else.” Her words were separated with gasps as his
hands had now hooked her underwear to the side and his fingers were pumping in
and out of her.

“Why?” he smirked against her
neck. “Don’t you like a bit of adventure?”

She moaned and clutched his shirt
as he rubbed her clit. He knew how to render her speechless.

“W-what i-if s-someone sees us?”
she sighed as he continued his gentle touches.
How was he managing to do
this?

“We should give them a good show
then,” Ethan responded.

When he removed his hand, Janet
was able to regain some of her senses. She watched as he brought his fingers to
his lips and sucked.

“Mmm, you taste so good.”

Janet blushed.

“I can’t wait to taste you
properly.”

“What?” Janet said, panicking
again. It was a little ridiculous to panic at this point, considering they had
had sex but she panicked every time he tried something new. His sexual advances
were too bold for her as she struggled to keep up with them. Ethan smirked,
pecked her on the cheek before kneeling down. He pushed up her skirt and pulled
down her underwear, removing it from one leg and then another.

He laughed as she attempted to
close her legs in her panicked state.

“Relax, babe,” he said. “Open up.”
He gently guided her legs so she was standing wide legged. His mouth teased her
entrance and Janet gripped the door knob, hoping desperately that no one would
walk up to her doorstep. Her other hand gripped his hair as his tongue swept
over her. Janet had still not fully recovered from his previous touches before
she felt him lift her right leg and bring it over his shoulder. She pressed her
back into the wall so she wouldn’t fall over but it was unnecessary as Ethan’s
strong hand supported her hips. His tongue delved into her this time and Janet
no longer cared if anyone saw or heard them. She desperately wanted more as her
cries filled the air. Her legs threatened to give way but Ethan still supported
her hips.

“Mmm,” she heard Ethan from below.
“You’re amazing.”

When Ethan was done, he brought
his face level with hers again.

“You okay?” he smiled casually, as
if he had not just made her come on her doorstep. Janet was still breathless as
she gripped his arm to remain standing.

“I need to sit,” she whispered.

“In a minute,” he winked. He
started to lift her up but Janet stopped him.

“Other side of the door, please,”
she said.

Ethan complied, opening the door
and shifting their positions so they were now inside. He pushed down his
trousers and Janet saw his erection momentarily before he lifted her up and
brought her down to meet him. She could scream freely now, without fear of
neighbors hearing and she did, loud and desperate. Ethan’s thrusts were gentle
enough to not hurt her and rough enough to pleasure her.

When he set her down, minutes
later, Janet was breathless. He led her to the couch where she lay down trying
to recover from the pleasure this boy had just given her. A part of her knew
this was unacceptable. Every time it seemed like it was the perfect time to
talk about their impending issues, Ethan distracted her with his kisses and one
thing always led to another.

This had to stop. But for now,
Janet was content. And happy.

The next day, she made sure she
met Ethan at a place where there were enough people around that it was
unacceptable to end up having sex, though she would not put it past Ethan. The
library was their chosen place of meeting.

“We need to talk,” Janet said as
soon as Ethan sat down.

“Okay.”

“And we’re in the library so you
can’t kiss me to avoid any talking.”

“Guilty as charged.”

“And even if you do kiss me, we can’t
end up having sex here so after we’re done kissing, we can talk.”

“Are you asking me to kiss you?”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t, surrounded
by all these people.”

“What do you mean?”

“You only kiss me in secret.”

“Janet, the whole university knows
we’re- we’re-” he trailed off unsure of what to say.

“We’re what, Ethan? What are we?”

Ethan was silence.

“Am I just some girl you sleep
with?”

“No!” Ethan was genuinely shocked
at the suggestion.

“What am I then, Ethan?”

“You’re… a very special friend,” Ethan
said carefully.

“A very special friend,” Janet
repeated. “Right.”

“Janet, I like you. Really, I do.
But this past month has been crazy and I just- I just need time to figure out
what you mean to me.”

“You know Ethan, it’s alright if
you don’t want me to be your girlfriend till you can figure out what you want.
I don’t care about that. I’m not a clingy girl. What bothers me is that the
reason you don’t want to ask me out is because I’m not from the same rich,
elite and political class as you are. If that doesn’t make you a complete
asshole, I don’t know what does.”

“That’s not true,” Ethan said
unconvincingly.

“Then what is it?”

“Okay that’s partly true but you
have no idea of the consequences if we make if official! For you and for me!”

“Please explain.”

Ethan ran a hand through his hair.
“The fact that- that you’re not from my class,” Ethan winced as he said that.
“Means absolutely nothing to me. But my parents- they- they can end whatever we
have in seconds. They’ve been trying to set me up with daughters of rich
politicians for ages. They won’t be able to accept this. And in order to stop
us, they can do anything to you. And I won’t be able to stand that.”

“So this is for my sake?”

Ethan was silent. He was staring
at the table between them.

“If all this is true, why are we
even together? Oh wait, we’re not together. Why are we whatever it is that we
are?”

Silence.

“I’m just some way to pass time
for you?”

Ethan glanced up at her but still
remained silent.

“Then it’s over,” Janet concluded.
“It’s funny because ‘it’s over’ means I’ll no longer sleep with you. What was I
even thinking when I agreed to do so in the first place?”

Janet shook her head and stood up,
collecting her books.

“Janet,” Ethan spoke. His voice was
pleading. “You’re not just some way to pass time.”

“Is that all you have to say for
yourself?”

“I have no choice. I want you
around and I don’t know how else to keep you.”

“Then make up your mind Ethan.
Figure out if you want me around enough to be able to stand up for me when your
parents find out.”

“Janet,” Ethan began again.

“Until then, it’s over.”

Janet gave him one last look and
noticed how torn he looked before she exited the library. Ethan felt emptiness
as he watched her leave. When he tried to imagine a life without fierce and
bold Janet in it to lighten it up, it seemed dull and ordinary, but practical.

Where did this girl come into my
life from? It was so perfect before she did.

How wrong can a person be?

“A glass of wine,” the male voice
broke through her reverie. Janet nodded as she poured a glass behind the bar
and handed it to the man standing in front of her. She smiled as he thanked her
and noticed for the first time that he was quite good looking. She thought back
to the conversation she had had with George and Kan the night before.

“Try to forget about him,” George
had advised her. “Loosen up, date other people, have fun. Maybe it will make
him realize what he had.”

“Yeah and we can set you up with
anyone you want,” Kan had winked as he said that.

Janet looked at the man in front
of her. He couldn’t be older than 25. He had curly black hair and dimples. His
smile was warm.

“Wine at 9 am?” Janet asked.
“Everything alright?” She was taken aback by her own intentions of asking the
question. Maybe being with a guy like Ethan had made her bolder.

The man shrugged. “Life sometimes
compels you to have wine at 9 am.”

Janet nodded.

“Care to join me?” he asked. Janet
looked around. The Four Stars was empty like it usually was on Sunday mornings.

She took a seat with him at the
corner of the table as their conversation began with the normal things two
strangers would talk about. She learnt that he was called Sam and he was 24
years old, recently graduated and working for a law firm in Georgia. It seemed
to be going well before he popped the question.

“You’re dating Ethan Reed, aren’t
you?”

Janet stared at him. “How do you
know about Ethan?”

“Um we’re family friends. Well,
all the rich families of Georgia sort of know each other. I don’t know him per
se. But the whole town had been talking about you when you first got together.”

“I’m not dating Ethan,” Janet said
firmly. “And I never was.”

Sam sensed that this was a
sensitive issue but he didn’t let the topic go.

“It’s a pity he let you go,” he
continued. “A beautiful girl like you.”

Janet blushed but didn’t reply.
They were sitting on the same bench and she suddenly noticed that he was very
close to her. Had he leaned forward? Or was he like this all along? Janet could
smell mint on his breath now and she couldn’t help noticing that he had very
nice lips. Unconsciously (or was it?) she leaned forward to close the distance
between them, pressing her lips to him. He responded by tilting her face up and
wounding an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. Janet clutched the front
of his shirt pulling him even closer as their tongues continues to fight for
dominance. As she pushed her tongue into his mouth, she let soft moan escape
and realized that she was enjoying this. He was a good kisser. Perhaps a little
different from Ethan but good. Ethan’s kisses were softer and slower. Sam’s
were faster paced. Ethan’s were bolder. Sam’s were hesitant. Or maybe that was
because this was their first kiss. When the pulled apart, breathless, Janet
knew this was her attempt to distract herself from Ethan but she didn’t care.
She wanted to be touched again.

They exchanged numbers and
promised to meet later. Janet tried to feel happy about that but failed.

Ethan Reed was extremely unhappy,
on the other hand. He snapped at his friends when they tried to talk to him and
seemed to be in a better mood when they left him alone. But today, Jih was
exceptionally annoyed as they sat at Café Rooftop.

“Ethan, if you’re so hung up on
Janet, maybe you should go make up with her instead of snapping at us and
taking your anger out at us all the time.”

“I’m not hung up on anyone,” Ethan
replied dully.

“Then what is this mood you’ve
been in since you ended it with her?”

“Jih, shut up please,” Ethan
sighed. “Leave me alone.”

“If you want to be left alone,
leave. But if you show up in public, then don’t expect people to stay away.”

Jih wasn’t normally outspoken,
preferring to keep quiet and so his friends were surprised at his outburst.

“Go make up with Janet.”

“Shut up, Jih.”

“If something makes you so
unhappy, you should try to fix it.”

“Jih, enough.”

George caught Jih’s eyes and shook
his head, compelling his friend to stop talking. Jih opened his mouth to reply
but fell silence at George’s silent plea. He exited the café a few moments
later and did not return.

Later in the day, Ethan wandered
to The Four Stars. Maybe he wanted to talk to Janet and maybe he simply wanted
to see her. Whatever it was, he found himself entering The Four Stars. What he
found there, however, made him wish he had never stepped inside. Janet was
standing at the bar, her arms wound around a man’s neck as he kissed her. He
saw her hands grab his hair, like she used to grab his. He whispered something
in her ear which made her giggle. Suddenly, the man noticed Ethan and Ethan
noticed who he was. Sam Black. Son of Paula and Samuel Black. Heir to the
National Bank of Georgia. Lawyer. Ethan remembered all details about him as
anger ran through his body. Then he reminded himself he had no right to be
angry. Janet was never his girlfriend.

“Ethan!” Sam called.

Janet turned around slowly to face
him. Her heart broke as she saw him standing there and she hoped her brokenness
won’t show in her expression.

Sam was now striding towards him,
pulling Janet along who was holding his hand.

“How nice to see you!” Sam
enthusiastically shook his hand.

“Nice to see you too,” Ethan said
stiffly.

He nodded at Janet who mumbled a
greeting.

“Were you coming into the café?
You probably want to order something. I shouldn’t keep your waitress busy. I
just get so caught up sometimes.” Sam looked at Janet adoringly and pecked her
on the cheek. Janet seemed to recoil a little but smiled nonetheless. A forced
smile but no one noticed that.

“No, I was just passing,” Ethan
said, digging his hands into his pockets. “Don’t let me disturb you guys.” He
nodded and exited the café.

Janet forced a smile as Sam
shrugged at her. When he bent down to kiss her again, Janet quickly ended it
and told him she had to work. Seeing Ethan had thrown her off guard and she
felt shaky and sad. She needed time alone. Sam complied and left her alone.
When his car pulled away, Janet sat down behind the bar and willed herself not
to cry. Ethan had seen her kissing Sam. This should be victorious for her,
shouldn’t it? Girls were supposed to be happy when their ex saw them with
another man. But Janet only felt empty and sad. She couldn’t understand why.
Her relation with Sam didn’t have to be a secret. He could kiss her in public
without fear of his parents finding out. He could introduce her as his
girlfriend. But Janet hadn’t let them label their relationship. This time she
was the one who didn’t want to be called Sam’s girlfriend. She was the Ethan in
their “relationship”, she realized. Disgusted she picked up her phone and told
Sam she didn’t want to see him anymore and she was still in love with Ethan.
And just like that, over a text message, she ended whatever she had started
with Sam.