You Can't Choose Love (7 page)

No matter how much either of them
tried not to come face to face with one another, Ethan and Janet somehow kept
ending up in each other’s presence. Perhaps it was because of their mutual
friends or because of fate; whatever it was, they seemed to attract one another
like magnets.

Janet came face to face with Ethan
three times in the course of the next week. Once when she was forced to tutor
him on Professor Papkin’s insistence. Once when she was invited to George’s
brothers’ engagement. And once when she was met with an unfortunate incident.

“Janet, Ethan!” Professor Papkin
called after class. “I want Ethan’s progress report, Janet.”

Janet and Ethan approached him
warily.

“I presume tutoring has been going
well.”

Ethan glanced at Janet.
“Fantastic,” he replied.

“Well done, Janet. And well done,
Ethan. How about you have your last tutoring session today before the
semester’s exam?”

“Um-” Janet began but Professor
Papkin was adamant.

“Come now,” he said. “I was heading
to the library myself to fetch a book. You two come along and start your
studying.”

Janet and Ethan accompanied him
reluctantly. Janet wanted to find a spot surrounded by people so she and Ethan
would not be able to talk. Ethan wanted a secluded spot because he didn’t want
to be around people. In the end, they settled for somewhere in the middle. It
was a secluded corner but there were a few people around.

They had never actually had a real
tutoring session. The first time they had tried, Ethan had kissed her and they
had ended up in his room. They had made love for the first time that day. Janet
tried not to think about it.

“So what do you want to study?”
Janet asked awkwardly.

“Nothing.”

“But we have to…”

“We don’t, really.”

“Okay…”

Pause.

“So how have you been?” Ethan
spoke up.

Janet looked at him long and hard
before answering. She wanted to tell him the truth. Of how broken she felt
without him. Of how much she missed him. Of how badly she wanted to kiss him
again. Of how much she longed for the pleasure only he could give her.

“Good,” she replied simply. “How
have you been?”

Janet did not know this but if one
could multiply what Janet felt by ten fold, it would not come close to what
Ethan felt. You see, while Janet could somehow survive on her own, Ethan needed
her in his life.

“Good,” Ethan said.

Janet nodded slowly. “I saw your
father’s campaign on TV. He seems to be doing really well.”

“Yeah, he is.”

Silence.

“How’s Sam?” Ethan said.

“Good, I suppose.”

“When did you start seeing him?”

“I’m not seeing him.” Janet said
wearily.

“You’re not?”

“Nah.”

“He’s not your boyfriend?”

“Nah. I don’t label my
relationships. It’s the Ethan affect. I’m the Ethan in the relationship.”

Ethan rolled his eyes.

“Except,” Janet continued. “My
reason for not labeling my relationship isn’t some class or money difference.”

“Janet-” Ethan said. His voice was
strained and he felt a pang of guilt. He wanted to reach out to her, to tell
her that he didn’t care about her money or status and he didn’t have a choice.

“We’re supposed to be studying
Ethan. I don’t want to talk to you.”

Ethan’s jaw tightened but he
didn’t respond as Janet pulled out her books. She flipped through pages idly.
Professor Papkin was chatting with the librarian. Once he had procured his
book, he waved them goodbye and exited the library.

“And that’s my cue,” Janet said.
She shut her book, grabbed her bag and exited the library too.

Ethan sighed.

That night, Janet had a surprise
visitor. George came into her apartment to invite her to his brothers’
engagement which was to take place the next morning. Janet accepted the
invitation with no intentions of going. She had nothing to wear and there was
no time to buy anything. She could have gone to buy a dress but anything up to
the level of the other attendees would cost her a fortune and she wasn’t
willing to spend that much on a stupid dress.

As if reading her thoughts, George
asked her if she had anything to wear. When she responded in the negative, he
dragged her to the mall.

“You don’t have to worry about the
cost,” he told her.

“I’m not letting you pay for me,
George.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well, I can’t afford these
dresses.”

“Relax, babe,” George rolled his
eyes. “This mall is owned by my sister. So it’s free for you.”

“Your sister owns The Dolphin
Mall?”

“Yes.”

Janet wasn’t even surprised. These
rich kids owned everything in this town.

When they had picked the perfect
dress for her (a maroon poof dress), the sales woman paired it with a beautiful
pair of heels. All the workers at the mall seemed to know George, Janet noted.

And so, the next day, she donned
the dress reluctantly. Kan had taken her to his house so the Kale’s personal
stylist could help her get dressed. She arrived at the engagement with Kan in
some big car whose name she didn’t know; Janet was never much into cars. She
was forced to meet Ethan since he was standing at the doorstep. Ethan didn’t
fail to notice that she was arm in arm with Kan. He knew it didn’t mean
anything. They were just very good friends. But it reminded him of all the time
she had held him like that. He tried not to watch as she danced and laughed
with Kan and George. They didn’t have to hide their friendship with her because
they weren’t in love with her.

Ethan stopped his thoughts there
and backtracked. This was the first time he had admitted, even to himself, that
he was, in fact, in love with Janet Price. He didn’t know how or when it had
happened but it did.

Janet felt hot from all the
dancing; George and Kan were tireless. She stepped outside onto the balcony
which was donned with lights and beautiful decorations. When she stepped
outside, she noticed that she wasn’t alone. A figure (which she recognized as
Ethan from the back) stood at the railing, staring off into the air. He held a
cigarette in his hand and was smoking at distant intervals.

She didn’t know if he didn’t hear
her come up behind him or if he chose to ignore her, but he didn’t turn around.
Janet stood beside him, staring into the night sky as well. The view was
beautiful.

Ethan glanced at her in
acknowledgement but didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t know you smoke,” Janet
commented. It was an important fact that any girlfriend should have known. But
wait, Janet was never his girlfriend.

Ethan shrugged. “I quit for a
bit.”

“Why?”

Ethan turned to look at her.
“Because I wanted to be good enough for you.”

Janet was taken aback by the
response.

“You could have been good enough
for me in other ways, Ethan,” she said softly.

“I know,” Ethan replied.

They stared ahead for a while
before Ethan spoke up again.

“I miss you, Janet.”

Janet didn’t respond.

“And I’m sorry about all the hurt
I caused you.”

Janet nodded. They both faced each
other now. She reached up to touch his cheek. He caught her hand and kissed her
palm. She still felt tingles run down her arms at his touch. Will he ever stop
making her feel this way?

Janet pulled her arm away gently.
“I’ll be seeing you.” And then she was gone, leaving Ethan alone on the balcony.
He longed to kiss her more, to kiss every inch of her body. But he had lost
that privilege.

The last interaction they had was
the defining point for their relationship. There was a lot to learn from this
interaction about loyalty, love and strong will.

It began when Jih lost his temper
over Ethan’s infuriating attitude.

“Snap out of it already, Ethan.
You honestly expect us to believe you’re in love with such an ordinary girl?
You’re only pursuing this because it’s the best way to get back at your parents
for what they did to your previous relationship.”

Jih and Ethan were in the middle
of a heated argument again, this time in a street in front of the pub. George
and Kan watched on but did not intervene.

“A few months ago, the two of us
would be laughing over the thought of one of us being in love with such a plain
girl. Where’s your sense of humor gone? You’ve been wallowing over her for ages
now.”

“Shut up, Jih,” Ethan said, his
voice deadly. “Janet isn’t ordinary. And one of us
is
in love with her.”

“Oh, yes she is. And you know it
wouldn’t last with her. Instead of taking your anger out at us all the time,
please go get laid and get the hell over it. I’m done with you and that
pathetic girl till you stop this act.”

“Pathetic?” Ethan’s voice was even
more deadly this time. “If you ever talk about her like that again, I’ll
destroy you.”

Jih knew Ethan was capable of the
threat and more.

 With a last contemptuous
look, Jih turned away just as Ethan lunged at him. George and Kan watched with
amusement as the two of the wrestled. Ethan managed to get in three heavy blows
before Jih threw him back.

“Really, Ethan? Is she really
worth all this?” Jih asked, his voice rough. Ethan stared at him, his
expression so intense that Jih seemed to draw back slightly.

Janet, who was on her way back
from work, heard the commotion. When she heard Ethan’s name, she was drawn to
the voices. She observed the scene as the two brawled violently again.

Janet turned to George and Kan.
“What are you two idiots doing just standing there? Why aren’t you stopping
them?” She was enraged. Janet threw herself between Ethan and Jih, pushing them
away from each other. It wasn’t much work since Jih, who had been on the losing
side of the battle, already lay in a hump on the floor. Ethan turned to look at
her, confused at her sudden appearance. His face was bloody but nothing
compared to what Jih looked like. Janet cradled his face in her hands.

“Look at your face!” she cried.
“Just look at the state of you!”

“And why should you care what
state I’m in?” Ethan shot back.

“I don’t particularly enjoy people
injured because of their own stupidity. I’m sure your fight with Jih could have
been solved without violence.”

Ethan didn’t respond.

“Are you even capable of thinking
ahead of your actions?”

She held his face tighter. “Fix
this. Fix him and yourself. You can’t get away with everything you do, Ethan. I
hate seeing you like this.”

She pressed a kiss to his
forehead, the only part of his face that wasn’t bloody. With a last exasperated
look at him, and the two onlookers, she left.

Janet shifted in her bed, unable
to find a comfortable spot, ready to cry from frustration and exhaustion. She
wanted to fall into a deep sleep but her body wouldn’t let her.

A gentle knock sounded on her
door. She sat up warily, wondering who would be knocking at her door at 1 am.
Cautiously, she peered out of the peeping hole to find Ethan standing there.
She threw open the door. Ethan looked a lot better since the fight that
evening. His face wasn’t bloody anymore except for a few wounds here and there.
There was a bandage on his cheek.

“Polite gentle knock?” she asked
him. “Jih must have hit you harder than it seemed.”

It was then that she realized she
was standing in front of Ethan wearing an oversized T shirt and nothing else.
Her hair was in disarray and she must look terrible. He didn’t seem to care as
he stared at her with his deep, penetrating eyes.

Suddenly, she threw herself at
him, holding him in a tight embrace. He was surprised but hugged her back,
stroking her hair.

“You’re such an idiot,” she sobbed
against his neck.

“I’m alright, Janet,” he said
soothingly.

“You’re still an idiot.”

They stood like that for a few
minutes before Janet pulled away to look at him. He still held her as she ran a
hand down his injuries.

“Feel better?” she asked.

“Much,” he replied.

His closeness was impairing her
judgment like it usually did. “Perfect,” she found herself whispering. “That
means you should kiss me now.”

He hesitated, as if hovering on
the edge of a precipice before leaning in and capturing her lips with his. She
pulled him closer as he moved his attention to her neck. She sighed in delight
as he continued up her jaw.

“You’re shivering,” he murmured.

“It’s draughty outside,” she
replied reasonably.

“Invite me inside then,” he said
lazily.

Without waiting for an answer, he
picked her up and kicked the door shut with his foot. He carried her to her bed
and dropped her there. Janet hastily pulled her shirt down as she scrambled
into a sitting position. She scowled at him but then invited him to sit with
her. He kicked off his shoes and slid in beside her, pulling her close as they
lay back against the pillow. The quilt covered them both.

“Why did you hit Jih?” she asked
quietly.

“He talked about you in a way I
didn’t like.”

Janet turned to him in surprise.
“I don’t want you beating people up on my behalf.”

“It wasn’t for you. It made me
angry.”

They were silent.

“Where do we go from here?” Janet
asked. “You’re still a rich, spoiled brat and I’m still only just a serving
girl.”

“I thought maybe we could try a
date,” he replied. “A real one. Just you and I, doing something normal young
adults enjoy doing. A nice, uncomplicated evening.”

“Ethan, if you think that’s even
slightly possible, I’m willing to try.”

He leaned forward and kissed her
softly, resting his forehead against hers. Janet’s body was tingling all over
from his nearness, the tension almost crackling between them. His fingers were
trailing gently up and down her arms, creating a tension between the two of
them as they looked into each other’s eyes. She was afraid to move, not wanting
to break the spell.

But then he sighed, before sitting
up.

“I should go.”

She sat up too, frowning.

“Don’t let me keep you from
whatever is so important.”

Ethan laughed. “I’m not sure how
long I’ll be able to hold back with you lying half-dressed next to me. And I
want to take it slow this time. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Janet nodded reluctantly.

She walked to the door with him.

“I’ll see you at university and
then we can arrange that date,” he said. He leaned down to place one last kiss
on her lips before he departed.