You Can't Help Who You Love (12 page)

Danielle

I couldn’t believe shit had just played out the way that it did. I wasn’t mad about it because like I said, Dalvin looked just like Dallas. So now, I knew without a doubt that he was my son’s father. I don’t know why I didn’t push this shit sooner. Though it didn’t happen how I wanted to, I’m just glad the shit was over. Now, my son could be home all the time when Dallas came through. Thank God for grandma having a doctor’s appointment and not being able to watch Dalvin or shit wouldn’t have happened in my favor today. I didn’t get my nut, but I knew sooner or later, Dallas would be back. I knew he would want a DNA test, but shit, he could. My son looked that much like him. I guess that now he was coming up in age, his looks were starting to come in more and I kid y’all not, he looked just like Dallas’ ass.

I headed back to go check on my son and, like always, he was in the bed knocked out. I knew it wasn’t going to be long. Despite what any of you may think, I’m a great mother to my son and I loved him to death. I would never mistreat him or hurt him. Yeah, I’m sure that y’all have heard all kinds of shit about me, but so what because everyone has a past. The only person that could judge me was God himself. So, fuck y’all opinions; the muthafucker wasn’t needed this way.

But anyways, I poured some Epsom salt into my bathtub and allowed the tub to completely fill up before I dipped my tongue in it, making sure it was the way I liked it before I slid in it. It was so relaxing and it felt so good. I leaned over and grabbed up the partially smoked blunt that I had before Dallas came over and lit it again. I leaned back in the tub and let my mind run wild. I was glad this shit hit the light because now I could have what was rightfully mine, which was Dallas. He didn’t have to see it yet, but he would. So, I didn’t stress it. After soaking for almost an hour, I stood up and turned on the shower before cleaning my body real good.

I climbed out and walked around my apartment butt ass naked. I started fixing Dalvin something to eat, so when he woke up, he just had to place it in the microwave. Due to me having my son, I didn’t go into work today. I wasn’t going to leave him home alone either. See, I told y’all, I wasn’t like these other hoes. After I threw on a tank and some pajama shorts, I walked into Dalvin’s room and climbed into his small Mickey Mouse bed behind him. I stared at him before rubbing my hands in his head. “No matter what, mommy loves you and soon, you will have what you deserve, which is your father,” I told him, though he was sleep. I kissed him, then wrapped my arms around him, drifting off to sleep myself.

Quis

I was chopping it up with my girl, Halee, of course, when Dallas came banging on my door, I knew it was him because I don’t do company and muthafuckers knew not to come by my shit unannounced. “Bro, why the fuck you banging on my shit like you done lost yo fucking mind?” I barked at him.

“Because my nigga! Danielle’s ass has a fucking son who looks to be at least four or three and when I tell you this lil nigga look just like me!” he exclaimed, looking all stupid.

“Yo! Tell me you’re lying Dallas?!” I asked him.

“You know I wouldn’t lie about no shit like that, my nigga. That kid is mine and I can tell, hell, I fucking feel it! What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“Nigga, what the fuck you mean? You supposed to take care of your fucking kid! We didn’t have that shit and after we get this test that I know you’re requesting from her, then you supposed to be there! Wait, why the fuck she didn’t tell you this shit when she found out she was pregnant? Why wait for all this fucking time? I don’t know Dallas. You just may be out of your fucking mind,” I told him. If Danielle’s hoe ass was playing him, he might’ve didn’t see it, but wasn’t shit passing by me without me having some type of say in it. Point blank. “What are you going to tell Miracle?” I asked his ass.

“Shit, I’m going to take care of home and if she can’t get with it, then she can step my nigga, bottom line. I done missed all these years of his life. I refuse to waste anymore, all because she is going to be insecure. Hell, she isn’t even fucking with me right now, my nigga, so I don’t even think that the shit matters anyway,” he told me. I could tell by the way he was looking that he was lying to himself, but wasn’t shit I could do about it right now. All we could do was let it all play out. I gave him as much wisdom as I knew how before he headed on his way.  I had forgotten all about Halee being on the phone, and I hoped like hell she hadn’t heard what was said. I didn’t want either of them finding out this way. I felt like Dallas should tell Miracle himself. Because without a doubt, I know that if Halee heard him, then she was telling it all.

When I picked up my phone, she was already off the line for about ten minutes. That’s how I know shit was about to be crazy. I been having the craziest feelings ever and they just don’t sit right with me. Yes, I’m a street nigga, but I’m also a praying man. I make sure to pray night and day, and this day was no different. I was ready to change my ways. I had enough of money to last me a lifetime and a good girl. Shit, my life was straight right now. I didn’t want to keep hustling, risking my freedom and life. I wasn’t ready to leave this bitch, nor was I ready to leave Halee. Lil mama had me open like a fucking book and I loved when she read my ass. Crazy thing was, I never got this feeling from anyone, so I knew it was too good to be true and I wasn’t about to mess up what I longed for. All I ever wanted was a bitch who was on the level I’m on and now that I got her, I wasn’t fucking up. I was young but felt like I had been here for longer than what I’ve really been. I had a grown nigga mentality. An old person’s soul. I just knew this. When you get too comfortable, that’s when shit start happening all kind of ways that you would never imagine that they would.

Halee

Miracle and I had been living with one another fully now and I was processing the shit I had just heard on the phone. I didn’t know whether or not I should tell her. She was my best friend and I never wanted to see her hurting. I didn’t want to be the one to tell her, but I would feel less of a person if I knew and didn’t tell her because if the shoe was on the other foot, then I know that I would have a problem if she knew some shit and didn’t tell me. I rolled up a blunt of that extreme loud and braced myself to go into her room and break the news to her. I knocked on the door and she opened it all bright eyed and bushy tailed. She was so much happier these days and I hated that I would have to be the one to bring that gray cloud back over her head.

“Why you standing there looking like you got the weight of the world on your shoulders? I would ask if Quis did something but hell, we both know he isn’t losing his precious Halee,” she told me, rubbing my cheeks.

“M, you know I love your ass to death, right? I been standing here thinking of a way to tell you this, but I felt like you should know and I’m going to tell you. Let’s sit down,” I told her, pointing my finger to her bed.

“Girl, what’s going on, stop leaving me in so much suspense. Spit that shit out,” she told me, taking the blunt from my hands.

“So, I was on the phone with Quis... and-”
 

“Ok and y’all always on the phone. Spare me the bullshit and keep it a buck with me!” she said to me, snapping her neck.

“Ok, damn, so we talking and someone comes banging on the door, he goes to answer it and-”

The sound of her phone ringing cut me off. “Hello?” she answered. “What… what… what the fuck you mean Justin? What the fuck are you telling me right now? Oh my God, no. Please no. Please tell me you’re lying Justin, please!” she screamed. The tears falling from her eyes told me some shit had just jumped off. She slid down the side of her bed, bawling.

“M, what’s going on?!” I frantically asked her. She didn’t respond. So, I picked up the phone, only for Justin to tell me that De’Nardo had been shot and killed.
 

Justin

Y’all don’t know me and frankly, I don’t give a fuck. But, being that y’all seeing my name in this book makes me have to give y’all the run down on me. I wasn’t feeling the shit because I’m not a talkative ass nigga but fuck it. I’m Justin, Jussy to my sister, and J to my niggas. I’m the oldest and the wisest. See, I’m not feeling this shit, so let me tell y’all what the fuck done popped off, so y’all can listen to the next muthafucker rant in the next chapter. I’m sure y’all know my sneaky, slimy ass brother done flipped sides because he wasn’t the chosen one. I was over everything; I’m the muthafuckin plug round this bitch now and I have God, of course, and my father to thank for that.

But anyways, I was kicking shit with my pop and we were talking business, numbers, all that shit. We decided to get out for a while and go check on shit at the trap before heading out to the gun range together. I didn’t know some shit was going to pop off. I had a feeling but it wasn’t the feeling that something like this was going to happen. When I walked inside to go see about my shit and to address some niggas from my crew, I left my dad in the car because he didn’t see reason to be in the traps anymore when he no longer did business like that. So, I went in alone and, for that, I would regret doing that for the rest of my life. I was inside handling business when gunshots rang out. “What the fuck?!” I yelled. The squad and I all ran out, guns in tow, leading the way. Some niggas came bussing at my shit and, without a doubt, I already knew who the fuck it was. Carter’s dumb ass. We tried running behind the car to bust back, but I thought about my dad. Running back to the car, I saw blood splattered all over each window in the car. No! What the fuck! This shit has to be a dream. I was hoping he had a flesh wound or some shit, but to see my dad with half of his face blew the fuck off, brain matter, and one of his eyes was sitting in my backseat, I wanted to cry, scream, and all that shit, but I held it in.

“YO, GO FLUSH EVERYTHING AND PUT THE MONEY IN THE FLOORBOARD!” I barked at everyone who seemed to be in a daze. I wasn’t sweating it because everything could be replaced. My reputation and my father’s life couldn’t. The infamous De’Nardo had been taken out by none other than his son. After the police and ambulance came and took my dad away, I made the call that I was dreading to make. Miracle. Hearing her break down like that caused my heart to break in a billion pieces. The fact that she was two hours away made it even worse. I explained everything to Halee and after she told me they were on the way, I started making a plan to hit my brother where it hurt the most. I knew he wasn’t fucking with us, but to be on this type of shit made shit even worse. This was our father I was talking about, not just some random ass nigga off the streets. I would make sure he paid for this shit with his own life.

Miracle

This couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t, it just couldn’t. Who would kill my father? I couldn’t process anything as Halee did damn near 100mph trying to get home. “Ha-Halee! Pull over please!” I yelled, covering my mouth. Once she stopped the car, I hopped out and threw up everything I had ate that morning.

“Are you ok?!” Halee asked, holding my hair back.

“NO! I’m not ok; my dad just died at who the fuck knows hands, my boyfriend cheated on me, and I don’t have anyone left but you, Jussy, and Carter, who I think is on drugs!” I yelled at her before throwing up again. “Who would want to take my father away from me. He was all I had left besides y’all. Why would they do this to me?” I cried. I knew I shouldn’t be crying, but I couldn’t help it. I’m usually not even a crier, but I guess things like this will bring that out of someone.

“Miracle, are you pregnant?” Halee asked me out of the blue.

“No, no, I don’t think so,” I replied, wiping my eyes.

“But-” she started.

“Let’s just get to my dad’s, so we can see what the fuck has happened.” I was hurting, but just that fast, I was ready to avenge the death of my father. It hurt but he didn’t raise me as a soft bitch and I wasn’t going to start being one now. I got back in the car and lit a blunt to get my mind right. Whoever did this shit was SURE to pay… with their lives!

***

Finally, we pulled into the driveway and everyone’s car was already there. I let out a deep breath because Dallas’ car was the first car I laid eyes on; I wasn’t prepared to see him yet. I didn’t know how I was going to react around him. I was still hurt but it is what it is. He chose who he wanted, so that’s all that mattered. We walked into the house and almost immediately everyone looked at us. This bitch my daddy was fucking with was bawling her eyes out. I don’t know why, but I didn’t trust her ass and I felt like she wasn’t really for him in the first place.

“M,” Justin said, coming to hug me.

“Who would do this shit?!” I asked, as tears started raining back down.

“Don’t worry yourself about it. I know and that’s all that matters,” he told me.

“Where is Carter? Why isn’t he here?” I asked, noticing his absence. 

“He uh, he had something to do,” Justin stated, turning his head away from me.

“Well, we need to call him,” I said, grabbing my phone from my MK bag.

“I called, M, chill,” he told me, grabbing my phone from me. Some shit was going on in here and I was determined to find out what it was.

“Well, why is she here?!” I asked, pointing at Missy. Almost instantly, her tears dried up.

“Your dad and I were dating, but you knew that though, right?” this bitch had the nerve to ask me.

“Bitch, I didn’t know SHIT. All I knew that you were a wet ass. My father wasn’t dating shit and I know like hell he wasn’t dating your ass! Get the fuck out or get put the fuck out. Now, how about it?” I challenged her. This day, in particular, this hoe wasn’t sitting right with me. I only saw her once and that was the day of our cookout months back. She huffed, picked up her shit, and left. “That’s what I fucking thought,” I said to myself.

“Yo, you didn’t have to be so fucking spiteful about the shit M,” Justin told me. I cocked my head and looked at this nigga like he had two fucking faces.

“Nigga, we don’t know that bitch from Adam or Eve, and I’m not comfortable with her being here. Moving along, is someone going to tell me where the hell my brother is?!” I asked. I was an emotional, snappy mess. Nobody said a word, so I picked up my phone to call him, only to hear the operator tell me the number was no longer in service. “The fuck?” I questioned myself out loud. I had the urge to throw up yet again, so I left out and walked into the bathroom. I was dry heaving over the toilet like a fucking clown. “What the hell is going on?” I asked myself. I heard a few knocks at the bathroom and knew it was Halee. But, it was Dallas instead.

“Yo, are you ok?” he asked me, closing the door.

“Nigga, what the fuck you want? Better yet, why the fuck are you in here? Please leave,” I said, as I felt tears coming from my eyes.

“Miracle, it’s ok to cry ma, come here. Let it out. I don’t know what happened but we are going to find out. Right now, we need you to be a big girl and go out there and help your brother plan Nardo’s funeral,” he told me, rubbing my back. I couldn’t control myself as I bust out crying. I was crying for my dad, this relationship, and another reason but even I couldn’t tell y’all why.

“Who would want to do that to him, why would they do this? My daddy was good to everyone, he never looked down on anyone!” I cried. This shit hurt me to my fucking soul because I never even got the chance to tell him how much I loved him and thanked him for everything he did for me. Now, he was gone, and I couldn’t do anything to bring him back. I couldn’t do anything as Dallas cradled me in his arms and held me. We were in the same position for almost twenty minutes before I remembered the FaceTime call. “I’m fine!” I said, snatching myself away from him.

“Look, you’re mad at me and I don’t know why. I probably did some shit, but you know that you have a nigga’s heart. You can be mad all you want, but you should know that I’m going to be here the entire step of the way,” he said, lightly kissing my cheek.

“I know,” I solemnly said, hugging him.

“Come on, let’s go make these plans,” he told me, grabbing my hand. We headed out of the bathroom and what I saw made me feel one hundred times worse. Here was Danielle standing here with a little boy that looks to be IDENTICAL to Dallas! What the fuck was really going on!

Dallas

I was fucked up to cheat on my girl and I was regretting this shit in the worst way ever because I know I could possibly lose her. She wasn’t fucking with me because of some other shit, but I knew this was going to be the shit that broke her down. I had to push this shit out of my mind. It was unbelievable as fuck to know that Carter’s snake ass took out or helped take out his own father. Who the hell does some shit like that all because of a fucking position? Only a pussy ass nigga, that’s who! Being in here and not having Nardo dropping wisdom on everyone was fucking with my head. He was the root of all this shit; when someone stepped out of line, it was him who got shit right. He was the reason for all of us eating and now that he wasn’t here, the shit was fucking with my mental foreal.

Both Miracle and Halee were finally here and the moment she stepped foot in here, she went off on ol girl. If this wasn’t a serious situation, I probably would’ve laughed. But it was, so I sat there and didn’t say a word as she chumped off this girl. When I saw her go into the bathroom, it hurt me to see her in there down bad the way she was. I was consoling her, but she didn’t know she was actually consoling me as well. I was hurt behind this shit too, because like I said, Nardo was like a father to me. He helped me out when I didn’t have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of. She was snapping on me one minute and the next, she was crying on my shoulder. We walked out of the bathroom and ran smack dab into Danielle and my son.

“What the fuck is this?” Miracle yelled, looking from me to Danielle. I couldn’t say shit because I was literally stuck like chuck in this bitch. I was planning on telling her, but the situation with Nardo put a hold on all this and now this bitch wants to pop up in here with Dalvin, like shit was all gravy. I knew one thing; if Miracle hopped on her ass, she wouldn’t be wrong in my eyes because everyone with eyes could see that Danielle did this shit out of spite. “Oh, y’all muthafuckers don’t hear me talking huh?” Miracle continued, pulling out her gun.

“Whoa! Shit, calm down sis, it’s not worth it!” Justin said, walking up to her. The look on Danielle’s face was one for the books. This bitch came here starting shit, but when she saw the gun Miracle was toting, she looked like she had seen a ghost.

“Don’t fucking touch me! Fuck all of y’all!” she yelled, running outside. I was stuck in place, so I couldn’t even follow her. Halee ran outside just as she was pulling off. Damn man, if it wasn’t one thing it was another one!