You Can't Help Who You Love (15 page)

Miracle

Everything was almost back to normal. I hadn’t seen or heard from Halee just yet and I was worried about her. I had just gotten off the phone with Justin and, like always, he knew what to say to me. I was still hurting over the death of my father, but who wouldn’t be? Since I left the repast a few days ago, I had been stuck to my bed, just laying around. I was finally tired of moping around and doing nothing, so I decided to get up and order some furniture for my house. It looked weird as hell without any furniture or anything. I was tired of being down in the dumps, so I figured I would start with this first.

Three and a half hours later, I had found and fell in love with some of the most gorgeous furniture ever. For the living room, I chose a two piece Shiloh white suede sectional. It came with three pillows, one was a burnt orange color, while the other was designed a dark color and white. I loved it. I had two other bedrooms to design. One would be my child’s room and the other a work room, for when I did my school work. I didn’t want to start doing the baby’s room before I knew what I was having, so I skipped that one. I ordered a brand new Apple laptop, a new desk, a printer, shredder, and some more office type things. I was satisfied that everything was coming along. I walked into my room to find some clothes to throw on so that I could go and by some curtains that fit the living room. I also decided that I would stop and grab new plates, cups, and all of that. I knew I would be here for a while, so I wanted to make the best of it. I was in the mood to shop, so that’s what I would be doing today.

Hopping in the shower, I thought about how things would be if my father was here to see my child be born. Yes, I had some more months to go, but that didn’t stop me from wishing that he was here. I always wanted him to walk me down the aisle whenever I chose to get married. “I miss you like crazy already daddy, but I know you would’ve been proud of the woman that I’m becoming if you was here. Save me a spot up there. We love you,” I said, looking up at the ceiling like I could see him. I heard my phone ringing and jumped out of the shower, nearly falling so that I could go answer it. It was a number I wasn’t fond of, so I screened the call. Whoever it was would call back if they truly wanted something. Exactly when I was sticking my foot in the shower so that I could continue what I was doing before I was interrupted, it rung again.

“HELLO?” I snapped with an attitude.

“Bitch, shut up, answering like someone is bothering you; we both know that your ass is lonely,” none other than Halee’s voice said.

“HALEE? Woman, you have some nerve to go missing in action like that on me, then want to talk. What the hell you want? I’m mad at you!” I said, snapping at her. I really was; she wasn’t there at the funeral and didn’t anyone know where the hell she was.

“Man, come open the door, so I can tell you. You know you missed me, just like I missed your rude ass,” she said. I hung up and started taking my time, until she started lying on my doorbell like the fucking police. I walked downstairs with my towel wrapped around my shoulders. “What can I help you wi-” I said. I wanted to knock the hell out of her ass.

“You missed me boo?” Dallas had the nerve to ask me.

“Halee, what in the fuck you got going on; why did you bring him, of all people, here?” I snapped.

“Listen, we need to talk and Justin is on his way over here too. There is some shit you need to know,” she snapped back at me.

“Uh, no ma’am, this has to wait another time because I was on my way out when you called,” I told her. I wasn’t in the mood to be fucking with them right now, then she disappeared on the day that my father was to be buried.
What the hell is going on?
I asked myself. “Look, I don’t need any more bad news. Just, please leave and take his ass with you! Hey brother, how are you doing?” I said, directing my attention to Quis. Yes, I was being petty as hell, but I didn’t give any fucks because like I said, he chose who he wanted. So, I didn’t see a reason for him to be standing in my home.

“You know what, aight, let’s let her have her little moment, but when shit blow up, don’t say nobody ain’t try to tell your stubborn ass!” Dallas said, shaking his head at me while walking to the door.

“Fuck you! Why the fuck are you here anyways? You need to be with your fucking family; I don’t need you here. Matter of fact, you can step! Fuck you came over here for anyways?!” I snapped at him.

“Now, I know y’all ain’t fucking with each other right now, but y’all need to leave the bullshit where it’s at. We came to talk to you, but you and Dallas need to handle this beef. Come on baby, we out. Text me Miracle. Love you,” Halee said, walking out with Quis behind her, shaking his head. Once they left, Dallas and I was staring one another down. I must admit, he looked good as hell and it caused my juices to come running down, but I had to stick to my guns. I wasn’t ready to fuck with him. I turned away and tried walking to my room before he grabbed my arm.

“Yo, you need to chill out with the fuck shit. Foreal,” he said, staring at me.

“Don’t put your fucking hands on me, Dallas. I will splatter your fucking brains out in this bitch and I ain’t fucking playing,” I said, snatching my arm away from him.

“You would really kill me up in this bitch M? What’s happening to you? You’re changing and you don’t even see the shit,” he told me. Tears burned my eyes, but I refused to cry in front of his ass. “I know you’re going through a lot, but we are better than this. I know you’re mad as well, so sit ya ass down and let me explain this shit to you,” he said, softening his voice. I continued on to my room and plopped down on the bed.

“Ok, you want to talk, then talk. Because I really ain’t feeling your ass right now and you got five minutes, so make the shit count!” I said, snapping at him.

“Why are you being bitter? You mad about a child I didn’t even know I had until I saw him for myself. I wanted to tell your ass, but I knew you would explode like you’re doing. I didn’t know I had a child because the bitch didn’t tell me. I love you and only you, and I don’t want anything stopping us from being what I know we are destined to be,” he said.

“Oh, that’s what you say. If you want this shit, then keep it real with me and don’t half ass it because I don’t have time for it,” I told him, turning my head away. He grabbed my face and stared me in my eyes. I felt like he was looking at my soul.

“I don’t want to hurt you, shit, I want to be everything that you need and you won’t let me. I must admit, I was playing in the beginning, but a nigga on some different shit and I need you to let me be there for you. I don’t want her; granted, she does have my child. A blind man could see he is mine and I’ve missed half of his life, so I refuse to miss anymore. I just need you to stick with me; ride with me, ma. Stop running from what you know we both want. I’m not out to hurt you. I just want your heart. I want to show you every nigga ain’t alike. I’m a different breed,” he said. This time, I couldn’t control the tears as they burned my eyes, falling down my face.

“If you love me, why would you sleep with her? Why would you do that; how could you do that?” I asked him.

“I fucked up, Ma. I’m not perfect. Just give a nigga the chance he deserves. I know I fucked up.”

“You don’t know how it felt to see you lying in this bitch bed like I didn’t even exist. She Facetimed me off your phone Dallas and don’t deny it because I saw it with my own two eyes. You say you want this, then you have to quit fucking up. It isn’t about us anymore. It’s deeper than that,” I said, dropping my head.

“I know, I’m sorry, and I swear it’ll never happen again. She knows my heart is with you; that’s why she do the shit she do. I know I gave her ammunition to, but like I said, that’ll never happen again, and what do you mean it’s deeper than us?” He gave me a questioning look.

“Dallas, I’m pregnant,” I said, crying. The smile he gave me made me feel damn good. But, I was still hurt.

“You pregnant ma? You about to have a nigga baby?” he asked, smiling all wide and shit.

“Yes. That’s why I need to know. It’s either me or her, but you just can’t have us both. I refuse.”

“It’ll always be you and my child. Now, stand that ass up and give daddy a kiss. It’s just us until this muthafucker BLOW.” I stood up and kissed his lips and that feeling came right back. My pussy was wet and I could feel it seeping through my panties and pajamas. I was just that wet. I was in a drought, so this shit was needed. No words needed to be spoken as I lifted my shirt, exposing my breasts that was sitting lovely in my Victoria Secret bra. He grabbed at them and I felt slight pain, but it was a good pain. I slipped out of my jeans and stood there staring at him, while he slowly slid out of his clothes.

“I love you, ma, and I’ll never fuck up on y’all again, I swear,” he said between kisses. I laid back on the bed and anticipated what I already knew was to happen. He climbed on the bed and was on his knees, so I knew he was about to give me a fierce tongue lashing.

“Oh shit, Dallas, baby,” I panted, trying to scoot back.

“NA, bring that ass here and get this shit. I wanna taste all your wetness bae.” He grabbed my legs and placed them damn near behind my head. I felt his tongue on my anus, sliding up to my clit.

“Sssss, shit,” I moaned out.

“Damn, this pussy taste good as fuck. I missed this shit,” he grunted at me. Latching onto my clit, he started flickering his tongue back and forth on it and, I swear, I felt like I was on that flight to heaven.

“YESSSS, yes baby, eat this pussy baby. Eat your pussy!” I screamed out. I felt my orgasm coming on, but I held it back. I felt like he was taking me to a whole different planet. It was just that good. “Ffffffuuuuck! Dallas, I’m about to cum baby! Ohhhhh shit!!! Fuckkkkkk! I’m cumming back! Shit! I’m coming! Dallas! Fuck!” I yelled out! I knew if someone was walking down the street, they were sure to hear my ass. I was screaming like someone was killing my ass.  Before I knew it, I was squirting like a loose water hose. I told y’all I was backed up. I wanted nothing more than to take my ass to sleep, but I knew it wasn’t happening. He sat up and wiped his mouth before sliding into me. “Ssss! SHIT!” I moaned out. He was hitting spots I didn’t know was there.

“This my pussy, you hear me?!” he barked. I couldn’t say anything and that cause him to speed up the pace.

“Yes baby, SHIT! Yes, I hear you! It’s your pussy baby! Do what you want with it!” I yelled out.

“Shit, this shit good as fuck; turn that ass over for me!” he ordered.

“Nah nigga, lay on your back!” I shot back at him. He didn’t say a word as we switched positions. His dick was in the air like a damn flag pole. I squatted down on his dick with my back to him.

“Gahdamnnn, Miracle! Ride daddy dick!” he grunted. I did exactly what he told me to. I was up and down his dick like I was jumping on a pogo stick.

“Shit! Shit. Yessss, oh yesssss,” I moaned out. I knew that I was supposed to be taking over, but I was weak as fuck on the dick. Without completely getting up, I spun around with his dick still inside of me. I reached down and grabbed my ankles, staring him in his eyes. The fuck faces he gave me let me know I was doing the damn thing. “Now, who dick this is nigga?” I said, asking him the same question he asked me. His eyes were in the back of his head and he didn’t have to say anything I didn’t already know. It was mine. Wasn’t no mistaking it.

“Fuck!” he barked, flipping positions with me. I was now on my hands and knees, getting the best dick punishment I had ever had.

“Fuck baby! Ummmmm, yeaaaaa! Fuck me!” I cried out. I felt orgasm number three coming on and before I could warn him, I started wetting the bed.

“FUUUUCK!” he yelled out as I felt him letting loose his kids in me. I knew if I wasn’t already pregnant, I probably would’ve just gotten pregnant, with twins. He fell to the side of me and laid there. We both stared at the ceiling trying to catch our breath.

“Damn bae, that shit was bomb. Intense as fuck! You gone make me catch a body with that shit you carrying around down there,” he told me, nuzzling with my neck.

“Yeah, I know,” I said, mimicking Nicki Minaj’s voice. We laid there for ten minutes before we both ended up drifting off to sleep, wrapped up in each other’s arms while lying in our love sweat.

Halee

I wanted so badly to tell Miracle about what was going on, but I knew that it would hurt her. So, after sitting down and talking to the guys, we decided that it would be for the best if she didn’t know what was going on right now. Just thinking about that shit had me ready to go catch a body, like my girl Dej Loaf said. I’m serious though. I couldn’t think of how that shit would’ve been had Quis and Dallas not have come when they did. Then, on top of that, this nigga had my fucking phone, sending messages to people posing as me. I would’ve never thought that he was that type of person, but I guess you really never know someone until shit gets real. I erased that shit out of my mind and said a silent prayer for thanking the man above for getting me out of that situation.

I stepped out of Quis’ bed and headed for the shower. He was out handling business, so I decided to head out and spend time alone for today. I wanted to be around Miracle, but I knew I couldn’t without telling her everything from A to Z. It’s not easy to tell your best friend that her brother tried to kidnap you. Stepping out of the shower, I plugged in my straightener. Ever since I had the bob, my hair was growing fast as hell and I wasn’t complaining about it. I walked into the room and started looking through the closet to find myself something to wear. Quis always made sure that I had clothes over here and I was glad that I took him up on that offer, otherwise, I would have to make a trip for something to wear. I wouldn’t be caught dead in something I’ve worn the day before. Deciding on a pair of Miss Me jeans and a PINK shirt, I stepped into my AF1’s and headed back to the bathroom to start on my hair.

“I need to go get this mess clipped and done,” I mumbled to myself. I heard Quis’ ringtone going off on my phone and I ran to answer it. “Hello?”

“What’s up ma, you awake now?” he asked me.

“Yes, I was tired as hell; all I heard was you telling me you were headed to handle some business.”

“Yeah, the dick had ya ass slumped, that’s all. What you got planned for today?”

“I was just getting ready to leave your place. But I’m going to pamper myself and do a little shopping. I miss you already, so you know its mandatory that I see your ass!” I said, smiling into the phone like he could see me. This nigga really had me gone. I could’ve never pictured things to be how they were now. But, I’m happy that it has happened. Thank God for whoever was shooting that night. Fate was definitely on our side. I’m convinced that I met my man of my dreams.

“Look at Tough Tammy being all soft and shit. I miss your lil ass too, ma. That’s why I was calling you; make sure you get all prissy for me tonight, I wanna take you out and all that other shit. Whatever your heart desires,” he said.

“Ok baby, I’m about to head out. I love you!” I told him. After he said it back, I headed to the front door. Opening it, I came face to face with the one and only Toya and baby Nicole. “Hey, how are you?” I asked her, trying to be cordial and shit. “Hey Nic!” I said, smiling at Nicole, only for her to hug my legs.

“Bitch, BOOM. Ain’t nobody came here looking for you, where is my baby daddy? Nicole, get your ass back over here!” she said, snapping at me and Nicole. There wasn’t anything better I wanted to do besides knock her shit all the way loose, but with my lil boo right here, I decided to play it cool.

“Ok Toya and he isn’t here, but I will be sure to let him know you stopped by when he gets home. I was just leaving; do you need anything else?” I asked her, trying to sidestep and get to my car.

“HOME? Where the fuck is home? What the fuck do you mean by home? BITCH! This nigga got your trashy ass living here when we still in the same house I met his ass in? Oh, hell no, I know better than this shit right here,” she said, pacing the floor. I took that as the chance to head to my car, looking over my shoulder the entire time. “Bitch, don’t be walking off from me! You don’t have to be scared!”

“Look, b—Toya, see I’m trying to be the bigger person; you don’t have to keep going off on me because I’m with Quis. I’m not and I repeat, I’m not going anywhere, so please stop the extra shit. You coming over here don’t phase me and I’m pretty sure you seen his car was not here, but mine was. So, I know you’re doing this shit to fuck with me and I don’t have time to be out here like some little children arguing with your simple minded ass. Then, on top of that, your daughter is out here and you still carrying on like a clown. Where is your morals?  Why you can’t let go? Since you know the answer to everything, then answer that for me,” I snapped at her.

“Bitch I don’t have to answer a muthafuckin thang for you! Fuck you! Nicole, bring your ass the hell on and you better not tell that bitch bye either!” she yelled at Nic. Seeing the look in Nicole’s eyes made me want to act the fool out here, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

I couldn’t believe she came out here and made a fool of herself, with her daughter. This shit was just crazy and I didn’t know how much more I could deal with this foolishness. If it wasn’t one thing, then it definitely was another one. I was over her and her bullshit. I felt two blows in the back of my head. This bitch had seriously laid her hands on me. I couldn’t help myself as I turned around and punched her ass in the throat. “Bitch! This what you wanted right?!” I yelled at her. The blow I delivered had her on the ground, struggling to catch her breath. “I told you to leave! Now, look bitch! Look at this shit!” I saw nothing but red as I pummeled her ass.

“Mommy!” Nicole’s little voice cried out. That was the only thing that pulled me out of the trance I was in!

“Get the hell off of me Nicole!” she screamed as she pushed her daughter on the ground. She started crying immediately and the sight of that shit broke my heart. I reached down to pick her up and she cowered under my touch. That told me that she was putting her hands on this innocent child.

“It’s ok Nic, come on. I got you,” I politely told her. I knew she would be scared and possibly hated me for hitting her mom. But, what else could I do? I walked away, but she tried it. She allowed me to pick her up. I grabbed the handle on the back seat door before turning around to stare at her. “You know Toya, this is plain out ridiculous. You need to get your shit together before the human you birthed ends up hating you, all because you don’t know how to let go,” I said before buckling Nicole in. Closing the door, I let out a deep breath. Toya was still sitting on the ground and I wasn’t helping her ass out at all. She asked for this shit and now she has to deal with it.

I left her on the ground, looking dumb as I pulled off. I wanted to go out and do something. But being that Nicole was in dingy clothes, nappy hair, and snotty nose, without a car seat, I hit the highway and headed to my parents’ house. I drove in silence as I listened to the small whimpers of Nicole. I adjusted my mirror to where I could see her. “Do my mommy hate me?” she asked me. Hearing her say that shit broke me to pieces.

“No, she doesn’t hate you. She just needs help getting herself together. That’s all baby girl,” I told her. Pulling into my parents’ driveway, I saw that both of their cars was home and where I wanted to be happy, but I couldn’t because of the situation at hand. I took my time getting Nicole out of the car.

“Halee, whose child do you have and why does she look homeless?” my mother wasted no time asking me. It made my heart ache that she would say something like that about a child. A baby who didn’t know what was going on.

“She is my boyfriend’s daughter and she isn’t homeless,” I responded back, keeping everything short. “Hey daddy,” I said, kissing my father on his cheek.

“Hey baby girl. Hey little one. What’s your name?” he asked Nicole, who was resting on my hip.

“Nicole,” she said quietly.

“Well, where is her father?” my mom asked me. I didn’t reply as I headed to my room.

Me: You need to call me like asap.

I texted Quis. I waited for his response as I started running Nicole’s bath water. I turned my flat screen on Disney Jr, so she could comfortably watch tv when we were done. Undressing her, I saw a small bruise on her ribs and didn’t know how to react. Snapping a picture of it, I sent it to Quis.

Me: like RIGHT NOW

“Nicole, who did this to you?” I asked her.

“Mommy, she was mad at me,” she told me, lowering her head. I couldn’t help the tears that escaped my eyes. Why was she doing this child that way? All because she wanted someone who didn’t feel the same? I picked her up and put her in the tub. Grabbing a bar of soap, I lathered up the loofah and started washing Nicole, along with her hair. It smelled like weed with a mixture of cigarettes.

“This is so ridiculous,” I mumbled to myself. By the time I was done bathing her, she was sleepy, so I let her fall asleep, dressing her in a plain t-shirt of mine. I placed her across my lap and started doing her hair. I heard the doorbell ring and didn’t move. Assuming it was the maid or something, I thought nothing of it until my father came walking Quis into my room.

“What the fuck is going on? What was the picture you sent me of? And why the hell is Nicole with you? What the fuck is going on Halee?” he asked me all in one breath. I sighed before lying Nicole down to show him the bruise Toya had inflicted on her. The look in his eyes told me shit was about to go from bad to worse.

“As you know, I was at your house. You know me and like I told you on the phone, I was heading out to have a ‘me’ day. Well, I opened the door to see Toya standing there with Nicole who, mind you, looked like she was wearing the same clothes for days. One thing led to another and she hit me in front of your daughter, causing me to spaz out on her. Nic went to help her, but she pushed her on the gravel, which is why she has two scratch marks on her elbows. Getting here, I saw the bruise and asked her. She said Toya was mad at her. Quis, she didn’t even stop me as I drove off with y’all daughter...”

“What the fuck?! Say less, I’ll be back in a minute.” I watched as he stormed out of my room. Hearing his tires screech on the ground, I knew shit was about to get real. I was tired as fuck, so I knelt on my knees and asked God to look over Nicole, Quis, and his sanity. But mostly, Toya. Right now, she needed prayer. I climbed in the bed with a knocked out Nicole and drifted to sleep right along with her.