You're Gone (Finding Solid Ground) (3 page)

             
“Doctor  Beverly Crusher—,” he answered matter of factly.

             
“Ha!” She laughed, propped up on an elbow to look at him. “I’m the one marrying the Treky.”

             
“This is what I like. What I want.”

             
“What?”

             
“I just want to be with you, like this. No interruptions. Just some one on one time where we can tell each other our deepest thoughts.” Jamie saw Chalreigh clench her jaw. He knew what was coming. ‘
I told you so!’
However, she remained silent.

             
“You act as if you don’t believe in a greater power.What’s wrong with believing in the unseen?”

             
“You’re asking if I believe in God, right?”

             
“Well, yeah.”

It took a while for Jamie to put his thoughts in order.
Did
he believe in a higher power? He didn’t come from the kind of Christian family that was in the same pew on Sunday morning every week. Did either of his parents believe in God?

After Rheanna died and he was shot, Jamie questioned a lot of things. What little faith he had had seemed to evaporate. Would God, if he really existed, allow something so horrible to happen to someone who didn
’t deserve it? Maybe he’d deserved it, but Rheanna hadn’t.

And after everything that had happened to Charleigh in the last nine months, did
she
still have faith or had she faltered?

Jamie hesitated to answer. What if Charleigh didn
’t like what she heard? “I don’t guess I do. Is that I problem for you?”

She puffed out her cheeks.
” Not necessarily a problem, but do you mind me asking why not?”

“
I’m the kind that needs physical proof. I won’t believe in aliens, fairies, unicorns, lephrecauns, ghosts, or anything else of the kind until I have some tangible evidence. Not with so much bad things going on in this world.”

“
Aren’t you the cynic?” Charleigh laughed. “You sound like a lawyer.”

“
Just stating my opinion.”

Charleigh tried to understand Jamie
’s opinion from his position. He’d grown up without any kind of spiritual guidance. There were things that might have happened in his life— like almost dying— that could make him doubt it even more. She knew exactly where he was coming from, and had to admit that she’d done the exact same thing.

“
You know I won’t push my religion on you. I just wish you’d keep an open mind.” She looked up into the night’s sky just in time to see a meteor shoot across the sky. “There are things that happen in life that nobody can explain. People do bad things to their friends and family, and to strangers. We’re both a testiment to that, don’t you think? Others mysteriously drop dead when they were healthy as an ox only a few days prior to meeting their demise.”

“
Why do you think God let Aaron shoot me and kill his wife?”

“
As much as we blame God for the bad things, we have to realize that it’s not up to Him or us to prevent them. We just have to have faith that He’ll be there to help us in our times of hardship. And you need to thank Him for the good things.”

“
Like?” Jamie asked.

Ever the pessimist
, Charleigh thought. “We can’t explain what pulled the two of us together. I might not’ve gone on hating you forever, but despite this feeling inside me every time we were together, I didn’t want to like you either. There was something about you that had a hold on me. And you’ve admitted that there was something about me that drew you. Something other than our sexual desires kept bringing us back together.”

“
That was your irrestibile beauty,” Jamie tried to explain away that pull that he’d experienced the first time he looked into her bright, emerald green eyes.

“
Yeah,” Charleigh continued, “Scientist and scholars have tried to pick apart sections from the Bible for centuries. They say that it’s impossible for any man to do the kind of things Jesus did. He couldn’t have walked on water or been ressurected from the grave.” Charleigh let out a long breath. “I’m not trying to make you believe the same things I do, but I am asking you to consider what you can’t experience with your five senses.”

“
And that is?”

“
Having faith that everything happens for a reason. Whether there’s a bit of legitmacy to it or not. Some things are best left unexplained.”

“
I’ll try.” He wasn’t going to make any guarantees.

They went on to talk about a thousand different little things that they didn
’t know about each other. Things they hadn’t bothered to ask before. Some silly things that no one else would have asked or cared to know about.

“
Favorite color?” Charleigh asked, interlacing and unravelling their fingers.

Jamie thought for a long moment.
Did
he have a favorite color? “I used to like purple, but I think I’ll go with green now. It’s more masculine.” Charleigh laughed. “And yours would be blue. Not just blue, but light blue. Like the blue you see on all the stuff for newborn baby boys.”

They became quiet. The only sound was that of the crackling fire, the crickets, the occasional vehicle passing by on the highway. The miscarriage was still a sore spot for both of them. Neither liked to think about it, about the what-ifs.

“Do you ever wonder about…” She couldn’t bring herself to finish the question.

“
All the time.” Jamie didn’t want to say that he felt cheated by Charleigh keeping the pregnancy a secret. He couldn’t hold it against her because she’d been unsure of how he might react, and she’d suffered immeasurable anguish and guilt when it was too late. Truth was, even now Jamie wasn’t sure how he might have reacted. “I find myself wondering what we’d name our son or daughter, you know.”

Charleigh only nodded. They never talked about it. Maybe they should have. Maybe they needed to now.

Jamie kissed the top of her head. “Don’t worry, Char. There will be others.”

“
Yeah. Yeah,” She drew in a sharp breath. With a glimmer of hope, she added, “I know that. I do. But the one we lost will always have a part of my heart.”

They needed something lighter to talk about.

“Why did you get it?” Jamie asked, referring to the tattoo on the small of Charleigh’s back.

She thought about it
. “Because I wanted one. Andie was getting one of a rose on her rear, so I thought, ‘Why not?’ But I wasn’t gonna pull my pants down so a complete stranger could play with my bottom.” Jamie suppressed a laugh. “Because I wanted to see the look on my daddy’s face when I showed it to him. I wish you could’ve been there. It was legendary. Because I wanted to do something completely wild and out of character. And it
reminds
me to be a little wild and out of character every now and then.”

“
So, you got a tattoo? Why not just a navel ring, instead of something permanent?” Jamie liked the annoyed look Charleigh gave him as she turned on her stomach. It brought a flicker to her emerald eyes.

“
It’s not permanent. I can have it removed, if I want,” Charleigh groaned. “Why do you care? I thought you thought it was sexy.”

“
I do,” he replied, changing the subject, “Why do you like NASCAR? What is it that peaks your interest?”

“
Well, why do you like basketball and baseball?”

“
I asked my question first.”              

The question sounded so technical, which made Charleigh smile, but it really came down to a simple answer.

“The cars are fast. I get a rush when those four little words are yelled, ‘Gentlemen, start your engines.’”

“
That’s from overexposure to the exhaust fumes and the stench of burnt tires during the day.” It made Charleigh laugh, roll her eyes.

“
The guys also look hot in their uniforms. Some people have the opinion that it’s just forty-three guys driving around on an oval for a few hundred miles. If you want to get technical, basketball is just ten guys running up and down the court. Baseball’s just nine guys standing on a field while a tenth bats at a ball. Football has twenty-two of them, tackling each other over a ball. ” She’d seen Jamie’s eyes glaze over the last time he had watched a race on television with her. He’d fallen asleep before the first hundred laps were over. “They all have to work to hone their skill, no matter the sport. But, really, it’s just the way a certain person thinks of the sport they love. It’s just a plus that the guys in the sport
I
love are so sexy. ”

“
The only legitimate reason I heard in that whole spill is that you think the guys are good-looking.”

“
Okay, Mister Legitimacy. I think they’re more approachable as a person than any other athlete.”

“
Approachable?” Jamie joked. “Have you ever walked over and struck up a conversation with one your heroes?”

“
Ha, ha, ha, funny man.” Her voice was perplexed. “What I mean is, I’ve been a part of all kinds of childrens’ charities and endowments over the years, because of my dad. About three years ago on one of our trips to the children’s hospital in Oklahoma City, I met a ten-year-old boy named Frankie Roselli, who had cancer and was there recovering after having one of his legs amputated. He was the cutest kid I’d ever seen, with these big green eyes. And he had the best personality, the greatest outlook on his illness.

“
During the few hours of our visit, I learned he loved all kinds of sports and played basketball up until he found out he was sick. He was determined to beat the cancer, and get back in the game, despite losing his leg. I couldn’t stop talking about him all the way home. I wanted to do something nice for him, and so Dad and I decided to get him tickets to see his favorite basketball team play, making sure he and his parents had courtside seats because of his wheelchair.

“
He wanted to meet his favorite players — whose names and team shall remain nameless because it pisses me off every time I think about it.” And it was now, as Charleigh told Jamie about it. “And because of Dad and all the connections he’d made over the years, we also got to go back into the locker room prior to the game. Not one of those guys— with their humongous egos— voluntarily came over and said anything to that boy. If my dad’s friend hadn’t been there to introduce Frankie, they would’ve passed us up like yesterday’s sports section. All the kid wanted was an autograph and a handshake, and they acted like they were afraid to touch Frankie for fear of catching what he had.” Her hands were in fists.

“
My dad also worked with the Make-A-Wish Foundation for a long time, making sure the kids got their last wishes granted. If they wanted to go to Sea World or to Disneyland to meet Goofy, or take their entire family on vacation to Fiji, they did. If they wanted to go watch a race and meet their favorite driver, they did. Busy or not, I’ve never been to a race on such an occasion when one of those favorite drivers didn’t freely spare just a few minutes for any little kid, incurably ill or not.” It broke Charleigh’s heart to think about Frankie. He’d died several months after that ball game, and though she kept in touch with his family, she never got to tell him what a brave little boy had believed he was.

“
I think some of those pros forget where they come from. They forget that it’s the fans that shell out the big bucks for those tickets and the memorabilia. They can be a great player, but the public’s admiration is what makes them a legend.”

Tears were welling up in Jamie
’s eyes. Charleigh had a way of doing that to him. She had moved back to put her head on his chest, and he was glad because Charleigh couldn’t see the distressed expression he surely wore on his face.

Jamie searched desperately to come up with an insult.
“Have you ever met one of these drivers firsthand, when they’re not at the racetrack? How do you know that they’re not just like those pro-ball players?”

“
I just told you, they’re not like that.” Charleigh was confident with her answer.

“
Really. You’ve got all that memorabillia in your office. A few framed posters, some hats and t-shirts, oversized
Hot Wheels
—”

“
Correction, they’re
die-casts
.”

“
Whatever,” Jamie choked back a laugh. It was hard not to laugh at her devotion. “Your precious Dale Jr. could be just as much a jerk, with one of those humongous egos you detest so much.”

“
No way.”

“
How can you be certain?”

“
I’ve never met him, and there’s a slight possibility— a very
small
possibility— that you could be right. Although, I say you’re the only jerk I can think of right at the moment,” Charleigh pouted, “You have a way of sending a girl’s fantasy right down the toilet. You know that, Jamie?”