You're Still the One (25 page)

He drove up to The Alex and pulled into the lot, parking in front of the restaurant, where they were holding the family-only party tonight. They were celebrating this monumental achievement, Alex's legacy.

Opening the door, he stepped out into the warm evening. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of freshly mowed grass and sweet flowers. A light breeze stirred his hair, and he closed the door. The office trailer was gone. It had been removed last week some time.

Everything looked ready—the landscaping, the lighting, the signage. They'd done it. He felt a pang of regret and envy. He'd left only to have everyone come home and work together to execute this accomplishment.

He'd always thought he was the glue holding the family together—like Alex had said in his letter—and that if he left, something might fall apart: his dad, Alex, Archer Enterprises. But it turned out they didn't really need him at all. In fact, maybe his absence had made all of this possible.

That was absurd. It was Alex's absence that had done that. The same way it had spurred Hayden to do what he needed to chase his own dreams.

He walked into the restaurant and saw that several tables had been set into a large ring so that they would all sit together. There were flowers and candles set at intervals.

But no one was in the restaurant, which was strange since he'd seen everyone else's cars outside. Or most everyone else's; he hadn't exactly taken inventory while he'd been reflecting.

Liam came in bearing two baskets. “Hayden, you look spiffy.”

Hayden looked at his older brother. “You're wearing an apron.”

Setting the baskets on the table, he shook his head. “Yeah, Kyle drafted me, can you believe that?”

“No. No, I can't.”

“Hey, did I hear my name?” Kyle came in, also carrying a couple of baskets. “Stop talking smack about me.”

“You wish,” Liam scoffed with a smile.

Hayden wasn't in the mood for joking. “Hey, can I ask you guys something? Did you ever post the brewer job anywhere?”

Liam and Kyle exchanged looks. Kyle answered, “No, but we should've so we could have a backup candidate since Bex is leaving.”

“Like we told you, we went with Dad on this one,” Liam said. “Our bad.”

Kyle put his hands on his hips. “I'm just surprised she's leaving. She was so excited, and her first brews are fucking killer. Pisses me off.”

Hayden still hadn't tried them, but his mind was focused on what he was becoming more and more certain his parents had done. “So hiring her was really Dad's idea.”

“Yeah, but don't blame him,” Kyle said.

Oh, he sure as hell would, just not for what they thought.

Kyle pivoted. “I need to get back to the kitchen. Dinner will be up in a few. Liam, you can hang here if you want.”

Just as Hayden was wondering where everyone else was, they began filtering in from the back hallway. Conversation filled the space immediately. Everyone carried pints of beer, the glasses stamped with the new Arch and Fox logo.

Dad saw Hayden. “You're here. We're just trying Bex's new IPA.” He turned. “Bex, you have a pitcher, right? I'll grab a glass.” He moved toward the bar.

Then Hayden didn't see anything else but a dull haze of red. Bex was here? “I thought this was a family-only event,” he said.

Someone touched his sleeve, and he blinked, turning his head to see who it was.

Sara looked up at him. “She was in the brewhouse.”

So they'd had to include her? Well, they'd all been raised to be polite. Too bad he wasn't feeling the least bit amenable right now.

Bex came forward and set the pitcher on the table. “It's there if you want it. I'm going to go.” She turned and went back the way they all came.

Heedless of his family, he followed her from the restaurant, trailing her into the brewhouse. He could see that she hadn't been invited—or that at least she hadn't planned on coming. She was still wearing work clothes while they were all dressed up. “So this is how it works now? You blow into town, insert yourself back into my family, and now you're off again?”

She turned at the doorway to her office, her features inscrutable. “It doesn't work like that at all.”

He stopped a few feet from her. “That's right, your intent was to get back together with me, and when that failed, you decided to leave.”

She pressed her lips together, her face pale. “That was
not
my intent. I was offered a job, which I wanted very badly, and after
great
consideration, I took it.”

He snorted. “What sort of consideration? Tell me, did my dad talk you into it?”

Her lashes fluttered as her eyes widened briefly. She looked away, but it was too late. He'd seen the damning evidence in her guilty gaze.

“Congratulations, Bex,” he said softly. “You've breached the inner circle, and you didn't even have to marry me to do it. All my life, I've clawed my way to the center of this family, never quite getting there. It's always been Alex and his illness or Liam and his death wish or Kyle and his addiction. I could go on, but you know what I mean. You've lived here. You've seen how it works. In fact, you were smart enough to want me to leave, to break free.” He laughed harshly, emotion tearing from the well he'd built deep in his chest. “I guess I should've listened to you.”

She took a step toward him. “Hayden, your family loves you.”

“Like you do? I'm not sure I can tolerate all of that
love
. Especially when it comes with lies and manipulation.”

Her eyes lit with some emotion he couldn't discern or maybe didn't want to. “I didn't lie to you or manipulate you.”

“Do you deny that you came back here because my parents talked you into it?”

She looked him square in the eye. “Yes. Truly. They only wanted you to be happy—”

“That's such bullshit. You were supposed to be
my
soul mate,
my
partner, my
refuge
. But now you're with them.”

She stared at him, and he realized he sounded overemotional, but that's because he was. “Hayden, you can't possibly think it's like that.”

He felt completely exposed, just like five years ago. God, he hated that. He'd never wanted to feel that way again. “I don't know what to think.”

“Hayden?” His mom's voice echoed through the brewhouse. He didn't turn, but saw her from the corner of his eye. She wasn't alone. Dad was with her. And behind him came the rest of his family—just his siblings, not their partners. “Are you all right?”

Bex edged backward. “I'll go.”

“Why?” Hayden spat. “I'm sure they'd like you to stay.” He turned then to look at his family. “You brought her here, right? Don't you want her to stay?”

He saw the guilt in his mother's eyes and had a moment's remorse. He shrugged it away. She'd chosen to set this in motion. Let her deal with how it played out.

“We want
you
to stay, Hayden,” Dad said. “That's all we've ever wanted.”

Mom came toward him, her hand outstretched. “The whole family, here in Ribbon Ridge.
Home.
”

Hayden stared at them a moment, finally comprehending. He backed up and his mother stopped, her hand falling to her side. “I get it now.” He flashed Bex an apologetic glance. “Guess we were both fools. They used you to get me home. They figured with you here in town, I'd stay.” He looked back at his parents. “Didn't you think about what would happen next? That she'd leave, that I'd—”
be broken again
.

He snapped his mouth shut. He wasn't doing this.

“We just wanted you to come home,” Dad said, his voice thick with emotion.

“I get that. How come it was okay when they all left?” Hayden flung his hand toward his siblings, who were standing around Dad like a security detail. How fitting that they were all over there, a unified force, while he was alone. “What schemes did you hatch to lure them home? That's right,
none
. You let them go and do their thing. Why didn't you let me do the same?”

Mom's brow furrowed. “You did. You went to France. You left Archer.”

“That's not what I'm talking about. I stayed here when they all left. Don't you remember, Mom?” His eyes found Derek. “I know
you
remember. We talked about it plenty—how it was up to you and me to be here and work for the family company. But it wasn't the same for you as it was for me. You
wanted
to be here. You wanted that job, that opportunity. I wanted to make wine. I wanted to leave with
her
.” He pointed toward Bex, but didn't look at her. He couldn't. He'd never admitted that—not to her, not to himself. He'd wanted to leave, but he hadn't thought he could.

Liam came forward, his eyes dark. “I get it. We abandoned you.”

“And Alex. Don't forget that you abandoned him too, and don't think he didn't know it.” He looked at each of his siblings, registering their stricken, wounded expressions. But he didn't care. He never imagined he'd unburden himself, and now that he was, he couldn't seem to stop.

“That's a low blow,” Tori said, wiping her eye.

“It's not a blow, Tori, it's the truth,” Hayden said. “What choice did I have when I was the youngest, the only one who was left? Do you think I was going to turn to Alex and say, ‘Hey, I'm taking off, too. Enjoy your oxygen tank'?”

Mom brought her hand to her mouth. “Oh, Hayden. I didn't know you felt like that.”

“I doubt any of you know how I feel about a lot of stuff, but that's how it is over here in the cheap seats. There are all of you—the precious sextuplets—and there's me. You all have each other—Mom and Dad, Liam and Alex, Kyle and Sara, Tori and Evan. Who does that leave me with?
Nobody.
” Thankfully he'd found Cameron, a true best friend, and later Bex. But then she'd left, and he realized now that it had been the catalyst for all of this. From that moment, he'd felt like he really didn't belong. Then Alex had shown him that not only did Hayden not belong, but that his love and support weren't enough.

He waited for someone to tell him he was wrong, but there was just silence.

He had to get out of there. Not just the brewhouse, the whole damn town. “I'm going back to France to tie up loose ends. And when I get back, I want you all to leave me alone. Understand?”

Dad came forward and put his arm around Mom's shoulders. “Son, don't go.”

“I have to. And you need to let me.”

He turned and left, walking by Bex on his way and not sparing her so much as a glance.

B
EX WATCHED THE
door from her office to the back parking lot close as Hayden left. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she blinked back tears. He'd
wanted
to leave with her. She finally understood the hold his family had over him—it was more than love or loyalty. He'd been looking for the way he fit in, the role he was supposed to play, and he'd thought he'd found it by staying home and being the anchor.

“Bex?”

She turned back to the Archers and saw Emily coming toward her, wiping at her eyes. “I'm so sorry for what we did.”

Had they really brought her here only to keep Hayden home? “Did you want us to get back together, or was that just something you said?” Because if they'd used her as a lure and then expected that she and Hayden
wouldn't
get back together, that was pretty damn cold.

Emily winced. “I
did
want that.” She looked back at her husband, who came forward to join her. “Rob did, too.”

Bex shook her head, emotion roiling through her—confusion, anger, despair for Hayden. “I don't understand. I broke up with Hayden five years ago and left. Why would you think we could possibly get back together?”

“We knew Hayden still loved you,” Rob said. “And we hoped you might still love him, too.”

She couldn't shake the fact that their primary goal had been to get Hayden to stay in Ribbon Ridge. Maybe if Rob had said, “We believed you'd be happy together,” she wouldn't feel so . . . disgusted.

She went into her office and grabbed her purse, intent on trying to find Hayden to tell him . . . what, that she understood? That she'd been right to try to get him to leave five years ago?

Tori came in behind her. “Hey, Bex, you can't go after him. Not right now.”

Bex kept her head down. “I know.”

Everyone else crammed inside, with Rob and Emily hanging back near the doorway.

“We'll let him cool off,” Kyle said, sounding way more serious than normal. “We'll talk to him later.”

This lit a fire in Bex's gut. She looked up at Kyle, at all of them. “What will you say? ‘Sorry you feel left out'? Or maybe, ‘We never realized you felt that way'? Think long and hard before you stick your feet in your mouths. Help him figure out where he belongs—
show
him he's a vital part of this family.”

She wished she could tell them exactly what to do, but she didn't know. She only knew she wanted to take his pain away.

Tori's face was pale and tense as she nodded at Bex. “We will.”

Bex turned and left. As soon as she stepped outside, she gulped air. After a moment, her heart rate began to slow, and she felt a little better. Instead of going to her car, she walked to the bench that she could see from her office window and sat down.

The garden around her was alive with beauty and scent. The sun was heading toward the horizon, the sky beginning to dazzle itself for the sunset. She just wanted to sit for a minute and think. No, she actually
didn't
want to think.

Footsteps on the crushed-shell path forced her head up. Liam came toward her. “Can I sit?”

She wanted to say no, but she didn't. Instead she said nothing.

He sat anyway. “The shitty part is that he doesn't feel that different than a lot of us do. Trying to find your place in such a big group is hard.”

She didn't look at him. “Didn't seem that tough for you.”

“Actually, I was hesitant to come back to Ribbon Ridge permanently, even with Alex gone. Did you know I stayed away because of him? We had this mutual agreement—I could pretty much have the entire world, but Ribbon Ridge was his.”

She glanced at him then. “This is why I left five years ago. Or at least, one of the reasons. You people are crazy.”

He smiled briefly. “Probably.
Definitely.
I saw that everyone had come home, found their niche, fell in love . . . I couldn't see myself doing that. So from that perspective I understand where he's coming from. I tried to bond with him over it, in fact, but I think he thought I was trying to fill the void that Alex left behind. He said something to that effect, but I didn't realize how serious he was.” He looked at her sadly. “The reality is that no one can fill that space.”

She agreed with him wholeheartedly.

He leaned back against the bench and stretched out his legs. “And I don't know, maybe subconsciously I
was
doing that.” He fell silent for a minute then straightened, pulling his legs up. “We were all pretty messed up after Alex's suicide.”

She turned her body to look at him. “How was Hayden?”

Liam blew out a breath. “The truth? I don't know. I was too wrapped up in my own shit.” He cast her a self-deprecating glance. “That's not an excuse, by the way. It just is what it is. I think we all could've done a better job of supporting each other, but we sure made it damn hard. Tori closed herself off completely. Kyle tried to bottom out with his gambling addiction. Sara threw herself into a relationship—which thankfully worked out. And Evan . . . well, we could learn a lot from Evan.” He finished this with a smile.

“I think finding out how Hayden has dealt with this is important. Your mom spent time with him in France. Maybe she can shed some light. Maybe together—as a family—you can figure out how to bring Hayden into the fold.”

Liam cocked his head to the side, his blue-gray eyes focused with laser-sharp intent. “You say that like he was never
in
the fold.”

Bex lifted a shoulder. “I don't know that he feels like he was. When we were together, he made offhand comments about being the ‘oops' kid, the afterthought, the one most likely to be forgotten at the grocery store.”

Liam grimaced. “I know. We made those same jokes. I never realized they were cutting deep.”

“Then, when I suggested we leave Ribbon Ridge together—spend a few years finding ourselves—he was adamant that he couldn't, that he was needed here. I think
he
needed to be here.” And how she wished she'd realized that. He'd spread his wings when it had been the right time for him. But maybe that was why they hadn't worked five years ago. They'd been in different places. Maybe now they could work. She honestly didn't care where they lived. She'd follow him to the ends of the earth to be with him.

Problem was, he probably didn't want her to.

Liam turned away from her and stared straight ahead. “Any ideas on what we do now?”

She wished she knew. “Not really. I don't think I'm much help to you.”

He gave her a sideways look. “You're that certain he's over you?”

“He told me so.”

The corner of Liam's mouth ticked up. “Remember, he's a guy. We're not so great at realizing shit that's right in front of us, especially when we're doing our damnedest to keep people at bay. Which, I think, has been Hayden's goal all along. I think you hit the nail on the head when you asked how he dealt with Alex. His death changed all of our lives, but we've all managed to find our way home—and I mean that in the emotional as well as physical sense.”

She thought she understood. They'd all found their footing again, while Hayden was still floating out there. “You're saying I shouldn't give up?” She thought of Alaina's advice to fight for what she wanted.

Liam stood. “I wouldn't. If Aubrey woke up tomorrow and told me she didn't love me anymore, I'd do whatever I could to change her mind. After I got out of the fetal position, that is.”

Bex smiled in spite of her black mood. There, sparking in the back of her despondent mind, was the faintest bit of hope. “Thanks, I'll think about it.”

He nodded. “And hey, don't be a stranger—however this all falls out.”

If she and Hayden were truly done, she didn't think she could keep up any relationships with these people. It would be too hard, too painful. The old Bex, the one for whom emotional outreach was difficult, would turn tail and run. But now she wanted to try.

And maybe she and Hayden weren't done. Maybe he could find his place—with her. She wouldn't know unless she gave it a shot. It was time to take the emotional risk.

What did she have to lose?

H
AYDEN WAS ALREADY
on his second beer and third shot of tequila by the time Cameron showed up at Ruckus, the dive bar on the outskirts of town. He sat at a table in the corner and vaguely wondered if he ought to eat something to soak up the alcohol.

Cam sat down and stared at him. “Shit, what happened to you?”

“Not much. Just told my family to fuck off basically.”

The server came over, and Cam ordered a beer and some sliders. “I'm guessing you need to eat,” he said.

Hayden waved his hand. “Whatever.”

Cam settled back in his chair and got comfortable. “What'd they do?”

“Typical family garbage—they tried to use Bex to get me to move back to Ribbon Ridge.”

Cam snorted. “Did they forget you guys aren't together anymore?”

“I guess.”

Now Cam frowned. “Except you did fall right back into bed with her, so maybe they know more than you do.”

Hayden glared at his best friend. “Fuck off.”

Cam held up his hands. “Sorry, I wasn't trying to be a dick. My bad. But I did tell you to steer clear of her.”

“So you did.” Hayden took another drink of beer, wishing he'd listened to Cam's advice. Why had he even needed it? Bex had left him a broken mess five years ago. He should've been able to get over her and never look back. Instead, he'd carried a torch and now had to question if he'd
ever
really gotten over her at all.

Hayden kept his gaze fixed on his beer on the table. “I never told you why she left.”

The server dropped off Cam's beer, and he took a sip. “Sure you did. She wanted you to move out of Ribbon Ridge so she could have you all to herself. Your family gave her hives or something.”

“They made her feel
claustrophobic
.” Looking back, given his own experiences, he couldn't really blame her. That might not have been the best word, but he couldn't think of one to describe the feeling that came from being the object of extreme meddling. “But that was only part of it.”

Hayden's gut clenched. Did he really want to share this? On the way over, he'd been thinking of how good it felt to just unload everything. Why not this, too?

“She was pregnant.” He picked up his beer and took a long pull.

Cam had also taken a drink and worked not to spew it everywhere. He ended up coughing.

“Sorry,” Hayden said.

Cam clacked his pint glass on the table. “
Dude.
What happened?”

Hayden peered at him over his beer. “We didn't plan it, obviously.”

“Can't imagine you did.”

“She was about six weeks along when we figured it out. Threw us both for a loop.” His mind went back to the stress of that time. They'd been fighting about leaving Ribbon Ridge, and he'd been afraid the end was in sight. Then she'd gotten pregnant, and the tension had shifted. “It wasn't that we didn't want it. We just hadn't expected it.”

Cam was watching him intently. “Were you happy?”

“Scared to death is probably a better description, but yeah, I wanted to have a family with her.”

“I can't believe you never mentioned it. All those times we talked about her—how you wished it had worked out and didn't think you'd ever find another woman like her . . . and you never told me.”

Hayden gave him an apologetic look. “We'd agreed to keep it between us. I took that promise seriously.”

Cam shook his head. “So wait. Back up. What happened to the baby?”

“She lost it.”

Cam exhaled sharply. “Sorry, man.”

He could end the story there. That was enough, wasn't it? Except it wasn't. His guilt didn't want to be silent anymore. It was apparently tired of festering deep inside him. Hayden turned his pint glass on the table, the smooth glass rubbing against his thumb and fingertips. He stared into the pale amber liquid. “Do you remember when I ran my old Jeep off the road?”

“Of course. You loved that car, and it had to be totaled.”

He'd bought that car when he'd started college. It had been old and beat up, but perfect for off-roading and camping, things he rarely did, but always wanted to be prepared for. After the accident, he knew it would remind him of what they'd lost, of what
he'd
caused. “It wasn't totaled actually. I just didn't want it back so I sold it. Bex and I were arguing one night on our way back from Portland. It was raining. I slid on that S-curve on Bell Road, and we went into the ditch.”

Cam's eyes widened. “
Shit.
She miscarried.”

Hayden drank a good third of his beer. Almost time for another. And maybe a fourth shot. Or was it a fifth? Whatever.

Cam reached across the table and clasped Hayden's forearm. “No wonder you were so beat up.”

“Yeah, I guess. We never told anyone what happened. She spent the night in the hospital, but she had a minor concussion so that's what everyone knew.” Hayden, on the other hand, had walked away pretty much unscathed. At least physically. “She said she couldn't stay, and she left town a week later.”

Cam frowned. “She blamed you for what happened.”

Hayden stared at his beer. “Maybe. I don't know. I just know that
I
blamed me.”

“I never understood why you weren't mad at her for leaving. I got that you were hurt, but not like torch-the-earth mad.”

Hayden squinted at him. “Like you were with Jennifer?”

“You are
not
supposed to say her name,” Cam practically growled before taking a long hit of his beer.

Jennifer had been Cam's college girlfriend. She'd lived in Portland, but she and Cam had kept up their relationship after graduating. Or so Cam had thought. He'd come to find out that she had another boyfriend, one who asked her to marry him with a giant diamond and a brand-new BMW. Since Cam had been about to pop the question himself, the betrayal had cut hard and deep. He hadn't been the same since, and Hayden doubted he'd ever trust another woman, especially to get married.