Zandor (20 page)

“Do you care for her?”

“Hell
, yes, I fu…”

“Aleszandor, language please.”

“Have I ever had a girlfriend, Momma?” I was ready to flip.

“You’ve chosen to have a lot of female acquaintances.”

“No, I’ve fu…”

“Eeh eeh eeh,” she warned.

“No.” I started shaking.

“But this one? Why?”

“Because, she does shit to me Momma. Like I don’t know, makes me want to know her.”

“Don’t squash her then. Give her time.”

“Time to what? Time to beat herself up some more! Time to let her father abuse her with words and shame! Time for her ex to get back into her hot little…”

“Zandor,” she warned again.

“Sorry, but damn Momma. She’s a good girl.”

“Is she smart?”

“Hell yes, she’s smart, and funny, and beautiful, and strong as hell unless she’s around them douche bags! I need to go get her.” I started to stand and she grabbed my hand.

“Sit
, Zandor. Give me a few minutes.”

“Momma, I am trying to give you the respect you deserve but I have things that need to be done.”

“I was the one who took her call. I spoke to her for a few minutes.”

And now she had my full attention, so I sat down. I looked at Momma waiting for her to tell me everything.

“She sounded very nervous when she asked if it was required that she give a two week notice.”

“Did you tell her yes
?”

“No
, Zandor, I told her preferred but not required. Then she mentioned that she was helping her father and would be away for a week. I asked how he was, and she told me about his surgery. I told her that family was very important to me and she should take all the time she needed and we would love for her to come back to work.”

“What did she say?”

“She said that she couldn’t, she was given another opportunity and wanted to focus on it…”

“So
, she’s still going to do the internship?”

She looked at me disappointed like she was expecting me to pull some shit. Which I hadn’t planned for, but if that was what it took
, then hell yeah, I was!

“Explain?”

All right, time to ass cover.

“Zandor
, remember who it is you’re speaking to. You don’t lie to me. No matter how uncomfortable some situations have been, it has always been honesty between you and I that makes me proud of the man you are.”

She was laying it on thick but I was about to maneuver real good with Momma Joe.

“I’m waiting.” She tapped her foot. “Does she know about the company?”

“She didn’t need to.”

“You should be learning from your brothers mistakes, Zandor. You’ve watched and avoided having your heart broken for years. Both you and Xavier have avoided putting your heart out there and chosen…well, a much different approach to relationships than you were raised with.”

“I wasn’t hiding anything from her. Our relationship needed to travel in a natural course to be what it is today…or yesterday. Momma
, my phone.”

“Don’t avoid. Does this new opportunity involve Steel Incorporated?”

Thank you, Jesus! A loop hole!

“No
, not at all. She applied for an internship there and I made sure she didn’t get it.”

“Now why would you do that?”

“She’s a designer or decorator. She’s interested in art, not medicine or business, or…”

“I feel like you’re holding something back.”

“I haven’t lied to you.”

“Then you’re maneuvering
, Aleszandor.”

“I’m trying to not flip the fuck out
, Momma. I really would appreciate my phone back. I really would like to talk to my girlfriend.”

She looked at me speculatively
. “Fine, don’t push her away, Zandor. She is the first girl you’ve felt this way about…”

“I know
, Momma.” Okay, I was getting pissed now, not at her, at the situation going on around me.

She handed back my phone
. “Momma, I was never holding back on her, not about one damn thing. She needed to know everything about me before I let her in. Half of the people around us haven’t made the connection between us and the company. They don’t expect we would be capable. They judge us on the shop and our past. I know who I am, who you raised. Regardless of what anyone thinks, I’m proud of who I am. Money or not, I’ve not changed. You’ve done a good job raising us, you know us. You and Dad taught us to be men.”

“My greatest fear was that it would change who you all are.”

“Well, thank God, that hasn’t happened, and it never will, Momma.” I gave her a kiss and she hugged me tight.

She scratched my scalp softly like she did when I was a boy, comforting me.

“
Sempre in acciaio
?” she kissed my cheeks.

“
Sempre in acciaio,
Momma”

~

I walked into my bedroom and sent a text.

-We need to talk now or I’m coming down to drag you home…Z

-I need time to process things…B

-You got eight hours, less if I can catch a flight…Z

-Just back off okay, just let me get through some things…B

- No, see you in a bit…Z

I looked at the phone waiting for it to ring and it did.

I couldn’t say shit, I was boiling over.

“Zandor?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t come here.”

“Then tell me what made you quit the shop. No better yet tell me WHAT YOU WHERE THINKING DOING IT WITHOUT TALKING TO ME FIRST!”

My door opened and Momma was standing there with my dirty-ass clothes. She whispered, “What’s this?”

I shook my head no and she gave me the Momma Joe look saying calm the fuck down and then she walked out.

“I’m waiting, Bekah.”

“I am my own person. I can make decisions all by myself.”

“When you’re in a relationship don’t you talk about shit with that person?”

“You would think things like that would be important
, wouldn’t you?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You know everything about me.”

“No I didn’t, but I do now.”

“You go digging
Kitten, did you find out about Steel Incorporated? I wasn’t hiding that shit, we just didn’t fucking get to it.”

“Oh, okay, the fact that you hide behind a tattoo shop so you can what? Slum it, play with tits, bang married women. Then seduce a…me into buying into your shit. Play me
, Zandor!”

“I really wish I could see your face right now so when…”

“Fuck you!”

“Ladies don’t say those words
, Bekah”

“A real man could maybe get away with saying shit like that but not a pretentious
, spoiled lying asshole!”

“The shop was here before the money! Before Steel, now you listen to me
, Bekah! If it’s a fucking problem that I have money I’ll sell my shares, fuck I’ll give them away!”

“It’s not about the money
, Zandor! You lied to me!”

“No, I never lied, not once.”

“Then tell me something, answer two questions.”

“Ask twenty
. I’m not a fucking liar!”

“Did you have anything to do with me not getting that internship?”

Fuck, fuck me running. “Yep.”

“Did you pull the plugs on my car so I would have to accept a ride with you?”

I was fucked. “Yes, Bekah. I did because I wanted to…”

“I don’t need a head trip right now. Please don’t call. Please leave me alone.”

“No fuck you, now you answer two questions for me, Bekah! First one, are you fucking him?”

“No,” she whispered.

“Now tell me you haven’t fallen for me as hard as I have you.”

“That’s not fair.”

“No it’s not, not one fucking bit. Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to stay the fuck away from that asshole who’s filling your head full of shit. Take care of your father and then come home and make this mess up to me.”

I sat waiting for a pissed off response, I deserved it but she deserved that shit
, too!

Fuck Off

Bekah

“You can FUCK off!” I hung up the phone and looked behind me and of course he was standing there
. “Sorry Dad.”

Stilettos

Zandor

I was shocked when I heard nothing more. I was even more shocked
that when I called back, I was sent to voice mail. I threw my phone on my bed and grabbed a duffle out of my closet. I was fucking out!

“Zandor, no. You may not go
.” I turned and saw Momma Joe’s hands on her hips. She was tapping her foot.

“I’m twenty four
, Momma.” I grabbed some clothes out of the dresser.

She didn’t say anymore and I continued packing.

I was done and I looked around until I saw her sitting on the bed with my mother-fucking phone.

“Mom!”

“Don’t you Mom me, Aleszandor Steel. I’m fixing this, see she just needs…”

“My phone now
, woman!”

“You are …grounded!”

“I’m twenty four years old.”

We stood toe to toe, two very stubborn people. If she were any other female she’d be picked up and placed elsewhere

“You live under my roof.”

“Momma, do we need to go there?”

She shrugged.

“I can move into my own place anytime.”

“Not until you are married!”

“Wow
, Momma. I don’t want to be angry at you. I don’t want to point out that Cyrus and Tara are living together…”

“In their hearts they are married
, and they will be.”

“Jase and Carly bought into your bullying
, though. I’m neither Cyrus nor Jase, Momma, so again, my phone.”

“Where is your heart
, Zandor Steel?”

“What’s that supposed to mean
? I’m here because I love you. I’m here because I want to be here. But that doesn’t mean I’m a child.”

“That is not what I am asking
, Zandor.” She touched my chest. “Where is your heart right now, this very moment?”

I shook my head from side to side not answering the question she was asking, avoiding putting into words what I already knew.

“Zandor, I already know, but do you?”

“Yes
, I know. It’s pounding in my damn chest. It’s angry, very angry.”

“Because why?”

“Because she’s the most stubborn pain in the ass female I’ve ever met. Aside from you, of course.”

Momma smiled
. “Do not push her. She is fragile.”

FUCK!

“It hurts, no?”

“Like hell
, Momma.”

“Do not call her, give her time. When you have calmed down
, then decide how you will proceed. I’m going to make dinner. You rest.”

She kissed me, handed me the phone
, and walked out.

-This is Joe Steel, Zandor’s mother. Rebekah, my boy is packing his bags as we speak to come and bring you home. Tell me what you would like me to do about this.

Bekah had responded immediately to her, but not to me, of course not to me
.

-I’m very sorry you have to deal with this situation
, Mrs. Steel.

-
Aww, do not be sorry. I was the bearer of bad news. You quitting the shop set him off. I know my boys well. I have been out numbered for many, many years now. They love passionately and sometimes are a bit rough around the edges, just like their father was. But they are good men.

-I don’t doubt that. I have to be honest here, I am going through some things and I need to go through them alone. Please ask him not to come. I couldn’t take that right now. I don’t want him driving here angry either.

-I will take care of Aleszandor. You take care of Rebekah.

-Thank you so much.

-You are more than welcome, Rebekah.

Trifling, that’s what Momma was doing. And how the hell do they text so fucking fast?

-I’m not done with you. You’re not done with me. Do heed this warning, that motherfucker touches what’s mine and I will break his other arm and beat him with it…YOUR MAN Z

~

I unpacked my fucking bags and lay down. I was worn out from doing physical labor. Man’s work. Not that I was out of shape. I could fuck for hours and hit the bags at the gym for just as long, but I wasn’t used to being a one-man wrecking crew.

I looked at my phone and of course she hadn’t responded.

-Fuck, Bekah, I swear to you I wasn’t holding shit back from you. You know everything about me that has made me who I am. Please tell me how your Dad is, how you are? And if you won’t, tell me what the fuck I did in a day to make you think so little of me that I don’t even get a response from you. You’re wrecking me. Just so you are aware no one has ever done that to me before and it sucks, Kitten.
For fuck sake we aren’t twelve!

I read it again.

-Fuck, Bekah, I swear to you I wasn’t holding shit back from you. You know everything about me that has made me who I am. Please tell me how your Dad is, how you are?
And if you won’t, tell me what the fuck I did in a day to make you think so little of me that I don’t even get a response from you. You’re wrecking me. Just so you are aware no one has ever done that to me before and it sucks Kitten

Fuck
, I sounded like a bitch, so I started over.

-Fuck
, Bekah, I swear to you I wasn’t holding shit back from you. You know everything about me that has made me who I am. Please tell me how your Dad is, how you are?

I pushed send and guess what, no fucking response. Ten minutes later still nothing.

Miserable and tired, oh and real fucking pissed at her, at myself, at my Mom, who apparently gets a response but I’ve had my dick in her and mouth all over her and I get shit? Fuck that!

-Could you at least send me a fucking picture, I’ve already jerked off to the one I took while you were sleeping in OUR hotel room….Z

I immediately regretted sending it but fuck it.

I was gonna keep sending her texts. I couldn’t control
myself. She made me lose control.

I was gonna have to crush the fucking
phone!

I got up ready to smash it against the wall, but then I remembered Momma was home and she would be pissed. So I set it on the dresser so that I wouldn’t be tempted to call her, text her, or smash my damn phone.

I lay down and tried to think of something else. Happy thoughts, yeah right, they were of her; worse times, I couldn’t do that either. I fucking missed Dad so much, which made me think of her and what she deserved, not the shit she was putting up with down there. So I closed my eyes concentrating on blackness, and emptiness.

I woke to voices in the room.

“You think we should get him a hooker?”

“Wouldn’t matter.”

“Yeah he’s fucked, got the bug.”

“Let’s hope it’s the stomach bug. You two dumb asses went and fell in stupid.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it man. My little Birdie is like nothing else in the world.”

“Yeah well how bout you
, Jase? How’s Carly treating you?”

“She’s stubborn as hell. But I’m not ready for another kid.”

“You fucked up marrying her little brother, should have waited.”

“Fuck you
, Cyrus, at least I’m not pissing Momma off and living with her first.”

“Always playing the Momma card
, huh?”

“No
, the Momma’s boy is probably passed out from strokin’ it too much.”

“Yeah he finally ate the right porridge.”

“Goldie locks.”

A
ll three of them chuckled.

“Yeah she’s a hot piece of ass.
She’s got the best rack. I’d give her the D.”

“You better hope he doesn’t hear that shit. I’d fuck you up hard bro if you said that about Carly.”

“I ain’t going after your lady, Jase, she doesn’t even put out for you anymore.”

“Fuck you
, she still swallows.”

“Better watch out she’ll be storing that shit in her mouth and runnin’ off to the doctor
’s.”

“Whatever
, asshole.”

“She’s one of them liberal chicks, I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“Xavier, show a little fucking respect before I show your ass my foot!”

“Chill the fuck out.”

I cleared my throat. “Will you three motherfuckers shut up?”

Cyrus whipped off the blanket
. “Get your sorry ass up and come eat, Momma has dinner ready.”

“Don’t you fuckers have somewhere to be?” I stepped out of bed and stretched.

“Carly is holding book club at our place.”

“And Tara’s with her so we got nothing better to do then come over here and watch you lick your wounds. So get your bitch ass out to the kitchen.”

“What about you, Xavier? What’s up with Tiff?”

“Yeah, her ex started coming around camping outside in front of her door. I told her to call the cops, she looked mortified so I told her have fun. That’s whatcha do man, move the fuck on.”

I followed them out to the kitchen and sat down. Momma came over and scratched my scalp and kissed me. “You have a nice nap?”

All three of the assholes
snickered.

I looked up and gave them a
fuck-off look.

“You boys be nice, he’s hurting.”

She walked out of the room and Xavier chuckled “I bet she’s hurting, too. Did you at least leave her with PIVA?”

“What the fuck is that?”

“Post–Italian vagina ache.”

Okay
, that was funny. “I can guarantee it.”

“Good.”

Momma walked back in the room. “What’s good?”

“PIVA?”

I looked at Xavier and he smirked.

“What is that?”

Oh fuck, no.

“I’m sure you’ve had it
, Momma.” Xavier smiled.

She looked around at all of us and rolled her eyes
. “Your father was Scottish.”

I
laughed real hard. Yeah, Momma wasn’t pulling the wool over my eyes like she was everyone else in this room, she was a woman, too. A beautiful woman that my father adored. And trust me, the fucking walls were thin, she adored him just as much.

“What’s so funny? I know Dad was Scottish what’s that got to do with anything
?”

Momma gave me a wink and then looked a Xavier
. “Oh I’m sorry Xavier. I thought you said something about paternal origins.”

She started whistling as she loaded our plates with pasta. I got up and grabbed the sauce and Jase grabbed the garlic knots. Meal time in this family was like a dance. We would all pitch in and then sit and feast together,
laughing, talking, and joking around. She should be part of this. Fuck!

When everyone left
, Momma and I did the dishes and cleaned up.

“You’ll sleep tonight?”

“Yeah, Momma. Thanks for inviting them over.”

“We are family.”

“We are a truly blessed family.”

~

Over the next two days shit was happening at the club. The ceiling had been opened, staircase was up and fucking spectacular, all the rooms were framed out, and the second coat of mud was already drying.

I didn’t text again. I was too pissed. I swear if she was fucking him
, I’d kill him and take her far away with consent or not, it wouldn’t matter to me. This shit hurt. I was so pissed for allowing myself to feel this way. But I wouldn’t let it end badly. I wasn’t gonna let it end at all.

It had been three days
, and from what I had read, because she wouldn’t tell me dick, that’s how long he wouldn’t be able to drive. So I’m sure he was fine. Pricks don’t die young, good guys do. But prick or not, I wouldn’t want to wish losing a parent on anyone. It sucked.

~

Little Bell was spending the night with Mom, Xavier, and I. We baked for Thanksgiving. Pies, tarts, breads, you name it we baked it. Little Bell and I did turkey cut outs. She was such a cool kid.

“I wanna tattoo of a turkey for Thanksgiving
, Uncle Zandor.” She grinned.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Dad will let me?”

“I don’t know, how about you let me ask him
.” I pretended to look around and she laughed, “He’s not here so I think we can do that. Where you want it?”

“Tramp stamp
.” She smiled and lifted her shirt exposing her back.

I about died, first because of shock that my sweet little niece said
tramp stamp, and then because I realized she had no clue what it meant. Thank God!

“We could pierce your nose
, too. You wanna do that?”