Zombie Lover (9 page)

"But what's the point?" she asked as they stepped onto the path.

"Jackpots just like to give away lots of money." Imbri still held the coin; she wasn't speaking with her mouth, but with a dreamlet.

"I can see that. I mean, what's the money for? No one buys anything in Xanth, does she?"

Imbri considered. "Well, you might encounter a slot machine some time. They eat coins.''

Breanna nodded, and put the soiled coin in her purse. She didn't like dirty money, but perhaps it would be useful sometime.

Imbri's ears perked up. "Oops, I'm being summoned. I have to go see about a daydream; I still do a few of them for my friends.

"You did some good ones for me, I think," Breanna agreed. "Thanks for everything." She waved as the mare faded out.

The path was clear enough, and Breanna walked swiftly along it. Soon she came to a sign marking an offshoot: COM PASSION. That was the maker of the path, who evidently lived in a cave. But it wasn't necessary to go into the cave, so she walked on by.

But then she saw a ragged shape ahead. It was a zombie! They had found her again.

Breanna hardly took time to think. She turned about and ran back along the path. But soon she saw another zombie coming from the other direction. She was trapped between them.

She turned at the sign and ran into the cave. At least it wasn't supposed to be dangerous, and maybe it would provide a place to hide from the zombies. It was dark, but of course that was no problem for her. She saw several jars of currant jelly, and realized that there must be something electrical nearby.

She saw a box of some sort on a pedestal of some sort. A screen on the box lighted. Words appeared: cffle//, aw.

What was this? There didn't seem to be any danger, but she didn't feel exactly at ease either. This cave was spooky. But with the zombies outside, she would have to bear with it. That meant dealing with this Com Passion character. "I'm looking for—"

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PIERS ANTHOM

f/ea/
  
the screen printed
   
U/r/aM f//xa me a

Breanna suffered a flash of lealization that illuminated the cave tor half a split second This was Com Passion herself A screen machine And she expected a little gift
  
It would be best to oblige her
 
But what did she ha\e) Only one thing she could spare

"It's \ery small, and somewhat dirty/1 she said apologetically She fished out the com

f7jfy fdffjfd £t>u i$/ad&>ategi// J7 /ere i/ There followed a row ot little hearts V ¥ ¥ V V V

Breanna looked toi a place to set the coin fa c tf te aw xrtwje Com Passion printed

Breanna looked around nervously There was a mouse in this cave9

Then the cave shimmered, and became a regular room A door opened, and a young brown woman walked in "I am Mouse Tenan," she said "I normally sleep in my mouse pad "

Oh Breanna handed her the coin Tenan took it and set it on a shelt Then she turned again "What is it that you wish of my mis-

tress >"

"I — I don't understand "

Tenan frowned
 
"What word do you not understand9"

"It's not that I mean, I didn't come here to ask for anything I just — well, it gets complicated to explain "

"You do not understand our natures7 *

"Yes
 
I think that's what I don't understand "

"This is the ca\e of Com Passion, a machine who ean change reality in her demesnes "

"Oh, I hope she's not mean'" Breanna blurted Then she tried to take it back T mean — '

The screen appeared
  
JVr/ meffj? rs f/emra#
  
(/)fM&vte.J J/Ffa frwtfrfw

Breanna felt e\en more stupid than before
 
"I apologize "

"I am her mouse,' Tenan continued Com Passion loves people, but can't move her body, so I do what needs to be done In real life I am like this " She shimmered, and became a real brown mouse It squeaked

"Eeeek1" Breanna screamed, stepping back

The woman reappeared "Precisely So Com Passion enhances me to resemble your toim Normally folk come here to ask some tavor of my mistress, tor which they must pay an equitable price Therefore

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we inquire what favor you desire, and what you are prepared to do in return "

"I—I—" Breanna hauled herself somewhat together and tned again 'Tm on my way to see the Good Magician, who can maybe tell me how to stop the zombies from chasing me When they were about to catch me, I ducked in here Unless you have some way to get rid of them, I don't think I have a favor to ask of you "

"My mistress can give you a charm to make you invisible to zombies But it lasts only a tew hours, so is a temporary expedient Probably it would suffice to get you to the Good Magician's castle "

"That's great1" Breanna exclaimed "Yes, I would like that'" Then she remembered the other part of it "But I don't know how I can pay for it "

Tenan considered "A love spnng flows through my mistress' cave Therefore she is very affectionate, and craves company I have become overly familiar to her, and my intellect is not great, so she wishes for more She is lonely and bored Have you any relief for that?"

"But I can't stay forever and talk to a screen1" Breanna protested

"In my mistress' experience, most human beings have areas of expertise or knowledge that can be diverting Is there anything you might teach Com Passion that would make her less bored or lonely>''

"Not unless she likes playing cards," Breanna said, laughing ruefully

"Cards9"

A notion coalesced Cards could be really useful for boredom So maybe that wasn't such a far out idea "Suppose I taught her some card games9 Ones she could play by herself, like solitaire9"

"Can you demonstrate such a game9"

"Sure " Then she reconsidered "Except I don't have a deck of cards They don't play cards in Xanth It's a Mundane game "

"Describe them "

"Well, there are fifty two of them in a pack, in four suits Spades, Hearts, Diamonds, and Clubs Each suit has thirteen cards, going from Ace—that's one—to King On the backs there is some design or picture ''

As she spoke, the image of the cards appeared Breanna tned to take one, but her hand passed through it it was illusion So she asked

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Terian to lay them down on a table which obligingly appeared. Terian was able to handle the cards as if they were real, because Terian herself was mostly illusion in this form. Probably Com Passion could make her solid, but illusion was more energy efficient. Soon they had a pack of cards on the table, with a picture of Com Passion on the back, and the suit designs on the front: shovels, little beating hearts, scintillating diamond gems, and cudgels. Mare Imbri evidently served as the model for the queens, and a faun Breanna didn't recognize stood for the kings, while the jacks had black faces and looked like Breanna. They were ready to play.

"I know only three solitaire games," Breanna said. "But they're pretty good. First there's Klondike. Deal out seven cards in a row, with only the first one face up." Terian did so. "Then six more, starting with the second row, only the first face up. And so on, until there are seven face-up cards. Now you try to find aces and set them above, and build on them by suit right up to the king. You can build down from any card in the tableau, like putting that red four on that black five." Breanna continued her instructions, and found that Com Passion was a very quick study; nothing needed to be repeated.

"Now you just keep playing, until it stalls out," Breanna concluded. "Which it usually does, after a while. It's hard to win unless you cheat."

"Cheat?"

"Break the rules."

"But how can it be a game with no rules?"

Breanna realized that the machine was wired to be honest, and didn't understand dishonesty. "It can't be," she said. "So go ahead and play."

There was a pause. "My mistress is not an original thinker," Terian said after a moment. It seemed that she had direct communication with the machine. "And I lack the intellect on my own. You will have to direct the play."

"But it's easy to play," Breanna said. "Just not easy to win."

"Perhaps if you direct a game through to victory, my mistress will then have a sufficient sense of the whole so as to be able to play variations herself."

"Well, I'll try, but it will probably take several games."

"Shall we say that when you have played a game through to com-

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pletion, your service is completed?" Terian inquired. "Then I will give you the spell, and you may proceed on your way." "Okay." It seemed a fair bargain.

So they played several games, with Breanna directing them. But every one blocked up before victory. She wished she had chosen an easier game to win.

Finally she broached the matter. "Suppose I teach you another card game, one that's more winnable? Would that be all right?" "That would be satisfactory," Terian agreed. "Okay. Here's one I learned off my computer in Mundania." She paused, realizing that Com Passion was a computer. So this should be good. "It's called Free Cell. It's a little like Klondike, and a little different. Deal out eight rows of cards, face up, and keep dealing more, overlapping them until they are all there. You want to build up on the four aces, same as in Klondike, and you can build down with alternating colors too. You have four free cells where you can park cards." She continued, and Terian laid out the cards and played according to directions. "Every game is supposed to be winnable, if you play right, but it's usually too complicated for me. But maybe you, with your logical mind—"

"We must see a game played through to victory first," Terian reminded her.

So Breanna tried, but game after game blocked up. She knew she was making misplays, but couldn't help it. In fact, as time wore on, she was getting worse. She wanted to quit—except for the zombies outside.

"Suppose I teach you another game?" she suggested desperately. The night was passing, and she was getting nowhere swiftly.

"That would be satisfactory," Terian agreed, exactly as she had before. Breanna could see that it really was true that this computer and mouse set lacked originality.

So she proceeded to her third and last game. "This one's called Accordion. It's pretty simple to play, but almost impossible to win." She quailed inwardly as she said it. But since she was messing up on the theoretically winnable game, maybe she would luck out and win this one. It wasn't much of a hope, but what else was there? "It's called that because it tends to expand and contract, like an accordion." She paused. "Do you know what an accordion is?"

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"No,'1 Terian said.

"It's a musical instrument that you pump like a bellows. Do you know what a bellows is?"

"Yes."

Breanna was learning caution. "What is your definition?"

"A person who shouts loudly."

Just so. "There is another type of bellows: a device that pumps air by flexing in and out. It's used in Mundania."