Zoolarious Animal Jokes for Kids (3 page)
Q: What did the tiger say to her cubs when they wanted to go out and play?
A: “Be carefulâit's a jungle out there!”
Q: Why did the monkey almost get fired?
A: It took him awhile to get in the swing of things.
Q: Why are snails one of the strongest creatures in the world?
A: They can carry their house on their back.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a forest?
A: You get fur trees.
Q: Where do trout keep their money?
A: In a river bank.
Q: What did the worm say to her daughter when she came home late?
A: “Where on earth have you been?”
Q: What did the boy say when he threw a slug across the room?
A: “Man, how slime flies!”
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: It's an elephant, so who's going to stop him?
Q: What is a frog's favorite flower?
A: A croak-us (crocus).
Q: How do you keep a dog from barking in the back seat of the car?
A: Put him in the front seat of the car.
Q: What do you get when you cross a monkey and a peach?
A: You get an ape-ricot.
Q: How do you greet a frog?
A: “Wart's up?”
Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with an umbrella?
A: You get a rain-deer (reindeer).
Q: Who brings kittens for Christmas?
A: Santa Claws.
Q: What did Santa give Rudolph for his upset stomach?
A: Elk-A-Seltzer
Q: Why can't an elephant's trunk be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot.
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and a tree branch?
A: A fish stick.
Q: What kind of bird is always depressed?
A: A bluebird.
Q: How high can a bumblebee count?
A: To a buzz-illion.
Q: Why are oysters so strong?
A: Because of their mussels (muscles).
Q: What do you get when you throw a pony in the ocean?
A: A seahorse!
Q: What is the most colorful kind of snake in the world?
A: A rain-boa constrictor (rainbow).
Q: What does a cow keep in its wallet?
A: Moo-la.
Q: What kind of fish comes out at night?
A: A starfish.
Q: What did the dog say to its owner?
A: “I woof you.”
Q: Why couldn't the dog visit the psychiatrist?
A: Because it wasn't allowed on the couch.
Q: What kind of cats like to play in the water?
A: Sea lions.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Moo.
Moo, who?
Make up your mindâare you a cow or an owl?
Q: How does a dog say goodbye?
A: “Bone-Voyage!”
Q: What do llamas like to drink?
A: Strawberry llama-nade (lemonade).
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: Fsh!
Q: What do you get when you throw a pig into the bushes?
A: A hedgehog.
Q: What did the duck say to the clerk at the store?
A: “Just put it on my bill!”
Q: What did the frogs say to each other on their wedding day?
A: “I'll love you until the day I croak!”
Q: Why was the golden retriever so stressed out?
A: Because he has so doggone much to do.
Q: Why was the horse in so much pain?
A: Because he was a charlie horse.
Q: What is red and weights 14,000 pounds?
A: An elephant holding its breath.
Q: What do cats like to eat for a snack?
A: Mice krispy bars.
Q: How did the bunny rabbit feel when he ran out of carrots?
A: It made him unhoppy!
Q: What does a hen do when she goes grocery shopping?
A: She makes a list and chicks it twice!
Q: What did the fish say when it won the prize?
A: That's fin-tastic (fantastic)!
Q: Why did the grizzly tell the same story over and over?
A: Because he said it
bears
repeating!
Q: What will a moose do if he calls when you're not home?
A: He'll leave a detailed moose-age.
Q: What do you get when you put glasses on a pony?
A: A see-horse.
Q: Where do bunnies like to eat?
A: IHOP!
Q: How do you know when a rhino is ready to charge?
A: It gets out its credit card.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Raymond.
Raymond who?
Raymond
me to take the dog for a walk!
Q: What do you call a racoon that crosses the road with his eyes shut?
A: Roadkill!
Q: Where should a 600-pound lion go?
A: On a diet!
Q: How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
A: Hold its nose!
Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a skunk?
A: Winnie the Pew.
Q: What kind of sea creature is always depressed?
A: A blue whale.
Q: What did the beaver say to the tree?
A: “It's been nice getting to gnaw you! ”
Q: What did the roach wear to the party?
A: A cock-broach.
Q: Why was the dog hungry all the time?
A: Because it was a chow.
Q: What kind of animal wears shoes while it's sleeping?
A: A horse!
Q: Why did the gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken's shoe!
Q: How does a mother hen know when her chicks are ready to hatch?
A: She uses an egg timer.
Q: What happens when you get a thousand bunnies to line up and jump backward?
A: You have a receding hare line!
Q: Where is the best place to park your dog?
A: The barking lot.
Q: What do you get when a cat climbs down your chimney with a bag of presents?
A: Santa Paws.
Q: Why can't you hear a dinosaur talk?
A: Because dinosaurs are extinct!
Q: Why don't lobsters share their toys?
A: Because they're shellfish (selfish)!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Either.
Either who?
It's the Either Bunny!
Q: What is a chicken's favorite composer?
A: Bach, Bach, Bach!
Q: What is a fly's favorite composer?
A: Shoo-bert (Schubert).
Q: What do you get when you cross a bat and a cell phone?
A: A bat-mobile.
Q: Did you know that a kangaroo can jump higher than your house?
A: Of course! Your house can't jump!
Q: What time does a duck get up?
A: At the quack of dawn.
Q: What is black, white, and wet all over?
A: A zebra that was pushed into a swimming pool!
Q: What's black, white, and laughing?
A: The zebra that pushed the other zebra into the swimming pool!
Q: Why don't bunnies tell scary stories?
A: Because it makes the hare stand up on the back of their necks.
Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff.
Q: What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A: A ba-BOOM!
Q: What do you call a pig that took a plane?
A: Swine flew (flu).
Q: What was the elephant doing on the freeway?
