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“I happen to think your brain is one of the sexiest things about you.” Grabbing the soap, he lathered up his hands and began to wash her. She was so stunned by his words that she could only stand there, like a mannequin in the display of a department store.

His hands glided up her neck to cup her face. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “There’s… We haven’t even talked about kids, and I’m pissed that I keep putting you in a position where it could be an issue.”

“I’ve—I don’t know if I want children.”

A thumb slid across her cheek. “Because you never planned on getting married?”

She nodded in answer.

Letting go of her, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, then waited for her to do the same. He handed her a towel and dried himself off, before wrapping it around his waist and heading to the bedroom.

After drying off and putting on a pair of pajama shorts and a white tank top with a flowers and skull design in the center, she moved to the bedroom.

Heath lay on one side of the bed, staring at the ceiling with his arms folded behind his head. His nude body was a sight to behold every time she got a glimpse of him, and he wasn’t shy at all about it. He was a man comfortable in his own skin, yet at this moment, he seemed to struggle.

“There’s something you should know.” He visibly swallowed.

“You don’t want kids,” she ventured, her stupid heart sinking. How could she be remotely disappointed? Her marriage to him would be over soon, no matter how hard he chased her.

“No, I—I—” His jaw hardened. “I got Bella pregnant our junior year of high school.”

Chapter Fourteen

‡

I
t felt as though the floor had dropped beneath her. Only minutes ago, they had been intimately tangled up in one another, and now… She swallowed a whimper—they couldn’t be further apart.

“We… ah… we didn’t tell anyone about the baby.” He rubbed his ear, still not looking at her. “But I had plans. I’d get a job working nights at the pulp mill over in Cedar Rapids and rent the apartment over my brother’s garage. Give up my baseball scholarship… I wasn’t happy about it, but I loved Bella. I loved the thought of us being a family.”

“I thought Bella was a—she’s the preacher’s daughter, and she wanted to wait until marriage.” She wanted to ask about the baby—his child with another woman,
her best friend
—but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“That was her plan, but I convinced her otherwise.”

Haven could only imagine how persuasive Heath could have been. Hadn’t she succumbed to him?

“Besides, I planned on marrying her. I’d never been with another girl but her. I know you thought I was this big player who was never good enough for your best friend, but that wasn’t the case.”

She bit down her bottom lip hard, hating his confession.

His head turned slightly, his smile wistful. “Yeah, I wasn’t good enough for someone as perfect as her, but I wasn’t a player. The first time I saw Bella, I knew she was the one for me.

“After she lost the baby and then broke up with me… I tried to apologize. I tried to make things right, but she wasn’t having it.”

“She lost the baby?”

“Yep. You can blame that on me, too, sweetheart. We were riding my four-wheeler, and I wasn’t careful enough. It flipped somehow, and she got hurt. Then she just started hemorrhaging. I couldn’t stop the bleeding. So much blood.”

“It was an accident, Heath. You didn’t make her lose the baby on purpose.” She couldn’t imagine how the two of them felt, only teenagers and dealing with very grown-up problems. Dealing with the death of a baby who was wanted. “It’s not your fault.”

“I know,” he said softly. “But it doesn’t change what happened.”

It hit her then, the numbers tattooed on his back that were unaccounted for. “The rest of the tattoo is for the baby.”

“Yes.” A tear ran down his cheek. “It was the only thing I could do to remember it by.”

She wanted to go to Heath then, wanted to take him in her arms and comfort him. “Have you… does anyone else know?”

This time, his blue eyes caught hers. “You’re the only person I’ve ever told.”

“Why are you telling
me
?”

“Because I want you to know where I’m coming from. I didn’t want you to assume that there was something wrong with you,” he said softly. “I got enough guilt inside of me.”

“Is that why she left?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that was my fault, too.” He laughed bitterly. “Actually, you did say that.”

Shaking her head, she tried to deny it, but she couldn’t. Right after Bella had broken the news to her and Daisy, she’d found Heath and gone off on him, assuming he’d cheated on her best friend with some tart he’d met while touring the campus of East Carolina University.

“Oh, but you did and that’s okay. She was your friend, and you thought I’d hurt her. That’s how your heart works, even if you don’t want to admit it. You defend and fight for the ones you love,” he said.

How could he praise her and talk about loving Bella in the same breath? “But I didn’t know the whole story.”

“No one did.” He exhaled and maneuvered around in bed until the covers were over him. “Look, I’m exhausted. Can we talk more tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

Gazing into her eyes, he slid the quilt to one side. “Sleep with me, Haven. I don’t want to be alone.”

She didn’t have any other choice; it was her bed, after all.

But hours later, when she woke up to his mouth on her breasts and his fingers sliding inside of her, she clutched his head and chanted, “
Yes, yes, yes
.”

His eyes glittered in the moonlit room. “I want you again.”

Rolling to one side, she plucked a condom from the top drawer of her bedside table. “Here.”

He took it from her, lifted it to his mouth and ripped the foil open with his teeth. Her hands went to his cock, helping him smooth the condom down.

A rumbling moan left his mouth. He whispered her name.

One arm came around her, fitting her to him as he thrust deep. She jolted at the erotic invasion, spreading her thighs as wide as she could go until the lower half of his body pinned her to the bed. He moved with purpose, as if this would be the last time they would be together.

The firm set of his jaw matched his intensity.

He pushed and pushed her to the brink, then stopped to pull her back. His strokes were maddeningly slow. Her breasts rubbed against his chest, the light dusting of hair teasing her nipples into hard points.

“Like that?”

“Do you?”

His answer was to grab her wrists and pin them to the bed with one hand. “Answer me.”

“You first.”

“It’s not a contest, Haven.”

But she would always come in second place. “You can feel how much I like it,” she said. Her body was taut, ready to come, but he had total control over her. She didn’t know if she loved it, or hated him. It felt like he was trying to prove something to himself.

His hand flexed, loosening the tight grip he had on her. “You won’t give me an inch, will you?”

I’d give you everything you’d ever want, if you loved me.
“I’m giving you all that I can.”

He stopped moving, staring down at her with an unreadable expression on his face. “I know you are.” Letting go of her, he braced his forearms on either side of her head and began to move again, except this time, his mouth sought hers. “Kiss me. I’ll make it good again.”

Her poor heart could barely take his promises. “Heath, I—”

“In the morning, sweetheart. Tonight’s for us.”

Closing her eyes, she let Heath sweep her away, let him make love to her all night until dawn began to pour through the windows. Her heavy eyes couldn’t stay open.

He kissed each one closed. “Go to sleep. I’ll take care of your guests.”

She tried to protest, but he silenced her with a kiss.

“Let me do this for you.”

Sleepily, she agreed, but in the back of her mind, his confession echoed.

*

Haven waited until Heath had left for Greenville to get some things from his townhouse before she called Bella. All day, their conversation from the night before had weighed on her mind until she couldn’t take it.

She
had
to do something.

That something was to confess to her best friend that she’d married the man she used to love. Or maybe she still loved him.

Bella’s wedding had been sudden and completely unexpected. Only a few close family members had gone, her brother and his wife staying behind to watch the youngest members of the Edwards’ clan.

Checking the time to make sure that Bella would be awake, she dialed her number and waited while butterflies went wild in her stomach.

As if sensing her distress, Gotham jumped on the desk and nosed her hand. She stroked her, thankful for her presence.

“Haven!”

Her friend’s cheerful voice threw her for a loop. To be sure, Bella had to have heard by now. Even Daisy had heard and had sent her a text message gently scolding her for not inviting them to the wedding. Luckily, Daisy understood and was too pregnant to travel by plane anywhere.

“Hi, Bella. How are you?”

“Fine.”

That did not bode well for their conversation. Fine in the South meant two things. One, a general assurance of well-being. Or two, a sentiment to convey that yes, something was wrong, but it would be poor manners to talk about it.

Unfortunately, this sounded a lot like number two.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m really happy to hear from you. How is everyone?”

“Fi—” she almost said, but shook her head. “Doing good. Willow’s planning weddings, and I’m letting her have them here.”

“She’s so nice. I’m glad the two of you have become such good friends.”

“Yep… so I have news.”

“Me, too.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, but you go first,” Bella encouraged.

“Um, well, I got married.”

Bella burst into tears. “That’s wonderful, Haven. I’m s-so happy for you.”

Oh my word.
Haven let her head fall. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault that I’m crying. You didn’t leave me pregnant and alone in a foreign country.”

“What?” she practically shouted into the phone.

“I’m such a fraud, Haven. All those years… I had a weekend fling with Liam, you know Sebastian’s friend?” Yeah, Haven knew—those guys were hard to miss with their expensive suits and British accents. “We got married, and then we had a fight, so I left for another
place
.”

“You went on a mission trip while pregnant?”

“I know. Don’t lecture me. I feel awful. Stupid and awful. I don’t know what I was thinking, especially with my—Things were so much simpler back home, you know?”

“I know.”

“Remember how we were in high school? So sure of everything?”

All Haven remembered was that Bella and Heath were the golden couple. Maybe that was what Bella was remembering, too. “What can I do to help?”

“Besides come and get me, and help me take care of this baby when it’s born—nothing,” she said with a little laugh. “I’m sorry for unloading on you like this. You shared such happy news with me, and all I did was make it about me.”

Bella’s apology only served to make Haven feel worse. “Don’t worry about it. We can talk another time. Listen, I have to go…unless you need to talk some more.”
Please don’t need to talk more.
Yes, it made her disloyal, but she couldn’t take anymore of her friend’s sadness when she had the solution living with her.

“I’m fine. It’s just the pregnancy hormones talking. I’m with friends. You go do your thing, girl.”

“All right,” Haven said softly. “But if you need me, call me.”

“I’m so lucky to call you my friend.”

Haven let her head hit the desk with a loud
thunk,
welcoming the pain. “Me, too.”

Bella ended their call.

Haven lifted her head and stared at the screensaver on her laptop. It was a picture of her and Heath slow dancing to Ed Sheeran’s
Thinking Out Loud
.

With her fingertip, she traced the image, committing it to memory. Once she told Heath about Bella’s predicament, he was sure to go to her, and then Haven would delete everything.

Actually, why should she put it off? Her lawyer was supposed to get back with her at any time.

Haven deleted the screensaver and replaced it with a picture of Gotham wearing a Batman mask.

If only she could delete what was in her heart and replace Heath with someone else.

Chapter Fifteen

‡

W
ith a spring in his step, Heath raced up the front porch steps of Chesson House.

He’d always heard confession was good for the soul, and after last night, he was a true believer. The pain of losing a baby he never had a chance to know had haunted him for years, but last night…last night he was able to share his guilt, his pain…his terror with someone who didn’t judge him.

Haven had listened to him, sympathy ever present on her beautiful face. She’d taken what he said and gave him the most lovely of gifts in return by listening to him. By not dismissing his pain merely due to the fact that he hadn’t been the one carrying a baby who was wanted.

And God, how he wanted that baby and Bella.

But now, he could see past that. He could see a future.

Haven’s pink hair came in to view as she worked in the flowerbed in the front of the house, snipping off the dying flowers from the mums. She looked so damn cute in her leggings and belted shirt. The headband holding back her hair even matched the pattern of her shirt.

How could he not want to come home to her? All he had to do was convince her that she wanted to come home to him, too.

The phone rang.

“I’ll get it. Your hands are dirty.”

“No,” Haven shouted, running up the stairs behind him. “Don’t.”

Answering the phone, he held her off with one hand. “Hello, this is Haven’s husband. She can’t come to the phone right now. Can I take a message?”

“Give me the phone,” she hissed.