18 Truths (12 page)

I looked helplessly at him, and he jumped off his rock. “I’m going after her. Um, I’ll call you later.”

I watched them race down the boardwalk, past the playground full of children, my mouth dropped open in shock. He left me here?

Now what?

ate never showed up to headquarters the rest of the day, and he either avoided my calls or turned off his phone. My stubborn streak prevented me from searching for him and Grace. Around ten o’clock, I gave up and went to find Ash or Riel, figuring they’d still be up and roaming about somewhere.

I inched down the hallways of headquarters, passing one closed door after another until I eventually came across a boardroom with glass windows. Riel occupied the front of the room, speaking to a dozen angels seated around a long, oval table. When he spotted me, he said something to his peers and they disbanded around him. I stood outside the door, watching him while waiting. He was so beautiful to behold that it made my eyes hurt, but I couldn’t make myself look away. He stuffed a couple of papers into a briefcase before heading toward me, the last one to exit.

“To what do I owe this pleasure, Ms. Worontzoff?”

“Um, I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

He stared at me for a moment. “I can’t read your mind, so you’ll need to spit the words out for me to know what you’re wondering.”

I smacked my forehead. “Oh, right.” Knowing he couldn’t read my thoughts made me breathe a huge sigh of relief. “It’s my friends, the Jedi Order gang. I know I’m practically a ghost now, but they’re the ones haunting my mind. Dr. Judy said Nate and I wouldn’t be able to travel back and forth to Earth like her since we’re newbie spirit guides, but I just thought… isn’t there a way for me to see them? I mean, I don’t want you to put me in some fake Limbo for a play date or anything. I just want a peek at my real friends from time to time, to know they’re all right.”

He gave me a gentle smile. “Sure. Come in here for a minute.” He reentered the boardroom, picked up a small remote from the table, and aimed it at a projector on the ceiling.

A light flashed across the front bare wall as Riel typed in a series of code on the connected laptop, and a moment later, a video of my friends at Lake Michigan appeared. “Is this happening in real time?”

“Yes. Here, let’s listen in.” He pressed another button, and we magically had volume. After setting his briefcase on the floor, he pulled out a chair and motioned for me to sit, then hopped up on the table, winking at me. In this setting, without his wings out, he looked almost boyish and charming, like he was just another guy my age with untidy hair.

I shook my head and fixed my eyes on the wall.

“Whoever invented waffle cones was pure genius,” Kyle mused, shoving the last bite of chocolate ice cream into his mouth.

“No one related to you then,” Nicole said, handing him a napkin.

Tammy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, the person who invented the fat now clogging your arteries is a genius. Don’t you guys care even a little bit about eating healthy?”

“Mhmm. What do ya’ll say to a game of soccer to burn off these calories we ate today?” Sean asked, throwing a ball into the air and bouncing it off his knee, sending the sphere straight to Tammy’s head.

“Dude!”

Riel laughed beside me. “Oh, that had to hurt. And from what I can tell, she doesn’t need any more blows to the head.”

“Hey, now,” I told him before realizing too late I probably shouldn’t reprimand angels.

He held up his hands. “Kidding.”

We both focused our gaze back on the wall.

“Sorry!” Sean yelled. “But it wasn’t my fault. You guys felt that gust of wind, right?”

“Shut up, Dr. Horrible.” Tammy massaged the back of her head. “How we playing this? Kyle and me against you and Nic?”

“Game on,” Kyle agreed, scooping the ball off the sand. “But beware; I played on a winning soccer league for three years in middle school.”

“Played?” Sean let out a hoot. “All I remember is you sitting on the bench, loser!”

Seconds later, Kyle scored the first goal, and Riel and I both cheered, high-fiving each other.

“Oh yeah! Who’s the loser now, big guy?”

“Must’ve been that wind again, except it helped this time, made the ball soar right over the line.” Sean pointed to one of the sticks they had laid down to mark the goal lines.

“Wind? Whatever, man. Just admit it; I know how to work balls.”

A snort escaped Sean’s lips. “I’m gonna leave that one alone.”

“Come on, guys, we playing or what?” Nic yelled down the beach.

Riel and I watched them play for another few minutes before he spoke again. “You know, you were lucky to have them. Most people can’t find one true friend in their whole lifetime, and you’ve managed to make five in your short span of eighteen years… says a lot about the kind of person you are. If you’re going to have success as a spirit guide, you need to start seeing yourself as others see you, as I see you, as God sees you.”

“Which is?”

“Have you ever read Psalm 139 in the Bible?”

I gave a shaky smile, not understanding his question. “Bible?”

“Yeah, you know, that religious text of sixty-six books sold all over the world for hundreds of years that are supposed to be like a set of instructions for your life?”

I punched him in the arm, forgetting again that he was an angel, not to mention my boss. “Very funny.”

He opened his briefcase and retrieved a Bible, flipping the book open to Psalms. “Read it.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Please. With a cherry on top.”

“Okay.” I glanced at the live feed of my friends just in time to see Tammy score a goal and punch the air in victory. Smiling, I read the verses about how God’s character goes into the creation of every person. I understood what Riel tried to show me. When I felt inadequate and worthless, I had to remember God’s spirit at work within me.

“I wrote a song about those verses. Your journey through Limbo inspired me.” He popped out of view and returned in a flash, guitar in hand. “Would you like to hear it?”

Great, just what I need. Another man in my life serenading me with a guitar.

I nodded, because if I opened my mouth to speak I knew I’d cry.

“It’s called
Face of Love
.”

He strummed his guitar for a few moments before the lyrics came, his deep voice changing to a gentle whisper.

“Deeper oceans drying day by day/Memories of many drifting away/But even if you settle on the far side of the sea/Even there my spirit will guide thee/I wish you’d have as much respect for yourself as I do for you/You won’t believe that you are precious but it’s true/I keep speaking words of grace/But you turn away your pretty face/No matter what you do or where you go/My loving presence you can hold/Picture perfect face of love/Smiling at you from above/Blind to all your imperfections/Death no more, only Resurrection.

“I tell you, you are dearly loved and you don’t answer/You let your thoughts eat away at you like a cancer/Wake up, look out, let me in/A battle wages for your soul and you have to fight to win/You’re broken inside, but you’re not insane/Devils trying to trick your brain/Away from me, you bloodthirsty men/How vast is the sum of them/Everything you search for/It’s just beyond this door/Brilliant light shines at the end/Come, walk home with me, my friend/I search your heart and your mind/There’s no foulness for me to find/So let’s travel on the everlasting way/Leave all the garbage down by the bay.

“I know what you’re thinking now/But don’t worry, I’ll show you how/I’m a lover of society/I’ll make you see how I see/I watch you in wonderment and draw you closer/Are you listening, or are you a poser?/I’m the one helping you breathe/Since the day that you came to be/Search me and I will offend/But isn’t it worth it to be made whole again? Picture perfect face of love/Smiling at you from above/Blind to all your imperfections/Death no more, only Resurrection.”

Tears streamed down my face when Riel set his guitar on the carpet, then leaned over me, smoothing my hair. “Olga,” he said my name as if it was fragile, which only made me want to cry more. “I’ve spent a lot of time studying humans since the dawn of creation. You’re one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out. But you have to believe that. You have to love yourself before you love anyone else, or there’s no way you can help others.”

His smile was tentative, but the way he looked at me… it felt like God’s stamp of approval.

I nodded, not knowing what to say, then turned my attention back to my friends as Nic fell swiftly to the ground, tripping over her own goal line.

“Bahahaha! Epic fail!” Kyle laughed, until he tripped over the same branch, his cell flying from his fingers. “Ah, my phone!”

“Oh, I see how it is,” Nic said. “Your friend falls, you laugh. Your phone falls, you panic.” She patted the back of her shorts. “Crap! I lost my phone! I lost my phone! Everyone spread out and find it!”

Riel and I watched as Nic worked herself into an escalating panic as the minutes ticked by without any sign of her phone. Up until a week ago, losing my cell would’ve caused the same reaction. Funny how death tended to put things into perspective, making something that was basically the center of my life seem so trivial now.

As if Sean could hear my thoughts, he told Nicole, “Relax, Babe. We’ve already lost two best friends this year. Losing your phone isn’t the end of the world. I’ll buy you a new one tomorrow.”

Nic placed her hands on his chest and shoved him. “That’s why I need to find the darn thing, you idiot! It had some pictures of Olga and me that I never backed up on my laptop!”

I snatched the remote off the table and muted the volume and the screen, fighting back tears once again. “Um, thanks for that. I’m gonna go to bed now.”

Riel reached for me, but I ran from the room as fast as I could, not that he couldn’t catch me if he wanted to.

Even though sleep wasn’t needed to survive, I went to bed with the thought that slumber would be a welcomed break from everything that happened during the past four days. Instead, I tossed and turned, analyzing all the reasons why I hadn’t heard back from Nate. It’s funny how one little unreturned text or call could turn a bad day horrible. Maybe cell phones did still rule my life. Whatever the case may be, seeing Nic freak out over her cell phone because of lost pictures of us convinced me I didn’t want any more sneak peeks at my earthly friends.

I stared at the ceiling and sighed. All the quiet just gave me a chance to ponder all those existential questions I thought I’d already had the answers to.
What is suffering? What is happiness? What is weakness? What is hurtful? What is worthwhile? Can something be both or neither?
All the life lessons I thought I’d learned the past year went out the proverbial window. I had to reject the standard wisdom and search for answers myself because I was someone with an impossible choice. Someone who absolutely must have two conflicting things. Conner was the one thing I couldn’t walk away from. I’d learned that lesson the hard way, and now I had the chance to change everything. But I also loved Nate. I knew no matter what, I barreled toward disaster. My heart was broken again, and I didn’t know how much I could take. Already, I felt like I was on the edge, hanging on by my fingernails.