186 Miles (9 page)

“I
can’t
not
kiss you.”

“Then
kiss me.” 
You slut
.

He
inched back into me and put his arms around my waist, pressing his lips to my
ear.  “I’m going to go upstairs and change out of these clothes.  Then I’m
going to get in that bed.  Please come.”

“Okay.” 
Mega slut!

“We
won’t do anything.”  He kissed me slowly down my neck, licking the hollow at my
throat.  “I can wait 24 hours.”  He brushed his hand across my breast, lightly
palming it. 
Sweet Mother of God.
  “Can
you
?”

“Um…
yeah.”  I
couldn’t
.  But, I would.

“Let’s
go up.”

*

I
brushed my teeth and watched his reflection in the mirror behind me, stripping
out of his t-shirt and jeans, taking his boxer briefs with them.  I stared into
the sink, flushing with embarrassment.  When I dared to look back up, he had
replaced them with a pair of plaid, drawstring pants.

Seriously? 
I had let this man do God knows what with me and I couldn’t look at him naked
without feeling flustered?

I
was tempted to put on sweatpants.  I needed to lock down my lady parts.  I
wanted to keep this PG.  I pulled on a white eyelet short gown. 
That was
virginal enough, right?

He
was in bed now, the sheet pulled up just below his waistband.

“You
look like an angel.” 
Aw, that’s sweet.
  “I can’t wait to do unspeakable
things to you.” 
Alright, maybe not.

“Keep
it in your pants, Conti,” I warned.  I slipped in beside him and clicked off
the bedroom light.  “Night.”

He
casually placed his arm around my waist, pulling me closer.  He kissed the back
of my neck lightly.  “Goodnight, love.”

*

Work
on Tuesday was painful.  I had already resigned that I was going to sleep with
Vince, but I hadn’t planned on being nervous about it. 
I had already slept
with him, for crying out loud!

This
was different somehow.  One little piece of paper. 
That one paper that
catapulted him from “casual sex friend” to “possible boyfriend” status.
 I
feared that we wouldn’t be able to keep this secret forever.  He wanted to tell
people about us.  He wanted to make
us
official.

I
couldn’t.  Not yet.  I also couldn’t picture my life without him.  I was
changed now.

I
received an email from him at 3:02 that afternoon.  It read “All-Negative-All-The-Time-Tuesday!”

I
felt my cheeks redden. 
Oh God, did I forget to shave my legs today?  What
should I wear?  Should I take another shower?  Would we eat first or would he
just bend me over the closest surface he could find? 

I
was overthinking.  He wasn’t a teenager.  Surely, he could make it through a
meal without wanting to poke me with his boy parts.  I shifted uncomfortably. 
I couldn’t focus on work.  I popped into Lauren’s office.

“Hey,
I think I’m going to get out of here.  I don’t feel that great.”

She
didn’t look up from her computer screen.  “I bet I know what would make you
feel better.”

“Seriously?”

Smiling,
she said, “Go.”

*

I
arrived home shortly before 4 pm.  Vince’s car was in the driveway.  I wondered
if he was as nervous as I was. 
What was he doing here?
  I unlocked the
door.

There
were candles on the table in the center.  The table was set; he had used our
wedding china. 
The pattern Ryan and I picked out. 
I could feel my
throat starting to get tight. 
Get it together, Rachel.  It’s fucking
dinnerware.

I
could smell something cooking, but I couldn’t determine the scent.  Lasagna? 
Just then, Vince came down the stairs.

“What
are you doing here?  You’re early.”

“I
wasn’t getting anything done at work, so I just decided to come home.”

“But
I’m not ready.”  He was whining a bit.  “I wanted it to be perfect.”

I
walked over to him and stood on my tiptoes, placing a light kiss on his lips. 
“It
is
perfect. 
You’re
absolutely perfect.  Thank you.”

“You
look
so
pretty today.”  He turned the oven light on and peered inside.

“Ech. 
I hate this dress.  It’s so old.”

“Well,
I
think it’s pretty.  Pink is nice on you.  You wear it a lot.”

He
was right.  I did.  A sales girl once told me that pink was my color.  I took
it to heart, I guess.

“What
are you making?  It smells awesome.”

“It’s
my Nonna Conti’s lasagna.” 
Nailed it.

I
sighed.  “Mmmm.”

“You
have no idea.  Jack actually makes it a lot better than I do, but he’s not
here, so mine will have to do.”

“How
is
Jack, by the way?  I haven’t talked to him in a while.”

“He’s
good.“  He paused.  “Talked to a lawyer, so he’s finally going to get that
divorce.”

“Did
you like his wife?”

“Well,
she’s really hot, so the initial male reaction is to like her, but once I was
around her for any length of time, I figured out that she wasn’t meant to be
married.”

“What
do you mean?”

“I
mean that the first time I hung out with her and Jack, she tried to put her
hands down the front of my pants, so there’s that.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah…
wow.”

He
opened the oven and pulled out the giant pan.  He placed it on a trivet and
opened the refrigerator.  “Wine?”

“Mmm,
beer, I think.”

He
took two bottles out and handed me one.  He clinked his bottle to mine.

“To
Tuesday.”  He smiled.

“To
Tuesday.”

A
few minutes later, we sat at the table and consumed the best lasagna I had ever
tasted.  If she were still alive, I would have kissed Nonna Conti on the
mouth.  Conversation was easy.  Vince was relaxed and content.  I was becoming
more and more neurotic by the minute.

“Do
the dishes now or wait until morning?”  Vince turned to me.

“We
should at least soak them, I guess, but I don’t feel really want to do them.”

“Come
upstairs.”

Oh
God, could he see me sweating?

He
took my hand and led me up the staircase.  Inside the room, Vince had placed a
bouquet of flowers on my bedside table.  Pink roses.  I had told him once that
they were my favorite.  Pretty basic, but I guess they were a classic for a
reason.

He
walked to the small turntable on my dresser.  “What do you want to listen to?”

“Surprise
me.”

He
chose Al Green’s “Here I Am.” 
Good choice.

He
walked around behind me and slowly started to unzip my dress.  He placed his
hands on my shoulders and slowly slipped the material down my arms, the dress
crumpling at my feet.  “Your skin is so soft.”

I
shivered.  He turned me around and leaned in for a whisper soft kiss on my
lips.  “And tastes so good.”

Why
was I so nervous?

He
slid his arm around my waist and pulled me closer.  His lips were slow and
sweet; he was taking care of me.  I started to deepen the kiss, taking his
bottom lip and dragging it with my teeth.  “Fuck…”  He broke the kiss and
responded by running his tongue up the side of my ear.  “You can’t know how
much I want you right now.”  His grip got tighter.  “How much I
need
you.”

My
hands reached for the button of his jeans, dragging the zipper down with a
quick motion.  I slid my hand under the band of his underwear.  He was ready. 
Oh
my God.  Definitely ready.  Was I blushing?

I
slowly pulled my hand from his jeans and slid it to his hip.  “You
need
me?”  I leaned into his chest and placed small kisses down to his ribcage.

“Yes,”
he groaned.  “Do you need
me
?”  He moved his hand between my legs and
slowly slipped his fingers inside of my underwear.

“Oh,
God.”  I closed my eyes.

He
turned and placed me on the side of the bed in a sitting position, kneeling in
front of me.  His hands moved to my backside, gently tugging at my underwear. 
I placed my hands on the bed, lifting up, as he moved them down my legs.  His
eyes never left mine.  I was embarrassed a bit.  He was still clothed and I was
completely undressed except for my bra.  His mouth moved a trail from my neck
down to my breasts.  One hand moved to the back of my bra and unclasped it on
the first try. 
Yowsa.

There’s
a 50/50 chance that I won’t survive this.

Removing
my bra and sliding it down my arms, he grazed my nipple with his teeth.  He
kissed down my soft flesh, breathing in deep, as if memorizing my scent.  I
tried to relax.  I had always been anxious about my stomach; I avoided being on
top or positioning myself in any way that wouldn’t be attractive.  I tried to
focus on how good this felt, with Vince kissing me so intimately, slowly moving
down between my legs.  He paused, peering up and meeting my eyes.

Oh
God, is he changing his mind?  Does he not want to do this?

“I
love you.”

That
was the last thing he said before he kissed me.  Down
there
. 
Oh my
God
…
right there.
  I tried to concentrate.  Think about
anything
else. 
Did we leave the oven on?  When is the last time I got a bikini wax? 
Does he like doing this or is he just doing it because he thinks I want it?

His
hands pressed my thighs further apart, gripping the outsides and pulling me
closer to the edge of the bed.  I was clutching the coverlet now, the material
bunching in my tight fists.  I panted, swore, moaned… acted like a girl who had
never received oral sex in her life.  Yes, surely I was embarrassing myself. 
But, in true Vince fashion, he seemed to love it.  Totally
immersed
in
my idiocy.

I
felt pressure forming inside.  I could feel all sanity slowly slipping from my
grip.  I’d seen Cinemax before.  I knew this was the point where the woman
would look positively alluring and seductive while she laid back and rode out
her climax. 
Me?  Oh, no.
  Instead, I gripped the back of his hair and
squealed like some sort of deranged barnyard animal.

Vince
kissed my inner thigh and laughed. 
Yes, laughed. 
“God, you are too
fucking much.” 

I
put my hand over my mouth.  “I’m so sorry.”

“If
you apologize one more time for having an orgasm, I’m not gonna give you
another one.”  He wrapped his arms around me and placed a short, wet kiss on my
mouth.  I could taste myself on his lips.

“Thank
you,” I breathed.  “You know… for
that
.”

“Are
you kidding me?”

I
didn’t know how to say it.  “Ryan… he wasn’t really a fan.  Of… that.”

He
smiled softly.  “Well, lucky for you… I am.  A
huge
fan.”

I
laughed and leaned in to kiss him again, running my tongue along the outside of
his lower lip.  He bit
my
lip this time, pulling on it for effect.  I
couldn’t get enough of his mouth, his lips, his tongue.  I could make out with
him like a teenager all day.  But this kiss was different.  It was definitely
meant to go somewhere.  I knew he wanted me and I couldn’t wait another minute
to have him.

I
wanted to ask him a million things, but I had always been too puritanical.  I
never
talked
about sex while we were doing it.  I never asked Ryan what
he liked or what he wanted.  He never asked
me
.   It was hard to turn
that button off now. 
Did he want me to reciprocate? 
I never minded doing
that with Ryan, but he always seemed to end it too soon.  He would let me try for
a minute or two, but it would always turn into sex.  He never just let me drive
him crazy with no end goal in his sights.

“What’s
on your mind?”  Vince lifted me from my sitting position and laid me down on
the bed.  He stood and pulled off his t-shirt. 
Finally. 
Then came the
pants.
  Thank God.

“Nothing.” 
Speak up, Rachel.
  “Okay… do you want
me
to?”

“Do
I want you to
what
?”  He slid into bed next to me, smiling.

“You
know,
kiss
you?”

He
laughed.  “
Kiss
me?  Are you asking me if I want you to…?”  He laughed
again and gave me a crude gagging gesture.

“Forget
it.” 
Were he and Carrie related somehow?
 I put my hand over my eyes
and rolled over on my stomach.

“Ray,”
he teased.  “I’m kidding.”  He traced his fingers across the dark ink on my
back.  He lowered his voice.  “I’m not going to fight you if you want to
kiss
me, but I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.”

I
rolled back over and locked eyes with his.  “What
do
you like?”

“What
do you mean?”  He lazily rubbed my stomach, his head propped up on his elbow.

“I
mean, what do you like… in bed?”

“I
like
you
in bed.  You have no idea how fucking hot you make me.”  He
leaned in and kissed the heart tattoo on my hip.  “I could come just by kissing
you.  I like you on top of me.  I like to rub you until you scream.  I like
when you dig your fingers into my back... when you scratch me.”  He smiled.  “I
like
everything
about you.”

I
was definitely blushing now
. 
“Can I talk about Ryan?”

“Now? 
I’d rather not.”  He gave a short laugh.

“No,
I mean that sometimes it helps me to talk about him.  I don’t want to compare
you two, obviously, but sometimes I find myself wanting to tell you about him.”

“Ryan
was my friend.  I know it doesn’t seem like it
this
minute,” he said,
pulling me closer.  “But I loved him and if it makes you feel better to talk
about him, I want you to do that.”

“He
didn’t like blow jobs.” 
There, I said it.

“Yes,
he did.”  He gave me a quick kiss.  “Trust me.”

“No,
I mean, not really.  He always made me stop.”  
The last few years, I had
stopped completely.

“I’m
telling you, he liked them.”  The grin was back.

He
leaned into me and pressed his lips against mine.  “I can’t wait another minute
to be inside of you.”

Oh,
okay.

Our
kiss deepened.  He was practically licking my teeth.  I could literally feel my
body temperature rising.  He shifted so that he was lying on top of me.  I
could feel his stomach hardening, pushing his breath in and out.  He moaned
lightly, my legs reflexively opening between his.  I hitched my left leg around
his hip, nudging him.  I was trying to give him the “I’m ready” signal. 
Why
couldn’t I just say it?  Stick it in!  I needed professional help.

He
looked at me with seriousness.  I felt a wave of embarrassment.  I hid it with
a short laugh.  I don’t know why I was flustered now. 
He literally had his
face in my lady parts not 10 minutes ago!

“Are
you ready?”

No
barrier this time.  We were basically taking this to the
way
next
level.  “Yes.”  I ran my fingers through his thick hair.  “I need you.”

With
that, he pushed in slowly, as if it were my first time.  “Is this okay?”

“Yes.” 
I kept my stare fixed on his.  My body slowly began to adjust.

He
groaned and placed his forehead on my shoulder, pushing in and out with a
careful ease.  “Fuck.”  He was taking his time with me.  He kissed my throat,
lightly bit my shoulder, pushed his fingers into my sides so hard that it
almost hurt. 
Almost.
  “I’ve never wanted anyone more,” he breathed.

I
thought about that for a second.  I wondered how many girls he had been with. 
Stop
thinking about that, Rachel.
 He felt so experienced.  There was no way… he
wanted
me
more than
anyone
else? 
Ever?
  He was definitely
the best
I’d
ever had.  Of course, I
really
only had one man to
compare him to.  I felt terrible for even thinking it.  I’d married the love of
my life. 
Wasn’t he?
  But with Vince, I literally felt like I was
on
fire
.

“Is
this okay?” I asked, breathing heavy now.  “How do you want me?” 
God, I’m a
slut.

He
pulled out and rolled me to my side, positioning himself behind me.  Lifting my
leg just slightly, he slid back in, scissoring his legs in between mine.  He
groaned and pushed in harder, his fingers splayed across my stomach, pulling me
back into his body with each movement.  I bit the side of my pillowcase and let
out a short cry.  He moved faster now, my insides curling.  I could feel that
he was close.  He was tensing up; breathing harder now.

He
moved his hand down from my stomach, cupping me lightly, his thumb gently
rubbing between my legs. 
Yep, I was going to lose it.
  My head craned
back, practically cracking the base of my skull against his forehead, screaming
my release.

“Rachel,”
Vince breathed in my ear.  He pushed into me one last time and his body
stilled, breathing hard, his mouth against my neck.  “Fuck.”

He
pulled out of me slowly and kissed my left shoulder blade.  “Don’t go
anywhere.”  My eyes followed him into the bathroom.  I could hear the knobs
turn and the water start to pulse in the shower.  He came back to the bed and
put his hand out, inviting me to follow him.  “Shower?”