31 Days of Summer (31 Days #2) (20 page)

After she handed him back I just cuddled and
kissed him repeatedly for half an hour.  I really didn’t want to let him go,
but I needed a shower desperately. Andrea sent one of the nurses in to watch
over him in his pod next to my bed, while Brooke helped me clean up and got me
dressed in my pyjamas.

‘How are you feeling now?’ she asked as she dried
my hair for me.

‘Tired, but so happy,’ I smiled.

‘He’s gorgeous, just like we knew he’d be.’

‘He is,’ I nodded.

‘He’s going to be breaking hearts in about
thirteen years’ time.’

‘Brooke, he’s still hours old, I don’t want to
think about him chasing girls and possibly having sex, thank you very much.’

‘Sorry, but they say they grow up fast.’

‘Not that fast. You know I think I’m going to be a
clingy mum, because I’m missing him already.’

‘I bet he’s missing you too. I thought he was
going to take your nipple off he was tugging that hard,’ she laughed.

‘He’s got an appetite,’ I nodded. ‘Just like … like
his dad.’

‘Call him now, for the love of God. You made it
through the birth fine, you’re both alive and healthy, so you can’t use that
excuse anymore for shielding him from this. You paid for all your own baby
stuff and private treatment, he’s not going to think you’re after his money.
You only broke up with him because he didn’t want to get you pregnant or let
you give birth. Well you’ve ticked that off the list already. If you love him
still, get him back.’

‘Brooke, I’m seriously tired and my emotions are
all over the place, I couldn’t handle another train wreck of a meeting with Dan
right now. Give me some time. Let me bond with Oliver, settle him in at home
and get back to full fitness myself, then I’ll try and get hold of him, ok?
Just don’t give me grief today,
please,
’ I begged. I had no idea how Dan
would react anyway. If he even took my call, as he’d threatened he wouldn’t.
Besides, he might be furious, he might want nothing to do with his son and that
would kill me. I wasn’t strong enough to handle a reaction like that yet, if
ever.

‘Fine, but it’s a conversation that’s on hold, not
discontinued,’ she advised, as she kissed my forehead.

I lay back on my pillows feeling so proud as
Brooke, Molly, John, Edward and Natasha all cooed over him. The pride was
interspersed with moments of sheer terror as they passed him from one to
another, his little blue knitted hat sticking out of the blue and white checked
blanket. He had a full head of dark hair, which had surprised me. Not that it
was dark hair, given Dan’s was black, but just how much of it there was. He was
longer than the average baby, heavier too at nine pounds and three ounces, no
wonder my vagina hurt like hell. I thanked God that I’d been religiously doing
my pelvic floor exercises and I was determined to keep doing them to try and
get back in shape, along with my baby belly. Jason was already booked for as
soon as possible, to help me work out at home. I’d managed to squeeze a
treadmill into the garage, so I could at least run while Oliver was sleeping. Well
that was the plan anyway. I was startled out of my daydream by another high
pitched wail and Natasha grimaced and quickly handed him back to me.

‘I think he shit himself, I can smell it,’ she
groaned, as she stepped back.

‘It’s not him,’ I protested. ‘Trust me, I’ve read
nearly every book going and they don’t do normal poos for a while, what they do
expel is normally odourless to start.’

‘Well that isn’t,’ laughed John, as everyone but
Brooke scuttled over to the window.

‘Brooke Hanson, if you dare let my son take the
blame when you just did a silent but deadly fart, you gaseous old mare, you’re
off the godmother list.’

‘I’ve been eating rubbish for two days as I was so
stressed about you going into labour,’ she moaned, as everyone laughed. They
all started chattering about their worst fart stories, which normally I’d have
found hilarious, but not today. Today I had something far more interesting to
focus on. I smiled as I looked down at my beautiful boy, at his little rosy
cheeks against perfectly creamy skin and I placed a gentle kiss on his
forehead. I held my breath as his eyes slowly opened and he looked straight at
me, only for a second or two before he closed them again, but I felt my stomach
knot in a way that it hadn’t done since I’d fallen in love with Dan. I so
wished he’d wanted this, that he’d been here to share in this moment with me, with
us, but no way was that disappointment interfering with quite possibly the
happiest day of my life. I kissed my locket, knowing how proud mum and dad
would have been and gently rocked Oliver to sleep.

Friday 3
^rd
July ~ Year Two

Ellie

I stretched out in bed and
smiled. Oliver was in his cot, gurgling away happily and I wondered what he was
trying to say in his own little language. The last three months had been hard
work, adjusting to sleepless nights, panicking every time he made a noise in
the night, or let out a cry that I hadn’t quite learned back then. Then there
was his constant demand for food. I don’t know what I’d have done without
Brooke and Molly. I took the majority of shifts with him in the night, I wanted
to, besides they were still working and I wasn’t yet, other than the odd
oversight of a manuscript John wanted my attention on. But the nights they fed
him, with my expressed milk, meant I had a chance to get a few more hours sleep
than normal. It was also nice to have the odd relaxing bath, I’d overcome my
fear of water when it came to baths, but I wasn’t sure I ever would with
swimming pools or open water. I got up and padded over to see him and his face
broke into a huge smile with another gurgle as he saw my face.

‘Good morning my cherub,’ I smiled, as I reached
in and hauled him up against my chest and kissed every inch of skin I could see.
Every mother thought their baby was beautiful, even the ugly ones, but he
really was. I took him for a long fast walk every day in the park in his
stroller, part of my keep fit regime and people would slow me down cooing over
him for longer than was normal. His smile broke my heart every time and having
him lessened the blow of having lost Dan. I sighed as I padded downstairs
quietly with Oliver and sat at the dining table and fed him, then just held him
and kissed his cheek and rubbed his back while he burped. I lay him in his
playpen in the corner of the dining room as I prepared a big breakfast for us
all. Brooke had insisted it was time for her and Molly to move out, much as
they didn’t want to. I didn’t want them to either, but Oliver was so well behaved
and nearly sleeping through the night. They were right, it was time I learned
to stand on my own two feet with him. They both had the day off work and were
going to pack up and move all their stuff out, then John and Edward had offered
to come over and babysit so I could take the girls out for the night to thank
them for everything they’d done for me.

It would be my first time apart from Oliver and
while it would be nice to have a sophisticated meal, a few glasses of wine and
a dance, I was anxious about being parted from him. I really missed mum at
times like this. I hadn’t got a friend who’d had children, and without mum to
give me reassurances and tips, I’d learned by practice, mistakes and reading.
Then again, maybe having someone constantly telling you how to look after your
child, would get tiresome really fast as well. I laughed as he continued to gurgle
away to himself. I yelled up the stairs for the girls to come down as I started
cooking, by the time they made it down it would be ready. Molly bounded down
first and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

‘Morning, how are you doing? Did you have a good
night with him?’

‘I’m doing fine thanks, he was really good, he
is
really good.’

‘He sure is,’ she smiled, as she headed over and
scooped him up for a cuddle. ‘He’s such a good boy.’

‘He’s going to miss you both, I’ll miss you both.’

‘God we’ll miss you too, so much. I won’t get to
kiss his delicious soft chubby neck anymore,’ she replied, as she planted one
kiss after another on it.

‘Morning,’ yawned Brooke, as she appeared.

‘Morning, how come Molly’s all bright and cheerful
and you’re so tired?’

‘I have sympathy mothers hearing. I keep waking up
to listen for him crying for his dinner,’ she replied, as we pecked each
other’s cheeks and she went to fight Molly for custody. We were unusually quiet
as we ate, I think all of us were feeling sad. They’d moved in when I was seven
months pregnant, so we’d been together for five months and even with the
sleepless nights, we’d had a blast. Laughing with them on a daily basis took my
mind off my dilemma.

‘So,’ coughed Brooke. ‘He’s three months old, do
you think it’s time?’

‘Time?’ I questioned, as I looked up at her.

‘To tell Dan,’ she sighed, which I replicated. So
much for taking my mind off it.

‘I’m not ready,’ I protested, as I started
clearing up the plates.

‘When will you be ready?’

‘I don’t know Brooke, it’s not something I can
just set a date on and do. I need to do it when the time feels right.’

‘What, when Ollie’s eighteen and leaving home?’

‘Brooke,’ warned Molly with a frown.

‘No, Molly. There’s always some excuse and I just
don’t get it now. You still love the guy, you may not talk about him anymore,
but I know you, Ellie Baxter. I see the glazed look in your eyes when you’re
staring at Ollie. You see Dan in him and you miss him. Tell him, for the love
of God.’

‘I won’t be bullied into it, Brooke,’ I snapped.
Like I didn’t know all of this? Like I found it easy to keep this from him? I
was scared. I was absolutely petrified of his reaction if he even took my call.
What if he rejected Oliver and didn’t want to know him? That would break my
heart all over again, as well as being in contact with Dan after so long apart.
I was also scared if he
did
want to see Oliver, I mean what would that
mean? Would we have to share custody rights? And if we did how the hell was I
going to cope, seeing Dan all the time to hand my son over and not have either
of them?

‘You need bullying, you’re so fucking stubborn,’
she snapped back with a glare.

‘You don’t know … you couldn’t possibly know how
much keeping this from him is killing me,’ I objected, feeling hurt at her
insistence to keep pushing this.

‘Of course I don’t, you talk about everything
but
Dan. It’s like you’ve just wiped him from your memory and your life and you’ve
got your pedal to the metal and you’re not stopping to look back in your rear view
mirror.’

‘That’s unfair,’ I bit back. ‘I can’t share every
personal thing that’s inside me, Brooke. Talking about this hurts me, thinking
about him eats me up inside, because I miss him like I’d miss my right arm. I’m
still in love with him and blocking all of that out and looking after Oliver is
what keeps me going every day. If I think about Dan I feel like having an
emotional meltdown and I don’t have the time or energy for that.’

‘Nothing’s going to change until you face this,’
she argued.

‘I’ll face it when I’m ready and I’m telling you
I’m not ready.’

‘I don’t accept that,’ she scoffed, as she sat
back and folded her arms across her chest.

‘
You
don’t have to!’ I yelled, as I slammed
a plate down on the worktop and it shattered, fragments flying across the floor.
‘It’s
my
life,
my
choice.’ I felt my eyes prickling and turned
quickly as Oliver started crying in his pen, he wouldn’t stop when I picked him
up to try and soothe him. He continued to cry and only calmed down when Molly
took him from me.

‘You’re upset Ellie and he can sense it, that’s
all,’ Molly said in a reassuring voice, as she caught the look of hurt that
crossed my face. ‘Brooke, it
is
Ellie’s decision and as her best friend
you need to respect it and give her some space. Go upstairs and finish
packing.’

‘I’m telling you we’ll be sitting here when he’s
six months old and she’ll still be waiting for the right time. A right time
that’s never going to happen.’

‘Brooke,’ warned Molly and flicked her head to the
stairs.

‘Fine, whatever,’ Brooke huffed, as I watched her
stomp off.

‘Here take Oliver and ignore her.’ Molly held him
out to me and I hugged him to me and kissed his little fingers and gasped when
he not only broke into his beautiful smile, but did the most adorable laugh.

‘Did you hear that?’ I uttered.

‘O my God, that was so cute,’ laughed Molly.

‘His first proper giggle.’ I was so happy I
started crying and peppered his face in kisses and he did it again, making
Molly and I laugh again too.

‘I can’t believe Brooke missed that, she’ll be
gutted,’ I moaned.

‘There’ll be more firsts for her to see, don’t
worry. Right I’d better go and help. Her idea of packing is just chucking stuff
in the case and sitting on it after,’ she advised with a shake of her head,
before disappearing. I sat down with Oliver on my knee and kissed the top of
his head and sighed. If Dan did want to be a part of his life, he was missing
so much too. His first smile, which had just broken my heart, holding his head
up on his own, trying to push himself up when he was on his tummy and now
laughing. Pretty soon he’d be sitting up and crawling and holding things on his
own. Brooke was right, there was never going to be a right time, I just had to
find the courage to contact him. Today was not the day, not when I had a broken
plate to clean up, a ravenous baby to feed again and an emotional goodbye with Brooke
and Molly. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

‘So Oliver, it’s just going to be me and you
tonight, what do you think of that eh?’ I smiled as I kissed the tip of his
nose.