31 Days of Winter (30 page)

‘Trees? Shit. I thought you only wanted one? Even
my arms are aching after that,’ he exclaimed in horror.

‘I did,’ I laughed. ‘Sit down and I’ll get you a
coffee and I need to check that hand and change your dirty bandage when we get
back to the house.’

‘It’s fine,’ he grizzled as he sat down and put
one ankle up on his knee.

‘You’re not used to being looked after, are you?’

‘Not like this, no.’

‘Would you prefer I stop?’ I asked as I flicked
the kettle. I had no idea how he made coffee in that thing on his log burner.

‘I don’t want to get used to it. How will I manage
when you’re gone?’ he stated flatly with no trace of emotion in his voice. I
looked at him and frowned, I had no idea if he was being serious or taking the
piss. He was looking down at his jumper picking bits off it.

‘So you enjoy it while I’m here, and when I’m gone
you think about finding a nice Scottish lass who’ll look after you in my place
and hopefully fulfil other proper girl friendly duties,’ I said, shocked at how
hard that comment punched me in the gut. I didn’t want another woman touching
him or enjoying him. His head snapped around and serious eyes met mine.

‘I don’t want another girl, from Scotland or
anywhere else, not when …’ his eyes softened a bit as he held my gaze, making
my stomach churn, then he blew out and rubbed a hand over his eyes. ‘I’m
hungry.’

‘Again?’ I exclaimed.

‘You try chopping and carrying logs and dragging
bloody trees.’

‘Well, shall I do you something here and we can
have our meal together tonight?’

‘I can do myself something.’

‘Pot Noodle?’ I gave him a
seriously
look
with an arched brow.

‘What’s wrong with Pot Noodle?’ he laughed.

‘Nothing for a quick snack in a hurry, but you
need something decent and nutritious after all that manual work. Am I allowed
to rummage in your fridge and freezer?’

‘Knock yourself out,’ he smiled as he leaned back
and put his hands behind his head. I had to quickly look away, in that pose,
with his ankle on one knee I just had an image of him in a boardroom in a sexy three
piece suit telling me to drop my knickers and bend over his desk as he stood
and advanced on me, ready to fuck me roughly from behind. O shit, that was a
fantasy I was going to have to keep on hold until I could enjoy it in bed in
the morning, alone. I had a sudden feeling that holding off touching myself or thinking
about him was going to be harder to resist. ‘You ok? You’ve gone a bit pink.’

‘It’s hot in here,’ I mumbled as he woke me from
my daze. I opened the fridge and just found stacks of cans of cola and a few
boxes of eggs.

‘Feel free to take off your t-shirt, I won’t
complain.’

‘I’ll bet you wouldn’t,’ I laughed and opened the
freezer. ‘Seriously, Dan! All you have in here is bread and frozen bacon.’

‘I like Pot Noodle and sandwiches.’

‘Right, you can have this coffee and then we’re
going back to the house and I’m cooking you a proper hot lunch.’ I carried it
over and set it on the coffee table and moved away to sit at one of the bistro
chairs, instead of next to him. It was a small cosy two-seater sofa and I was
too flustered to be that close, for our sides to be touching.

‘Do I need another shower?’

‘No, I’m just comfortable over here.’

‘You don’t look comfortable,’ he replied as he
leaned forward to grab his mug.

‘Just shut up and drink your coffee. I want to get
back and decorate,’ I smiled. I saw his eyes linger on my iPad and a frown
cross his face.

‘You’ve had an email from him.’

‘Him?’

‘Don’t play cute. The shit that had you in tears
all night.’

‘Not all night,’ I grumbled.

‘Most of the night, you were still crying in your
sleep.’

‘You were watching me?’ I uttered. O God, how cute
could he be when he wanted?

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’ I felt like I should be slightly affronted,
but I was actually really touched.

‘I wanted to make sure you were ok. To be there if
you needed to talk.’

‘Thank you, that’s really sweet.’

‘Unlike him,’ he gestured to the iPad. ‘Why
haven’t you opened it?’

‘I was debating whether I wanted to when you came
back in.’

‘Conclusion?’

‘I don’t want to open it. It will just be filled
with more grovelling apologies and lies that I can’t forgive.’

‘So you’re definitely over then?’

‘I’ve moved out and will be moving to my new swank
pad in a couple of weeks, so yes it’s over.’

‘Moving out isn’t the same as moving on, Ellie,’
he responded quietly as he dipped his head and gulped at this coffee.

‘You sound like you’re talking from experience.’

‘Yes.’

‘Have you moved on?’ I asked, finally we were
getting into what could be the reason for him running to hide out here for so
long.

‘Believe me I’d like to, but I can’t. You can.’

‘Why can’t you?’

‘Come on, I’ve finished my coffee and I’m hungry.
Get your boots and coat on and climb aboard. James is ready to take you home,’
he advised as he jumped up and stood by the door. I went and got my boots and
pulled them on, not bothering with the laces, as he pulled his coat on and
indicated for me to jump up around his waist, facing him this time.

‘I have about five questions I could ask,’ I
murmured as I hopped up and he caught me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
I linked my fingers at the back of his neck, I was inches from his face and was
so tempted to just lean in and let his soft lips graze mine.

‘Six,’ he sighed.

‘Six?
Really?’
I exclaimed happily as he
nodded for me to pull his door shut.

‘Yes,’ he nodded with a roll of his eyes. He
started to walk, occasionally looking around the side of my face to see where
he was going. I just stayed watching his face the whole time, his deep green
eyes were alive again and sparkled, the corners of his kissable mouth were
slightly turned up at the edges, instead of in a straight line. Whatever he did
for those few hours he went out to do every day, it did him good not going. I
ran my thumb up and down the back of his neck, flicking his short hair at the
back without even thinking and heard him growl. ‘What are you doing?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Rubbing my neck like that, it’s very
distracting.’ His eyes flashed hungrily at me and I realised he was stiff below
me.

‘Sorry, habit.’

‘You did that to him?’ he asked with a slight
frown.

‘No, he never carried me like this.’ I liked how
Dan did, so effortlessly. I felt like I was precious cargo to him and it didn’t
hurt that he seemed to be jealous.

‘So are you going to delete his email?’ he asked
as he flexed his neck and I realised I’d just done it again.

‘Probably.’

‘No. It’s a yes or no response answer, Ellie.’

‘Why do you care what I do with it?’

‘I don’t want you to forgive him and take him
back. I’d hate to see you go back to him.’

‘In two weeks you’ll never see me again Dan, you
won’t care what I do.’ He frowned at me again as he came to a stop outside the
house.

‘That’s not true.’

‘That you won’t see me, or you won’t care?’ I
tilted my head as I waited patiently for his answer.

‘You really want to use two of your questions up
when you already know the answer to one?’

‘You care,’ I whispered as my heart expanded.

‘Yes I care, four questions left, Ellie.’

‘Five, that was a statement, not a question. It’s
obvious you care from your actions, I just wanted to hear it.’

‘Why does it matter to you so much?’ he sighed.

‘Because I care too, Dan,’ I whispered and I
couldn’t stop myself, I ignored the logical part of my brain screaming
NO!
at
me and went with the emotional side that was saying kiss him, kiss him now as
you may not get the opportunity again. I only had to move forward a fraction
and I felt the heat of his breath slicing through the cold crisp air before our
lips met and the contact sent shockwaves through my body. He grunted in surprise
before a hand reached up through my hair to clutch the back of my head,
crushing my lips on his, making sure I couldn’t change my mind. I vaguely felt
him back me up into the glass as he returned my kiss with as much urgency. I
held him even tighter as our lips merged, our tongues tasting each other as if
for the first time. He let go of my waist and back of my head when he knew I
wasn’t going to pull away and cupped my face instead, changing the intensity of
his kisses from frantic to tender and gentle. I sagged against his firm chest
as we carried on, even if an avalanche started I wouldn’t care, I’d never been
kissed like this, like we’d die if we stopped. Just as I thought that he gently
pulled away.

‘Ellie, what are you doing?’ he whispered as his
forehead rested on mine.

‘I don’t care anymore Dan, you could be a serial killing,
lying, cheating, stealing arsehole just like Zac, but I want you. I
need
you.
I don’t care what your secret is anymore, I just want you in my bed.’

‘
Ellie,’
he sighed, ‘you can’t say that,
you don’t know. I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘I’m going in eyes wide open. I’m leaving in two
weeks and we’ll never see each other again. It will be a winter affair to
remember.’ I kissed him again and he returned it, before pulling away and
sweeping my hair back with his hands to look at my face uninhibited.

‘Do you have any idea how much I want that? I’ve
never wanted anything or anyone more Ellie, b…’

‘Don’t say but,’ I interrupted. ‘Please don’t say
but. And don’t say it’s not you, it’s me. My ego’s been bruised enough with Zac
preferring prostitutes over me.’

‘He was a fucking fool,’ spat Dan angrily. ‘He
didn’t know what he had, Ellie. I know what he had and I’m an equal fool for
not taking you up on your offer, but I don’t want to make it any harder than
it’s already going to be when you leave.’

‘I’ll handle it, I promise.’
Ellie Baxter you
big fat liar.
I had a feeling I was going to fall apart getting on that
plane as it was, connecting with him by having sex would make it even harder.

‘I’m not sure
I’ll
handle it Ellie, and by
doing it with you I’ll lose a large part of my integrity. I’ve already lost too
much of it by being weak enough to kiss you back like that, to want you the way
I want you. Please don’t ask me to do that.’ He kissed me again, as if that
would soften the blow of rejection.

‘You were prepared to sacrifice it this morning,
in bed.’

‘I’d just spent the night with my arms around you,
watching you sleep, your body pressed up against mine driving me crazy. I lost
all logic,’ he sighed.

‘You’re pressing up against mine, making me lose
mine,’ I objected as we kissed again.

‘I just can’t, please don’t hate me,’ he sighed as
he ran a hand over my hair again.

‘I don’t
hate
you,’ I laughed.
I love you
screamed my inner voice and I froze. O my God, I was
in love
with him?
Was I really only just realising that? I was in love with a guy I’d only just
met and hardly knew. I felt my breathing change from excited passionate
cantering to panic attack mode. I looked at his face, suddenly wondering if I’d
actually said that out loud. Shit he was looking puzzled, had I said it out
loud?

‘What’s the matter,’ he frowned. ‘You’ve gone
really pale?’

‘I’m … I’m … I don’t … I need to go in. I’m cold,’
I stuttered, I took in a pained gasp as he clasped my face again and kissed me
on the lips, lingering for as long as he could until he realised I wasn’t
returning it.

‘Thanks for the
amazing
kiss. I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s fine, please can I get down.’ I unhooked my
arms and legs, hoping to quickly slide down between the glass and his body and
make a run for it inside, but he caught me with one arm as he rummaged the key
out of his coat pocket with his free hand. He unlocked the door, carried me in
and gently set me down.

‘Ellie, I …’ I didn’t give him a chance to finish
his sentence as I kicked off my boots and sprinted across to the stairs, up
them and locked myself in the bathroom and sank down the door into a puddle on
the floor.

‘No, no, no, no,
no,
’ I groaned. How could
I have fallen in love with a guy so quickly? It couldn’t be love, surely? I
realised with a heavy heart that that was exactly what it was. These feelings I
had for Dan were so much stronger than I’d ever had for Zac, even at the height
of our relationship, but to feel like this now? Three weeks ago I was still
thinking I was going to marry Zac and was saving for our future. I had to try
and get over this and fast, in two weeks I’d be back in London starting a new
life, there were thousands of available guys to choose from, that weren’t
closed off and hundreds of miles away and obviously unwilling to love me in
return. No, Dan couldn’t be the love of my life, love was supposed to be easy
and this was far from easy. It was a complicated, messy, obstacles in our way kind
of love, and I was frickin’ Juliet except Dan hadn’t realised that he was Romeo
yet. I jumped at a knock on the door.

‘Ellie, are you ok?’ he asked. O God, just what I
needed, him being all bloody caring today and talking to me in his low sexy
tone.

‘I’m fine, I just need a few minutes,’ I replied
then cringed. Great, now he was going to get a seriously unattractive visual of
me sitting on the toilet having a shit. I groaned again.

‘You’re behind the door, aren’t you?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, at least admitting that was
better than him thinking I was taking a dump.

‘Did I do something wrong? I was just trying to be
fair to you.’

‘No, you’ve not done anything wrong, I just
shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I’m sorry.’