39 Weeks (28 page)

‘It’s more of a table.’

‘What is?’

‘It’s not a bed it’s more like a soft table. That’s another thing how am I going to get on their stupid four foot high table, with this stupid foot
of mine
for God’s sake?’

‘I’m sure they’ll help you.’

‘They didn’t help me last time.’

‘Well I’m sure they will this time when they see you with that crutch and a bandaged foot.’

‘And what if it is twins and I break down, or go berserk
and start smashing things up?’

‘Are you likely to do that?’

‘No . . maybe . . I don’t know I might.’

‘Do you want me to go in with you?’

‘Oh yes, would you? I really don’t want to be on my own.’

Did I just say I wanted Rob to go in with me? I did didn’t I? Well I would like him, someone anyway to be there, but I’m not sure if this was the best idea I’ve ever had. I mean he’ll have to see my
stomach for one thing, not a pretty sight at the moment. And climbing on and off that table last time was not exactly my finest hour, and that was with two good feet. But it would be better if there was someone I knew holding my hand.

‘You sure you don’t mind?’ I said.

‘No. I helped Marsha out when she was pregnant and Mac was working away. It’s fine, as long as it’s what you want. I wouldn’t want you to think . . and it’s the . .’

‘Don’t say it.’

‘I was going to say it’s the only way you’re going to be able to do this scan thing.’

‘Oh.’

I must have looked really scared
because h
e held my hand and told me over and over everything would be alright
until the same nurse came back to see if I was ready now.

‘Yes’ Rob said answering for me. ‘Were fine. Come on Judy.’

I stood up. My brain had gone numb and I was shaking.
The nurse walked away and w
ith Rob’s help I reluctantly moved
,
and
between
him being so determined
and everyone
intently
watching me after my earlier outburst,
I had no choice but to go along
.

‘I hear you’re a bit nervous.’ The nurse in the scanning room said as she fiddl
ed with the machinery. ‘No need.
I’m sure everything will be fine. Just jump up on the table and we’ll get started.’

I dithered. Jump up? That should be a neat trick. Rob saw my dilemma and knew I was worried
about how exactly I was going to get on anyway, so to save me anymore embarrassment, or my attempting to bolt for the door, yeah like that was a real possibility, took my crutch
and leaned
it against the wall, scooped me up, and sat me on the examining table.
     

I laid down and the nurse lifted my top and pulled down my jeans a bit to expose my swollen stomach. Rob on the other side of the bed, looked only at
my face as he held my hand, and I was grateful he’d offered to come in with me.

The nurse wasted no time and slapped a dollop of the freezing gel onto my stomach and started mov
ing the detector thing over my b
ump. Within seconds I heard the baby’s heartbeat, louder than the last time, but I didn’t look at the screen, couldn’t see the point of watching a load of fuzz, and anyway I
had my eyes closed and
was praying over and o
ver like a silent mantra that she
wouldn’
t say it was
twins.

‘Everything seems fine.’ The nurse said.

‘How many?’
I asked tremulously unable to form a proper sentence at this point.

‘Is it twins?’ Rob said interpreting for me.

‘No it’s not twins, were you hoping for twins?’

‘It’s not?’ I said barely able to speak, my relief was so great.

‘No sorry.’
The nurse said.

‘Oh don’t be sorry that’s wonderful news.’ I said finall
y regaining the power of speech and grinning from ear to ear. ‘You’re sure that there’s only one baby in there?’

‘
I’m positive.
Do you want to know the sex?’ The nurse said. ‘Some couples do and some would rather wait until baby’s born.’

‘You can tell that?’ I said, straining to see the screen I’d been so busy to avoid up to now.

The nurse swivelled
the monitor
slightly to make it easier for me, and I caught a glimpse of Rob’s awe-struck face
already focused on the screen.

‘You’re going to have a little girl.’ The nurse said all pleased with herself as if she’d had some part to play in all this, and was somehow responsible for the final outcome.

I looked at the screen and there before me was a baby, a proper baby,
stretched out as if it was sunbathing
and sucking its
little
thumb, and a
t the angle we were viewing it at, it was obviously a girl. An actual real baby girl.

How stupid I am.
I’d known since
June that I was having a baby, it wasn’t like it was a big surprise or anything, well of course it had been a surprise on the day I’d pee’d on all those sticks, but since then I’d reluctantly accepted my fate, I knew, well I thought I knew wh
at I was in for. But in all that
time
I hadn’t really thought of it as a real
baby, a tiny person. But here she was.

I gazed at the screen
and watched as she lay sucking her thumb. M
y stomach did a somersault like going over the crest of a hill at top speed, and my heart
melted at
the sight of the baby, my baby. I Judy Parker had made this small tiny real person, of course Matt the twonk had played his part, a small cameo role
for all of five minutes
that now paled
into insignificance an
d was way down on the cast list. B
ut tha
t I had done this magical thing?
I could hardly believe it. I could hear her heart beating, I could see her
heart beating, and my own
beat twice as fast just watching her.

How perfect she was, the perfect number of arms and legs, and a perfect sweet little face. I could hardly comprehend that I had made this perfect little person that was growing inside me
.

I was
barely
able to
drag my eyes away from the screen, but I managed it long enough to see that Rob, who was squeezing my hand so hard he was almost breaking my fingers, was still slightly gobsmacked and totally oblivious to the pain he was causing me.

‘Would you like a print
?’ The nurse said.

‘Yes, oh yes
I
do want a picture
.’ I almost shouted in my eagerness.

‘It’s a girl.’ I said dreamily to Rob while still glued to the screen as the baby took her thumb out of her mouth and stretched
out
her tiny arm.

‘Yes.’ Rob said finally realising that he was still squeezing my hand and letting go. ‘I know.’

The nurse having finished her
scanning duties took the detector thingy away from my stomach and the screen returned to fuzz, then she turned the screen off altogether. I sighed and the nurse smiled. ‘
Don’t worry, y
ou’ll have the real thing
to look at
in a few weeks’ she said
gently
. So, I thought, some
nurses
were human after all, who knew?
 

Rob helped me off the table and held on to me while I rearranged my clothes again, then we waited for the printout of my first baby picture. The other
scan picture I’d got
didn’t count
,
I couldn’t make head nor tail of it, and couldn’t even remember where I’d put it, but this one I was going to frame and hang on the wall.
    

I paid my money in a daze and we left the scanning room. I visited the toilet next to the lift suddenly bursting for the loo again, I’d forgotten all about it for the last twenty minutes or so, but now it was all I could think about. Then relieved of that burden, as we left the hospital, I went back to being dazed
,
and smiling so hard my face w
as in serious danger of falling in half.

19
th
October – Week 20 + 3
And A Half Days

‘That was amazing, incredible.’ Rob said when we got back to the car.

‘Wasn’t it.’

‘She was so perfect, so tiny.’

‘I know.’ I said still marvelling at the wonder of it.

I took out the picture of the scan and looked again at my baby. I hadn’t thought of it as my baby before, but suddenly I felt this strong protective urge, and touched my stomach with my free hand, almost caressing it.

‘I never knew.’ Rob said
staring at the picture of the scan. ‘I saw all the scan pictures of Marsha but it wasn’t the same . . I don’t know seeing it move and she was sucking her thumb and . . it was a real baby.’

‘I know.’

‘They all thought I was the  . . that we were . .’
Rob said still not taking his eyes off the baby picture.

‘Yes that was kind of funny, but I suppose it was a natural mistake, I mean anyone would have thought . . ‘

‘
Yeah I suppose.
You can’t go to work, not yet, as if it’s just a normal day. Do you want to get a coffee somewhere?’

‘Okay.’ I said. I mean he was right, I couldn’t go to work could I, I was having a baby.

We drove to town and parked in the multi-storey, then walked to Costa on the high street. Rob settled me in a seat, and I remembered just in time that I wanted tea and not coffee, and he went off to order.

I stroked my stomach absent mindedly and wondered if my baby was sucking her thumb again. This was mind blowing, a baby, my baby was growing inside me, and soon I’d get to see her for real, and hold her and . . like I said mind blowing.

Rob came back with the drinks, amazingly quickly but on a Wednesday there wasn’t much of a queue, and sat down opposite me.

‘How are you feeling now?’ he asked.

‘I don’t know, like I’m in a film, unreal.’

‘I mean about it not being twins?’

‘Oh yeah
, um . . good, relieved.’ In all my awestruck reverie I’d completely forgotten about the whole twins thing, after worrying myself for weeks to the point where I couldn’t think about anything else, not coherently anyway, in the space of a couple of minutes at seeing my baby on screen, it just fell out of my head.

‘So it’s a girl.’
Rob said.

‘Yeah a girl.’

‘You’ll have to
start
think
ing
about names
.’

‘Yes I suppose I will.’ N
ames, I have to give my baby a name. Oh God
the pressure,
but what if she doesn’t like the name I choose, what if when she gets to . . I don’t know some age
or other
but talking anyway, she says why did you choose such an awful name, I hate that name, what then?

‘It’s okay, you don’t have to decide on one right now, this minute.’
Rob said seeing my expression change to a frown.

‘No, not now, but I am going to have to aren’t I?’

‘Well yes, unless you’re just going to call her baby or it
,
for her whole life.’

‘I can’t believe I never realised before. I’m having a baby. Course I knew I was having a baby, but this is . . it’s a real baby, my baby.’

‘Yes.’ Rob said smiling at me.

‘Thank you so much for coming with me, and for the tea and everything, and . .’

‘It’s the least I . . .sorry, anyway I’m glad I came it was amazing. Would you like to go and choose some paint after this
and then I can drop you
off
at work
?’

‘I can’t think about paint. I don’t really want to go to work either, it’s not like I’ll be able to concentrate on anything.’

‘Well you could skive off, and we could . . I don’t know go somewhere?’

‘Somewhere like?’

‘The park?’

‘Too ordinary.’

‘The river?’

‘Too cold.’

‘How about Windsor Castle, or Hampton Court?’

‘Yeah maybe.’

‘Or Mothercare?’

‘Mothercare, now there’s an idea. Not that I really need anything after all that stuff Marsha gave me.’

‘Yes but you should have some stuff that you chose yourself, shouldn’t you?’

‘Yes I should. Okay I’ll phone work, then you can take me to Mothercare.’